Category: Comfort body language

Body Language of Self Stroking or Auto Contact

Cue: Self Stroking or Auto Contact.

Synonym(s): Auto Contact, AutoErotic Touching, Stroking The Self, Petting The Self, Self-Soothing, Touching The Self, Self-Touching.

Description: When the body is stroked or petted or touching in a way to produce a soothing effect as a mother would sooth her child.

In One Sentence: Self stroking is a sign of anxiety, nervousness, and need for reassurance.

How To Use it: Self stroking is a common form of self-soothing. Using it makes us feel comforted as we remind ourselves of the type of touching we received as infants by our parents. Self soothing helps release positive hormones when we need them the most. The context in which self stroking works is limitless, however, one should generally avoid self stroking if one wishes to appear dominant, confident, and in control. Touching the back of the head or stroking the arm are a couple ways that help produce a calming feeling.

In dating, women can use self stroking to create desire in men. Women should touch themselves in ways that simulate how they would like their partner to touch them (within reason or course). Lightly touching the upper chest area by playing with a necklace draws attention to the breast area. This serves to arouse a companion. Another area women can emphasis is the outside of the thigh or if one really wishes to arouse, the inside of the upper thigh with legs crossed. Lightly stroking the neck with hair moved to one side shows vulnerability. This is read as alluring and submissive.

Context: a) General b) Dating.

Verbal Translation: a) “I’m anxious, nervous, and in need of reassurance so I’m replicating the touch patterns my parents used to comfort me in their stead.” b) I’m aroused and am subconsciously stroking my body in response to the positive sexual feelings I’m experiencing.”

Variant: See Chin Stroking, Hand To Cheek, Hand to Mouth, Slow Stroking Of Upper Thigh.

Cue In Action: a) He was stressed out. While pondering his next move, his hand reached back and stroked the back of his head. a) Her breast momentarily rose as she crossed her arms tightly underneath them. It went unnoticed and even out of her consciousness, but the slight touch of her breast released oxytocin and helped calm her excited nerves. b) She stroked her neck with her fingers drawing attention to the most vulnerable part of her body.

Meaning and/or Motivation: a) “Auto contact” is a term used to describe any gesture such as rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, which is meant to sooth the body and create comfort. These gestures are also used to eliminate internal tensions and provide reassurance. Self-soothing is linked to insecurity since they attempt to provide reassurance.

It is believed that these mannerisms stem from childhood sources when our parents would comfort us with touch. Social touching has been shown to increase oxytocin which is a natural chemical messenger released by the brain. Oxytocin also helps in reducing anxiety, and creates feelings of contentment, calmness and creates trust.

Self-touching serves to fight the underlying stress associated with the negative stimulus so as to recreate the feelings of having someone sooth you. This reminds people of more pleasurable situations. In short, it takes the mind to a better place.

b) Conversely, self-touching can have a positive connotation, as is the case during a dating context. Here, a person, usually a woman will touch herself because she is experiencing sexual feelings. She strokes her neck, wrists, or a bare shoulder as a subconscious act which in turn has the effect of drawing male attention to her features.

Self-touching in a dating context is as if a person is doing the type of touching they are seeking to be performed on them, by someone else. Thus, the self-touch is a touch invitation, or touch prelude and a touch replacement.

Cue Cluster: Watch for stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck, wringing the hands or rubbing the legs, rubbing the temples, hair touches and grooming or stroking the sides of the arms. When in a dating context watch for the cue to be anchored to a specific person through eye contact and at least three other independent sexual cues of interest.

Body Language Category: Auto contact or self touching, Comfort body language, Emotional body language, Stroking body language, Low confidence body language, Pacifying body language, Stressful body language, Worry body language.

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