Category: Auto contact or self touching

Appease, Approach tell, Auto contact or self touching, Courtship display, Indicator Of Sexual Interest (IOsI), Readiness to submit postures, Tie signals

Body Language of Wrist Exposure Displays

by Chris • October 30, 2014 • 0 Comments

Body Language of Wrist Exposure Displays

Cue: Wrist Exposure Displays.

Synonym(s): Showing The Wrist, Displaying The Wrist, Stroking The Wrist, Exposing The Wrists.

Description: Removing clothing, stroking the wrist, turning the palms up, or playing with an earring that causes the wrists to be exposed.

In One Sentence: Showing the wrist is a female posture signaling submission.

How To Use it: The wrist signal is a female or feminine posture that women (and possibly gay men) use to signal submission. The wrists are a vulnerable part of the body and like the neck, when displayed, signal that a person is willing to heed to the dominance of another. Women can flash the wrist by turning the hands palm up, or lightly stroke the wrists with an index finger. This is not particularly noticeable to men, however, if done correctly, it will elicit a subconscious attraction response in him at a low cost to you.

Context: Dating.

Verbal Translation: “I wish to submit to your dominance so I’m exposing my delicate and vulnerable wrists.”

Variant: See Neck Exposure.

Cue In Action: She frequently fiddled with her earring or her wristwatch while on her date. This helped calm herself, as she was excited just being around him.

Meaning and/or Motivation: Exposures of the wrist, palm and neck are visceral responses linked to submissiveness and are displayed or flashed during courtship by women. Flashing of the wrist indicates that trust is present during courtship.

In men, flashing the wrist or loosely bending at the wrist is an effeminate signal. Thus, men and women share a similar submissive origin for this nonverbal signal.

Cue Cluster: Watch for other submissive courtship cues such as head bowed, eyes cast upward, neck titling, shoulder shrugs, giggling, batting eyelashes, self stroking, playing with the hair or self grooming, among many others.

Body Language Category: Appease, Approach tell, Auto contact or self touching, Courtship display, Indicators of sexual interest (IOsI), Readiness to submit postures, Tie signals.

Resources:

Abbey, A., and Melby, C. (1986). The effects of nonverbal cues on gender differences in perceptions of sexual intent. Sex Roles, 15, 283-298.

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Cari D. Goetz; Judith A. Easton; David M.G. Lewis; David M. Buss. Sexual Exploitability: Observable Cues And Their Link To Sexual Attraction. Evolution and Human Behavior. 2012; 33: 417-426.
http://bodylanguageproject.com/articles/victim-blaming-or-useful-information-in-preventing-rape-and-sexual-exploitation/

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Clark, A. Attracting Interest: Dynamic Displays of Proceptivity Increase the Attractiveness of Men and Women. Evolutionary Psychology. 2008., 6(4), 563-574.
http://bodylanguageproject.com/articles/risky-versus-proceptive-nonverbal-sexual-cues/

Cantú, Stephanie M ; Simpson, Jeffry A ; Griskevicius, Vladas ; Weisberg, Yanna J ; Durante, Kristina M ; Beal, Daniel J. Fertile and Selectively Flirty. Psychological Science. 2014. 25(2): 431-438.

Greer, Arlettee. ; Buss, Davidm. Tactics for promoting sexual encounters. Journal of Sex Research. 1994. 31(3): 185-201.

Goetz, Cari D.; Judith A. Easton; David M.G. Lewis; David M. Buss. Sexual Exploitability: Observable Cues And Their Link To Sexual Attraction. Evolution and Human Behavior. 2012; 33: 417-426.
http://bodylanguageproject.com/articles/victim-blaming-or-useful-information-in-preventing-rape-and-sexual-exploitation/

Goetz, Cari D.; Judith A. Easton; Cindy M. Meston. The Allure of Vulnerability: Advertising Cues to Exploitability as a Signal of Sexual Accessibility. Personality and Individual Differences. 2013. 62: 121-125. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2014.02.019
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Grammer, Karl ; Kruck, Kirsten ; Magnusson, Magnus. The Courtship Dance: Patterns of Nonverbal Synchronization in Opposite-Sex Encounters. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 1998, Vol.22(1), pp.3-29.

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Greer, Arlettee. ; Buss, Davidm. Tactics for promoting sexual encounters. Journal of Sex Research. 1994. 31(3): 185-201.

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Auto contact or self touching, Boredom body language, Displacement behaviour, Energy Displacement, Metronomic signals, Pensive displays, Self-motivating gestures

Body Language of Tapping The Fingers or Metronomic Signals

by Chris • October 29, 2014 • 0 Comments

Body Language of Tapping The Fingers or Metronomic Signals

Cue: Tapping The Fingers or Metronomic Signals.

Synonym(s): Metronomic Signals, Finger Tapping, Foot Tapping, Pencil Tapping, Keyboard Tapping, Mouth Tapping, Lip Tapping, Head Tapping, Drumming.

Description: Tapping or drumming of the feet, fingers, or with the help objects such as pens.

In One Sentence: Metronomic signals show a desire to release extra energy, that a person is anxious, or that thought is taking place.

How To Use it: So long as metronomic signals are not loud or disruptive, they may be useful in telling others that you are in the process of coming up with a solution to a problem. Repetitive actions may also help prime the brain toward a solution by putting the body into motion. In other cases, the release of extra energy can help relax the mind and produce a tactile outlet. Tapping the fingers or toes may also tell others that you need some time to think and shouldn’t be bothered, thus buying some time.

Generally, however, metronomic signals are to be avoided as they signal that one is struggling to process information. One should certainly avoid the signals when they may be construed as indicating boredom – unless one actually wishes to send that signal.

Context: General.

Verbal Translation: a) “I’m bored. I’m kicking my feet and tapping my fingers to release some of my pent up energy. Escaping the situation is not practical.” b) “I’m bumping my feet up and down because I need something to do as my anxiety grows. c) “I’m tapping my pen against my lips in effort to keep my energy up to help me find the answer to my problem.”

Variant: See Foot Fidgeting.

Cue In Action: a) The lecture dragged on and on. All he wanted to do was get out of there and enjoy the weekend. His foot bumped up and down. b) On his first date, his foot bounced up and down indicating that he felt a little unsettled. c) He knew the answer, but it wasn’t coming to him. He tapped the pen against his mouth as he worked through his thoughts.

Meaning and/or Motivation: Tapping has three possible main root causes. It can indicate a) boredom, b) anxiety or that c) thought is taking place.

Repetitive tapping is often a sign of boredom. It can include tapping the toes, swinging the feet with one crossed over the other, or drumming the fingers on the table. In a larger context, tapping is a form of energy displacement where the body shows its desire to burn off what it has in excess as it deals with a situation that does not permit one to leave.

The hands and feet are key places to verify anxiety and will be the usual suspects in betraying emotions. They move easily and freely from the rest of the body and can be used to burn energy and release stress anxiety without requiring the body to move large distances. Because they can be moved independent of the body, they also tend to leak information more readily. Therefore, to read anxiety, carefully watch for tapping toes or fingers. Likewise, watch for feet that move frequently or never seem to find a comfortable position as well as any other repetitive behaviours. Foot movements will show more restraint than hand movements especially if someone is trying to hide fear from others.

In other cases, repetitive motions are an indication of a persons desire to motivate themselves. When someone is trying to come up with a solution, we normally see them tap their head with their fingertips or bring their fingertips to their lips. They may also be seen tapping a pencil or pen against their teeth or lips. When the context is appropriate expect tapping to show that a person is trying to jump start their thought process. The tapping is a way for a person to remain active and keep the blood flowing and energy up, as they fight to come up with a solution. This cue is common in the examination room.

Cue Cluster: Anxiety is often accompanied by looking away or becoming distracted, avoiding eye contact, rubbing the hands together, pinching an eyelid, smoothing clothing, rotating a wedding ring, nail-biting, or sucking a finger or pen. These all indicate a hidden thought linked to anxiety.

Boredom is often coupled with sitting slumped over with a glazed look on a person’s face coupled with an staring blankly at the floor or a spot on the wall. People also signal boredom by fidgeting, supporting the head on the hand, leaning against walls or tables, slouching backwards, letting the eyes wonder, gazing into the distance, sighing heavily, yawning, crossing and re-crossing the arms and legs, fiddling with pens, eyeglasses or papers, doodling, pointing the body away from the speaker, shifting weight, moving the head from side to side, rolling the eyes, stretching, and picking at the fingernails.

Tapping as a motivating gesture is indicated primarily through context, such as when writing an examination or while contemplating a move in chess.

Body Language Category: Auto contact or self touching, Boredom body language, Displacement behaviour, Energy Displacement, Metronomic signals, Pensive displays, Self-motivating gestures.

Resources:

Almerigogna, Jehanne; James Ost; Lucy Akehurst and Mike Fluck. How Interviewers’ Nonverbal Behaviors Can Affect Children’s Perceptions And Suggestibility. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. 2008. 100:17-39.
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Da Silva, Felipe N. ; Irani, Farzin ; Richard, Jan ; Brensinger, Colleen M. ; Bilker, Warren B. ; Gur, Raquel E. ; Gur, Ruben C. More than just tapping: Index finger-tapping measures procedural learning in schizophrenia. Schizophrenia Research. 2012. 137(1-3): 234-240.

Doody, John ; Bull, Peter. Asperger’s Syndrome and the Decoding of Boredom, Interest, and Disagreement from Body Posture. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 2011. 35(2): 87-100.

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Amplifier, Auto contact or self touching, Boredom body language, Courtship display, Displacement behaviour, Embarrassment (nonverbal), Emotional body language, Idiosyncratic body language, Indicator Of Sexual Interest (IOsI), Low confidence body language, Oral displacement activities, Pacifying body language, Pensive displays, Pseudo-infantile gestures, Security blankets, Shy nonverbal, Worry body language

Body Language of Suckling

by Chris • October 28, 2014 • 0 Comments

Body Language of Suckling

Cue: Suckling.

Synonym(s): Mouthing An Object, Chewing On A Pen, Pen Sucking, Sucking On A Pen (or other), Oral Fixation.

Description: When any object including pens or fingers are brought to the lips and chewed or sucked on.

In One Sentence: Suckling indicates a need for self-soothing due to negative feelings.

How To Use it: While suckling can help produce comfort, it is not considered a cue that should be used in full view of others as it is unlikely to produce a desirable impression.

Context: a) General. b) Dating.

Verbal Translation: “I’m in need of an oral fixation to calm my nerves so I’m suckling – on my finger or pen, as I did when I was a baby.”

Variant: See Hand to Mouth, Lip Chewing or Chewing The Lips, Hair Play, Nail Biting.

Cue In Action: a) Debbie was a shy, timid person, she kept her gaze low, easily blushed, and was quiet around strangers. This was especially so when put on the spot or questioned. At her desk, she habitually mouthed pens, paper clips, or chewed on her fingers. a) During the exam, the student mouthed her pen as she suffered through a question she wasn’t familiar with. b) Debbie was thinking about Mark and subconsciously tapped the end of her pen against her lower lip. The pen was a phallic replacement.

Meaning and/or Motivation: The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth such as playing with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action indicating insecurity. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when someone is exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us that the mind is not at ease, and it is attempting to restore the body’ natural state.

Suckling body language essentially turns us back into babies or at least indicates to others our need for self-soothing due to emotional stress.

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, hair, and even a piece of gum during emotional distress are substitutes for the mother’s breast. They remind us of early childhood mouthing. Sucking, like plucking, picking or chewing the lips or rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using these types of security blankets.

Alternatively, an object to the mouth can represent a phallic purpose. Subconscious controls can lead one to bring an object to the mouth during sexual thoughts. The pen for example, can be a substitute for a penis during arousal.

Cue Cluster: Watch for other negative emotional cues such as pinching the skin, scratching, smoothing clothing, eye aversion, head lowered, blushing, trembling, attempt to exit (escape movements), ventral denial, turning the body away, sweating and so forth.

Body Language Category: Amplifier, Auto contact or self touching, Boredom body language, Courtship displays, Displacement behaviour, Embarrassment (nonverbal), Emotional body language, Idiosyncratic body language, Indicators of sexual interest (IOsI), Low confidence body language, Oral displacement activities, Pensive displays, Pseudo-infantile gestures, Pacifying body language, Security blankets, Shy nonberbal, Worry body language.

Resources:

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*No Photo, Auto contact or self touching, Autoerotic touching, Courtship display, Indicator Of Sexual Interest (IOsI), Stroking body language, Tie signals

Body Language of Slow Stroking Of Upper Thigh

by Chris • October 28, 2014 • 0 Comments

Body Language of Slow Stroking Of Upper Thigh

Cue: Slow Stroking Of Upper Thigh.

Synonym(s): Rubbing The Hands Slowly On Upper Thigh, Upper Thigh Stroke, Thigh Stroking, Rubbing Thighs, Massaging Thighs Slowly.

Description: The hands are slowly rubbed up and down across the top of the thighs.

In One Sentence: Rubbing the upper thigh usually signals a desire to be touched in this way or that one is rubbing the sweat from the palms.

How To Use it: Women can use this gesture to signal to men that they wish to escalate sexual intimacy. Stroking the upper thing in a skirt while making eye contact with a man, will tell him that you are aroused and wish for him to make the next move.

Context: Dating.

Verbal Translation: “I’m sexually aroused causing me to act out some of the touching I would like to experience by the hands of another.”

Variant: Women often replicate the types of touching they would like to receive. The cliché act is quite common in adult films when no male actor is present or when she tries to seduce one, or the camera. She seductively touches and strokes her own body in effort to arouse the viewer. Men are programmed to find this alluring. As they touch, women are readying the body to be touched and at the same time providing an outlet that reduces their desire to act outwardly and instead illicit male pursuit instead. Self-touching releases positive hormones in the body that produce a calming effect. See Self-Stroking or Auto Contact, Leg Cleansing or Leg Pacifying Behaviour.

Cue In Action: While making eye contact, licking her lips frequently, she seductively stroked her thighs as she was speaking to a guy at the bar.

Meaning and/or Motivation: It is common for women to perform self-touching when aroused. Self-touch is usually a signal that touching from another person is welcome but it must be accompanied by other sexual signals. Eye contact is one of the most important signals because it serves to anchor the signal to a specific person. If eye contact is absent, then the cue may simple be a broadcast signal to the room at large due to her ovulation cycle, or her level of receptivity.

When a woman rubs her thighs she is simulating the type of touching she’d like to receive and this is part of the purpose. She can produce a pacifying effect to help calm her desires, but also to draw attention to her features, her thighs, and subconsciously suggest to her desired partner what course of action she would prefer.

Men who are aware of the courtship gesture should be sure that the legs are not being stroked simply because she is performing a “leg cleansing” where she is wiping sweat from her palms or trying to gain comfort through self soothing due to nervousness. Although, at times, nervousness and courtship are intertwined.

Cue Cluster: Watch for eye contact, head down with eyes cast upward, frequent lip licking, wrist and neck exposure, exposing the inner thigh, self-stroking (other areas of the body), legs uncrossed and re-crossed, and so forth.

Body Language Category: Auto contact or self-touching, Autoerotic touching, Courtship display, Stroking body language, Indicators of sexual interest (IOsI), Tie signals.

Resources:

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Auto contact or self touching, Automatic gesture, Frustration or frustrated body language, Leaked or involuntary body language, Surprised body language

Body Language of Self-Slapping

by Chris • October 28, 2014 • 0 Comments

Body Language of Self-Slapping

Cue: Self-Slapping.

Synonym(s): Slapping The Self, Hand To The Forehead Slap, Forehead Slap.

Description: When the open palm is quickly slapped against the self, usually the forehead or thigh.

In One Sentence: Self-slapping indicates that one is punishing themselves for not recalling something quickly enough (but that they finally have).

How To Use it: Self-slapping is a playful way to point out to others that you feel you should recall important details quicker. Self-slapping is a form of self-punishing as one inflicts a small amount of pain. This tells others that they don’t need to give you any extra grief and that you understand your mistake.

The cue also tells others that you have forgotten something important, and that there may be a crisis that they can help you resolve. Thus, self-slapping can signal the desire for sympathy and assistance.

Context: General.

Verbal Translation: “Oh darn, I really messed that up by not thinking that through, but you don’t need to punish me, I’ll do it myself.”

Variant: See Neck Rubbing (back of neck) or Holding The Back Of The Neck.

Cue In Action: Something didn’t feel right. Mary knew she had forgotten something, but what? She looked around the room and couldn’t put her finger on it. What had she forgotten to do? What was it? Just then, her hand came up and slapped her forehead. She had forgotten to pick up the dry cleaning on her way home from work!

Meaning and/or Motivation: A self slap to the forehead implies that a person realizes they’ve made a mistake and is admonishing themselves for it. Thus, it is a form of self-punishment and meant to indicate to others that they have had a momentary lapse of judgment. It is an attempt to prove to others that they aren’t as stupid as the mistake would indicate and that it won’t happen again.

A slap to the thigh usually indicates that a person has had an important thought or has remembered something that had slipped their mind. In this case, they will slap their thigh with open palm and then proceed to vocalize their recalled thought.

A hand slapping the back of the neck indicates that they feel someone else is being a pain (See Neck Rubbing).

Cue Cluster: The self-slap is usually accompanied by open or surprised facial expressions, eye widening, and eyebrows up. People who self-slap may also take in a breath so as to prepare to speak or leave their mouth open as if exasperated by their mistake.

Body Language Category: Auto contact or self-touching, Automatic gesture, Frustration or frustrated body language, Leaked or involuntary body language, Surprised body language.

Resources:

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Auto contact or self touching, Comfort body language, Emotional body language, Low confidence body language, Pacifying body language, Stressful body language, Stroking body language, Worry body language

Body Language of Self Stroking or Auto Contact

by Chris • October 28, 2014 • 0 Comments

Body Language of Self Stroking or Auto Contact

Cue: Self Stroking or Auto Contact.

Synonym(s): Auto Contact, AutoErotic Touching, Stroking The Self, Petting The Self, Self-Soothing, Touching The Self, Self-Touching.

Description: When the body is stroked or petted or touching in a way to produce a soothing effect as a mother would sooth her child.

In One Sentence: Self stroking is a sign of anxiety, nervousness, and need for reassurance.

How To Use it: Self stroking is a common form of self-soothing. Using it makes us feel comforted as we remind ourselves of the type of touching we received as infants by our parents. Self soothing helps release positive hormones when we need them the most. The context in which self stroking works is limitless, however, one should generally avoid self stroking if one wishes to appear dominant, confident, and in control. Touching the back of the head or stroking the arm are a couple ways that help produce a calming feeling.

In dating, women can use self stroking to create desire in men. Women should touch themselves in ways that simulate how they would like their partner to touch them (within reason or course). Lightly touching the upper chest area by playing with a necklace draws attention to the breast area. This serves to arouse a companion. Another area women can emphasis is the outside of the thigh or if one really wishes to arouse, the inside of the upper thigh with legs crossed. Lightly stroking the neck with hair moved to one side shows vulnerability. This is read as alluring and submissive.

Context: a) General b) Dating.

Verbal Translation: a) “I’m anxious, nervous, and in need of reassurance so I’m replicating the touch patterns my parents used to comfort me in their stead.” b) I’m aroused and am subconsciously stroking my body in response to the positive sexual feelings I’m experiencing.”

Variant: See Chin Stroking, Hand To Cheek, Hand to Mouth, Slow Stroking Of Upper Thigh.

Cue In Action: a) He was stressed out. While pondering his next move, his hand reached back and stroked the back of his head. a) Her breast momentarily rose as she crossed her arms tightly underneath them. It went unnoticed and even out of her consciousness, but the slight touch of her breast released oxytocin and helped calm her excited nerves. b) She stroked her neck with her fingers drawing attention to the most vulnerable part of her body.

Meaning and/or Motivation: a) “Auto contact” is a term used to describe any gesture such as rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, which is meant to sooth the body and create comfort. These gestures are also used to eliminate internal tensions and provide reassurance. Self-soothing is linked to insecurity since they attempt to provide reassurance.

It is believed that these mannerisms stem from childhood sources when our parents would comfort us with touch. Social touching has been shown to increase oxytocin which is a natural chemical messenger released by the brain. Oxytocin also helps in reducing anxiety, and creates feelings of contentment, calmness and creates trust.

Self-touching serves to fight the underlying stress associated with the negative stimulus so as to recreate the feelings of having someone sooth you. This reminds people of more pleasurable situations. In short, it takes the mind to a better place.

b) Conversely, self-touching can have a positive connotation, as is the case during a dating context. Here, a person, usually a woman will touch herself because she is experiencing sexual feelings. She strokes her neck, wrists, or a bare shoulder as a subconscious act which in turn has the effect of drawing male attention to her features.

Self-touching in a dating context is as if a person is doing the type of touching they are seeking to be performed on them, by someone else. Thus, the self-touch is a touch invitation, or touch prelude and a touch replacement.

Cue Cluster: Watch for stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck, wringing the hands or rubbing the legs, rubbing the temples, hair touches and grooming or stroking the sides of the arms. When in a dating context watch for the cue to be anchored to a specific person through eye contact and at least three other independent sexual cues of interest.

Body Language Category: Auto contact or self touching, Comfort body language, Emotional body language, Stroking body language, Low confidence body language, Pacifying body language, Stressful body language, Worry body language.

Resources:

Barroso, Felix ; Feld, Jason. Self-touching and attentional processes: The role of task difficulty, selection stage, and sex differences. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior. 1986. 10(1): 51-64.

Bouras, N. ; Dykens, E. M. ; Smith, A. C. M. Distinctiveness and correlates of maladaptive behaviour in children and adolescents with Smith–Magenis syndrome. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research. 1998. 42(6): 481-489.