Tag: Body Language

Dating Body Language, Men's Body Language

Men are too stupid to understand the word “no”: A response.

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Men are too stupid to understand the word “no” and can’t read body language: A response to “Perceptual Mechanisms That Characterize Gender Differences in Decoding Women’s Sexual Intent” by Coreen Farris (2008, Psychological Science in press) and “Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women” by Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Staff Writer.

Christopher Philip

A recent article by Coreen Farris et al. which is currently in press (2008, Psychological Science) with title “Perceptual Mechanisms That Characterize Gender Differences in Decoding Women’s Sexual Intent” and published through the University of Indiana and Yale says that, “Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women.” The study says that men not only mistake friendly nonverbal language as sexual cues, but also mistake sexual nonverbal language as friendly cues. It seems from her study that men just can’t read body language; they can’t read nonverbal communication by women.

The study had an initial group of both males and females rate images based on four categories (called affect groupings): friendly, sexually interested, sad, or rejecting. From that sample they chose an additional set of 80 men and 80 women to rate the final images into affect groupings once again. A photo was kept if the majority of men and women categorized the picture into the same affect group. Thus, for the study’s purpose, it follows that an average of men and women decided on this subset of photos based on their affect groupings, and then on further ratings, men when compared to women rated the images into the wrong affect group. Is this the best way to conduct this study? Does the conclusion of the study not mean that the affect groupings were poorly constructed from the beginning since men where included at the outset and are poor at rating affect? Does the study not have a very significant flaw?

To improve the study women could be asked to display postures they felt best conveyed the affect groupings. If a woman is asked to do a sexually interested posture, by definition whatever posture she comes up with is an accurate depiction of sexual interest for them. Because it is a posture she created naturally, it’s also a posture that could occur in a natural setting. The same can be done for all other affect groups. Then women and men could rate these photographs to see who is better at rating affect groupings based on the definition set by the female presenting the initial posture. A second method could include a panel of experienced readers of nonverbal language. Why include the poorer rater from the outset when it’s not necessary?

I also wonder about how far Farris is taking her conclusions and what sort of influence she has had over a recent article presented at http://www.livescience.com/health/080320-clueless-guys.html entitled, “Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women” by Jeanna Bryner LiveScience Staff Writer. What are the roots of Coreen Farris’ interests? Throughout the publication she cites reasons and motivations, including preventing rape, since men are naturally bad at reading body language, although it is never quite put this way. It’s phrased more along the lines of “Sexually coercive men are more likely than noncoercive men to report incidents of sexual misperception” with citations given. This notwithstanding, her past research deals with sexual coercion and misperceptions of intent indicating that perhaps her agenda is to uncover reasons to explain why men are too stupid to understand the word “no”. She feels that perhaps men’s propensity to rape is actually due to the fact that they are poor readers of body language. Does she forget that rape is a cheater strategy used by men to gain access to women when other means fail or due to a desire to dominate women and not at all because they can’t read body language? Does she think men are too stupid to understand the word “no”? I’ll leave these questions with her and see if she’ll come up with better methodology the next time.

Some notes: I don’t deny that men are naturally poor readers of body language (it’s the reason I wrote my book and why I study it myself). Plenty of studies have shown that women are naturally better. However, I do question the motivation and methodology of this particular study. I also wonder about the alternate viewpoint that women are bad at delivering nonverbal messages and that perhaps some of the onus should be placed on them (at least as far as press releases and research summary articles go).

A direct link to the full study “Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women” and “Perceptual Mechanisms That Characterize Gender Differences in Decoding Women’s Sexual Intent”:

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/journals/ps/19_4_inpress/Farris.pdf

If YOU are one of the CLUELESS then be sure to pick up your copy of the ebook – Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

***UPDATE

I have approached Coreen Farris and have allowed her the opportunity to justify the aim and context by which the study was conducted. Here are two e-mails which need to be considered to properly formulate your opinion of the study.

It would seem that:

1) Her research was taken out of context and the headline “Clueless Guys Can’t Read Women” was a way for LiveScience to elicit a visceral response from it’s readers with no direct influence from the study (see e-mail a) and

2) Physical abuse by men on women might be the result of a multitude of variables (too complex at this point to make conclusions) but of which *might* include their inability to read nonverbal cues to body language (see e-mail b).

Email a)

From: Coreen Farris

Date: Sun, Mar 23, 2008 at 12:34 PM Subject: Re: **Body Language Project on – Perceptual Mechanisms That Characterize Gender Differences in Decoding Women’s Sexual Intent To: Christopher Philip

Christopher,

Thank you for the link to your website. You’ve done a nice job of making the human ethology findings accessible. The “clueless guy” headline in the popular press was unfortunate as we have never approached gender differences from a deficit perspective. Rather, friendliness and sexual interest are internal motivations that are remarkably difficult to discriminate.

best,

Coreen

Email b)

From: Coreen Farris Date: Sun, Mar 23, 2008 at 3:23 PM Subject: Re: **Body Language Project on – Perceptual Mechanisms That Characterize Gender Differences in Decoding Women’s Sexual Intent To: Christopher Philip

Christopher,

I appreciate your continued interest in the research and methodology. My thoughts about the connection between sexual coercion and sexual misperception are outlined here:

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/journal/02727358

Volume 28, issue 1

The article also outlines methodological considerations, which may help to answer some of your questions.

One thing that we’ve learned in the last 30 years of research on sexual violence is that the etiology is multidetermined, complex, and as with all behaviors with low base rates, difficult to predict. Sexual misperception is associated with small effect sizes suggesting that it plays a role *some* of the time for *some* men in *some* situations….

Coreen

The text and images are provided to you by www.BodyLanguageProject.com and are not to be reprinted or posted without prior written consent by the author. We take our copyright seriously. If you would like to use or reprint any material on this site, please contact us with your information including the website you intend to use it on, along with all pertinent details. In most cases, we will be more than happy to oblige!

Dating Body Language, Men's Body Language, Women's Body Language

Reading People – An Introduction

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Excerpted from the E-book – Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. Buy it NOW!

I’m excited to be the one to share this wonderful tool with you! The ability to read body language will be useful to you for the rest of your life and is definitely not something you will pass over or forget. Body language occurs continuously and in every social situation making it ubiquitous. When a student of body language gets their first dose of knowledge it is very exhilarating. It opens up a whole new world, one that was always there, but otherwise deeply buried in our minds. With a thorough understanding of body language, you will be able to read people from a distance without needing to hear the words they speak. Suddenly, the language of the body will become more transparent and obvious, and those who understand it are given a huge advantage over the rest.

Anyone into the dating scene knows how hard it is to read women. After reading through this book and studying the photographs, it won’t be a mystery any longer. Without these key bits of information, you cannot have a well rounded understanding of dating. The book illustrates over 250 single items of body language such as when a woman likes and dislikes an approach, when a woman is ready to kiss, when a woman is trying to block you out, when she is bored or aroused, and practically every other gesture a woman might impart. Also covered extensively are tips to bring a woman closer through your own body language, entering her intimate space, and ways that you can display status and act so as to arouse women. This guide is perfect for both men and women interested in not only learning more about each other, but also in attracting one another. Body language allows people to use subtle hints to convey interest or disinterest instead of having to resort to overt and possibly embarrassing tactics. This book represents the perfect foundation to dating and attraction, and without it you cannot fully master the art of seduction.

The true aim of this book is to bring to consciousness the intuition that is already present and at the same time increase its efficiency. Nonverbal expressions of liking, disliking, superiority, timidity, fear, and so on are firmly rooted in human biology. Body language is therefore innate. It is not learned, and for the most part, not cultural. This makes it a very useful tool in dating and attraction as it provides us with quantifiable postures and positions that have actual meaning. While some cues may become compounded or confused with others, the whole picture makes it obvious what someone is really thinking.

By understanding body language you can also avoid potentially embarrassing situations. Speaking is a risky business in dating and also in life in general. This is especially true when you don’t know what emotional ground others stand on. Body language outlines where you are in a relationship such as what level of attraction or rejection is present at any one time and eliminates all the guesswork involved in reading women. The information in this book will make it easy to determine which women are available. Body language experts will know when it is a waste of time to further a pursuit and when it is time to hang in for the long haul.

Even though men might believe that they have the upper hand in the initial stages of a relationship, they really do not. Women have a keen ability to fool men into thinking that they have the advantage early on, but in reality, women are able to control men with the use of nonverbal communication (whether or not they are actually aware of this fact is not relevant). Women use nonverbal language to send a strong signal of sexual interest, or as the case may be, disinterest.

Guys, myself included, are often hesitant to approach women. This is for good reason. We all want to maintain what little confidence we have. Approaching women is a risk-laden action and the last thing anyone wants is to face rejection. Thankfully, women impart their level of interest with very specific cues and this saves men from approaching disinterested women and can even save them the embarrassment resulting from displaying interest in them at all. Women use body language as a signal to men that an approach is welcome or unwelcome. Whether or not a man sees these cues and acknowledges them is a different story altogether.

The skills in this book represent some of the most important you will ever obtain in the pursuit of women (or men, as the case may be). Your skills will not appear overnight though. It will take time and experience to turn your eye into a highly developed reader of body language. However, with practice will come great rewards. For example, you will know if a woman is interested in getting to know you better, and on which level. You will know if she wants to kiss you, or whether she simply wants you to go away.

Ultimately dating and courtship is a way for a woman to test a man’s desire to invest in her. A woman doesn’t normally give off cues that are obvious simply because she hasn’t yet decided for certain if you are of interest to her. A woman will normally draw out courtship in order to solidify the bond between herself and a man. The more time a man spends on the chase, she thinks, the more time he will spend raising her children. Thus, for the most part, the more she runs, the better off she will be. This is why we often see mixed and confounded signals which can be particularly frustrating if you are not aware of their purpose.

The next time you are in a social setting, have a look around and really bring to consciousness what is going on. Some couples will no doubt be close together, while others will have a few paces between them. Others yet will be practically on top of each other. What does this proximity mean? Even deeper than this runs the gestures they make toward one another. Some researchers will tell you that body language is a more accurate indication of someone’s thoughts than what actually comes from their mouths since body language comes from the subconscious whereas our spoken words come from our consciousness. Our conscious mind is able to plan and manipulate and is hence deceitful. If you are following along, you are also putting two and two together. As you learn about body language you are moving it from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind, meaning you can now plan your body language and use it however you see fit.

Ignoring specific cues given off by the opposite sex is a sure way to embarrassment. Reading women incorrectly is fairly easy if you do not catalogue all cues they give off. Some researchers put the level of nonverbal communication as high as 80 percent of all communication. More reasonably it could be at around 50-65 percent. That’s exactly what Mehrabian discovered in his communication study. He found that only 7 percent of communication comes from spoken words, 38 percent is from the tone of the voice, and 55 percent comes from body language. Thus, if you aren’t conscious of what is happening nonverbally, you are missing out on the vast majority of what is going on during a typical conversation. No doubt, you could easily get away without the conscious ability to read others’ body language, however, why ignore such a powerful tool when it is so easy to master?

Throughout the book, I realize that I speak mainly in terms of what I find useful as a man with respect to reading women, but that is only because I show my true bias. The tools contained within, however, are still very useful and practical for women. By knowing the meanings of the cues, women can better control the outcomes of specific situations. If, for example, a woman really enjoys the company of a particular man and wants to push the relationship forward, she should know the proper signals by which to make this happen. On the other hand, if a woman is disinterested or finds herself in a situation where an advance is unwanted, she will be armed with the knowledge of what cues to deliver to thwart the advance. A woman who is perhaps careless with her gestures, may give off particularly confusing cues to a man. A confused man is never a good thing! If he is interested in you, then more often than not, he will continue to pursue. With the knowledge of nonverbal communication, women can give specific and accurate cues to others.

Another useful way to appreciate how body language works and to make it appear more logical in our minds is to picture specific body language poses as they would appear if the person were nude. This is especially important since the cues have evolved under these circumstances. For example, take legs crossed versus uncrossed. How would legs spread wide open appear on a woman? How about on a man? What about a person with their legs uncrossed with their hands up behind their head slouched down in a chair? This would most certainly come across as a dominant and an in-your-face kind of posture. Now imagine this very same posture coming from an arrogant boss if he was completely nude with his genitals fully exposed! While our clothing masks some of the offensiveness of these postures, the meaning is still relevant.

A bit of caution is in order here. Keep the information in this book to yourself. The first rule of body language is: don’t talk about body language! This type of thing is better left unsaid. I made the mistake of telling a bunch of intoxicated people that I was doing some reading on body language. Everyone immediately stopped talking and they sat in silence doing nothing. They knew that I could read them but they did not want to be read. They wanted to keep their thoughts and emotions to themselves.

And finally, reading body language is not magic, it’s science. It’s not exact, but it is pretty close. It is very likely the best tool that exists for accurately reading people, even more accurate than outright asking them their thoughts. It is well known that people tend to lie. We lie for various reasons, be it to avoid offending someone, to avoid the hurt of rejection, or simply because we have not yet brought our true feelings to consciousness. I hope you have as much fun reading this book as I have had writing it and I do hope you will tell your friends goods things about the sections to follow and help The Body Language Project grow so that we can bring you future publications and resources! We welcome any positive experiences you’ve had with body language as a result of the information contained in this book, so feel free to send us an e-mail anytime!

For more information on dating and attraction, especially body language BUY the E-book – The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

The text and images are provided to you by www.BodyLanguageProject.com and are not to be reprinted or posted without prior written consent by the author. We take our copyright seriously. If you would like to use or reprint any material on this site, please contact us with your information including the website you intend to use it on, along with all pertinent details. In most cases, we will be more than happy to oblige!