Reading People – An Introduction

Excerpted from the E-book – Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. Buy it NOW!

I’m excited to be the one to share this wonderful tool with you! The ability to read body language will be useful to you for the rest of your life and is definitely not something you will pass over or forget. Body language occurs continuously and in every social situation making it ubiquitous. When a student of body language gets their first dose of knowledge it is very exhilarating. It opens up a whole new world, one that was always there, but otherwise deeply buried in our minds. With a thorough understanding of body language, you will be able to read people from a distance without needing to hear the words they speak. Suddenly, the language of the body will become more transparent and obvious, and those who understand it are given a huge advantage over the rest.

Anyone into the dating scene knows how hard it is to read women. After reading through this book and studying the photographs, it won’t be a mystery any longer. Without these key bits of information, you cannot have a well rounded understanding of dating. The book illustrates over 250 single items of body language such as when a woman likes and dislikes an approach, when a woman is ready to kiss, when a woman is trying to block you out, when she is bored or aroused, and practically every other gesture a woman might impart. Also covered extensively are tips to bring a woman closer through your own body language, entering her intimate space, and ways that you can display status and act so as to arouse women. This guide is perfect for both men and women interested in not only learning more about each other, but also in attracting one another. Body language allows people to use subtle hints to convey interest or disinterest instead of having to resort to overt and possibly embarrassing tactics. This book represents the perfect foundation to dating and attraction, and without it you cannot fully master the art of seduction.

The true aim of this book is to bring to consciousness the intuition that is already present and at the same time increase its efficiency. Nonverbal expressions of liking, disliking, superiority, timidity, fear, and so on are firmly rooted in human biology. Body language is therefore innate. It is not learned, and for the most part, not cultural. This makes it a very useful tool in dating and attraction as it provides us with quantifiable postures and positions that have actual meaning. While some cues may become compounded or confused with others, the whole picture makes it obvious what someone is really thinking.

By understanding body language you can also avoid potentially embarrassing situations. Speaking is a risky business in dating and also in life in general. This is especially true when you don’t know what emotional ground others stand on. Body language outlines where you are in a relationship such as what level of attraction or rejection is present at any one time and eliminates all the guesswork involved in reading women. The information in this book will make it easy to determine which women are available. Body language experts will know when it is a waste of time to further a pursuit and when it is time to hang in for the long haul.

Even though men might believe that they have the upper hand in the initial stages of a relationship, they really do not. Women have a keen ability to fool men into thinking that they have the advantage early on, but in reality, women are able to control men with the use of nonverbal communication (whether or not they are actually aware of this fact is not relevant). Women use nonverbal language to send a strong signal of sexual interest, or as the case may be, disinterest.

Guys, myself included, are often hesitant to approach women. This is for good reason. We all want to maintain what little confidence we have. Approaching women is a risk-laden action and the last thing anyone wants is to face rejection. Thankfully, women impart their level of interest with very specific cues and this saves men from approaching disinterested women and can even save them the embarrassment resulting from displaying interest in them at all. Women use body language as a signal to men that an approach is welcome or unwelcome. Whether or not a man sees these cues and acknowledges them is a different story altogether.

The skills in this book represent some of the most important you will ever obtain in the pursuit of women (or men, as the case may be). Your skills will not appear overnight though. It will take time and experience to turn your eye into a highly developed reader of body language. However, with practice will come great rewards. For example, you will know if a woman is interested in getting to know you better, and on which level. You will know if she wants to kiss you, or whether she simply wants you to go away.

Ultimately dating and courtship is a way for a woman to test a man’s desire to invest in her. A woman doesn’t normally give off cues that are obvious simply because she hasn’t yet decided for certain if you are of interest to her. A woman will normally draw out courtship in order to solidify the bond between herself and a man. The more time a man spends on the chase, she thinks, the more time he will spend raising her children. Thus, for the most part, the more she runs, the better off she will be. This is why we often see mixed and confounded signals which can be particularly frustrating if you are not aware of their purpose.

The next time you are in a social setting, have a look around and really bring to consciousness what is going on. Some couples will no doubt be close together, while others will have a few paces between them. Others yet will be practically on top of each other. What does this proximity mean? Even deeper than this runs the gestures they make toward one another. Some researchers will tell you that body language is a more accurate indication of someone’s thoughts than what actually comes from their mouths since body language comes from the subconscious whereas our spoken words come from our consciousness. Our conscious mind is able to plan and manipulate and is hence deceitful. If you are following along, you are also putting two and two together. As you learn about body language you are moving it from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind, meaning you can now plan your body language and use it however you see fit.

Ignoring specific cues given off by the opposite sex is a sure way to embarrassment. Reading women incorrectly is fairly easy if you do not catalogue all cues they give off. Some researchers put the level of nonverbal communication as high as 80 percent of all communication. More reasonably it could be at around 50-65 percent. That’s exactly what Mehrabian discovered in his communication study. He found that only 7 percent of communication comes from spoken words, 38 percent is from the tone of the voice, and 55 percent comes from body language. Thus, if you aren’t conscious of what is happening nonverbally, you are missing out on the vast majority of what is going on during a typical conversation. No doubt, you could easily get away without the conscious ability to read others’ body language, however, why ignore such a powerful tool when it is so easy to master?

Throughout the book, I realize that I speak mainly in terms of what I find useful as a man with respect to reading women, but that is only because I show my true bias. The tools contained within, however, are still very useful and practical for women. By knowing the meanings of the cues, women can better control the outcomes of specific situations. If, for example, a woman really enjoys the company of a particular man and wants to push the relationship forward, she should know the proper signals by which to make this happen. On the other hand, if a woman is disinterested or finds herself in a situation where an advance is unwanted, she will be armed with the knowledge of what cues to deliver to thwart the advance. A woman who is perhaps careless with her gestures, may give off particularly confusing cues to a man. A confused man is never a good thing! If he is interested in you, then more often than not, he will continue to pursue. With the knowledge of nonverbal communication, women can give specific and accurate cues to others.

Another useful way to appreciate how body language works and to make it appear more logical in our minds is to picture specific body language poses as they would appear if the person were nude. This is especially important since the cues have evolved under these circumstances. For example, take legs crossed versus uncrossed. How would legs spread wide open appear on a woman? How about on a man? What about a person with their legs uncrossed with their hands up behind their head slouched down in a chair? This would most certainly come across as a dominant and an in-your-face kind of posture. Now imagine this very same posture coming from an arrogant boss if he was completely nude with his genitals fully exposed! While our clothing masks some of the offensiveness of these postures, the meaning is still relevant.

A bit of caution is in order here. Keep the information in this book to yourself. The first rule of body language is: don’t talk about body language! This type of thing is better left unsaid. I made the mistake of telling a bunch of intoxicated people that I was doing some reading on body language. Everyone immediately stopped talking and they sat in silence doing nothing. They knew that I could read them but they did not want to be read. They wanted to keep their thoughts and emotions to themselves.

And finally, reading body language is not magic, it’s science. It’s not exact, but it is pretty close. It is very likely the best tool that exists for accurately reading people, even more accurate than outright asking them their thoughts. It is well known that people tend to lie. We lie for various reasons, be it to avoid offending someone, to avoid the hurt of rejection, or simply because we have not yet brought our true feelings to consciousness. I hope you have as much fun reading this book as I have had writing it and I do hope you will tell your friends goods things about the sections to follow and help The Body Language Project grow so that we can bring you future publications and resources! We welcome any positive experiences you’ve had with body language as a result of the information contained in this book, so feel free to send us an e-mail anytime!

For more information on dating and attraction, especially body language BUY the E-book – The Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

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