Tag Archive for Body Language

Breaking The Mold – How To ‘Close’ The ‘Closed’

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Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.

Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.

The research shows us that a significant amount of information is inhibited from reaching the brain when our bodies show closed body language. In one such study, two groups of students attended the same lecture. One group was instructed to hold their arms and legs crossed throughout, while the other received no such instructions. The group instructed to hold closed body language was found to have retained forty percent less information than the group that held open body language. The lecturer was also rated far more critically. Therefore, when presenting to someone with their arms crossed it is vitally important to use tactics that help them open up and drop negative cues. Not only will the retention of your message increase significantly, but so too will the probability that any agreement will take place.

It’s nearly impossible to formulate agreements with others who have their arms crossed or a myriad of other closed body postures. By simply opening your objective, they will be more receptive to your thoughts and ideas. This is why is it important, as closed body language arises, to immediately re-calibrate your tactics. If your target’s legs cross, have them stand up and move to the same side of the table to get a closer look at the material, or have them reach forward for something, forcing them to take a ready position with their bodies leaning toward you. If their arms are crossed, have them jot down notes on a piece of paper which you can express as being important for later, or have them examine a document which you can hand to them. You will want to carefully monitor their post position to see if after the item is discarded they return to their original closed body position. If they are adamant in keeping closed, they probably aren’t receiving the message to your favour.

Other ways to open people include handing them a cup of coffee, or glass of water, show them photographs of family or pets, handing them model cars or any other office artifact you might have noticed them examining with some interest. Handing them any object forces them to uncross their arms to reach for it thereby opening them. The object used isn’t vitally important, it just needs to be interesting enough to motivate them to reach for it. By doing a bit of research beforehand, you can probably find a mutual interest that can be exploited during the pitch to build rapport. This will prove especially useful if the meeting takes a turn for the worst. Being creative to re-open the conversation is an important tactic for everyone in business.

The Meaning Behind Arm Crossing

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Depending on the context, arm crossing might mean someone is physically cold - or emotionally cold.

Depending on the context, arm crossing might mean someone is physically cold – or emotionally cold.

Arms in the non-verbal world are shields. Folding the arms across the body is like cutting off access to our core that houses our vital organs, our heart and lungs. Just like putting up a shield, the arms protect us, not only from physical attack which can elicit closed body language, but it also protects us from unwanted outside views which we do not agree with. Therefore, having the arms across the chest can mean that either a physical threat or emotional threat is present. Arms crossed, in meeting or conversation means that the person is defensive, negative, uncertain and insecure and naturally, what is being asked of them will be met with disagreement.

An abbreviated arm cross where the hand seems to perform a necessary task. In reality, this person feels uncomfortable and is shielding themselves.

An abbreviated arm cross where the hand seems to perform a necessary task. In reality, this person feels uncomfortable and is shielding themselves.

Arm crossing happens much more frequently in public than anywhere else. We especially see it in elevators, when exposed to a large group that makes us uncomfortable or when pitched a bad deal from a door-to-door salesman. When in public, arm crossing is due to the stress of being in a novel environment rather than due to holding negative thoughts per se. Women who are unreceptive to a pick-up at a bar or club will also be found holding this posture so as to maintain their personal space and thwart sexual advances.

As you read body language, you will eventually come across someone that tries to convince you that their closed language is a function of comfort, as in it just feels right, rather than as a tell to some underlying stress. However, arm crossing is one of the gestures that proves the body language rule rather than disproves it. The research makes it clear though, that we adopt positions because there is an underlying emotion attached to it and that this is the reason which makes the position comfortable and rather than the other way around. Body language feels right when we express underlying feelings because it provides us with a release. Conversely, if we wish to avoid closed body postures, or any bad postures for that matter, we must first attack and cure the root source of the emotion and then open posture will come naturally.

Arm crossing takes up various forms too besides the recognizable full arm cross. The more evident and strong the arm crossing, the more seeded the action is in the mind of the person executing it. As body language senders we should always try to hold opened and honest body language as a default condition as it will yield the best results under most circumstances.

Here are some examples:

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BodyLanguageProjectCom - Body Raising Or Elevation 3

A hidden arm cross showing disagreement and withdrawal.

A masked arm cross.

A masked arm cross.

[ONE] Resting one arm straight out onto the table to the front and placing the opposite hand on the wrist or forearm of the other [images show other variations of this posture].

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The coffee cup barrier - even drinks can fudge as a shield. To look open with a drink, simply drop the drink to your side or set it down to leave your body open.

The coffee cup barrier – even drinks can fudge as a shield. To appear open, simply drop the drink to your side or set it down.

[TWO] Holding a drink in one hand with the arm perpendicular to the body (parallel to the table) with or without applying weight to the arm [image shows other variation of this posture].

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The 'figure four leg' lock - note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

Figure four leg lock.

Figure four leg lock.

[THREE] Crossing one leg over the knee of the other and holding the ankle to lock it in.

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A childhood throwback - making us feel held and protected.

A childhood throwback – making us feel held and protected.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.

[FOUR] Full self embrace where the arms are unlocked.

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A partial arm cross.

A partial arm cross.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Incomplete Arm Crossing Or Incomplete Crossed Arms 3

Replicating Mom holding our arm and protecting us.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Incomplete Arm Crossing Or Incomplete Crossed Arms 1

Another version of an arm cross for defense.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Crossing 3

Cutting off ventral access is a closed body position.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[FIVE] The opposite hand reaches over the body to grab the elbow or shoulder of the opposite arm.

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Covert insecurity.

Covert insecurity.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Incomplete Arm Crossing Or Incomplete Crossed Arms 4

It reminds us of Mom keeping us safe.

[SIX] Subtle arm crossing where the hand grabs the wrist of the opposite side.

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The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

[SEVEN] The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

 

 

 

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Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

[EIGHT] Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

 

 

 

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Good things are not on the horizon.

Good things are not on the horizon.

While most closed body language means that a negative attitude is present, context permitting, there exist varying degrees. For example, full arm crossing accompanied by expressionless faces, a tense, rigid, or hostile posture with limbs that appear frozen runs the gambit of rejection. Tentative closed body language where only some blocking is happening will show a semi-relaxed body language, possible boredom, a neutral face and moderate movement of the arms and hands. In the first case, where closed language is extreme, getting any kind of agreement is unlikely. The second set of postures says that there’s a possibility of forming an agreement. So rather than depicting “no”, some closed body language says “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it.”

The head titled at 45 degrees says that there's a chance to close this deal.

The head titled at 45 degrees says that there’s a chance to close this deal.

Opened and closed body language as we have seen is a matter of degree. Language that has no closed body positions says “yes” some closed means “maybe” and a lot means “no.” This is highly useful especially if you wish to sway a target. Men who wish to proposition women can read between the lines. If they see a half arm cross where one arm holds the elbow of the other, then he may still have a shot as she could just be timid. In this case, she is telling you that she is uneasy with your approach but might accept your proposal if you can present a better pitch. Because her mind isn’t completely made up it would be worthwhile to continue. But if she has a hostile expression, with arms tightly folded across her chest, with her head cocked to the side she probably isn’t willing to hear your pitch, so it would be a waste of time to continue. Reading negative body language can help us read employers as we look for pay raise, better deals on a watch or jewelry, getting permission from those in authority and generally gaining access to resources we ordinarily wouldn’t.

Be careful with the pressure you apply. You may be able to get a better deal from a used car salesmen, but when dealing with employees, an employer or a client, it’s probably best to keep body language open and inviting.

Being Opened And Closed Through The Legs And Arms

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Any time a part of the body crosses over the midpoint, we consider this a closed body position.

Any time a part of the body crosses over the midpoint, we consider this a closed body position.

Throughout this chapter being “open”, refers to a frame of mind that is willing to accept information, to hear others out and to consider taking action whereas a closed mind, or being closed indicates the opposite. As mentioned previously, having an open and receptive mind is indicated in body language through the absence of closed postures.

It has been shown that frowning requires more muscles and effort than does smiling and so naturally our default facial expression is the smile. Similarly, openness as it relates to body language is the default mode because a relaxed body requires less effort than one that is tensed or closed. To take a negative posture, we must actively close our bodies off requiring effort and to exercise effort we need motivation. In this case, motivation can come from any fearful or unwanted stimulus that precedes a fight or flight response. That is to say that, closed body language are the postures we while see as a negative decision is being analyzed and so is a predictor of a bad outcome.

Taking up space is a confidence indicator and shows that we are honest and open.

Taking up space is a confidence indicator and shows that we are honest and open.

Being completely open allows us take our most comfortable position, such as what we might do on a couch or in bed in our own house. We might lay our arms out and take up space, put our hands above our heads, spread our legs open or even lay down completely. Having open body postures is akin to being totally exposed to the word and all the harmful things in it, but possessing no fear of harm. Of course, we permit ourselves to hold open postures precisely because we expect nothing harmful to happen. In other words, our bodies are permitted to relax when we are open and contract and tighten when we are closed.

Thus, it takes muscular effort to close the body off whereas open postures occur without action at all. When viewing open body language imagine the extremity of the postures, which as mentioned, can be likened to being on a couch at home. An even more dramatic example is to view open body language as that language exhibited by someone who is intoxicated. Their language is loose, their arms sway freely, they stagger, they have no worries about being ridiculed or attacked and they don’t cross their arms or legs. The cerebral cortex of the drunk, the part of the brain that helps in judgment, amongst other brain centers, is disrupted producing depressed inhibition, increases talkativeness and makes people feel more confident. Alcohol also increases pain thresholds, numbs pain, and makes people feel sluggish because it suppresses the brains ability to function. So for our purpose, the drunk makes a nice example of open body language since he lacks fear, but even if he did, he’d still lack the coordination and strength to carry out a defensive posture.

As a rule of thumb, closed body language happens whenever one of our limbs crosses the mid-point of our bodies. Such is the case during leg and arm crossing. Open postures, on the other hand, happen when the legs and arms remain un-crossed leaving the torso and groin exposed. Of course there are various ways in which the legs and arms can be crossed and these all mean different things which we cover next.

Introduction – Chapter 7

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Open body language creates comfort and welcomes people into our personal space.

Open body language creates comfort and welcomes people into our personal space.

Knowing the difference between open postures and closed postures is very important when trying to determine the thoughts, feelings and disposition of our targets. Open body language has been shown to be linked to openness of the mind where people are more likely to be receptive to outside view and having closed postures has been tied to having a closed mind or being unreceptive to new ideas. As in most cases with body language, there is a strong connection between the gestures we make and our emotions with each providing valuables clues to the other. In fact, it is often very difficult to separate the mind and the body language that leaks from it, even with conscious thought, which is especially true when it comes to primitive emotional language.

Openness can sometimes be confused with simply being relaxed or intense, and to some degree this is true. For example, being open often means that attire is also relaxed, shirt collars are unbuttoned, ties removed, the pants might hang loose and certain articles like jackets might be removed. Full openness, therefore, is not always acceptable. Conversely, we might look at being open as simply a lack of holding closed cues. That is, having open cues is the exact same as not displaying closed cues and is the default position of the two. Being closed requires a certain amount of tensing of muscles and therefore effort so the default of most people is having an open mind. In other words, people are open, unless they say otherwise! It follows that there are far fewer cues to symbolize openness as opposed to closed, since being open is more of a passive state.

Closed body language happens whenever a part of our body crosses the center-line. Arms are shields that protect our torso from harm.

Closed body language happens whenever a part of our body crosses the center-line. Arms are shields that protect our torso from harm.

Closed cues generally occur whenever a limb crosses the center line of the body. When a leg, for example, comes across the center of the body and locks with the opposite leg, or when the arms fully cross over one another, we have a closed posture. There are more subtle cues of closed body postures which will cover in the next pages but crossing the center-line of the body is one of the main themes. Open postures, on the other hand, are postures that maintain the center-line of the body free from obstruction from any limbs or objects.

When closed postures are combined with other closed postures, the signal intended is made more obvious. For example, leg crossing in combination with arm crossing is much more potent than either alone. Add to this an expressionless face, turning away, and one is left to assume that communication is not welcomed at any level. On the other hand, we might be faced with someone who has their legs crossed but the arms are opened and honest. In this case, we might assume that it is a deliberate and conscious attempt to appear relaxed, when in fact the person might not be relaxed at all. It might be the case too, that someone has mixed feelings and is reserved at one level, but open at another level. Reading opened and closed body language is tricky business, but all cues are additive. Cues of the same origin, happening together, serve to strengthen an open or closed reading, but so too does conflicting cues. Conflicting cues tell us that someone has an internal reservation, made obvious through their mixed message.

It is fortunate for those of us who wish to modify our body language, that we have control of our conscious mind, since we then can modify our body language as desired.
Of course, since de-linking of our bodies and minds is difficult, these changes bring about inherent change in our attitudes as well. For example, it’s fairly easy to consciously carry open postures, such as palms up, arms and legs uncrossed, and hold active eye contact, however holding these postures necessarily leeches back into us creating open feelings.

In this chapter we will examine the vast array of open and closed body positions that we can use to come across as more or less open, as we desire. Naturally too, we will be able to identify this same body language in other people and use it to our advantage when reading them.

Laughter Differences Between The Sexes

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Women laugh much more at the antics of men then do men at women. This suggests that men use laughter in courtship and that women use humour to measure a man’s general fitness and suitability as a partner. Certainly, personal classifieds advertisements suggest that this is so, as men list a good sense of humour frequently as quality they possess, whereas women advertise as seeking it. The trait is so pervasive in personal dating advertisements that it even has its own acronym GSOH (good send of humour). Even across culture and age, men are the laugh-getters whereas women as the laugh seekers.

It has also been suggested that humour is a signal of cognitive fitness and women use it to gauge the desirability of men or perhaps as a display of their ability to out-compete other men. Humour is a measure of dominance, a social tool, and women gravitate to the dominant men who possess it. Male stand up comedians show many dominant traits not the least of which is to hold the attention of large groups and have them laugh at his jokes, which itself is seen as a submissive act. For this reason, stand up comedians also show leadership. Comedians such as David Letterman host of the Late Show or comedians such as Joe Rogan or Dane Cook. These men make their living by telling jokes. Their body language and the way they control audiences with their humour are testament to their ability to take control.

Comedians are leaders even when we find them in our daily lives. They routinely stand up to hecklers, they influence our emotions and framework and at the same time make us laugh. When a strong joker comes about, we relinquish our control to them, but when two jokers meet, they’ll be found competing against each other to tell the best joke in an attempt to hog the floor.

Typically men will use humour to joke with and playfully insult other men. Women use humour to build social bonds and connect with each other. Women rarely pull off practical jokes. Men use humour to jockey amongst other men for position in the hierarchy and this jockeying is found most prominent when other women are present. Men unanimously prefer women who laugh at their jokes rather than those who make them laugh especially when choosing sexual partners. In a study that followed one hundred five students, it was found that women chose men who produce humour sixty-two percent of the time whereas men choose women who appreciate their humour sixty-five percent of the time. When female speakers present to a male audience they tended to laugh themselves seven percent more then their male audience, whereas male speakers laugh about seven percent less than their female audience. Neither sex laughs as much with female speakers as they do with male speakers.

No doubt, being a female comedian is one tough nut to crack which is why we see far more male professional comedians than female. Both sexes are in agreement, women want a humour generator and men want a humour appreciator. When it comes to friendship, men will seek out women that are funny, but when it comes to sexual relationships, men tend to fair on the side of women that only laugh at jokes rather than those who produce them. In fact, women that display strong tendencies to make other people laugh appear to be a strong turn-off to men. In a 1990 study by Grammer and Eibl-Eibesfeldt where men and women interacted in a natural conversation, the extent to which woman laughed while in conversation was related to her desire to date the man. These findings show that laughing by women is likely an evolutionary signal of sexual attraction. A note of caution though before men get all carried away and start memorizing knock-knock jokes before heading the pub, is that while men who were more humorous were rated more attractive they were also rated as less intelligent and trustworthy. These results weren’t duplicated though as in other studies as humour was linked to other positive personality traits, one of which includes intelligence. It’s likely though, that humour has a basis in dating and attraction, but that women still appreciate someone that can be serious if need be.

The Origins Of The Smile And The Honest Smile

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The orbicularis muscles contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet - “smiling eyes”. When we see crows feet, we have true happiness.

The orbicularis muscles
contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet – “smiling eyes”. When we see crows feet, we have true happiness.

Smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles which are the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the side of the face to connect to the corners of the mouth, and the orbicularis oculi muscles that pull the eyes back. The orbicularis muscles are particularly important as they are used to cause what’s called “smiling eyes”. Smiling eyes, also called “crow’s feet”, where a classic wrinkling appears in the corner of the eyes is an indication of true happiness. The zygomatic muscles, on the other hand, are consciously controlled and are the ones that normally flex when we smile for the camera. Therefore, the appearance of crow’s feet is a great way of determining genuine enjoyment. Insincere smiles appear as exposed teeth and stretched lips across the face with no wrinkles in the eyes. Crow’s feet however, can be faked with extreme smiles when the full face ends up really squished, but what separates the two is that in the real smile the corner of the eyes will turn downwards and the eyebrows will dip as well. The honest smile has also been called the “Duchenne smile”, after the French researcher Guillaume Duchenne who was first to research smiles using electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to distinguish between real and fake smiles.

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

Symmetry is also important in a real smile. Natural smilers will have more even smiles as both sides of their brain respond to pleasure. Smiles that are not genuine are more pronounced on the left side of the face since they are consciously being controlled. Interestingly uneven shoulder shrugs are also dishonest. Shoulder shrugs indicate when someone doesn’t know something, and if they are being truthful, their shoulders will come up in unison and sharply, however, if just one shoulder comes up and only slightly then they are following their statement with uncertainty. In other words, dishonesty shows through when the body language to support an emotion lacks full symmetry and follow through. Shoulder shrugs is a “gravity defying” body language, meaning it requires energy and commitment, so it should happen emphatically and completely for it to have its full honest value otherwise it is just feigned serving only to appease. When you see weak smiles or shoulders that only partially come up then you know that someone is trying to be misleading about their true thoughts and feelings.

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we're being fed a load (of fake happiness).

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we’re being fed a load (of fake happiness).

Liars also find it difficult to smile, instead preferring a straight face, but when they do smile, it appears forced and especially strained showing their underlying stress. Smiling is a subconsciously submissive gesture and liars often worry about being caught so they feel that smiling might give them away. Therefore instead of appearing natural to the person they are lying to, they instead tense up and try to appear expressionless instead. Smiling can therefore be an effective way to come across as honest, although smiling too big, for too long or at inappropriate times will have the reverse effect.

Regardless, fake smiles are difficult to distinguish from real smiles and only experts and those reading this book will know what to look for! That’s why smiling, even if phony, can be effective in influencing other’s thoughts, emotions and opinions of you so in reality it doesn’t hurt to smile often. If you smile big, and frequently, those around you might just wonder about what sort of pleasant things are happening in your life and want some of those good things to rub off on them!

Eye Contact In Business

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This isn't going well - she looks right through him.

This isn’t going well – she looks right through him.

Eye language is important in business as it can often be more indicative of intent then other body language. It can also significantly improve the chances of a sale at best, and at worst, can simply help convey better meaning and understanding. The most effective use of eye contact is in fleeting glances, which at first might seem counter-intuitive. However, prolonged eye contact can be seen as rude, untrustworthy, threatening or even aggressive. When seen in a client, it can mean that a sale is being resisted, where he or she is “staring” you down trying to find flaws in your sales pitch. Poor eye contact or prolonged periods of looking away can mean the reverse; indifference or outright disinterest. This is why brief glances followed by looking away, or at the material at hand, is most appropriate in a sale, and when done by a client, the best indication that a sales call is being well received.

The way eyes are positioned can give us indications of what a person is thinking. Generally, a person is passively receiving information if they are simply looking straight ahead and when conscientiously processing the information clients will look upward.

Here is a break-down for the complete set of eye movement patterns and what they mean as they relate to business:

1. Eyes focused straight ahead – passive receiving of information
2. Prolonged eye contact – threat and aggression or disinterest in sales pitch
3. Eyes to the right – message is being considered
4. Eyes to the left – person is relating to a past experience.
5. Eyes down – emotional concentration from an emotional thinker.
6. Extended looks away – desire to withdraw or vacate.
7. Eyes at ceiling – conscious analyzing.

By being aware of the manner in which the eyes focus, one can gauge the success or failure of the meeting, so as to either, remedy the pitch in the future or rework the meeting on the fly.

The Room Encompassing Glance

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There's no mystery in these eyes.

There’s no mystery in these eyes.

The room encompassing glance is a sexual signal performed by women interested in being pursued. More specifically, it is done by women who are “checking out” potential suitors and it is done totally unconsciously as is most all other body language. It is very subtle and also very specific. The glance occurs by first casting her eyes around the room for five to ten seconds. If she spots someone she is interested in, she will take a second look. This second glance is not directed at the entire room, but rather in the direction of a specific man. It will be short, and she will rotate her head twenty-five to forty degrees to the side then look away, usually downward, within about three seconds. Women usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this point, the target and the woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about three seconds which is normally broken by the woman. It should be noted also that most men are fairly clueless in reading this signal and usually miss it. If women wish to make it more powerful and obvious they should add a slight smile. The light bulb usually goes off with this more overt signal.

How To Avoid An Attack Or Speeding Ticket

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A backward facing cap with open body language means ticket all day long.

A backward facing cap with open body language means ticket all day long.

If you wish to avoid an attack, quickly avert your eyes, pull your head and chin down and draw your shoulders and body inward to make it appear smaller. Submissive postures, like this one, switches off the aggressive attack response in other people. A large part of what provides motivation for those in power, is the power itself and it has been said that those in positions of power want nothing else but more power. So to avoid an attack all we need to do is give them that power, ideally it is in the form of less physical methods. Taking up a submissive posture and admitting guilt is usually enough of a payoff to avoid a speeding ticket at best, or at worst, lessening the amount of punishment that will be received. If asked to step out of the vehicle, keep slouched so as to never reach your full height and don’t completely avoid eye contact, but don’t stare either. Keep reserved, hold your arms and hands across your mid section or in your pockets, but never cross your arms in effort to confront.

A submissive child-like posture leads to protective feelings in others.

A submissive child-like posture leads to protective feelings in others.

Only rarely does a direct confrontation between subordinate and superior individuals lead to a positive outcome for the subordinate since the aim of each must align and only rarely does this happen. Your goal is therefore to produce a situation where the dominant person receives an equal or better outcome, or a weak payout (such as making them feel guilty for giving a nice person a ticket). Affirming ones position against another only leads them to affirm their position further. This completes a never ending cycle that can escalate in short order. By admitting that you are wrong it forces people to mirror this stance causing them to drop their aggression.

If you don’t plan on fighting the ticket in court your best course of action is to vehemently admit your mistakes, and do it repeatedly for effect. The side of the road is not the place to start an argument, that’s what the courts are for, so save it for then. Right now your job is to make the officer feel bad for giving a nice person a ticket so what you want to do is act as if you are an honest, well respected member of the community. Even if you do plan to fight it, you still want to be forgotten so the officer doesn’t go back to his cruiser to jot down notes and begin to mount his court case. If he can’t remember you in court he won’t be able to defend his ticket.

When asked for information, provide it quickly and without hesitation. Avoid “humming” and “haaing” and be as helpful and short as possible, he’s heard all the excuses already so don’t bother getting emotional. The worst you can do is to appear as a threat to his safety by being shifty and moving erratically. When asked for your driver’s license and registration be sure to tell him where they are located and in what order you will give them to him. When reaching in an enclosed compartment like the glove box be sure not to hold eye contact since most attackers look directly into their victims eyes before they assault them. Statistics say that officers are very likely to be assaulted or even killed while on routine traffic stops.

Once you’ve given all the correct body language signals watch for the moment where the officer finally judges that you aren’t a threat. The officer’s body language will become more relaxed and loose and you can begin to address them in a less rigid and formal manner. Cracking jokes is risky, at this point though, since you may put them back into an authoritative position by appearing to belittling the situation. If they seem bent on issuing a ticket though, you may have nothing to lose and easing up might have them lower the fine even at the last moment. If you are persuasive enough and can efficiently built rapport, you may be able to walk the thin line between presenting your case which can be taken as an insult and setting off his dominance triggers.

You wouldn't mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

There are other times altogether when showing submission just won’t work to avoid attack. Walking in the city at night is one of them especially for women. Postures such as slumped shoulders, drooping head and a worried face are the postures attackers use to identify easy victims. While placating some attackers might sometimes be appropriate, it won’t work in every situation since every attacker has different motives and while submission postures will help reduce punishment from someone with morals and ethics, it will do nothing to reduce an attack from a criminal who is interested in your pocket money, looking for someone to abduct, or worse. The same has been said for bear attacks. It just so happens that bears, just like people, have different motives depending on their disposition, mood, hunger, sex. Female bears are particularly aggressive when their cubs are present. Therefore, your natural inclination should always be to hold dominant postures first, to fight and run if possible, and only show submission to people whose punishment you are willing to accept. The last thing you want to do is appear as though you’d be easily taken advantage of especially when faced by a stranger. So the default street posture is to keep your head up, shoulders back and a loose body. If someone is going to attack a confident looking person, they’d most likely attack you regardless of your posture, so taking on a confident posture is always the most appropriate in questionable circumstances.

Introduction – Chapter 5

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Lovers gazing adoringly.

Lovers gazing adoringly.

The language of the eye has been shown by researchers to be more reliable than other body language because the movements the eyes make are involuntary and fleeting. This makes it hard for people to pay as much attention to them as, say the arms, hands or the legs. Eyes straight ahead while considering an answer, as we will see means that a prospect is passively considering information, the eyes down means that someone is concentrating or evaluating and the eyes upward means that an idea is being analyzed. Conversely, eyes looking off into space indicates a loss of interest, and eye contact avoidance indicates submission or fear. We can also tell a lot about what a person is thinking just by how the eyes move and then relating it back to context as we shall cover later.

In the seventies, Michael Argyle found that about sixty percent of conversation involved some form of gazing. He found that only thirty percent involved mutual gazing where the eyes met and held eye contact directly and that people look twice as often (seventy-five percent) while listening, versus just forty percent while speaking. The average gaze length was recorded to be about three seconds long whereas mutual gaze lasted just over one second before being broken. Eye contact has been found to be related to both cultural and personality differences. For example, Japanese and South Americans use far less eye contact as it is thought to be aggressive and disrespectful and introverted people make less eye contact then someone who is extroverted. It has also been shown through research that eye gaze is an indication of patterns in speech. People will tend to look away as they begin to speak, presumably to avoid distraction, and will then return their gaze as they near completion of their thought.

Eye contact is also a great way to measure like-mindedness. The more agreement is formed between individuals, the more eye contact is present. Even under research conditions where strangers were forced to hold eye contact for extended periods of time, they reported a greater sense of liking. We also tend to distrust others who make poor eye contact with us because subconsciously we think they are trying to hide something. The following chapter deals with the complete language of the eyes including its hidden meaning.