Chapter 11 – Emotional Body Language

Compressed Lips, Down-turned Smile And Lip Pursing

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator.

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator.

Compressing the lips to make them disappear is a universal trait done to signify stress. The subconscious mind is essentially telling the body to close down and not let anything in. Babies do this when we try to feed them yucky vegetables and when adults do it it’s because they want to shut out the outside world. Tight compressed lips happen honestly and immediately so reflect true stress sentiments revealing a troubled mind. When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator. In 2008 at Eliot Spitzer’s news conference where he discussed the matters of his involvement in a prostitution scandal he was photographed quite obviously with a down turned mouth. The down-turned smile can show unhappiness, anger, tension and depression when held for any permanent length of time. However, Mr. Spitzer only briefly flashes this expression indicating the high level of stress he was experiencing as he made his comments.

Lip pursing is done to indicate thought processing. It usually happens when someone is trying to come up with an alternative idea. Catching this cue is highly useful during a proposal, such as reviewing a contract, or a sales document, since it tells us that someone is at least considering our offer, but that they might not be in total agreement. This can be useful while reading the document aloud because lip pursing will happen in real time as judgment arises. Other adjoining cues will tell you whether or not someone is prepared to accept or reject the offer and tell you how best to carry on. Other times, lip pursing is done to show outright disagreement. Usually the eyebrows will frown in unison with pursed lips. Lip pursing is a very reliable indicator of different thought processing, and it would be foolish to ignore it. The reverse to lip pursing-judgment is full-lips which indicates contentment. Watch the lips for these quick flashes will tell you a lot about what is going on inside someone’s head. In review, compressed lips show stress, u-shaped mouth shows high stress, pursing shows that a person is considering an alternative or when accompanied by frowning or additional negative cues, disagreement.

Suckling And Mouthing Body Language

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest - as if we have something to hide.

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.

The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears, neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while "babying" a thought.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.

While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon, and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense that it more developed.

Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of the mouth as they speak.

Lip play.

Lip play.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Sucking on a pen

Sucking on a pen

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Interlacing Fingers and Palm Finger Stroking

Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.

Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.

When the fingers massage the palm or the fingers are interlaced together then gently rub up and down as the fingers stroke the inside of the other indicate a person who is in doubt, has low confidence, or is experiencing stress. As tension escalates the gesture will move from palm stroking into more rigorous interlaced finger stroking making the two a progression of intensity. Thus while palm stroking is due to mild doubt or slight confidence issues, interlaced fingers that rub up and down is to do a higher level of anxiety.

Both gestures are excellent examples of pacifying behaviours meant to sooth underlying emotional discomfort. As conversations intensify watch for increases in soothing body language revealing the underlying anxiety.

Eyebrow Lowering

Eyebrows lowered is a sign of pain - here we see grief.

Eyebrows lowered is a sign of pain – here we see grief.

Eyebrows can squint just like eyes can and have many different meanings. Eyebrows can be lowered to indicate confrontation due to anger or aggression, fear from threats, when we feel displeasure or are annoyed. If eyebrows are dropped low enough and kept there it indicates weakness and insecurity. This is true universally and so can even appear in children especially those who are abused. Lowered eyebrows is submissive, cowering, facial expression.

Inmate report seeking the gesture when new prisoners arrive as clues to which will make easy targets. Lowered eyebrows is a sign of being defeated and weak and shows that one is unlikely to put up a fight. Bullies at school will also look for the expression to single out children as prey and so will social predators and psychopaths. Victims are rarely chosen at random and I’ve witnessed the body language myself from a woman who reported suffering abuse as a child and several times as an adult. She carried herself in vulnerable ways and stood out for this reason so she likely attracted attention as an easy target. In business, eyebrow lowering can indicate the relative strength of a position and in negotiation show that someone is willing to surrender with little fight.

Poor Self Image And The Body Language That Tells

Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.

Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.

“Auto contact” is a term used to describe any gesture such as stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, which is meant to sooth the body and create comfort. These gestures are also used to eliminate internal tensions and provide reassurance. It is believed that these mannerisms stem from childhood sources when our parents would comfort us with touch. Social touching has been shown to increase oxytocin which is a natural chemical messenger released by the brain. Oxytocin also helps in reducing anxiety, and creates feelings of contentment, calmness and creates trust. Studies reveal that oxytocin plays a big role in orgasm since it helps control fear and anxiety. In fact, when negative emotions aren’t controlled, orgasm is impossible. Self touching serves to fight the underlying stress associated with the negative stimulus so as to recreate the feelings of having someone sooth you. This reminds people of more pleasurable situations. In short, it takes the mind to a better place. Grooming and self touching, stem wholly from arousal but this arousal can be due to a variety of reasons. It might stem from anxiety, anger, stress or uncertainty. It will be your job to decide which is the main cause, and part of this means that you need to take context in mind.

Interestingly manipulations, in this way, provide others will ‘tells’ that indicate which parts of our bodies we don’t like. For example, a man who is self conscious about his hair loss will frequently brush or stroke his head in a failed effort to hide the bareness, especially so when under stress He might also run his hand backwards over his head or smooth it or pat it. A woman with a large nose will motion or touch it whenever she feels insecure. Thus, not only do these ‘tells’ indicate that someone is stressed, but they tell us what parts of their bodies they find most troublesome. In a chain reaction, the stress produces an underlying emotion that then creates a behaviour – a gesture, that serves to fight the stress. This behaviour then in turn reveals an underlying self conscious attitude toward a part of our bodies. The method used to “attack” the ‘tell’ will give you additional clues to the intent. For example, a child who is angry will pick and pull at a scar whereas one that is embarrassed will tend to cover it from sight or brush it.

Touching or stroking the body helps relieve stress by releasing the hormone oxytocin.

Touching or stroking the body helps relieve stress by releasing the hormone oxytocin.

Small children, especially boys will sometimes grab at their genitals when stressed. Being unacceptable for adults, it can be replaced with a tight leg cross where the genitals are squeezed. Women have been known to do the same thing, even bouncing a leg up and down and squeeze their upper thighs tightly together which can even result in orgasm. Not every leg bounce with tight leg crossing produces orgasm though, yet this form of soothing still produces comfort, and quite likely a dose of oxytocin to boot! Women may also lightly brush the lower parts of their breasts as they crossing their arms, which is also in effort to self sooth. With careful observation (be careful here) the breast will seem to slightly lift as the second arm crosses over the first, locking it in place. This is one of the postures that becomes much more obvious after being recognized once. Resting the head on a hand or rubbing the back of the neck, wringing the hands or rubbing the legs are all substitutes to more overt self-stimulation. Men might resort to rubbing their temples and women might employ hair touches and grooming or stroking the sides of their arms. No matter how self touching unveils itself, it can show hidden insecurities, so can provide useful information about someone especially when taken in proper context.

Nervous Hands

Nervous hands clasp to steady.

Nervous hands clasp to steady.

A telltale clue to nervousness is when the hands begin to shake. Since the hands are designed for fine motor control, they are easily affected by a surge of adrenaline stimulated from stress from nervousness or excitement. Any stimulus, good or bad, can stimulating the muscles in the hands to fire out of control creating quivering. The limbic mind driven by fight or flight response is what causes hand shaking which makes the nonverbal cue particularly honest and predictive.

As mentioned even positive events can create shaking, such as an excellent hand in poker or seeing someone we have a deep crush on. Hands more often than not however, will quiver when bad things happen that send us into a fear response such as preparing to take the stage to present in front of an audience, being in a serious car crash or swerving to avoid one at the last minute. When in any sort of confrontation, we can also experience hand shaking. To decide what sort of stimulus, be it fear or excitement that it causing the quivering one doesn’t have to go much further than context. From there, it should be obvious why someone is shaking.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.

To disguise handshaking, some people will grasp at objects such as drinking glasses, will clasp their hands together or occupy them with “busy work.” Other times people will steady their uneasy hands by grabbing the hand of a relative, cupped them hand-in-hand at the chest, or thrust them underneath the armpits or in pockets. People who suffer from pronounced handshaking will develop elaborate ritualized gestures to keep their hands from being noticed. They will play with the arms of eye glasses, twirl pencils, or fidget with clothing. To others it will go unnoticed because they will appear as a normal part of their repertoire – their baseline.

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Teenage girls meeting a celebrity pop singer are often seen fidgeting with their hands as they defy gravity by bouncing up and down. Their hands will often be flung sky-high and they clasp together in excitement. This is nervous energy personified and the hands show the limbic system in overdrive. Watch for this “tell” in a poker game as hands might come together underneath the table to steady each other. Hand shaking in poker, however, can be due to either fear of getting caught bluffing or the excitement good hand. In this case, it is a person’s baseline that helps predict which of the two is really happening. Hand quivering is important only when it deviates from a person’s normal repertoire of actions. For example, if hand quivering suddenly starts up or stops when discussing a particular event, we know that event is the root. It will then be our job to decide why the event caused nervousness or excitement. The same goes for any other cue, be it a new person added to a social gathering, nearing the edge of a cliff (fear of heights), being asked a question that is difficult to answer and so forth.

Clenching And Gripping

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort.  The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.  A smile, in this case, indicates stress, not happiness.

Clenching and gripping are signals of frustration and restraint. They are very different then the relaxed palm in palm gesture discussed in a previous chapter. A classic gripping posture happens when the hand opposite reaches behind the back and grabs the wrist of the opposite arm. We know it shows frustration because it serves to relieve tension through gripping, an energy displacement mechanism, and serves to show restraint because the hand is gripping the arm in effort to prevent them from striking out against another person.

Gripping, especially intensely, helps us feel more relaxed because the pain releases pleasure hormones and adrenaline. The same could be achieved through more constructive mechanisms like running, exercise, or constructing something useful, but like all forms of body language, the solutions come from an archaic part of the brain through evolution (or accident), so we are not interested in doing constructive work at a time when our minds are dealing with stress. In other words, we just want a quick, immediate fix for the anxiety, and wringing the hands helps sooth and pacifies us without having to leave the area. Most minds deal poorly with stress and can’t function normally without dealing with the source, so the last thing we want to do is leave the area in which the problem has arisen without a solution. Wringing the hands is a gesture that is seen in people the world over. At times the fingers may become interlaced appearing as if in prayer, which might even be the case. Pressure can be so great that the fingers can even blanch as blood flow is impeded.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves.  It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety.  People who resort to 'cutting' also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Pacing is a classic full-blown signal of anxiety, and falls into the same energy displacement category because it gives us something to do and burns extra calories in a trickle to make us feel more relaxed. Clenching and gripping are ways of signaling that a negative thought or emotion is being held back. A more intense hand gripping posture happens when the arm grips higher up near the elbow or upper arm. The higher the grip, the more frustration is present and the more self control is expressing. Clenching and gripping postures occur anytime stress and anger is present, such as waiting to see a doctor or dentist, awaiting bad news, or during conflict.

Another form of clenching that shows emotional restraint happens with the hands in a raised position instead of being hidden behind the back. This form of clenching appears as if the hands are being rung out by each other, as we would a wet article of clothing. Smiling does not negate the gesture either, and even alludes to a greater than normal tension. Smiles when accompanied by wringing, are called “stress smiles” or grimacing. The hands can be held in front of the face, resting on the desk or lap or when standing, in front of the crotch, but once again, the higher the clenching appears the more prevalent and obvious is the tension.

Hand wringing allows us to 'control' our pain and discomfort - it gives us an outlet.

Hand wringing allows us to ‘control’ our pain and discomfort – it gives us an outlet.

The hands and feet are key places to verify anxiety and will be the usual suspects in betraying emotions. They move easily and freely from the rest of the body and can be used to burn energy and release stress anxiety without requiring the body to move large distances. Because they can be moved independent of the body, they also tend to leak information more readily. Therefore, to read anxiety carefully watch for tapping toes or fingers, or feet that move frequently or never seem to find a comfortable position as well as any other repetitive behaviours. Foot movements will show more restraint than hand movements especially if someone is trying to hide their fears from others.

Jaw clenching.

Jaw clenching.

Clenching and gripping can have many other forms as well, including clenching the jaws tight or even talking through the teeth, cracking knuckles, pulling the hair or even plucking it, pinching one’s self, and clenching the fists by turning them into a ball. In my observations of other people, I have noticed some peculiar emotional behaviour that includes the grotesque such as squeezing pimples to plucking nose hairs to more damaging and extreme behaviours such as hitting the head and scratching called “self harm” but can include any other painful and repetitive behaviours serving to sooth emotional stress.

The more astute will notice tension from something so minor that most won’t even notice, and the carrier of which, will have no conscious awareness. That is, sitting in an awkward position, or rather, sitting in a less than fully relaxed position. This cue tells us that they won’t and can’t permit themselves to take on a more relaxed position because they should be doing something else more pressing or useful. Perhaps watching television isn’t of highest priority when one weighs the importance of a report or an essay for school, that the house needs tending to, or family time has been ignored. Notice a fully relaxed position for a person over time, and then note when they aren’t holding it, then you’ll know something isn’t right in their minds! Identify the pattern, call them out on it, and then look like a genious!

Freeze, Flight or Fight

Even the fear facial expression is a classic "freeze" response.  It's as if the face has been caught in a flash of emotion.

Even the fear facial expression is a classic “freeze” response. It’s as if the face has been caught in a flash of emotion.

The fight or flight response is a bit a misnomer. It’s not actually how humans or other animals respond to stress and danger. Lazy by nature and especially cautious of injury, recall we didn’t have doctors and hospitals thousands of years ago and even today most animals receive no secondary care from veterinarians, we have evolved the proclivity to handle situations in more appropriate ways. Most animals, humans included, will naturally sequence freeze, flight and flight in that order. Freezing is important to assess the situation, for how does one know what they are running from, and in what direction, if they don’t first identify the object of their fear.

White-tailed deer will first begin by winding predators, and if they sense that it is close, may seemingly flee instantly, but usually they will freeze in place to first identify the type of predator, human or other, its location, and its proximity. They do this by tilting their heads back and passing deep breaths into their lungs through their noses and over a specialized fluid filled structure called the vomeronasal organ. For deer, it is their sense of smell that is their primary means of safety. Since their eyes are much less acute than their noses, they rely on catching movement from predators especially when they are being stalks from downwind when scenting isn’t an option. When movement is caught, deer will try to “flush” the danger by stomping a foot rhythmically before fleeing. The foot stomp is a deer’s way of nonverbally signaling to a predator that they have been made, that the “jig is up”, so to speak, and that it’s time to identify themselves. The deer knows that a predator is in the vicinity though sight, smell and sound, or possibly just has a hunch that something is amiss, and instead of fleeing outright wants to be totally certain before “hightailing it!” To a deer, or human, running at all potential danger is wasteful and time consuming and not always appropriate. By the way, the deer put his white tail up (the underside of a deer’s tail is white, hence the original of its name), and will snort-wheeze which is done by forcefully exhaling pressurized air through their mouth, to signal to predators that pursuit is futile. Because animals have no verbal language, they communicate using nonverbal signals, and in this case, it happens even across species.

When humans are presented with fearful situations, they also tend to freeze. Like in animals, movement attracts attention and so to become a less obvious target to attack, the body becomes motionless. Survivors of the Columbine shooting in 1999 played dead so as to be overlooked by the shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold despite being in plain view. Some of the survivors were just a few steps away from the shooters. Freezing is an evolutionary strategy that reduces the chances that predator will identify them and switches off their attack response. In everyday life we see the freeze response when people are caught in the act of theft, when caught lying, or when hiding something. Is it an accident that police officers yell “Stop right, there” or “Freeze scumbag” when they’ve got a suspect in their sights? Screaming this might even yield a momentary freeze response if done loud enough. That is until the suspects get a chance to see who is it that uttered the command, and in which direction they should run. Shoplifters have been identified by overhead surveillance, among other body language, by the way they seem to reduce their profile, hunch over and reduce their arm movements. This is the art of “hiding in plain view” and is no different from what anyone else does when they want to get by unnoticed. I know my son is up to no good when things go particularly quiet in the house. More often then not I’m right!

People will habitually freeze when they are scolded, children and adults alike, and sometimes reduce their breath rate especially under intense scrutiny. Stress can therefore cause shallow breathing, which is why we remind people through meditation to take deep breaths to dissipate tension. You may notice someone holding their breath or even pushing breath through their mouths, we call these sighs, and it indicates stress and hidden tension. Sometimes the cheeks are puffed out where air is slowly exhaled and other times sign are riddled throughout conversation or while busy doing other tasks. If you notice someone consistently doing this you know it’s their way of “Blowing off steam.” Be watchful of the freeze response because in context can tell you that someone is stressed and is trying to go under the radar. Be particularly conscious of freezing that happens suddenly by the presence of others as it will tell you who is the object of fear. Children that suddenly freeze when a relative comes near, is telling you that they feel uncomfortable around them, and this should worry you. A wife that clams up when her husband is around, but is otherwise bubbly and personable, might be saying that she fears his reprimand because she has upset him, or might even fear upsetting him by making a social blunder. When it comes to fear-freezing, it is the sudden change from fluid to freeze that tells us what has caused it.

Displacement Behaviours Protect Us In Public

Stroking an object or object caress (context specific) can be a way to sooth a person when in public.  In a courtship setting, an object caress spells interest.

Stroking an object or “object caress” (context specific) can be a way to sooth a person when in public. In a courtship setting, an object caress spells interest.

Immediately upon leaving our homes, the place where we feel most comfortable, we begin to exhibit what is called “displacement behaviour”. Displacement behaviour is a coping mechanism that helps protect us emotionally from the outside world. The citizens of New York and other busy cities make for classic examples as they work their way through the city streets expressionless. The rest of the world sees these people as rude, despondent, miserable or unhappy but in actual fact it is completely normal and even constructive. Our public body language shifts subtly the moment we leave the door. Our faces show less emotion, it becomes more ‘pan faced’ as we if hiding our thoughts and inner feelings from others. City slickers immediately identify country folk. They make eye contact with strangers more often, and might even issue smiles, and nods at others, that is if they aren’t completely overtaken by fear and distraction. Making contact with others is normal for country folk. They come from an area where they know most of the inhabitants and therefore don’t fear public social interactions. Displacement behaviour is a stone-age protective mechanism. In our evolutionary past, had we encountered a group of strangers or a “city” of strangers, it would be in our best interest to internalize our fears and emotions so as not to betray our position. Our position is naturally fearful due in large part to being vastly outnumbered by what could be a potentially violent clan. We also wouldn’t want others to know that we carried valuable trade items, or were weak or scared. Therefore, our faces show a default position; no emotion.

Burying yourself in a book or listening to music through headphones are two great ways to retreat from the public eye so as to go unnoticed.

Burying yourself in a book or listening to music through headphones are two great ways to retreat from the public eye so as to go unnoticed.

Displacement behaviours also show that we aren’t interested in interacting with others. You can test this for yourself by approaching people on the street looking for directions, for example. When you approach them it will take a second for them to snap out of their trance, if at all, before they notice that you are talking to them. They might even ask you to repeat what you have said because their mind had been “switched off”. Sometimes they even refuse to snap out of the trance at all and simply shake their head in a “no” type fashion from side to side, before continuing. We know people are in this type of trance because their body language become more self-focused. We pull our arms and legs inward, our face will become defocused, seemingly looking through people, and our body motions will become more minimal so as to avoid drawing attention to us. We may even become completely immobile and take on protective postures.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Another version of displacement behaviour happens when our minds are preoccupied with an emotion. When our home life begins to bother us when at work, our faces become emotionless as our minds drift to this more immanent problem. Our bodies display this detachment in various ways. For example, we begin to remove imaginary lint, play with a watch or pen, look away or become distracted, repetitive tapping of the fingers or foot, avoiding eye contact, rubbing the hands together, pinching an eyelid, smoothing clothing, rotating a wedding ring, nail-biting, or sucking a finger or pen. These all indicate a hidden thought linked to anxiety. The word displacement, in this fashion indicates that one is trying to avoid the task or issue at hand, and is instead, busy themselves with an activity that is much less taxing. Another form of displacement behaviours include sitting slumped over, with a glazed look endlessly staring at the floor or a spot on the wall.

Sometimes displacement behaviours are used to avoid conflict with others and those taking part would rather not be in the situation. To avoid conflict, they appear busy and preoccupied by doing other things. Displacement behaviours can also include gum chewing or nail biting, grooming, tapping, head scratching or playing with jewelry. It includes any behaviour that is out of place and serves the purpose of removing one’s self from the situation or topic at hand. We all understand when someone tries to “change the subject”, this is the same thing, only it is accomplished silently.

Introduction – Chapter 11

A universal facial expression - Anger.

A universal facial expression – Anger.

Emotional body language is a charged topic because it essentially defines people. When we talk about emotions we talk about what motivates people which includes but is certainly not limited to fear, anger, sadness, timidity or shyness, disgust, and happiness. Emotional nonverbal communication is present everyday, and in many forms, and can reduce conflict before it starts, or identify weaknesses that can be soothed or taken advantage of, depending on the particular desires of the body language reader. Before dispelling outright the desire to exploit, remind yourself that in most cases, there exists some degree of competition or cooperation in all of life, which is frequently only differentiated by matters of degree, type and more importantly, outcome. Thus, if one wishes to formulate mutual agreements through cooperation, or feels compelled to assist those who are at a disadvantage, they should welcome and read the body language just the same. In other words, read emotions to discover underlying insecurities or happiness in other people and do with it as you please, but also be aware of your own signals since it will give ammunition to others that can be used against you. Sometimes these cues end up in the less that charitable people around you such as predators. This makes knowing the cues important in displaying victim type body language to avoid appearing like an easy target, and not just to criminals, but to salesman, potentially abusive spouses, and children looking to take advantage of our goodwill.

In this chapter we will cover many topics including displacement behaviour which includes any nonverbal signal meant to quell anxiety due to encroachment on personal space. As we learned previously, personal space and territories play an important function in our lives, however, these zones are frequently breeched when in busy city streets and other public areas. We also cover how the fight or flight mechanism plays into body language and how the catch phrase is a misnomer because animals and people don’t usually respond in that way, at least not in that order. Clenching and gripping body language is also covered. We’ll see how the aforementioned is an important subset of body language since it reveals inner tension and how, and perhaps more importantly, why, nervous hands shake and what it all means to poker players. We will even discover what sort of body language indicates that a person has a poor self image, the role eyebrows play with respect to the emotions they convey, what interlaced fingers that rub together and palm finger stroking mean, and how suckling and mouthing turns us back into babies. Next we cover why compressed lips and lip pursing aren’t the same, nor do they mean that someone wants to kiss. In fact, coupled with the down-turned smile they all mean negative thoughts are being passed around in the mind.

This chapter also covers a smorgasbord of other emotionally charged cues such as how tongues show concentration and cheekiness, the sneering of the nose, what ear grabbing means and hostile body language in brief, since it was extensively covered previously, and how rejection takes place in sequence so we can run when we see it, or emit it when we wish to repeal the boring! If rejecting is too pessimistic for you, what follows is how relaxation is made evident through body language. Neck and nose body language is hit on next which become particularly sensitive under pressure and tends to require frequent touching or covering so as to produce feelings of comfort through protection. Blocking is also dealt with which can happen through various forms, such as the body or eyes, but each have roots in the fight or flight response. We hit on the colour of emotion including blushing and blanching, as well as gravity defying body language found when people experience joyful exuberance. The six main facial expressions which are happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and disgust are cataloged and described leading into whether or not emotions can easily be faked. We also learn in this chapter that people will take “emotional downtime” frequently throughout the day, laypeople call this “daydreaming.” Cocooning and turtling body positions are described which both point to insecurity and timidity as roots. We’ll also cover how we can tell if people are related or having intimate relations based on how they hug and conclude with the remaining emotional body language.