Tag Archive for Variation

The Leg Twine And Leg Crossing

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

The leg twine is one of the most appealing sitting positions for women. The posture is done by tightly wrapping one around the other. The result makes the legs appear extremely toned. To produce a sexual cluster that intensifies signals of interest, a woman can place one hand on her thigh, stroke it, and engage in eye contact, and even bat her eyes at her object of affection.

Crossing and uncrossing the legs in the presence of men, especially if done slowly also shows interest, as it exposes the inner thigh which is a very intimate part of the female body. Leaving the legs uncrossed altogether, while sitting or standing, or massaging them so as to draw attention to them, can ramp up a sexual invitation even further. Another leg crossing variation happens when the leg is tucked under the body and sat on with the knee pointing toward her interest. This also leaves the inside of the thigh exposed and is particularly alluring when wearing a skirt, especially a short one!

Legs are often crossed toward a person of interest although this isn’t a hard fast rule. For example, most people have a leg cross preference, and so only find sitting one way or the other to be comfortable. The theory behind leg crossing toward the person we are connecting with stems from the symbolism of the leg as a barrier preventing outside people from entering. Orienting the body and shoulders toward someone has the same effect. However, leaning in with a leg cross to shrink the distance can deliver a much stronger and more reliable message. It is the proximity that produces the real information, rather than the actual leg cross direction. Having the legs spread while sitting or standing isn’t always a positive cue of interest, though sometimes it is, but it always tell us something about the sender.

For the sake of being complete, at the risk of sounding obvious, open legs tells us that a woman is either easy, trying to look that way, or doesn’t realize she’s be improper so is careless about her sitting postures. In other words, legs wide open says she’s a bit sloppy, regardless of her true intention. Woman should always hold good leg crossing postures especially in public and even when trying to attract the attention of men. In most cases, appearing easy or sloppy is not to their benefit, at least to most. With the recent lax in proper manners, I suspect appearing sloppy, or “casual” to use a more political term, is the likely culprit, but legs open can still be tested for easiness by men keen on scoring an easy women. While this all might sound crass, remember that these are the types of signals being sent when women comport themselves in these ways, so it is up to them to change their body postures, as changing the nature of subconscious perceptions is impossible. Those that aren’t reading material on body language, which is a healthy majority, will merely go on instinct, and this instinct will have “easy” written all over it.

Above: The legs speak and they often cross toward their interest. By re-orienting, as she has done, this is an overt signal that Julie is interested and “plugging” into the conversation with Mark. This is a strong indicator of interest. Much more is covered in the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

Cues To Indicate Defense

She protects her mid-section with a fig leaf posture.

She protects her mid-section with a fig leaf posture.

When children get scolded by parents they adopt very specific postures. They will bow their head, avoid eye contact by looking up or to the side, and will hunch over making their bodies seem even smaller. Reducing body size is a mechanism that turns off the aggression emotion in the mind of a potential aggressor. As adults, we will adopt similar postures in addition to covering those areas we feel are most likely to be attacked or are the most vulnerable. Our heads will come back and away if aggression is strong, effectively putting distance between us and our attacker. We may also drop our chins to protect us from a blow that might knock us out cold.

Fear or uncertainty which roughly falls into a defensive strategy was covered previously and happens by crossing one ankle around the other. A variation on this is a clenched fist or tightly gripping the arms of a chair which can indicate aggression and restraint. If we feel that an attack is imminent our bodies may become tense or “wired” in effort to become ready to withstand an attack, or mount a counter attack if necessary. We may also collapse downward to cover our throats if we think a swing is nearing and when an attack commences, we cover our face and cower. If we think we can win or when escape is impossible, we draw our fists up and usually swing randomly. Our knees will also come together to protect our groin and our arms brought inward to the center of our body to protect other vital areas. The eyes might also be flicked from side to side in effort to locate possible escape routes.

The Stiff Or Curved Arm

The stiff arm is an obvious signal that approach is unwelcome as it forms a solid barrier around our personal space zone.

The stiff arm is an obvious signal that approach is unwelcome as it forms a solid barrier around our personal space zone.

A more obvious defensive posture is the stiff arm which happens by thrusting the arm forward and away from the body with the palm face vertical in a “stop” type signal. Another defensive posture is the curved arm, a variation of the stiff arm, where the arm is bent and locked at the elbow and thrust outward facing down or horizontally. As a cluster, the stiff arm and curved arm is accompanied by a step backwards to reclaim stolen space, which is the true intention of the stiff arm. Both postures are called “arm-distancing” tactics because the arms are used to control space. When we say “Keeping people at arms length” this is the body language we refer to. The curved arm also creates a closed body position since the arm crosses over the middle of the body. At times, the arm fails to come up any higher than a few inches, or the hand might flip upwards slightly while being held at waist level, however, the message is the same. As the intensity of the approach increases, the hand and arm will rise even further and a person will shift their weight backwards.

Football running backs use the stiff and curved arm to provide a space buffer in order to fend off tackles by keeping the arms of defenders away from their bodies. The space created next to the body, to the inside of the elbow in the curved arm, is reserved so that no one can enter. The curved and stiff arm both serve to deflect a possible attack away from the body or when navigating crowded areas such as airports, amusement parks or nightclubs. Women can also be found doing this too, especially when men get too close for comfort. The signal is a strong indicator that personal space is being violated and the carrier of the message does not want someone to come even an inch closer. Men in dating situations should be particularly aware of this body language and treat it appropriately, back up, and give some space.

Other times, the stiff or curved arm is used to thwart closeness that is not necessarily due to physical threat. Sometimes we keep our arms out just to keep people we don’t like from getting too close. The arms can also indicate how much someone likes or dislikes someone by their proximity to other people. When someone is particularly turned off by someone else they will keep their arms away from them in-so-much as their bodies can maintain enough personal space and don’t need to be thrown in harms way, so to speak, to serve as stiff arms.

The Most Common Types Of Smiles

The following is a comprehensive list, with accompanying description, outlining the various smiles you might encounter.

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The tight lipped smile with low intensity.

The tight lipped smile with low intensity.

ONE. The tight lipped smile with low intensity. This smile happens as the lips are stretched across the face and no teeth are showing. The tight lipped smile can vary with intensity as well, and it is directly related to the amount the lips are raise in the corners of the mouth. The low intensity smile has very little upward curl in the corner of the mouth and indicates a hidden attitude or thought, uncertainty, hesitation or lack of confidence. In this smile the lips are stretched toward the ears with no curl using muscles called the risorius. The risorius muscles are unable to raise the corner of the lips. Small babies have been shown to use this smile for all others except their mothers whom they reserve the use of the true smile. This smile is used to placate others or to pose for photographs when we aren’t in the mood. Strangers passing on the street might also use this shallow smile as a form of greeting or acknowledgement. The smile is a feigned or dishonest smile so that others don’t catch on that we actually don’t like them. It might also appear out of nervousness or stressed, so it can appear when meeting new people. For this reason we can call the tight lipped smile the “polite smile.” When the tight lipped smile with low intensity happens in conversation in can serve to negate the previous statement. For example, a man might say about his boss “He’s a great boss, I’d switch companies and follow him anywhere if he left.” and this might be followed by a tight lipped smile serving to negate the comment.

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TWO. Tight lipped smile with high intensity. This is a variation on the smile above, yet the corners of the lips rise even further with some teeth showing. The lips are slightly separated, the corners of the mouth are upturned, gaze is steady and warm and the posture is relaxed. We find this smile appearing when meeting new acquaintances, so it’s not a full honest smile, but does show openness to others. The tight lipped smile with high intensity is more appropriate for acquaintances because a full smile is reserved for our friends and family and would only come off as insincere with new company. A full smile around new people would lead them to think “What’s that guy’s problem, he’s grinning like we were the best of friends, yet we just met.”

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The uneven smile.  This one is a fake!

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

THREE. The uneven smile. We might see this smile associated with tongue-in-cheek humour or sarcasm. The smile happens when only one side of the face sports a smile and the other side does not. The opposite side may even be down turned or frowning. The uneven smile depicts a frame of mind in which opposite emotions are present. The uneven smile would accompany cheeky humour amongst friends and would crack to show others that sarcasm was intended. We rarely see this expression aside from in the West, since sarcasm is much less common around the world.

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FOUR. The upper smile. In this smile, the upper lid is raised to expose only the top row of teeth, but the true significance is that the lower teeth remain hidden. In the upper smile the jaw and teeth remain closed and the message conveyed is of medium pleasure and comes off as insecure. Used car salesman, who beam light from their teeth in this way, will seem to have a hidden agenda.

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The grin or smirk.

The grin or smirk.

FIVE. The grin or smirk. The smirk indicates smugness and arrogance. It is a tight lipped smile with the addition of a degree self satisfaction for good measure. A nervous smile often appears like a smirk but they are not to be confused. The smirk has accompanying dominant body language such as head back, shoulders back, open postures along with dialogue riddle with exuberant pride. The smirk will happen too when someone is under direct verbal attack. It’s the sort of face that makes you want to say “Wipe that grin off your face”. Sometimes though the smirk is due to the stress of being put under fire and isn’t always an attempt at questioning authority.

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The broad smile.

The broad smile.

SIX. Broad smile. In this smile the upper and lower teeth are made visible. The gaze is relaxed and the smile is intended to convey joy and pleasure. This is a true smile and not one that is easily faked. The tell tale sign of an honest smile, is the appearance of crow’s feet in the corners of the eyes. Crow feet make it seem as though the eyes are smiling. It is difficult to replicate these smiles without being truly amused or in good company as the muscles are usually out of our conscious control. We should be careful to use this smile, as with all smiles, when most appropriate, as in the wrong context will simply appear insincere.

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The downturned smile.

The down-turned smile.

SEVEN. Down-turned smile or reverse smile.  Happens when the mouth is inverted into a down-facing “u” shape.  It indicates high stress, unhappiness, anger, tension and depression.

 

 

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Above: Paul Ekman talks briefly about types of smiles.

Regulators, Regulate Speech

Putting the hand up is a way to show others that we wish to speak - particularly in a large group.

Putting the hand up is a way to show others that we wish to speak – particularly in a large group.

The final type of gestures are called regulators because they are used to modulate and maintain the flow of the speech during conversation. Essentially, we use regulators to control turn-taking in conversation and they can take the form of kinesic such as head nods or nonkinesic such as eye movements. Regulators are different across cultures more so than any other element of body language discussed thus far.

In a study by Marjorie Vargas in 1986, it was noted that black students in the United States felt insulted by the white educators. The educators weren’t picking up on cues that the students understood what was being instructed. For example, the white students would nod and murmur “uh-huh” but the black students would nod much less and use “mhm” instead. The teachers took this to mean that the students didn’t fully understand the material, but this wasn’t so, they just expressed their understanding differently.

In Japan, the up and down nod of the head or “yes motion” is utilized not to show ‘agreement’ but to show ‘understanding’. Therefore, while pitching a new idea or venture, it would be foolish to think that the continuous head nodding by the Japanese was do to their willingness to invest. Creating a simple dos and don’ts list is not feasible for these nonverbal kinesics in speech for the simple fact that there are far too many to list and the variation of meaning across culture is so varied. With the simple awareness of emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators the incidence of misinterpreting their meaning can be reduced.

Caution is therefore important when dealing with international business so as to avoid any harm in interpretation. Some other examples of regulators include putting the hand up to signal that you are ready to speak, putting the finger up to the mouth to bring silence, waiving the hand around in a circle so as to speed things up, rolling of the eyes showing disapproval, a gasp to show shock, throwing the hand to someone to include them in the conversation, or shaking the head disapprovingly. All these gestures control the flow and pattern of speech by directing, disapproving, speeding things up or slowing them down, and even cutting the speaker short.

Using regulators in speech is necessary to create seamless turn-taking and to avoid appearing rude, dominating or frustrating the people you are talking with. It prevents having to interrupt, eases the flow of speech and allows everyone to make the points they wish to make without having to cut each other off mid-sentence. The net effect of a good conversation is connectivity through the creation of seamless turn-taking.

Are Men Bad Readers Of Body Language?

Many beliefs exist about the sexes. Men are thought to be task and goal oriented, more aggressive, dominant and loud when they communicate. Women are thought to be emotional, gentle and sensitive. Women are also thought to talk more and also to be more aware of others’ feelings. But how much of these beliefs are accurate is up for debate. When we talk about reading people and intuition, we are really talking about someone’s ability to read someone’s body language. It can also be called audience awareness or perceptivity and can relate to a speaker or listener.

The research shows us that some of preconceptions are in fact correct but this dismisses a huge variable. That variable is our massive ability to learn. Men reading this book will have a vastly superior ability to read others when compared to women who have no schooling whatsoever in body language. Research has shown that men lack empathy for others and disregard other’s emotions. Is this a simple case of being lazy or are there real notable differences? A second research experiment found that homosexual men and male nurses were also more in-tune with reading others, and that this might actually be related to differences in the brain. However, not all, or even most male nurses would be presumed to be homosexual so obviously there are variation in the ability of men to read emotions.