Tag Archive for Timidity

Introduction – Chapter 11

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

A universal facial expression - Anger.

A universal facial expression – Anger.

Emotional body language is a charged topic because it essentially defines people. When we talk about emotions we talk about what motivates people which includes but is certainly not limited to fear, anger, sadness, timidity or shyness, disgust, and happiness. Emotional nonverbal communication is present everyday, and in many forms, and can reduce conflict before it starts, or identify weaknesses that can be soothed or taken advantage of, depending on the particular desires of the body language reader. Before dispelling outright the desire to exploit, remind yourself that in most cases, there exists some degree of competition or cooperation in all of life, which is frequently only differentiated by matters of degree, type and more importantly, outcome. Thus, if one wishes to formulate mutual agreements through cooperation, or feels compelled to assist those who are at a disadvantage, they should welcome and read the body language just the same. In other words, read emotions to discover underlying insecurities or happiness in other people and do with it as you please, but also be aware of your own signals since it will give ammunition to others that can be used against you. Sometimes these cues end up in the less that charitable people around you such as predators. This makes knowing the cues important in displaying victim type body language to avoid appearing like an easy target, and not just to criminals, but to salesman, potentially abusive spouses, and children looking to take advantage of our goodwill.

In this chapter we will cover many topics including displacement behaviour which includes any nonverbal signal meant to quell anxiety due to encroachment on personal space. As we learned previously, personal space and territories play an important function in our lives, however, these zones are frequently breeched when in busy city streets and other public areas. We also cover how the fight or flight mechanism plays into body language and how the catch phrase is a misnomer because animals and people don’t usually respond in that way, at least not in that order. Clenching and gripping body language is also covered. We’ll see how the aforementioned is an important subset of body language since it reveals inner tension and how, and perhaps more importantly, why, nervous hands shake and what it all means to poker players. We will even discover what sort of body language indicates that a person has a poor self image, the role eyebrows play with respect to the emotions they convey, what interlaced fingers that rub together and palm finger stroking mean, and how suckling and mouthing turns us back into babies. Next we cover why compressed lips and lip pursing aren’t the same, nor do they mean that someone wants to kiss. In fact, coupled with the down-turned smile they all mean negative thoughts are being passed around in the mind.

This chapter also covers a smorgasbord of other emotionally charged cues such as how tongues show concentration and cheekiness, the sneering of the nose, what ear grabbing means and hostile body language in brief, since it was extensively covered previously, and how rejection takes place in sequence so we can run when we see it, or emit it when we wish to repeal the boring! If rejecting is too pessimistic for you, what follows is how relaxation is made evident through body language. Neck and nose body language is hit on next which become particularly sensitive under pressure and tends to require frequent touching or covering so as to produce feelings of comfort through protection. Blocking is also dealt with which can happen through various forms, such as the body or eyes, but each have roots in the fight or flight response. We hit on the colour of emotion including blushing and blanching, as well as gravity defying body language found when people experience joyful exuberance. The six main facial expressions which are happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and disgust are cataloged and described leading into whether or not emotions can easily be faked. We also learn in this chapter that people will take “emotional downtime” frequently throughout the day, laypeople call this “daydreaming.” Cocooning and turtling body positions are described which both point to insecurity and timidity as roots. We’ll also cover how we can tell if people are related or having intimate relations based on how they hug and conclude with the remaining emotional body language.

Partial Arm Cross

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

One variation of the partial arm cross.

One variation of the partial arm cross.

This is a typically female posture and happens by holding reaching across the body to grab the opposite elbow in the hand while that arm is left vertically dangling to the side.

A variation of the posture happens by reaching across the body and grab the opposite shoulder rather than the opposite arm. While the double arm huge is a defensive postures, the partial arm cross is a subtle posture that indicates fear, timidity, shyness and lack of self confidence. Both are barrier type postures which protect the core of the body like a shield to signals to others that we don’t wish for them to come close. The origins of the partial arm cross likely stems from the comfort felt by a child who’s hand was held or who’s shoulder was grasped by a parent, when in novel situations.

The posture feels natural and comfortable when in fearful situations because it provides the sensation of being hugged and protected, like having our hand held. It might have a childhood throwback when our parents scooped us up when visiting unfamiliar houses, distant relatives to help sooth us over our fears. While men can be seen to perform this posture, it is much more rare, likely due to their broader shoulders. Men will instead take up the fig leaf position by holding their hand-in-hand to cover their most coveted assets, their genitals.

We see the posture when people meet for the first time, when being singled out of a crowd or any other stressful situation that causes fear. Sometimes this posture is by default as it is with particularly shy individuals who take some time to warm up to other people. To reduce this posture in others and help them ease up, use more submissive body language and tone down dominant language. You might also experiment with acting timid yourself which will help quickly build rapport. It is nearly universal that people feel most confident surrounded by people who similarly match our own self-esteem and ideologies.

How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.

Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our rank is well known to us.

Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.

As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the conversation.

Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.

Standing Positions And Their Hidden Meaning

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There are four main ways in which a person might stand [a] Straight up with their feet together [b] feet slightly apart, but parallel [c] one foot forward and [d] legs crossed at the ankle.

The first posture with the legs straight and feet together is an attentive pose seen in obedient children when speaking to their parents. It is a neutral, honest pose and is found in adults of differing status like a boss and his employees. The second pose, as we saw earlier, where the legs are spread at shoulder width while standing, is a form of crotch display. This posture says “I’m going nowhere, and fast.” The standing crotch display can be made even more powerful by adding the thumbs in a belt loop, called the “cowboy pose.” The cowboy pose was made famous by old Western movies. The third posture where one foot is moved forward, with respect to the other, indicates subtle interest toward the direction in which the foot is advanced. To show interest, the foot will be moved toward the speaker, but it can also be moved away from the speaker toward someone we would rather have speak, or to the door when we wish to end the conversation. The foot takes the “first step” toward where the mind wishes it where.

The final pose where the legs are crossed at the ankle is a submissive posture. It reveals that the target isn’t ready to commit to a proposal, and shows reservation to the situation, but also that he isn’t ready to leave. The ankle cross is figurative denial of access to the body and mind. Our minds and bodies are linked so when we uncross our bodies we show others that we are willing to hear them out, which is an excellent indication that, our opinions either already match, or that there is at least a willingness to consider the facts.

An open posture while standing shows supreme confidence because it exposes the midsection to attack. When people meet for the first time, they will show timidity by crossing at the ankle. In fact, this is the most common way in which people will stand when meeting new people, those exempt will both, carry a higher status, and be aware of it.
Arm crossing, or tucking the hands in pockets, are two other ways to raise barriers when uncomfortable. These posture don’t mean negativity per se, they are simply indications that someone needs more time to acclimatize themselves to new people. Introverts over extroverts, will be found to hold this posture for much longer and more frequently than extroverts. In fact, extroverts might warm up to people so fast that they never show timidity at all, they usually jump right into any group and feel at home. When dealing with an introvert, on the other hand, offer to take them to a quiet and less busy environment to make them more comfortable. Offering a drink too, can give their hands something to do to breaking their rigidity. Providing an environment where your ideas might stick, first begins by removing barriers, even if they are nonverbal.

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Feet together - attentive.

Feet together – attentive.

Normal standing posture with feet at shoulder width apart - shows calm confidence.

Normal standing posture with feet at shoulder width apart – shows calm confidence.

One foot pointed away - shows disinterest.

One foot pointed away – shows disinterest.

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How does this posture appear fully nude?

How does the ‘cowboy posture’ appear fully nude?

Legs crossed at the ankles says I'm not happy - but I'm not going anywhere.

Legs crossed at the ankles says I’m not happy – but I’m not going anywhere.

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The Ankle Or Scissor Cross

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

A negative thought is present, but she's not going anywhere.

A negative thought is present, but she’s not going anywhere.

The ankle or scissor cross is where the ankles cross each other and is a posture that can happen while seated or standing. While seated this posture is a hidden form of leg crossing because it occurs discretely at the bottom of the legs and can be out of sight due to a desk or table. While standing, it is the only way legs can cross so has a similar meant to a regular full blown seated leg cross. At times the leg might be raised up the backside of the calve producing the appearance of a flamingo but this posture is mainly reserved for women. While seated, the legs can also be locked behind the legs of a chair with essentially the same message being delivered except in this case it is a restraining-freeze-behaviour. When the legs are wrapped around the chair they can’t move, hence they are locked, and are also there precisely so they don’t move, and are hence frozen. Women are also seen using the sitting position more often them men especially if they are wearing skirts, however, it is not a confident posture so should be avoided. When it does happen in men though, it should be noted since it is an unnatural position in general for them.

The ankle cross indicates that the person is holding a negative emotion, uncertainty, fear, feels discomfort or threatened, stress, anxiousness, insecurity or timidity. The ankle or scissor cross also shows reservation and self-restraint,

Lots of cues in concert. Arms in a partial-cross coupled with crossed ankles - and he's not doing much better as he 'holds himself back!'

Lots of cues in concert. Arms in a partial-cross coupled with crossed ankles – and he’s not doing much better as he ‘holds himself back!’

 

due to withholding of a thought or emotion. When being pitched, it shows resistance to the sale and when being questioned might indicate that lying is taking place. Couple interlocked legs, which is a freeze response meant to reduce foot movement, with pacifying behaviours such as rubbing the thighs palm down, as if to dry them, and you’ve got a cluster signaling that a secret is being covered. If the feet are pulled under the chair, the message is even more exaggerated. The feet are saying exactly what the person is thinking, that he or she is closed and withdrawn from the conversation. We should be watchful of this posture when presenting a controversial opinion to see what degree of disagreement is present and especially if the posture is held for a significant length of time, particularly by men. When the ankles cross it is due to a subconscious freeze response due to a threat and the legs are entwined so as to restrict and restraint movement.

As we saw previously, closing a sale or changing opinions necessitates open minds and since our bodies and minds are linked should try to open those with the scissor posture when possible. You could try to have them change positions, as above, by having them stand or relocate to a more comfortable seating location, or you could take the time to identify and address whatever issue is of concern. This is important especially if the posture preludes a more intense selling session to follow, since negative postures early on are a good predictor of the future.

Mixed message - head cocked to the side shows interest coupled with arm and ankle crossing - she's uncertain.

Mixed message – head cocked to the side shows interest coupled with arm and ankle crossing – she’s uncertain.

In a free-flowing interview or discussion noting the timing of ankle cross’ can prove valuable. With some research or prodding it might be possible to reveal the true reason for the action. Simply asking the reason for the reservation can help eliminate this posture as well because it will make the person feel listened. This is risky, though, because the primary reason for the gesture is to conceal an emotion. Conversely, giving someone the opportunity to express their thoughts makes people feel heard and sometimes that is all that is needed to open someone up. The posture after all, is a posture of hidden disagreement, so it would be hard to hold the posture as one is given the chance to open up. If the posture returns after some time, it might indicate that the person hasn’t fully disclosed their true opinion on the matter or that a new issue of contention has been uncovered. Therefore, once again, time should be taken to address any concerns that might have arisen before moving forward.

When Men’s Eyes Meet Women’s Eyes – The Intimate Gaze

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The eye's of lovers.

The eye’s of lovers.

If the eyes of men and women meet and there is a spark, the eyes will follow specific patterns across the face to form an intimate gaze. Initially there will be a quick burst to establish interest, than the eyes will be quickly averted. Women will show interest by breaking eye contact downward versus to the left or right. Looking left or right is seen as “stealing a look” where one either, wishes not to be caught, or is simply scanning the room. Stealing looks is what married men do when they notice attractive women. Since married men have no true intention of pursuing, they look covertly so as to avoid detection of their spouse and that which has gained their temporary interest. In other words, they steal looks for their own sake and wish to pay no price for its sake.
This is why interested women will be found to avoid looking left or right so as not to appear to be stealing looks. Looking down to break eye contact is sexy because it’s coy, submissive and teasing. Looking down punctuates sexual interest. Looking sideways is a willful indication that one is scanning the room entirely and is not checking someone else out. Although at times, a sideways look will show timidity about being caught or that one isn’t ready to reveal their true interests.

If interest is mutual and conversation arises, scanning of the face will take place. The eyes will form a pattern from a triangular pattern from eye to eye and down to the mouth or chin. The eyes will also wander briefly to other parts of the face, but the vast majority of time will be spent looking at the eyes and mouth. Gaze duration during intimacy lasts in bouts of approximately four to five seconds. When the eyes finally do leave the face they will check out the rest of the body, to examine clothing, overall build, jewelry and rings. Both sexes, despite social norms, will glance over more intimate areas of the body such as the crotch and breasts. Men tend to check women out from the ground up, starting from the legs, then to the crotch, torso, breasts, shoulders, then face. The vast majority of women find being scanned by men to be a turn-off, however, studies show that women habitually check men out just as often, they simply do it much more discretely.