Tag Archive for Tense

The Chair Straddler

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The chair straddler is a dominant, yet cowardly sitting position, because for one, the seating position requires one to spread their legs wide open exposing the genitals, and two, because symbolically it is as if they were holding a shield against their chest. Crotch displays are typical for dominant people, especially men. Women can also sometimes display authority in this fashion but if done improperly it appears like a sexual invitation rather than a dominance display. Figuratively, chair straddlers are spears throwers or arrows flingers as they toss words at others from behind their barricade. It might not always be the intention of the staddler to come across this way, so it is our duty as good body language readers, to reserve judgment until we catalog enough cues in clusters. For every rule there are always exceptions. The point here though, is that other people will judge us poorly if we become the person that straddles chairs. Certain dominant body language is acceptable, but this isn’t one of them.

If you find yourself (over) exposed to a straddler, there are a few ways to disarm him from his shield. The first is to change your seating location so that he no longer faces you directly, exposing his genitals. You can also stand up altogether and even move behind him making his posture totally ineffective. By moving behind him, his back will become exposed and unprotected, causing him to tense up. The height differences will also force him to try to remain more erect and upright, so to speak, causing him to feel uncomfortable and annoyed in short order. A proficient straddler will then turn his chair (and his member) to face you, and just like a real-life chess game the pieces move strategically. This brings about the third technique, which is to overcrowd his personal space by standing over him, being careful to continuing the conversation. If all these techniques fail, and in most cases they won’t, you can always call him out on his attitudes and body language. Like calling anyone out for any reason, this is risky and can easily backfire alienate him altogether. In extreme situations, you might see no risk at all since all you stand to lose is an arrogant acquaintance.

How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.

Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our rank is well known to us.

Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.

As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the conversation.

Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.