Tag Archive for Subconscious Mind

Hand To Mouth Gestures

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When a child lies, she might bring her hand up quickly and slap her mouth closed, but when an adult lies, she holds back and might only lightly touch the side of the mouth.

When a child lies, she might bring her hand up quickly and slap her mouth closed, but when an adult lies, she holds back and might only lightly touch the side of the mouth.

Mouth covering is another way to reduce the pain of telling a lie. In this case, it is so as to “speak no evil.” Small children perform a full cover and even slap their mouths when they say something they shouldn’t. Grown adults will sometimes cup their hands to their mouths like children in effort to “jam the words back in their mouths” but usually use more subtle gestures such as talking through their hand or placing a finger softly over their lips. Talking with ones hand covering the mouth “talking through the hand” or resting the hand around the mouth by wrapping the fingers around the top, are significant clues indicating insecurity.

Subconsciously, hand-to-mouth gestures leads people to distrust others, and see them as less honest overall. The gesture can be done with a fist, a finger, or a ‘shushing’ motion with the index finger vertically placed over the lips. Other times the subconscious mind is so powerful that the hand comes up and slaps the mouth, but to cover this ‘tell’ up, a fake cough is added.

'Talking through the mouth' is seen as dishonest.

‘Talking through the mouth’ is seen as dishonest.

Touch Reduction

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Liars will usually avoid physical contact.

Liars will usually avoid physical contact.

Liars rarely touch others when they lie to them. This is a natural part of the fight or flight response and the subconscious mind won’t permit them to reach out because of it. This can prove helpful in intimate relationships, with family members or children since touching is a normal part of everyday life. Any form of touch reduction can signal that a person is at odds with another and that they might be hiding something. If touch isn’t normal, however, then measuring touch reduction won’t be possible. In this case, look for distancing behaviours instead like arm withdrawal or leaning away, especially in the torso as these are forms of distancing of which touch forms a subset. Touch is an aspect of closeness that is simply not tolerated well between those who have different ideas. Couples have even been shown to draw away from each other when they are generally unhappy with their relationship, and tend to touch themselves far more frequently than they touch other people.

Touch reduction is usually accompanied with stressful questions or when information is presented that creates anxiety. Closeness can also be useful when assessing someone because it will invoke distancing desires. When talking with a spouse or child, sit as close as that which you are accustomed to before taking up serious matters. If someone is hiding something, they will usually push away or even stand up looking for ways to exit or change the subject. Holding the hand of a child can be particularly useful when discussing matters of dishonesty. If they wish to exit the discussion, they will try to tug their hand away.

Remaining Uncommitted

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When people tell the truth they will usually show extra enthusiasm and commit to their story. Liars often start off the same way, but quickly trail off.

When people tell the truth they will usually show extra enthusiasm and commit to their story. Liars often start off the same way, but quickly trail off.

Liars have been noted to be uncommitted to lies. That is, because they have nothing vested in the lie, they remain less than exuberant in their convictions. In other words, the subconscious mind of liars doesn’t allow them to carry forward with enthusiasm. Instead of smashing a fist against a table and raising a voice saying “I didn’t do it!”, liars will instead make much duller motions and use less commitment to them. It is not as if they want to lie, it is the limbic mind that won’t allow them to.

Liars will motion without emphasis, or describe events by trailing off or use weak statements. They might limit arm and hand movement by clasping them together or locking them down on an armrest with such force they turn their knuckles white. The hands might be put out of sight in pockets or under a table where they can’t be read. Reduced movement can be seen throughout the body, not just in the hands. The entire body including the head, arms, feet, and torso can seem to lock in place. People that are telling the truth spend a lot of time and energy in efforts to make the facts known which comes across in their body language and gesturing. Truth tellers are happy to spend as much time as necessary to get everything right. They will often add more detail than required and go over it again and again if necessary. Not emphasizing is linked to the freeze response where the mind clams the body shut and reduces movement so as to draw less attention to it. What is important in lie detection is to compare cues from a baseline. That is, if someone suddenly drops emphasis then you know they’ve lost interest in the topic or are lying. In either case, it will have provided useful information to the body language reader.

In writing this passage, I had just reviewed a video (see bottom posted on the web of a baseball game in which a player leaped head-over-feet clear over the catcher as he came to homeplate to score a run. The catcher, stuck in a fear response, failed to tag the runner. Baseball has an interesting tradition where it is customary for the runner to body-check the catcher at homeplate as he tries to tag for an out. While the catcher braced and ducked with his elbow up to make the tag, the runner jumped over the catcher landing on home plate. The catcher stuck with his elbow up in defense could only convince his mind to bring his arm just close enough to miss the tag! Because his mind feared the body check, he wasn’t able to follow through with what he intended. While this is an interesting fear based response what follows is even more interesting since it helps us read liars. The catcher, realizing he failed to get the out, quickly turns to pursue the runner. One must ask why he would track the runner down if he made the tag? Obviously he hadn’t! But more important that this, is that we know that he knows that he didn’t make the tag! This means that any nonverbal language following the lack of tag, should he dispute it, is read as lying language. To state his case, the catcher chats with the umpire by raising his arms showing how he made the tag. What is revealing, however, is that the catcher only slightly raises his arms instead of doing it with emphasis. Instead of showing the gesture over and over again, the catcher just raises his arms once as if to make a casual rainbow motion with his arms. When his coach shows up with arms flaying and talking with enthusiasm, the catcher quietly exits! The catcher knows that he can’t make a case and so doesn’t put any effort into trying. The difference between the coach and the catcher, is that the catcher knows he’s lying, while the coach isn’t sure. Once more, the coach isn’t actually lying anyway, since he wasn’t there to feel the contact or lack thereof of the catchers mitt and the runner, he’s just acting out an inherent bias – he’s playing the role he was hired to do. Lack of commitment is an important cue to watch for when detecting lies so be careful to watch for it.

The Anti Crosser Is Uncomfortable

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Legs crossed at the ankles says I'm not happy - but I'm not going anywhere.

Legs crossed at the ankles says I’m not happy – but I’m not going anywhere.

We’ve noted that leg crossing can and does show interest depending on whether or not they enclose people or block them out and we’ve also seen how the figure four leg cross is a seated crotch display and also that leg spreading shows dominance, but legs crossed also shows comfort. When the legs are crossed they significantly reduce the ability to act quickly during confrontation and when it happens while standing significantly reduces balance. Therefore, leg crossing is an important indicator of the degree of comfort felt in any given situation.

Take the standing leg cross which happens by putting one foot behind the other. What is essentially happening is that the body is supported by just one leg making escape from this position especially difficult. Walking with just one foot is extremely cumbersome! This requires the feet to first uncross before taking action and this is exactly what happens when we become uncomfortable or insecure about certain presence. We’ve talked about the fig leaf position that happens by placing the hands over the midsection to cover them, and this does happen when people feel timid or insecure, but not when they are scared or fearful. A person standing in an elevator might stand with their legs crossed, but when a stranger accompanies them, their legs will uncross and their feet will become firmly planted. The subconscious mind is saying to the body that no chances should be taken here. While the fig leaf position says “I’m uncomfortable, but escape is impossible because I must talk with this person” whereas uncrossing the legs says “I have no idea who this person is and am unsure of them” and “I know I can run at anytime, and I will, should the need arise so now it the time to prepare”

Compressed Lips, Down-turned Smile And Lip Pursing

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator.

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator.

Compressing the lips to make them disappear is a universal trait done to signify stress. The subconscious mind is essentially telling the body to close down and not let anything in. Babies do this when we try to feed them yucky vegetables and when adults do it it’s because they want to shut out the outside world. Tight compressed lips happen honestly and immediately so reflect true stress sentiments revealing a troubled mind. When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator. In 2008 at Eliot Spitzer’s news conference where he discussed the matters of his involvement in a prostitution scandal he was photographed quite obviously with a down turned mouth. The down-turned smile can show unhappiness, anger, tension and depression when held for any permanent length of time. However, Mr. Spitzer only briefly flashes this expression indicating the high level of stress he was experiencing as he made his comments.

Lip pursing is done to indicate thought processing. It usually happens when someone is trying to come up with an alternative idea. Catching this cue is highly useful during a proposal, such as reviewing a contract, or a sales document, since it tells us that someone is at least considering our offer, but that they might not be in total agreement. This can be useful while reading the document aloud because lip pursing will happen in real time as judgment arises. Other adjoining cues will tell you whether or not someone is prepared to accept or reject the offer and tell you how best to carry on. Other times, lip pursing is done to show outright disagreement. Usually the eyebrows will frown in unison with pursed lips. Lip pursing is a very reliable indicator of different thought processing, and it would be foolish to ignore it. The reverse to lip pursing-judgment is full-lips which indicates contentment. Watch the lips for these quick flashes will tell you a lot about what is going on inside someone’s head. In review, compressed lips show stress, u-shaped mouth shows high stress, pursing shows that a person is considering an alternative or when accompanied by frowning or additional negative cues, disagreement.

Sudden Changes In The Hands

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Hands that near another person shows agreement.

Hands that near another person shows agreement.

Hands can show real-time changes in an attitude. Imagine a couple sitting enjoying a romantic meal at a restaurant, with their hands bridging the gap between them as they sit facing one another hand-in-hand. The topic of conversation flows freely, but suddenly switches to a contentious issue, what would you imagine would happen to their hands? When there is disagreement between people, the hands are pulling inward and away from those we disagree with. This sort of behaviour can happen suddenly especially on a heated topic, but can also happen over time on issues that gradually show differences. When total disagreement is present, the body will even be withdrawn where the hands will rest on the lap. Taking the example of the couple above once again, imagine that only one of the two experiences a change in thought to the topic, their hands might remain outstretched in the center of the table and turn palm up as if to offer the idea to their partner as if to try to change their mind. Gradually the other might re-advance to join their hands once again or move them to their lap. As the argument fails, both parties hands might graduate away. If disagreement continues, feet might orient toward the door followed by torsos than finally their heads.

Arms are withdrawn when disagreement is high. These arms are busy protecting the torso in a single arm closed body posture - an 'incomplete hug.'

Arms are withdrawn when disagreement is high. These arms are busy protecting the torso in a single arm closed body posture – an ‘incomplete hug.’

Arms withdraw for a number of reasons but our subconscious mind tunes into our flight response and pulls hands in when we fear they will be hurt, and especially when they are hurt. When we touch a hot stove or hear a loud bang, our arms draw quickly into our bodies to protect them. This happens instantly with no ability to stop it. Likewise, our hands come in when we are worried or threatened despite a lack of physical threat. When our arms come in, our minds feel that they can block attacks better even when they are emotional in nature. Hands can be withdrawn for any number of reasons, not just disagreement, such as dishonesty. Honest hands are palm up, offering something to another person, or palm down in a confident authoritative position, but when hands are pulled away, they signal hidden thoughts of disagreement and lack of connectivity.

Hands can also suddenly change in terms of use of illustrators and seem to pause, stop or slow in their rate of use. Sudden cessation of gesticulation can indicate a freeze response due to being caught in a lie especially when the context warrants it. This is part of the flight or flight response as liars are trying to seem less noticeable. They are “hiding in plain sight” and to do this it is necessary to move less as movement attracts attention. Reducing expressiveness means fewer “tells” or so the lying mind thinks. When hands that are usually busy while talking according to a baseline, suddenly begin to slow, or become less expressive, it can signal a lack of enthusiasm or confidence for the topic. Whatever happens to the hands, when they suddenly change, we know that something internal has changed and it is usually tied directly to whatever is happening in the moment.

Negative Body Language Is Usually More Honest

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but she is gripping her arms showing negative thoughts.

When reading people we often get mixed messages. People’s faces appear genuine and honest, they show concern, fear, disgust, or happiness but their bodies sometimes show something else altogether. So how should we handle detecting different messages emanating from various parts of the body at the same time? Because people often “put on a mask” as they walk through life, and because we spend so much time focusing on the face, we learn early on to control our facial expressions. This makes the face a particularly bad place to rely on when really trying to weed through mixed signals. What if the “honest feet” as just discussed, conflict with messages delivered by the arms, hands and legs? Should we just rely on the feet and concentrate on nothing else, or is there some rhyme to the reason? In actual fact there is a class of body language that is much more reliable than another, and it has to do with the intended meaning of the message rather than specific cues or body parts. Given the choice between “positive” and “negative” messages, we should always rely on the negative nonverbal body language first. This is true irrespective of where it is found, be it in the face, arms, hands, legs, feet, torso or whatever.

It is negative body language that tells us a person’s true thoughts because society requires people to act positively even when things aren’t going well. We are told throughout our life to “Turn that frown upside down”, “Wipe that look off our faces” and “Smile for the camera” even when positive thoughts are the furthest from our mind. Eventually, we get very good at masking negative emotions especially in our faces, yet deep down the subconscious mind leaks other negative body language from various parts of our body. Negative body language happens precisely because we don’t want it to happen; we don’t want people to know we are upset, scared, bored, timid or in disagreement. These negative feelings can be damaging to ourselves or to others around us so we generally mask them to keep them to ourselves. In the long run, positive body language is desirable so it is quickly learned, and then brushed over the canvas of our faces, while the underlying negativity just barely shows through. We mask negative body language so we don’t appear rude or insensitive or even frail, scared or at a disadvantage.

Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he's playing a game - hard-to-get!

Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a game – hard-to-get!

You can imagine that someone who is bored with us will still smile and nod during our conversation, yet their body will orient toward the doorway while making covert looks to their wrist watch. Obviously, it is the negative language that is telling us that they are bored and we should ignore the facial cover-up that is going on. Likewise, happiness cues mixed with cues of anxiety such as gripping the arms or hands tightly indicates that a person is probably more unhappy and stressed rather than the reverse. What do we make of a person who enthusiastically leans forward putting out his hand to shake, then clenches his jaw tightly while saying how nice it is to finally be united once again? Chances are pretty good that your long lost friend has some negative issues with you and that he’s not so happy to be in your presence. Along with negative nonverbal body language as true honest indicators of feelings, recall initial reactions, over reactions that follow, as more genuine. Honest gestures happen quickly, sometimes even so fast that they are barely observable with the naked eye, but it is these flashes, or “microexpressions”, that mean something predictive, much more so than more obvious gestures that happen later on, or those that linger for some time. A small twitch of the muscles between the eyes, the “fear muscle” forces the eyebrows together to make a grin-like gesture that reveals a true sentiment. This expression happens so fast, it is impossible to stifle. When we get a sense of someone whom we find isn’t “just right” and fail to trust them, it is these expressions that happen very fast that we are sensing.

Only keen observation of the whole body, with emphasis on facial expressions will catch this type of honest expression. Thus, the rule of thumb is to discount positive body language when it accompanies negative body language, and be sure to catch negative body language especially if it happens first or flashes quickly. Quick body language happens by accident, but body language that lingers happens because people want us to see it!