Tag Archive for Steeple

Power Sitting For Women – What To Do, What To Avoid

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Women in the workplace are always walking a thin line between their sexuality and authority. Women all know that their looks can be used to manipulate others around them, especially men, however physical attractiveness in the workplace has been repeatedly shown to lead others to dismiss women’s thoughts. However, one way women can combat this and still maintain their sexuality is as follows: sit with legs crossed leg over knee and have the high heel pointed horizontally at someone they wish to intimidate. Most dominant cues that work for men, such as the full body steeple, are ineffective when used by women. However, the heel is something men don’t have so it doesn’t come across as being a typically dominant male gesture. The heel acts like a dagger against its prey and neutralizes it. The posture shows assertiveness and that she is willing and able to emasculate men.

One sitting position women should particularly avoid is sitting with arms up and behind the head in the full steeple position as mentioned. This posture has the effect of putting the breasts on full display which counteracts any dominant aspects it might otherwise impart. Even having the legs crossed in the figure four looks odd when performed by women. A crotch display is not effective for women as it is for men, so it should be eliminated altogether. Hand steepling is another gender neutral dominance stance and can be used with effectiveness. Women want to pick up cues that suite their overall personality without putting people off. Assertive women often described as “bitchy” to others, usually because they take things too far. Women seeking powerful positions often think they need to go over-the-top because the fear being discounted. However, this isn’t so, and like men, need to balance being dominant and “mean” and demonstrating leadership qualities.

Who Is In Charge Of Mirroring?

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

An employee enters his boss’s office as he has called a meeting to discuss the possibility of a pay raise. The employee sits down and raises his case. He has been there for several years and feels that he is due for some form of compensation for his loyalty. As he states his case, the subordinate employee appropriately mirrors his boss’s subtle nuances, he touches his face when he does and fixes his hair, and leans forward when he does. As the employee hits on a particularly sensitive issue, his overtime commitment, which the boss has been firm about being nearly mandatory for the position, the boss quickly moves back into a full body steeple by leaning back with his hands locked behind his head and crosses his legs in a figure four. What should the employee do? The answer is simple, he should concede this stance to his boss as its obvious through his body language that he’s not willing to let this issue slide. When it comes to mirroring, it is always best to use it for rapport building, and not to induce hostility. The boss wins when it comes to dominance and should the employee mirror his steeple, would suffer, perhaps not immediately but at a subconscious level this body language will grind on his boss. Eventually, and if repeated with consistency, the boss would sense something wasn’t right which might lead to even worse hours or job details. The boss would only perceive his negative feelings about his employee as “dislike” or that “something isn’t quite right.” If the goal was to usurp his position and take his job, the employee might consider mirroring his stance to set an air of equality or superiority. Similarly, two high ranking individuals should mirror each other to signal that they hold similar power and won’t be easily pushed over.

A dominant person always has more choice when it comes to mirroring than less dominant people. A boss that wants to build rapport with his employee can acceptably let his guard down and mirror his actions. This can be particularly handy when the goal is to welcome a new worker whom is particularly tense or nervous. The boss should still refrain from picking up nervous cues, but he should feel welcome to mirror any other gesture. Therefore, when considering the use of mirroring, it is important to note the relative status in the hierarchy. The rule of thumb is that the most dominant individual calls the shots in mirroring, and so long as gestures aren’t dominant displays, others should feel free to follow to successfully build rapport.

Summary – Chapter 8

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

This chapter was focused on dominant and submissive gestures and how they can be used to reach specific goals depending on the situation. One of those goals was conflict avoidance by reducing body size. We found that melting into the background by “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward, pulling the shoulders down and rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or knees closer together can help to send a non-threatening signal and calm an attacker. Next we looked at how height relates to dominance and spelled out tactics to put ourselves at an advantage be it by taking up a seated position (to level ourselves) or taking to an elevated stage or position. We saw in this chapter that relaxed body language signals ownership and confidence so we should look for a lack of muscle tension, freely moving hands, feet and torso, along with open body postures, to read which people are most confident.

We also found that the head signals nonverbally, for example, the headshake signals a negative thought, whereas the head nod can mean agreement such as in the west or can mean submission or even that a speaker is being heard in Japan, head down represents judgment or a negative thought when accompanied by similar cues in cluster, head tilted shows interest and head back means disapproval.

We discovered that dominant positions are generally also considered open postures and submissive postures are also usually considered closed postures. This theory allowed us to conclude that the chair straddler was both opened and therefore dominant, but also cowardly because the back of the chair formed a barrier from where he or she might throw figurative arrows or spears. We found that legs spread is a dominant gesture and of degree; the greater the spread the more dominant and at some point outright offensive, as in the case of having the leg over the arm of a chair. The full body steeple where both hands are up and behind the head while seated with or without the figure-four leg cross is both confident and dominant, but also depicts a relaxed disposition. We covered that titling backwards in the chair is dominant and casual, having the hands on hips is to imitate a peacock and appear larger and more attractive dominant or in charge, and that the cowboy pose with thumbs in belt loops popularized by old western’s is macho. We learned that the military man who exposes his torso with his hands, palm in palm to his back delineates power.

We then covered the importance of thumbs and how they show importance and superiority, how fences make great neighbours, and methods we display ownership one of which is by breaking social rules or via body language through control of facial expressions. We found that touching between men symbolizes power plays and social jostling, but between men and women, usually signifies sexual interest and that light touching helps gain compliance even from strangers. We also outlined why we should avoid filling our language with junk instead of simply punctuating a point, how talking fast makes us appear insecure or nervous unlike Barack Obama and how low-pitched masculine voices increased ratings of men’s physical and social dominance.

Tilting Far Back In A Chair

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Titling in the chair is a casual and therefore dominant gesture and the further back one leans in the chair, the stronger the message of superiority. It comes has a similar root to the full body steeple as it creates distance from other’s showing detachment, and also a relaxed or informal attitude. When our boss’s perform this gesture, it can mean several things, he is indifferent to others and their ideas, he is simply adopting a relaxed position on the matter. Caution is order, as context and accompanying dialogue is necessary to verify exactly what this gesture means.

When children are seen doing this in response to being chastised for bad behaviour it is important to quickly correct it or the attitude can snowball. A simple way to fix it through nonverbal means is to encroach on their personal space or by taking a flank or a rear position. This will create uneasiness in them and force them to take a less relaxed authoritative body language stance and might even put them in a ready position with their hands on their knees in preparations to take action hopefully by resolving the issue or serving the punishment. When power plays are used by subordinate people, over time they gain authority, and the last thing you want to do is lose rank with your children as with it goes respect.

The Full Body Steeple

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

The full steeple, sometimes called 'hooding' or the 'hooding effect' is a high confidence/dominance display.

The full steeple, sometimes called ‘hooding’ or the ‘hooding effect’ is a high confidence/dominance display.

The full body steeple occurs by placing both hands up and behind the head while seated. The postures is completed by combining it with the figure-four-leg cross which happens by placing the ankle of the opposite foot across the knee, or made even more dominant by leaving the legs splayed wide open. As we saw before, the figure-four-leg position is an abbreviated crotch display that builds status by drawing other’s attention to the midsection, while the arms behind the head posture shows arrogance because it openly exposes the body to attack. Remember that dominant people don’t worry about being attacked and often show this confidence by overexposing themselves and their vulnerable areas to challengers. The language of the crotch says that “I am safe in displaying because no one would dare try to attack me”. It also says “I have a big penis and I’m showing it off because I think yours is probably smaller”. To women, on the other hand, it’s an offering, as in “Here it is, come and get it”. Just like magicians use sleight of hand to draw attention to or away from the action, men use similar tricks to draw attention to areas they wish others to admire. Is it a mistake that men’s neckties are large pieces of cloth in the shape of an arrow? What does the arrow point to? Crotch emphasis, can and is done, with the help of pointed fingers, by wrapping the thumb around belt loops and dangling the remaining fingers in their vicinity or through a crotch adjustment. Baseball players are the world’s most prevalent crotch adjusters! I wonder if they’re trying to get at something.

High ranking women in the workplace might even been seen to carry dominant postures.

High ranking women in the workplace might even been seen to carry dominant postures.

The full body steeple can be used to intimidate others, or convey a relaxed, cocky disposition, but as always, body language needs to be taken in context. The accompanying dialogue will help tell us what is really going on. Professionals, such as lawyers, accountants, managers, bosses, and others that tend to take their superiority to higher levels than the rest of us, will be seen using the full body steeple.

To break a steepler, try opening them with honest gestures while leaning forward. Honest gestures might foster mirroring where they might drop their steeple, while leaning forward will put them on edge, especially if you near them in a feigned attack. The open, honest gestures, in your cue cluster will serve to confuse them. You may also try pulling back into a seated and relaxed position, in effect, joining them in their dominance. Avoiding eye contact to appear aloof by looking over their heads, or submitting to other’s in the room, will create an edge which is unsettling to those who wish to appear dominant. Remember, dominant people want to be in control at all times so any signal you create that leads them to believe that you are capable of acting independently will set them back. Another more diplomatic gesture is to hand them a sheet of paper or document forcing them to lean forward to take it. Standing over them is a more brazen technique and one that won’t necessarily yield favourable results. This type of encroachment onto territorial individuals is likely to instigate a confrontation. Mirroring the full body steeple gesture will probably have the most profound effect since you are displaying that you have equal status. This is certain to unnerve them.

Why We Should Picture People Naked!

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

How does this posture appear fully nude?

How does this posture appear fully nude?

My final thought in this opening chapter should keep your imagination in full gear because I am about to recommend that you do something naughty to become more proficient at reading body language. I’m instructing you to picture your body language subjects as if they were totally nude! Body language cues came about over our evolutionary history, so it naturally follows that they developed without clothing or coverings. Imagine, for example, a full body steeple where the arms are placed behind the head and the body leans back with the legs spread wide open – a crotch display! It is the way a proud (or arrogant) man sits to put his full package on display. True, it is slightly less offensive with clothing on, but it still carries the exact same meaning since its true intentions were delivered as if the clothing were absent. Picturing people naked helps us to think about not just the message, but also the route behind the message. Men who hold their legs spread wide open are perceived as arrogant but women who hold the exact same posture will be thought of as sexually open or “easy.” While each party might not specifically intend to deliver this message, it matters little to how others subconsciously perceive them.

What is her body saying with it's "openness."

What is her body saying with it’s “openness.”

Arrogance and sexual openness are not the only gestures that are made more salient by picturing people naked but they are the most dramatic. We can also picture meek gestures in the same way. Women that place their hands over their laps are doing so for just the opposite reason as do women who spread their legs, they do so to hide or protect their genitals for view or from access. The same intention is obvious when women fold their arms over their chest. They are trying to hide and protect their breasts since someone or something has made them withdraw and has made them insecure. Naturally, their arms fold, one over the other, and they hide from view something important to them. There will be times though, when protection isn’t the reason, arm crossing due to being cold is one of them. We will discuss the importance of context in this regard in more detail later. There are other times still, when women put themselves on full display. Women do so by walking with their hips forward and chest back. This is called the parade and her intension is to have men and subordinate women take notice. If you have trouble visualizing this, put it in the context of the local nightclub. Suddenly you see that it follows naturally, and next time at a bar, you might actually notice it in an authentic context.

While we are on the subject of nudity, think about how and where we hold our possessions. A handbag can be held to our sides, but equally, it can be placed on our laps or held to our chest. Handbags therefore, can have a protective shielding purpose, as do other objects in our environment and some women will even admit this as fact by tell you that they feel naked without one! Desks can be used as barricades to block ourselves from view and chairs with backs can be used in full on assault by turning them backwards and straddling them, putting the “boys” or “girls”, on full display. Then from the security of our seated position we can toss verbal arrows and spears. People who sit in this way are obviously aware of being fully clothed and most certainly wouldn’t sit this way while naked, but that’s not the point. The point is that people continue to sit this way despite holding the evolutionary hardwiring telling them that the way they are sitting is offensive. Someone that is defensive, on the other hand, will use desks, walls, doors, or other barriers to protect and hide themselves rather than flaunt. You can think of shields such as handbags or jackets like towels, objects that we use fresh out of the shower to block our private areas from view and appropriately conceal our modesty. An excellent example of a real life “towel” and one that is very commonly used during presentations is the podium. Most would say that it is a great place to store our notes and an area to place the microphone, and nothing more, but in reality it’s a place of refuge that public speakers us to escape full view of the crowd. Only the most confident speakers who are accustomed to being exposed in front of large audiences will move about a stage for everyone to see.

So in summary, do as any amateur public speaker is recommended to do, when in doubt, and to make the points expressed in this book more salient, picture your targets naked!