In dating, men are the initiators, or aggressors, right? Wrong! In fact, the vast majority of the time women are the ones to give off signals first which cue men to approach rather than the other way around, and men usually don’t approach unless they perceive some form of attraction. I suppose the problem as women see it, is that the signals they give off are often under subconscious control so they never realize they are actually compelling men to approach them. This is what makes this chapter so important for both men and women who are newly entering, still playing, or even those who are re-entering the dating game. It will help men identify sexual cues from the cues we’ve seen so far which are non-sexual, and will help women focus on delivering the message they truly wish to communicate, or don’t wish to communicate, so as to avoid any confusion or unwanted solicitation.

Dating and courtship is ultimately about testing the willingness of a particular man to invest in a particular woman, with the net result producing children and hence a family. Sometime we fool ourselves into thinking there is much more than this involved, or that family creation has nothing to do with dating and courtship, but in reality there isn’t so. Some feel that dating is just for fun and nothing serious is at hand, and while some encounters are aimed in that direction, inevitably with brains that are evolutionarily hardwired to assess and realize the real risk of pregnancy stemming from sexual encounters, everyone considers and catalogs this risks with each and every partner. Thus, at play are cues to our fitness, health, vigor, sexiness and attractiveness which we evaluate as spoils which may be passed onto our children through our sexual partners. Birth control has played an effect on us, and we do treat sex more casually, but we still don’t choose partners willy-nilly. Women, try to draw courtship out by putting off sex, so as to solidify her bond with potential mates. Courtship, especially long ones, give women cues to a man’s ability and desire to invest in her with our form of resource; money. In our evolutionary history, men would have been good catches if they could build and maintain shelters, protect women from dangers such as other men and predators, had various skills like fire building, and of course the ability to regularly predating other animals for meat. The more time he invests initially, she thinks, the greater investment she will receive from him in the future.

Body language is a fundamental part of courtship. As we have learned, verbal language is risky and not only because it may lead to embarrassment, but because it often requires a verbal response from others, which can turn out to be tragically embarrassing. Keeping spoken words out of courtship initiation process and therefore out of consciousness will save us plenty of grief from being openly rejected, or perhaps even worse, negative feelings with having to reject. Using and reading nonverbal cues therefore is important in courtship, so pay particular attention to the following signals so you can judge interest yourself, without saying a word. Courtship signals are extensive and complex, perhaps numbering in the thousands, so I will only cover the basics here. For those that want more detail, they may wish to read my e-book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language (2007). Much more emphasis is placed on instruction for men to help them read women better, although it can be helpful to women who wish to send more appropriate signals of attraction, rejection or to simply bring from the subconscious the signals they use all the time.