Tag Archive for Relationships

The Truth Bias

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

A review of the literature on lying and truth telling shows us that an average sixty-seven percent accuracy is found when detecting the truth, whereas forty-four percent is found while detecting deception. In other words, people’s accuracy at detecting truths is usually higher than their accuracy at detecting lies! This is what is called the truth bias. Some possible explanations for the truth bias stem from the fact that in everyday encounters we usually deal with honest people. While lying is pervasive, it doesn’t happen nearly as often as does lying. Thus, we expect people to be telling the truth and are therefore better at detecting it.

Another possible reason for our inherent truth bias is because it would be detrimental to act suspiciously while speaking with others just in case they were telling the truth. If our default was to label other people as deceptive, we’d be constantly interrupting others to clarify statements, or our suspicion would have our minds busy fact checking at a later time. Our conversations would be littered with statements such as ‘That can’t be true’ or ‘Really, I can’t see that’ or ‘I’ll believe that when I see it’ which sometimes it is, but usually not. This would be time consuming and counterproductive given the nature of real to life situations, that is that people normally tell the truth. Our social rules also do not permit us to act suspiciously and if we did so would alienate others and prevent us from formulating alliances or friendships. In fact, ignoring the faults of others is the primary reason we allow ourselves to associate with anyone at all. Those with a memory for detail find it hard to ‘let things go’ or ‘ignore subtle unimportant flaws’ which can be detrimental for relationships. The truth bias tells us that letting little ‘white lies’ go, is an integral part of human nature, perhaps even necessary.

Positions In Circular Tables

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

At a circular table each person shares power making collaboration easier.

At a circular table each person shares power making collaboration easier.

The same types of relationships arise with round tables as they did with rectangular tables. When people wish to cooperate, they sit side-by-side, when they wish to be independent they keep one space open between each party, and when they wish to compete, they site at opposite sides. When it is desirable to maintain flow between three people equally, it is best to use a triangular sitting position at a round table which encourages discussion amongst all members equally. This allows eye contact between all members and discourages creation of rank and power.

Who Mirrors More, Men Or Women?

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Research conducted in 1981 by researcher Marianne La France out of Boston College found that women are much more likely to mirror others than men, and the more feminine the women the greater their mirroring. This isn’t surprising at all given the nature of mirroring. As we have covered thus far, mirroring is a form of empathy and rapport building. Mirroring is also a form of submission because one person must initiate positions first, and the other must follow. Women are nurtures by nature and so tend to want to build relationships, one of the tools they use more proficiently is mirroring.

Further research suggests that men are four times less likely to mirror other men, than women are to mirror another woman. Women have also been found to frequently mirror men, whereas men rarely, or only reluctantly, mirror other women, with only one exception, that being during courtship. The reason for this lies in Erno Herman’s research with Leiden University in Netherlands who in 2006 discovered that the administration of testosterone to subjects reduced empathetic behavior through facial mimicry. As mirroring requires an emotional connection in the form of empathy, estrogen rather than testosterone, is a more facilitative hormone. This gives us vital clues to the role of mirroring, and brings us back full circle to the core issue dealt with here, which is that mirroring is a form of rapport building, of which men are less prone to take advantage of.

The fact, as we have covered extensively in this chapter, remains that mirroring can be a great skill in most all facets of life. If you don’t already have it as a part of your repertoire, you should, and if you are a man, should consider it strongly because chances are you don’t do it naturally. Women rate men who display more facial emotions as more caring, intelligent, interesting and attractive which is freely reported by women especially during courtship. This trend naturally extends throughout other areas of life, especially business, but a certain degree of minimizing of expressions should be used when men deal with other men. The research tells us that men tend to rate men who mirror facial expressions in a negative light, describing them as more effeminate. Along the same lines, women who adopt more serious facial expressions when interacting with men, will be seen by them as more intelligent. Thus, to appeal to the opposite sex, the rule of thumb is to use “sex swapping characteristics” whereby we bend toward the sex’s preferences to create more similarity. In other words, men should appear a bit more feminine when interacting with women, and women should appear a bit more masculine when interacting with men.

Men are at an inherent mirroring disadvantage though as researchers have found that they can make fewer than one third the facial expressions that a woman can. What they lack for in facial expressions, though, they make up for in emotional expressions through the body. Therefore, reading body cues is a much better area to consider when reading men. The lack of facial expressions in men, which might be seen as a natural disadvantage, is turned into dominance because men appear less emotional and more “in control”, appearing to maintain their “cool” under more circumstances than women. This doesn’t mean that men fail to experience emotions, because brain scans tell us otherwise. It just means that men are better able to hide their emotions from the rest of us. Women shouldn’t be fooled into thinking men aren’t listening or even empathizing with them simply due to their pan-faced expressions. Women should though, be more watchful of men’s body language, that which happens in areas other than their face, to read their emotions and when they mirror should follow what happens with their arms and legs rather than what happens in their faces which will only be minimal. Conversely, men should do their best to mirror women’s faces as best they can, and make up for whatever expressivity is lacking through other body language channels.

What Stops Mirroring?

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Because mirroring is so efficient and useful to us, it should naturally happen across all people in equal proportions and remain consistent across time, but this is far from true. While differences in connectivity happen between various groups of people or cliques, we also feel more connectivity to certain individuals within a group. Therefore, mirroring will have various strengths across various pairings. Over time our goals and needs change too, and so too do our opinions and ideals. So as we develop, our relationships to people also change. The level of rapport we feel with another person affects the level of mirroring, and a lack of liking can even stop mirroring dead. There are many factors that affect mirroring or lack thereof such as inward versus outward looking people, high versus low self monitors, and the goals desired. If mirroring should suddenly turn cold or fail to start at all, we should be aware of possible explanation just in case it is something we can control or fix.

Inward looking people are those that define themselves specifically by virtues or characteristics attributed directly to them. Inward looking people call themselves intelligent, tall or friendly. Outward looking people, on the other hand, create their identity by their social role, the groups they belong to, their friends and relationships. Someone who sees themselves outwardly will say they are a daughter, a mother of a son, an aunt and the coach of a soccer team. Outward looking people will also be more likely to affiliate with others, and will therefore tend to partake much more in mirroring. Inward looking people will be found to resist mirroring, and extremely inward looking people can even become uncomfortable with mirroring. Extreme inward looking people who wish to maintain their identity will show their discomfort by consistently modifying their body positions to become different than their counterparts so as to clearly maintain a line of separation.

Mirroring is also affected by another personality trait called the desire to “self monitor.” Self monitoring is defined as the desire or ability to regulate oneself to fit into any given environment. “High self monitors” are more likely to change their behaviour in lieu of the situation and seem to be less consistent across context. This personality type is more likely to mirror others. “Low self monitors” are just the opposite, and remain pretty much the same across most situations. They don’t tend to feed off others or try to please them by acting differently in order to fit in. They seem less interested in “belonging” to groups and seem hold the same values across settings. Naturally, this type of person tends to mirror others much less.

The final reason for mirroring inhibition stems from having different goals. When ideas differ we want to send a clear message that our minds don’t agree. Mirroring under perceived disagreement can become particularly discomforting and put people on edge. Testing general agreement without using risky verbal dialogue can be done by mirroring our counterpart and verifying the degree to which they accept imitation. If they quickly adopt new postures, than there’s a good chance that they disagree.

Mirroring is reserved for those that are highly motivated to get along with others due to their personality traits coupled with the rewards that are in it for them in particular.

The Shrinking Man

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

People who achieve higher status are seen as taller - even if they aren't.

People who achieve higher status are seen as taller – even if they aren’t.

Height plays a big role in how we are perceived and even the level of income we might reach. It has been noted that taller men are significantly more likely to earn higher salaries, and be promoted, then shorter men of similar experience and qualifications. This is because we attribute more favourable qualities to taller people, just like we do for attractive women. We can call this the “halo effect” because taller and more attractive people are treated like angels, even though there is no reason to believe that they are more deserving than anyone else. Unfortunately, this phenomenon also occurs in reverse. Shorter and less attractive people are thought to be less intelligent and lazy. Many research studies looking at the treatment differences of thin people versus those who are obese have shown that bystanders are significantly more likely to come to the assistance of the more attractive people over those who are overweight. Overweight people in distress are often outright ignored.

While the facts surrounding the halo effect might not come as a surprise, the fact that those in positions of power also receive more favourable ratings might. For example, bosses, professors, judges, and others in positions of authority are perceived to be taller than they really are. Shorter bosses are given a few extra inches and bosses that are the same height as an employee will be said to be taller than them. These ratings have everything to do with their relative importance. Because they are leaders, we give them leadership qualities. Therefore, height perception is due, in part, to the positions held by the people around us. Even those with quieter personalities will be perceived as shorter than they really are, and those with more assertive and authoritative attitudes will be perceived as taller.

Height is used as a means of establishing superior-subordinate relationships. These can be real as it is with short and tall people or circumstantial as in happens by modifying ones environment or posture. The judge is at a high bench for a reason, he is trying to reign over his courtroom and establish his importance. The same goes for King’s or the Pope whom take balcony vantage points to address their followers. The pharmacist on the other hand is a compete mystery!

You Have Four Minutes!

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

You're on the clock, so make it count!

You’re on the clock, so make it count!

It has been repeatedly shown that the first four minutes are crucial to formulating life-long impressions of others. The research has shown that the reality of the matter is that it might even be shorter than this. [!dw-post-more level=”0″]Once a judgment has been past, people will vigorously resist changing it. In fact, our first impressions are so strongly held, that we’d prefer to ignore, omit or distort information about someone as it comes in that doesn’t fit our impressions than to modify our initial impressions of someone. Add to this, the fact that only some our time formulating impressions is done verbally through speaking, but all of our time is spent sending signals nonverbally. Our impressions are made passively, regardless of our desire to create them, so being caught on an off day can really hurt future relationship. If, say, for example, we are caught in a bad mood, or happen to be dealing with a rare crisis, the judgment others make during this period will follow us for a very long time. Shy people who take longer to warm up to others know this all to well and are often reminded of this fact later. As their relationships flourish, friends will tell them how their initial impressions of them were quite different from the person they have come to know. Being shy holds their true personalities from sight, and this hurts them in the short term because the initial impression they make comes across as indifferent and cold.

Knowing that impressions are so important, we can use it to our advantage by placing added emphasis on initial impressions and concentrate our efforts. Once this time has elapsed, we can either relax back to our regular selves and allow our newly created reputation to keep us afloat, or maintain out initial behaviour. The choice will be ours to make. This book will cover the all important job interview and skills to portray confidence and knowledgeable and how to pack it all into the typical four minute interview. Fortunately, this book is almost entirely about formulating and maintaining good impression. [/dw-post-more]So the rule here is to never ignore the power of first impressions. More often than not, first impressions are the ones that last for an entire relationship and can’t be easily corrected later. I should also emphasis that what you ‘say’ is often far less important than what you ‘do’. Listening, and using strong body language will illustrate a much stronger impression then being a good speaker, so always pay more credence to positive body language.