Tag Archive for Policemen

Introduction – Chapter 12

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When people "jive," they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

When people “jive,” they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

Mirroring or “isopraxis” is as important to lifelong friends as to strangers meeting for the first time, since mirroring is a way to test and maintain the level of rapport being established between two people or groups of people. Mirroring as it applies to nonverbal communication describes body postures, body positions and gestures that are held in unison or echoed a few seconds later, across people as they interacting. When full mirroring appears it is as if each person is looking into the mirror and seeing their reflection. When full mirroring happens, it indicates a high level or rapport, or connectivity between people.

We mirror as a form of bonding with one another, and it happens without our conscious awareness. In fact, mirroring is difficult to carry out in a natural way at a conscious level as we will see in this chapter. The evolutionary origins of mirroring might stem from imitative learning, where gestures and movements or skills are passed from one person to another. Children learn to imitate our facial expressions and quickly graduate to imitating our body positions, and then later they imitate us as we carry out tasks. If you’ve even driven with a youngster, you’ve watched them pretend to drive with their arms up, rocking the wheel left and right, or working the stick shift. Imitation has been said to be the greatest form of flattery and in mirroring this is the case.

In ancient times, mirroring would have created group cohesion and identity. Sports groups, riot officers, firemen, and a myriad of occupations all wear the same uniform. It is this dress that formulates the beginnings of the behaviour that eventually leads to a group’s ability to functioning in unison. Imagine if policemen all showed up in different dress and tried to control a crowd. To the rioters, they would seem as if they were rogue rioters themselves which would only exacerbate the problem. The rioters would identify the policemen as part of their group instead of part of the police group, which would only lead to additional chaos.

However, the police know the importance of mirroring, so they arrive with exactly the same gear, dress and comportment. They wave their batons, walk, stomp and chant in unison to display a fortified front. The uniform also serves to identify members of their group and dispel others quickly. A rioter who was able to secure a loose baton wouldn’t last long in the group in the group of police, even if he could adopt the same postures, chants and stomps, because he’d still lack the proper uniform. However, if he could obtain this too, he’d fit right in and would be accepted as part of the group without question. The results of this would be devastating, since his behaviours, no matter how random or unjust, would be tolerated by his “peers”. He could begin to smash windows or beat up other rioters and it would be initially overlooked by his group causing confusion. The uniform, because of mirroring and rapport, provides the rogue officer with additional powers, so he can get away with things that a rioter can not. This extension of power only lasts so long before it would be questioned though, and the same sort of behaviour is present in real life situations as it relates to mirroring. It builds rapport and group cohesion and identifies those that belong to us and fit in with our ideologies, and those that do not. When we are in groups we easily loose our individual mentality in favour of group cohesion. The rioters escalate their terror for the same reason. They are part of a group, identify with it and so adopt similar behaviour.

Mirroring and uniforms do not apply just to the police. In fact, it applies to almost every walk of life, in every office or business across the planet. We act and dress a certain way even when we are relaxing with friends. When we go to concerts we clap, sing, stand, drink and with the right group, listening to right music, may even join a mosh pit with others to slam our bodies together violently to celebrate the music. Mirroring says that we are on the same page. It’s like saying look at the two of us, we walk the same, talk the same and our bodies move in unison, therefore we must agree. Mirroring can cut so deep that breathing, blinking, and even our heart rates can beat in unison. Mirroring is such a profound quality of social animals as a whole. Our cities are built upon our abilities to mirror with row upon row of houses repeating one after the other, all with a small patch of green grass at the front and hopefully a bit more at the back. We all cut it short to make it presentable and to keep up with our neighbours. We compete with others just to fit in and be the same as them. Far from being a bad thing, mirroring creates social order, promotes peace and productivity and leads to cooperation.

Mirroring in rapport building is ubiquitous and serves a purpose but it also finds itself in some peculiar places. Yawning is one of them. Yawning is one of the more pronounced forms of mirroring since it has a contagious element. Yawning in one person sets off a chain of yawns within the rest of a group, even if the members don’t know each other. Picking up a foreign accent or adopting the idiosyncrasies of friends are two forms of subtle mirroring. Full blown mirroring happens when we cross our arms in unison, drink or eat together or even finish each other’s sentences. Twins have been known to connect in such a dramatic fashion that sentence finishing is commonplace and some twins can even begin sentences in unison. Mirroring comes out too in tone of voice, syntax, rhythm and use of pauses. Dancing is another form of pervasive mirroring and without building a connection, dance appear sloppy and uncoordinated. Women might even use it as a selective tool when evaluating potential suitors. If you can’t jive together in a coordinated fashion, can you be expected to raise a family together, what about create a family? Anecdotally, dance has been said to be a reliable predictor of how we perform in bed, so if you prefer a slow passionate dance over a break neck shake, keep this in mind! Let us not leave out facial expressions, emotions and overall mood as a subject to mirroring in others either. This is covered in the pages to follow.

Dominance By Setting And Breaking Social Rules

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Rules are always created by, and then in turn, broken by dominant individuals! Dominant individuals are the rule makers, not the rule followers. It’s sad but true, that police officers enjoy greater luxuries than regular citizens. Just ask any policemen what they do if the get pulled over for speeding. Do you really think they get a ticket? I won’t get into absolutes here, but I do personally know two officers who have explained to me that a flash of the badge gets them off every time. I would expect this to be the norm, not the exception, but there is no empirical way to be certain.

This sort of logic all starts at home, as parents make and break their own rules routinely. Is it any surprise that whinny children have whinny parents? Even small children can readily pick-out these injustices, but since they are still highly dependent on their parents to feed, house and cloth them, they, put up only a small amount of resistance. As children reach their teenage years, these inconsistencies are tolerated less and less by them as they tend to set their own course. They are separating themselves from their parents and taking on their own dominance characteristics, naturally, controlling inconsistent parents see this as disrespect.

This isn’t unlike what happens when dominant people meet as adults. Dominant people will often interrupt others or speak over them, casually swear in the wrong company and generally act inappropriately without fear of consequence. Dominance can also take the form of belittling and criticizing others, and holding thoughts such as “I’m more important then you”. It can also include ridiculing others and their possessions, such as their cars or occupations.

Touching also has rules which can be broken in order to set others in their place. A pat on the back can be disingenuous when used in certain context, whereas a light punch on the shoulder can be uplifting to a buddy. Punching can be annoying if done repeatedly to exercise control. There is a pretty clear line between being dominant in a good way versus being belligerent.

The Military Man

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

The 'military' or 'regal' stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back. This high confidence posture was made popular by royalty.

The ‘military’ or ‘regal’ stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back. This high confidence posture was made popular by royalty.

The “military man” sometimes called the “regal stance” when carried by royalty is a posture that occurs by placing the hands, palm in palm behind the back openly exposing the chest, usually accompanied by chin up and out, and head held back. The hand gripping the wrist or upper arm in behind the back sends an emotional message of frustration and an attempt at self control, but forms no part of what is said by the military man. Usually the feet of the military man are splayed outward so as to take up more space and dominance, which is opposite to tibial torsion when the toes point inward to signal submission. When the feet are turned outward, they indicate that a person is upset, being threatened or is threatening others. When it comes to the feet, the wider the feet are spread the more confrontation is displayed since when people ready to fight, they wish to carry a more balanced stance to avoid getting knocked over. In other words, legs will never be crossed during confrontation for the simple fact that it becomes much more difficult to escape an attack or fight a battle. Subconsciously our brains know this well, so won’t permit it. Likewise, as people become less agreeable their feet will become more spaced out. Therefore, as a way to reduce tension during conflict, adopt a less splayed posture, or even keep the legs crossed showing a lack of desire to compete.

The military man posture is reserved almost exclusively for dominant individuals, leaders, and those of high status and others who expect little or no challenge whatsoever of their authority. It is popular among lawyers, doctors, university professors, policemen or high ranking military personnel such as sergeants. Those in the military can be seen competing within rank by ever increasing leg splaying. It can also be found in (over) confident store clerks, oddly enough, who parade their booths during slow periods presumably seeking someone to commerce with. Power is nearly the exclusive meaning delivered by the posture as it exposes the full front of the body to possible attack; even invites it with an extended pointed chin. The message is also one that says “Don’t come near me, I’m important and I shouldn’t be touched!” The Queen of England and Prince Philip are noted with this body language due to their high rank and importance.

A challenge to fight - the chin pops out tempting our opponent.

A challenge to fight – the chin pops out tempting our opponent.

Boxers learn early on to tuck their chins down to protect it, as it is the easiest way to produce a knock out, opposite to the military man. The chin blow is so devastating in combat because when the jaw is hit hard enough with the right technique, it slams directly into the temporal mandibular nerve producing shock. Not to mention the fact that hard punches sloshes the brain violently around inside the skull cavity which can lead to internal bleeding and swelling. The wiring-our nervous system, is very complicated and also interconnected so a blow to one nerve can send shockwaves throughout the body. This nerve in particular, while vulnerable, also controls the lips, sinuses and digestion among others. Hitting it hard and suddenly is effectively like putting the body into sensory overload causing it to suddenly shut down. In fact, successful boxers want what is called “good chin” or the ability to repeatedly endure blows to the head and chin without passing out. The military man, on the other hand, is one who dares someone to attack their chins by making it an overt target. He says, “Go ahead take a swipe, see what it gets you in return.”

Other times, the military man posture is intended to show a readiness to be open an inviting, although it fails in this regard. We’ve all avoided the eerily empty mall shop whose underpaid employee or distraught owner paces to and fro with his hands to his back. One has to wonder if the empty shop is the cause or effect. Does the body language repel customers or does the body language come from being repelled by customers? I suspect the latter, but this represents my body language bias. Naturally, the clerks would be served well to drop the posture altogether and instead offer something more welcoming.

Police use the military-man posture to put their confidence on display. They know their uniform, badge, and the law they serve, protects them from challenges. School principals and teachers who want to set a strong first impression can also be seen touring their territory with their arms to their backs. My high school principle, in retrospect was mild mannered and quiet, he used his posture to show others he meant business. The next principle, much younger and green, faired far worse in maintaining order. He used his mouth far too often to try to set his tone which merely invited attacks. Evolutionarily speaking the military man is a strutting posture and so it can preemptively avoid potentially harmful physical show-downs between rival men. Other possible root origins stem from its concealment properties. In other words, a spear, knife or other makeshift sharp object might be cocked at the ready to be sprung on unsuspecting challengers – you’d never know, so why risk it! If you had no other choice, would you physically jump a confident looking authority figure or the man hunched over who avoids eye contact? In other words, sometimes the military man posture makes great sense.