Don’t be thrown off by the office set-up, as it might be created to put you at a disadvantage. For example, the chair provided for you might be shorter than the interviewees and a large desk might separate you from them. Don’t concern yourself with this, as everyone else will be viewed with the same conditions. Try your best to seem comfortable in whatever position you happen to be in. Keep your legs uncrossed and flat on the floor with your hands in your lap. Keep your back straight and head up and lean toward the interviewer slightly. Always hit on the averages, not too much and not too little. This goes for everything, appear relaxed, but not too relaxed, use gestures, but not too often and so forth. If the interviewer seems uptight, don’t try to loosen them up with jokes or banter but if they seem personable, or in the mood, it can be advantageous to discuss interests and hobbies. Office photographs can be great links to common interests to help build rapport. If a direct question is asked, answer directly, don’t appear to waste time with the interviewer. Try your best to maintain flow between the communication style of the interviewer and yourself. If they speak quickly, don’t try to keep up, but don’t lag behind either. It’s always better to speak a little bit slower and more confidently than speaking faster than your mind can think.
Maintain good eye contact while speaking and while listening allow for some periods when eye contact is broken. Never cut off the interviewer and offer plenty of cues that you understand what is being said. Speak slowly and confidently and never more than thirty seconds at a time. Nods and approval sounds such as “mhum” makes the interviewer know that you comprehend what is being said and the research shows us that this is important even for high status individuals. If you are genuinely confused by what is said tilt your head to the side to make a query face. If this body language doesn’t yield clarifying information from the interviewer, then ask to hear the information again, as it shows that you are keenly interested in learning more about the work.
To measure your success throughout the interview watch for eye contact, smiling and nodding. The research show us that successful applicants get twice as much eye contact, three times more smiling and twice as much head nodding as unsuccessful ones. Use this information to build your confidence or to ramp up your pitch if things aren’t going well.
People really feel that smiles get things done! Research shows that we smile more during interviews, we smile more when trying to gain approval from others, we smile when we feel someone will be disapproving of us and we smile more at our bosses. But what does all this extra smiling accomplish? Well, the science tells us that it really does help us win friends and influence people. When we smile we are more likely to be rated more honest and trustworthy and we can get out of possible wrongdoings more readily and with less negative consequences. Smiling therefore, helps us get out harsh punishments and so smiles generate leniency. Scientists call this the ‘smile-leniency effect’.
In a study by Joseph Forgas of the University of New South Wales in Australia it was found that smiling reduced punishment, especially on minor issues. In the experiment, over two-hundred individuals were asked to judge people based on a still photograph alone, by writing a description of their transgression. The photographs either had positive smiling faces or neutral faces. The smiling faces where less likely to be held responsible for the transgression and were evaluated more positively. There are a few theories as to why this is so. Smiles show that we are submissive, which indicates to others that we understand our wrongdoings. This makes severe punishment less necessary. Smiles make us more likeable and attractive, making it harder for other to punish us. Smiling also makes us appear more trustworthy and shows we are more sociable and diplomatic. The exact reason to explain smile-lenience might include all or none of these factors, but the results for smiling is universal; if you don’t want to receive the punishment for the crime, put on a big smile and you might just get off easy.
ONE. The tight lipped smile with low intensity. This smile happens as the lips are stretched across the face and no teeth are showing. The tight lipped smile can vary with intensity as well, and it is directly related to the amount the lips are raise in the corners of the mouth. The low intensity smile has very little upward curl in the corner of the mouth and indicates a hidden attitude or thought, uncertainty, hesitation or lack of confidence. In this smile the lips are stretched toward the ears with no curl using muscles called the risorius. The risorius muscles are unable to raise the corner of the lips. Small babies have been shown to use this smile for all others except their mothers whom they reserve the use of the true smile. This smile is used to placate others or to pose for photographs when we aren’t in the mood. Strangers passing on the street might also use this shallow smile as a form of greeting or acknowledgement. The smile is a feigned or dishonest smile so that others don’t catch on that we actually don’t like them. It might also appear out of nervousness or stressed, so it can appear when meeting new people. For this reason we can call the tight lipped smile the “polite smile.” When the tight lipped smile with low intensity happens in conversation in can serve to negate the previous statement. For example, a man might say about his boss “He’s a great boss, I’d switch companies and follow him anywhere if he left.” and this might be followed by a tight lipped smile serving to negate the comment.
TWO. Tight lipped smile with high intensity. This is a variation on the smile above, yet the corners of the lips rise even further with some teeth showing. The lips are slightly separated, the corners of the mouth are upturned, gaze is steady and warm and the posture is relaxed. We find this smile appearing when meeting new acquaintances, so it’s not a full honest smile, but does show openness to others. The tight lipped smile with high intensity is more appropriate for acquaintances because a full smile is reserved for our friends and family and would only come off as insincere with new company. A full smile around new people would lead them to think “What’s that guy’s problem, he’s grinning like we were the best of friends, yet we just met.”
THREE. The uneven smile. We might see this smile associated with tongue-in-cheek humour or sarcasm. The smile happens when only one side of the face sports a smile and the other side does not. The opposite side may even be down turned or frowning. The uneven smile depicts a frame of mind in which opposite emotions are present. The uneven smile would accompany cheeky humour amongst friends and would crack to show others that sarcasm was intended. We rarely see this expression aside from in the West, since sarcasm is much less common around the world.
FOUR. The upper smile. In this smile, the upper lid is raised to expose only the top row of teeth, but the true significance is that the lower teeth remain hidden. In the upper smile the jaw and teeth remain closed and the message conveyed is of medium pleasure and comes off as insecure. Used car salesman, who beam light from their teeth in this way, will seem to have a hidden agenda.
FIVE. The grin or smirk. The smirk indicates smugness and arrogance. It is a tight lipped smile with the addition of a degree self satisfaction for good measure. A nervous smile often appears like a smirk but they are not to be confused. The smirk has accompanying dominant body language such as head back, shoulders back, open postures along with dialogue riddle with exuberant pride. The smirk will happen too when someone is under direct verbal attack. It’s the sort of face that makes you want to say “Wipe that grin off your face”. Sometimes though the smirk is due to the stress of being put under fire and isn’t always an attempt at questioning authority.
SIX. Broad smile. In this smile the upper and lower teeth are made visible. The gaze is relaxed and the smile is intended to convey joy and pleasure. This is a true smile and not one that is easily faked. The tell tale sign of an honest smile, is the appearance of crow’s feet in the corners of the eyes. Crow feet make it seem as though the eyes are smiling. It is difficult to replicate these smiles without being truly amused or in good company as the muscles are usually out of our conscious control. We should be careful to use this smile, as with all smiles, when most appropriate, as in the wrong context will simply appear insincere.
SEVEN. Down-turned smile or reverse smile. Happens when the mouth is inverted into a down-facing “u” shape. It indicates high stress, unhappiness, anger, tension and depression.
There are three main ways in which people process new information. They are auditory (spoken words), kinesthetic (touch) and visual (images). When presenting information it is important to identify which methods are most suitable because every person absorbs information in a different way and so prefers to learn through specific mediums. It is also important to realize your own unique tastes so you can satisfy your own needs and learn more effectively.
Auditory learners, those who learn primarily through spoken words make up about twenty five percent of the population. This group of people prefers to hear the information through oral presentation, lectures and speeches. Oral learners will be found playing music frequently, or will leave a television or radio in the background to stimulate them. Other oral learners will be distracted by sound so they instead run white noise machines or play nature or ocean sounds to sooth themselves. You can also identify auditory learners because they will say things like “That rings a bell”, “I hear you” or “That doesn’t sound right”.
Visual learners account for around thirty five percent of the population. They will prefer charts, maps, graphs, images and photographs. You can identify a visual learner because they will say things like “I can see that”, “I just don’t see how that’s possible” or “yes, I see, that makes perfect sense”. Obviously having at least some visual props will assist any presentation but if you are looking to impress a visual learner, the more the better.
Kinesthetic learners represent the remaining forty percent and they prefer to learn mainly by touch. They prefer to learn by doing rather than simply watching and so they take poorly to lecture situations and can exhibit a desire to move. They often want to take action before learning, and jump right in, so to speak. Kinesthetic learners can be restless or hyperactive when under-stimulated physically. These types of learner will prefer dioramas, physical models, role-playing, or reenactments. Kinesthetic learners prefer test driving ideas or building things as they learn about them. We can identify kinesthetic learners as they will often say things like “Let’s bounce that idea around”, “I can’t quite grasp that idea”, “I’m having trouble feeling that” or “Yeah I can warp my fingers around that one.” More often than not, people will learn through every channel, despite having a more preferred method. Therefore, to teach effectively, it’s important to use as many of the teaching techniques as possible, not only so you can involve the greatest percentage of people, but so that you can use more of everyone’s senses making a much more diverse and powerful presentation.
This book was designed to be the only book you would ever need to read on body language, but in doing so, there are probably some areas that you aren’t interested in or are only moderately interested in. For that reason, don’t feel that you need to read the book in sequence and that skipping sections or chapters is necessarily a bad thing. Having said that there might be areas of study that particularly interest you, and for that reason, there are additional Body Language Project volumes to suite that niche need.
Once you get past the first few chapters, the readings become more and more optional depending on interest. By skipping chapters or sections you won’t get the full picture, or gain the fullest amount of power this book harnesses and from that which is nonverbal communication, you’re certain to gain the knowledge that you can use most in your life. Some information, for example, is more applicable as an employer, whereas other information applies most to employees. Others still will benefit from office dynamics, but for others who work outside an office, it won’t be as helpful. We can all learn something from information that doesn’t apply to us directly though so it never hurts to bank that information in case we find ourselves in a novel situation in the future. Feel free to skip ahead, or skim the photographs over, and hit areas again at a later date as your life changes. You will also be surprised by how much more information you will pick up on your second read so by all means re-read. This isn’t to say that we haven’t put a lot of effort into putting things into the best and most logical sequence though, it just means that you won’t suffer by reading it out of order. So split the book at any page, skip sections and just enjoy the wonderful photographs, it’s your book, read it how you want to!
While reading this book just keep in mind that there are quite literally thousands of nonverbal signals that can be emitted by the human body, most of which are covered herein, although sometimes just briefly. It would be entirely impossible and a very likely a futile effort to hit on every minor cue, not to mention extremely long winded and boring! Nevertheless, this book is designed not only as a primer on body language, but also the only book you will really ever need to read. The book covers more than just the major cues, it hits on more the subtle cues, context specific cues and cues that vary from person to person. This book is meant to be nearly exhaustive of all the body language out there, and meant as a stand-alone guide to reading people in all facets of life.
