Tag Archive for Origins

Turtling – It’s When The Head Goes Into It’s Shell

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Turtling is a limbic response to confrontation. The head sinks, shoulders shrug, and the body takes on a smaller form to avoid being seen as a threat.

Turtling is a limbic response to confrontation. The head sinks, shoulders shrug, and the body takes on a smaller form to avoid being seen as a threat.

The posture happens as the head seems to sink inside the shoulders, however, what is really happening is that the shoulders are slowly being raised so the neck disappears taking the head with it. It is as if the head is being swallowed by the shoulders. We see this posture when people are uncomfortable, have low confidence about themselves or a topic, have insecurities, feel weak or powerless, ashamed, or are carrying any other negative emotion. It is usually found when someone is centered out on their poor performance. The origins of the head turtle is to protect it from harm. For example, when people hear a very loud bang, they will quickly pull their heads inward and down, and tuck their chins. However, when it is done out of shame, it happens more slowly and deliberately so as to draw even less attention.

It usually happens when people want to appear less significant so they are ignored rather than called on. In business the head duck will occur when subordinates meet with superiors as they try to stand out less and look less significant or when employees wish to be overlooked during status reports at a boardroom meeting. It might also happen in class when the professor is calling on students who don’t have the answers, or when athletes have to walk back in shame to their dressing rooms after losing an important match.

Suckling And Mouthing Body Language

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Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest - as if we have something to hide.

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.

The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears, neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while "babying" a thought.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.

While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon, and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense that it more developed.

Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of the mouth as they speak.

Lip play.

Lip play.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Sucking on a pen

Sucking on a pen

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Other Evaluative Gestures

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To conclude this chapter, there are some other subtle gestures that tell us that someone is thinking or evaluating a decision which includes stroking the side of the nose, flared nostrils, pinching the bridge of the nose, looking upwards and looking around the room. These gestures all show us that a person is trying to come up with the best course of action, or to come to a satisfactory decision. Some evaluative gestures also have confusing meanings, for example, looking up might mean that someone is bored or in disbelief – a form of evaluation. When looking up refers to disbelief the person is ‘sending a prayer to God’ or saying “I can’t believe what I’m hearing”. Flared nostrils might also be an evaluative gesture as well because it reveals an internal judgment but it can also indicate agitated or aggression. In the same general ballpark, one might turn their nose sideways by twitching the muscles slightly revealing dislike or disbelief. This last gesture likely has origins in avoiding a particularly bad odor.

These last clues should always be taken in context and be paired with other evaluative cues in clusters, of which have been discussed in this chapter. Many times, evaluative body language shows reserved disagreement, which gives us time to prepare a better case or prepare for a less desirable outcome, such that we aren’t taken by surprise.

Some evaluative gestures:

Nose twitching.

Nose twitching.

Pinching the bridge of the nose.

Pinching the bridge of the nose.

The Origins Of The Smile And The Honest Smile

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The orbicularis muscles contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet - “smiling eyes”. When we see crows feet, we have true happiness.

The orbicularis muscles
contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet – “smiling eyes”. When we see crows feet, we have true happiness.

Smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles which are the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the side of the face to connect to the corners of the mouth, and the orbicularis oculi muscles that pull the eyes back. The orbicularis muscles are particularly important as they are used to cause what’s called “smiling eyes”. Smiling eyes, also called “crow’s feet”, where a classic wrinkling appears in the corner of the eyes is an indication of true happiness. The zygomatic muscles, on the other hand, are consciously controlled and are the ones that normally flex when we smile for the camera. Therefore, the appearance of crow’s feet is a great way of determining genuine enjoyment. Insincere smiles appear as exposed teeth and stretched lips across the face with no wrinkles in the eyes. Crow’s feet however, can be faked with extreme smiles when the full face ends up really squished, but what separates the two is that in the real smile the corner of the eyes will turn downwards and the eyebrows will dip as well. The honest smile has also been called the “Duchenne smile”, after the French researcher Guillaume Duchenne who was first to research smiles using electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to distinguish between real and fake smiles.

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

Symmetry is also important in a real smile. Natural smilers will have more even smiles as both sides of their brain respond to pleasure. Smiles that are not genuine are more pronounced on the left side of the face since they are consciously being controlled. Interestingly uneven shoulder shrugs are also dishonest. Shoulder shrugs indicate when someone doesn’t know something, and if they are being truthful, their shoulders will come up in unison and sharply, however, if just one shoulder comes up and only slightly then they are following their statement with uncertainty. In other words, dishonesty shows through when the body language to support an emotion lacks full symmetry and follow through. Shoulder shrugs is a “gravity defying” body language, meaning it requires energy and commitment, so it should happen emphatically and completely for it to have its full honest value otherwise it is just feigned serving only to appease. When you see weak smiles or shoulders that only partially come up then you know that someone is trying to be misleading about their true thoughts and feelings.

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we're being fed a load (of fake happiness).

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we’re being fed a load (of fake happiness).

Liars also find it difficult to smile, instead preferring a straight face, but when they do smile, it appears forced and especially strained showing their underlying stress. Smiling is a subconsciously submissive gesture and liars often worry about being caught so they feel that smiling might give them away. Therefore instead of appearing natural to the person they are lying to, they instead tense up and try to appear expressionless instead. Smiling can therefore be an effective way to come across as honest, although smiling too big, for too long or at inappropriate times will have the reverse effect.

Regardless, fake smiles are difficult to distinguish from real smiles and only experts and those reading this book will know what to look for! That’s why smiling, even if phony, can be effective in influencing other’s thoughts, emotions and opinions of you so in reality it doesn’t hurt to smile often. If you smile big, and frequently, those around you might just wonder about what sort of pleasant things are happening in your life and want some of those good things to rub off on them!

Fashion And Its Meaning

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Have you ever thought that a tie resembles a giant downward facing arrow?

Have you ever thought that a tie resembles a giant downward facing arrow?

Clothing is very potent and gives off all sorts of vital information about its wearer and is a language onto itself. Before we even speak with one another, our clothing creates an image about us, it also tells of our sex, age, occupation, origins, social class, personality and beliefs. Clothing can also tell others where we are going as well as what we are about to do. A business suit for example, indicates that one is conducting business or a summer dress indicates that one is on vacation. In other words, clothing provides context.

As a language clothing can be conventional or eccentric, clothing can give off signals about who one wants to be or become. Teenagers place importance on designer clothing so they can impress their friends and fit in, but as we grow older, our shift takes on a more specific role as we tailor our attire to the functions we attend and to the status we want to hold. Imagine showing up at a cocktail party thinking the event was inform and so appearing under-dressed, this can be embarrassing. The reason is of course because we feel that we will be discriminated against or judged as being something we aren’t. Clothing can also set us apart from others in terms of values and the eccentric often have flamboyant clothing to differentiate themselves from others showing that their ideas about life are different than the rest of those around them. Just keep in mind that while you may wish to send one message to a specific group of people in one location, you are passing by many more on the way, each one of which are getting the same message.

How one ‘wears’ what they wear also gives off indicators of their disposition. For example, the uptight employee that does his collar up to the top, or the laid back who fails to properly tighten his neck tie or avoids wearing one at all. Having buttons done up tight as opposed to having and open suite jacket also has meaning. In a tense situation such as a court case, the defendant would be expected to show his serious side so we expect his jacket to be done up tight with a straight tie, whereas the year end office party would create a relaxed atmosphere causing people to loosen up or remove their ties altogether especially as the evening progresses. Having un-pressed pants, dirty shoes or even no shoes, at all provide details of other people’s disposition. Using inappropriately loose or tight clothing can also give us clues as to the nature of the person. Removing a tie midday under a strict dress code indicates that the person is rebellious and defiant or unbuttoning a blouse to show more cleavage could lead to being labeled easy or a seductress. Even wearing casual clothing by superiors can be seen as a power-play. We call this dressing “against the grain” and it gains its full meaning when it is done in a calculated way. The boss, due to his status, can show up in his tennis shoes and shorts – late for a meeting, because it is him that sets the rules and not his employees. Dressing against the grain says, “I’m a powerful person, I make my own rules.”

Certain new policies in new age companies allow more relaxed dress which, not only shows their progressive attitudes and desire to act entrepreneurial, but also the force new age employees are demanding. Dress plays a big part in first and daily impressions and also provides excellent cues to be read in others. To read someone in their entirety and give off the best impressions possible, we should be mindful of the nonverbal cues we give off with respect to dress and also those that are given off by others. Just remember that while judging people by the way they look and being judged for the same is not fair, but very little in life is, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Ignoring nonverbal signal emitted by clothing, piercings, tattoos, chains, baggy pants and dirty worn clothing is a surefire way to alienate and turn people off. Do so at your own peril!

The Mirror Neuron

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When people "jive," they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

When people “jive,” they are in agreement, and this commonality leads to liking. In this photo we see a couple mirroring each other by drinking in unison.

The discovery of the mirror neuron happened by accident at the University of Parma in Italy by researchers Giacomo Rizzolatti and Vittorio Gallese. They were studying the planning and movement activity in monkey brains and found that a specific set of neurons responded when monkeys grasped a peanut while other neurons altogether fired when they ate the peanut. When one of the researchers reached for a peanut to give to the monkey, they observed the monkey’s brain react as if it where the monkey who was reaching for it. They found that the same regions of the monkey’s brain activated whether the action was performed by the monkey or if the action was simply observed by the monkey. The mirror neuron was an important discovery, but one that happened completely by chance.

In follow up studies, the mirror neuron has been directly observed in other primates and even birds. Researchers conclude that it very likely exists in the minds of humans as well. However, the mirror neurons in the human brain are much more difficult to study because isolating single neurons is impossible. In animals, the neuron fires when an animal acts and also when they view another animal act. Studies show us that the neuron therefore fires as if the motion was actually performed, when in reality the movement was merely observed. Similarly, brain scans of human’s show that areas of the brain light up when they view others performing actions. These are the same areas that would light up had the action been performed. Today, it is generally agreed that there is no such single neuron at work, but rather a network of neurons working together making the “mirror neuron” a bit of a misnomer.

The origins of the “mirror neuron” might stem from imitative learning. By observing people performing actions we could pick up skills instead of having to learn the actions all on our own. In other words, mirroring allowed us to learn vicariously which is a much quicker way to learn and also less dangerous. Just imagine having to learn to use a sharp knife or chainsaw having never seen one used, nor what either is capable of doing, either to a tomato or tree trunk. Another possible reason for these class of neurons might be related to empathy and emotion since the neurons might help us connect with others. For example, when we view pictures of people who display happiness, disgust, fear or pain, we react to them as if we had felt it ourselves. This ability to connect with people, even strangers, has an important function in our daily lives since it allows us to build and hold relationships, creates sympathy, and inhibit fighting.

Above: The mirror neuron Part I

Above: The mirror neuron Part II

How And Why The Body Reveals Emotions: The Brain-Body Interplay

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BodyLanguageProjectCom - AmygdalaMany theories exist about the human emotional brain. They range from more inward brain centered origins to more reflex or environmental oriented origins. That is, one theory says that emotions come from the inside whereas others say that emotions are created by reacting to what happens in the outside world. Which of the two is correct? Where do our emotions actually come from? How do these related to our body language? We cover these next.

Our amygdala is a part of the brain that has been shown to be the core structure of our emotions and it is closely tied to our body function. The amygdala decodes the information received from our senses and initiates adaptive behaviours through connections to the motor system (our body). Plenty of research shows how this area of the brain is particularly adept at reading facial emotions and decoding them. Other research has identified a structure called the “mirror neuron” found in the brain that triggers a mirror response and causes us to imitate facial expressions. Mirror neurons work regardless of our consciously awareness and in so doing induces us to imitate other people’s expressions. This partially explains why we are negatively affected by people in our company whom persistently scowl or frown. In the long term, negativity usually grates on us to the extent that we often feel a need to actively address others who hold these positions, and if that address proves impossible, we resort to isolating ourselves from them. We do so to protect ourselves from negative and destructive emotions that can permeate our thoughts. Attitudes exempted, even facial expressions of the people we surround ourselves with play a big role on how we tend to see the world. The contagion of negative emotions, thoughts and body language is probably a large player in the recent success of the positive thinking movement. Here, a reverse tact is used to “think” positive, and so be positive, and promises that success and riches will follow.

The brain and body are closely linked and it is difficult to “untie” them from one another. Telling a lie is difficult when holding honest gestures, such as palms exposed, and similarly, it is difficult to have a negative attitude while dancing spryly. The actions the body performs tends to bleed through into the mind and create positive or negative feelings. Even laughing, done for no good reason, can put someone in a good mood because it helps release all sorts of positive hormones.

Body language, for this reason, is very powerful. As we learn the gestures associated with opened and closed minds, we can create positive changes in ourselves. We can even induce emotional changes in others through the use of mirroring, as we shall see in a later chapter. Just by uncrossing the arms, or unfurrowing the brow, can make us not only appear more open and happy, but also make us feel that way. Smiling, even if one is not in the mood, can be particularly effective because it can set the framework by which an interaction might take place. So to provide a quick answer to our initial question, emotions likely have inward and outward forces with varying strengths. With some practice we can either resist outward stimuli, or adopt them, or can induce inward stimuli and emit them. Having the ability to spot reasons for bad moods and body language can allow us to replace them with more positive body language helping us feel happier.