Tag Archive for Lack Of Confidence

The Most Common Types Of Smiles

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The following is a comprehensive list, with accompanying description, outlining the various smiles you might encounter.

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The tight lipped smile with low intensity.

The tight lipped smile with low intensity.

ONE. The tight lipped smile with low intensity. This smile happens as the lips are stretched across the face and no teeth are showing. The tight lipped smile can vary with intensity as well, and it is directly related to the amount the lips are raise in the corners of the mouth. The low intensity smile has very little upward curl in the corner of the mouth and indicates a hidden attitude or thought, uncertainty, hesitation or lack of confidence. In this smile the lips are stretched toward the ears with no curl using muscles called the risorius. The risorius muscles are unable to raise the corner of the lips. Small babies have been shown to use this smile for all others except their mothers whom they reserve the use of the true smile. This smile is used to placate others or to pose for photographs when we aren’t in the mood. Strangers passing on the street might also use this shallow smile as a form of greeting or acknowledgement. The smile is a feigned or dishonest smile so that others don’t catch on that we actually don’t like them. It might also appear out of nervousness or stressed, so it can appear when meeting new people. For this reason we can call the tight lipped smile the “polite smile.” When the tight lipped smile with low intensity happens in conversation in can serve to negate the previous statement. For example, a man might say about his boss “He’s a great boss, I’d switch companies and follow him anywhere if he left.” and this might be followed by a tight lipped smile serving to negate the comment.

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TWO. Tight lipped smile with high intensity. This is a variation on the smile above, yet the corners of the lips rise even further with some teeth showing. The lips are slightly separated, the corners of the mouth are upturned, gaze is steady and warm and the posture is relaxed. We find this smile appearing when meeting new acquaintances, so it’s not a full honest smile, but does show openness to others. The tight lipped smile with high intensity is more appropriate for acquaintances because a full smile is reserved for our friends and family and would only come off as insincere with new company. A full smile around new people would lead them to think “What’s that guy’s problem, he’s grinning like we were the best of friends, yet we just met.”

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The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

THREE. The uneven smile. We might see this smile associated with tongue-in-cheek humour or sarcasm. The smile happens when only one side of the face sports a smile and the other side does not. The opposite side may even be down turned or frowning. The uneven smile depicts a frame of mind in which opposite emotions are present. The uneven smile would accompany cheeky humour amongst friends and would crack to show others that sarcasm was intended. We rarely see this expression aside from in the West, since sarcasm is much less common around the world.

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FOUR. The upper smile. In this smile, the upper lid is raised to expose only the top row of teeth, but the true significance is that the lower teeth remain hidden. In the upper smile the jaw and teeth remain closed and the message conveyed is of medium pleasure and comes off as insecure. Used car salesman, who beam light from their teeth in this way, will seem to have a hidden agenda.

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The grin or smirk.

The grin or smirk.

FIVE. The grin or smirk. The smirk indicates smugness and arrogance. It is a tight lipped smile with the addition of a degree self satisfaction for good measure. A nervous smile often appears like a smirk but they are not to be confused. The smirk has accompanying dominant body language such as head back, shoulders back, open postures along with dialogue riddle with exuberant pride. The smirk will happen too when someone is under direct verbal attack. It’s the sort of face that makes you want to say “Wipe that grin off your face”. Sometimes though the smirk is due to the stress of being put under fire and isn’t always an attempt at questioning authority.

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The broad smile.

The broad smile.

SIX. Broad smile. In this smile the upper and lower teeth are made visible. The gaze is relaxed and the smile is intended to convey joy and pleasure. This is a true smile and not one that is easily faked. The tell tale sign of an honest smile, is the appearance of crow’s feet in the corners of the eyes. Crow feet make it seem as though the eyes are smiling. It is difficult to replicate these smiles without being truly amused or in good company as the muscles are usually out of our conscious control. We should be careful to use this smile, as with all smiles, when most appropriate, as in the wrong context will simply appear insincere.

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The downturned smile.

The down-turned smile.

SEVEN. Down-turned smile or reverse smile.  Happens when the mouth is inverted into a down-facing “u” shape.  It indicates high stress, unhappiness, anger, tension and depression.

 

 

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Above: Paul Ekman talks briefly about types of smiles.

The Business Gaze

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

When engaging people in business it is important to hold the correct eye contact. Eye contact begins as soon as you wish to engage someone, but doesn’t happen continuously and in varies with whom you speak with. In fact, eye contact should be held about eighty to ninety percent of the time when men and women speak or when women speak to each other, but when men speak to each other, eye contact should be held only about sixty to seventy percent of the time.

If gaze is held for too long while men and women speak, men will evoke feelings of discomfort in women whereas women will evoke feelings of sexual interest, context permitting or dominance. If eye contact between men and women is any less than the eighty to ninety percent benchmark, both sexes will read disinterest. On the other hand if gaze is held too long amongst men, it is read as aggression, or if too short, as a lack of confidence or shiftiness. Women who wish to level the field in business can use gaze to their advantage by holding it longer than normal to increase their dominance or conversely can invoke protective feelings in men to gain resources by showing less eye contact and hence appearing more submissive. Women who increase gaze time while speaking with men will make them feel much more insecure and uneasy than that which would be caused by men against women. Men are not accustomed to taking on submissive roles especially when in the company of women, thus any women who wishes to use this tactic should be prepared. Women should always use their discretion and take their rank into consideration to decide which type of gaze is most appropriate.

As we have seen thus far, eye contact indicates that we have someone’s attention or that we are paying attention. We also discovered that while eye contact is important, we shouldn’t hold eye contact for too long lest we appear to be staring or overly dominant and while we are in the company of friends or lovers we might check out the rest of their overall physic, their clothing, their shoes and so forth, doing so in a business setting is not recommended. As noted previously, the friendly gaze travels a triangular pattern from eye to eye and then to the mouth, whereas the intimate gazes travels the same pattern with forays to the lower regions of the body in order to be “sized up”.

In business, it is important not to cast our gaze below the neckline so as not to appear sexually interested. Most of the business gaze is spent traveling from eye to eye and down only as far as the nose. The goal of the business gaze is to show interest and intensity but omit any sexual indicators. To convey an even greater seriousness, the eyes should travel from eye to eye then to the forehead, but never any lower. If you note any up and down gaze patterns from an opposite sex employer, you can be fairly certain they have more than just business on their mind! Also, men with female bosses should never allow their eyes to travel over their boss’s body unless they wish to convey sexual interest (and are prepared for the repercussions that might stem from it!). For every other encounter that is undefined or undetermined use the gaze pattern most likely to yield the response you desire. So if you wish to create friends, use the friendship gaze pattern or if you fancy someone, create intimacy with the intimacy gaze pattern and make eye forays across the face, to the lips and down to the crotch or breasts but if you want to keep it professional, keep all gaze around the eyes, nose and forehead.

Reading Posture

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Slumped posture indicates to others that life has given you a bad hand.

Slumped posture indicates to others that life has given you a bad hand.

Confident erect posture.

Confident erect posture.

Asymmetrical posture shows a lack of confidence.

Asymmetrical posture shows a lack of confidence.

Posture is underrated in daily life but it can tell us a lot about a person. Posture refers not only to the erectness of our bodies, but also to our body orientation, direction of lean, and the degree to which our bodies are open and inviting.

Good healthy posture does not mean that the body is straight up and down since the natural spine has curves, but it does mean that the spine is aligned and not twisted. There are natural curves between the thoracic (upper) and lumbar (lower) regions where the upper curves slight backwards and the lower slightly forward. To be technical, the ears, shoulders, hips, knees and ankles should align as if a plumb line where run from top to bottom. This is called the neutral position because the body is best able to hold this posture without stressing joints, muscle and bones. What it really means is that the weight of the body is held by the bones and not by the muscles. You can imagine the structure of a house whose weight is carried down from the rafters to the side and supporting walls, then straight down to the foundation. A house that leans puts uneven stress over certain walls causing a risk of collapse. A good posture promotes breathing, circulation and balance. Persistent improper posture can lead to general discomfort, long term damage, or even deformities. While there are medical reasons for holding good posture, there are certainly nonverbal reasons for keeping a good level body.

Having rounded shoulders for example, shows that a person is inactive in the conversation, as does leaning away or even closing the body off. We also attribute negative ideas to people with poor posture. People that slumped over or habitually lean on their elbows while seated or against a wall come off as lazy and careless; sloppy. People with poor posture often come across as lacking confidence. Conversely, being too rigid can come off as stiff, awkward, stressed, nervous and uncomfortable. Holding good posture shows the world that one is in control, confident and powerful.

Shorter people can even add several inches with an upright posture over someone with poor posture. The effect is magnified even moreso while seated, and can even level the field entirely. A posture experiment is simple so feel free to try it at the next board meeting and see just how much height you can gain just by holding a more upright posture. The postural advantage therefore is best used by striking a happy medium between being proper and upright but not appearing stiff. Keep the shoulders back, with your spin generally straight and head upright.

Body orientation, a subset of posture, can also convey information. For example, having weight unevenly distributed across the legs can show that a person is ready to leave a conversation by slumping toward the desired exit direction. Usually this is a door, or hallway. Reading or using this posture can tell you when its time to wrap things up or tell others when you would prefer to end the conversation. I use this skill on adamant door to door salespeople. Simply by orienting my body away from the salesman and even slightly moving in that direction I can show the salesman that I am serious about my disinterest. You can easily do the same.

Leaning towards or away also conveys useful meanings. Someone interested in the conversation will literally be thrusting themselves forward into the conversation by moving their bodies forward toward the speaker. Other times the body leans much more subtly. For example, an interested person might stand, shifting their weight slightly forward or might teeter just a touch to the side to display interest or connectivity to someone to their left or right. Because leaning requires a significant amount of work to do, not to mention balance, it is a significant nonverbal message especially when it is seen in the torso since it carries a large portion of our body weight. However, when the brain requires it to evade other people that we dislike or favour those we like, the body will hardly realize it. There will be times that distancing behaviours are not terribly dramatic as even just a few inches tells us that ideas and the people that voice them are diverging. While seated, interest driven leaning can be even more dramatic as weight is placed on the knees almost in a sprinter position as someone is trying to accept as much information as possible.

Steps to perfect posture
1. Stand upright, shoulders relaxed yet up and back.
2. Align your neck with your spine with your head back and level. Don’t let your head droop and ‘lead’ you.
3. Push your rear end forward so as to shift your weight onto your hips and legs without becoming overly rigid.
4. Keep your midsection tight to assist your back and keep your torso straight and upright.
5. Keep your arms to your sides with your fingers loose and keep your body weight even across both feet.