Tag Archive for Indifference

Independent And Opposite Position

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When people sit to do work but do not want to talk to each other, they will sit in the "independent and opposite" seating arrangement. We see this with strangers in a limited seating cafeteria or in a library when strangers share tables.

When people sit to do work but do not want to talk to each other, they will sit in the “independent and opposite” seating arrangement. We see this with strangers in a limited seating cafeteria or in a library when strangers share tables.

When the object is to show independence, than an opposite, yet diagonal seating position is recommended. We see this most often in cafeteria style arrangements when sitting by oneself isn’t possible and tables are filled with strangers but we still want the most amount of privacy possible. Students will choose this arrangement when studying separately in a library as it permits independent thought and separation avoids any direct eye contact should either party need a break from their work. When subjects were asked to sit and do work quietly in one study this was the most common seating arrangement. Usually the space between the parties will be evenly split and be occupied by handbags, books, papers and other belongings to reserve them from being taken up. Obviously this position should be avoided when cooperation and affiliation formation is has the reverse effect. The independent and opposite position when it is not expected creates hostility and shows indifference.

Eye Contact In Business

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

This isn't going well - she looks right through him.

This isn’t going well – she looks right through him.

Eye language is important in business as it can often be more indicative of intent then other body language. It can also significantly improve the chances of a sale at best, and at worst, can simply help convey better meaning and understanding. The most effective use of eye contact is in fleeting glances, which at first might seem counter-intuitive. However, prolonged eye contact can be seen as rude, untrustworthy, threatening or even aggressive. When seen in a client, it can mean that a sale is being resisted, where he or she is “staring” you down trying to find flaws in your sales pitch. Poor eye contact or prolonged periods of looking away can mean the reverse; indifference or outright disinterest. This is why brief glances followed by looking away, or at the material at hand, is most appropriate in a sale, and when done by a client, the best indication that a sales call is being well received.

The way eyes are positioned can give us indications of what a person is thinking. Generally, a person is passively receiving information if they are simply looking straight ahead and when conscientiously processing the information clients will look upward.

Here is a break-down for the complete set of eye movement patterns and what they mean as they relate to business:

1. Eyes focused straight ahead – passive receiving of information
2. Prolonged eye contact – threat and aggression or disinterest in sales pitch
3. Eyes to the right – message is being considered
4. Eyes to the left – person is relating to a past experience.
5. Eyes down – emotional concentration from an emotional thinker.
6. Extended looks away – desire to withdraw or vacate.
7. Eyes at ceiling – conscious analyzing.

By being aware of the manner in which the eyes focus, one can gauge the success or failure of the meeting, so as to either, remedy the pitch in the future or rework the meeting on the fly.

How To Use Regulators

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Regulators, regulate speech and control turn taking. Literally we can increase or decrease the amount of talking that happens with simple body language. For example, to increase speaking add more nodding. When people stop and you wish for them to continue simply nod your head, and, more often than not, this will encourage them to begin speaking again. The use of “mhums” and “yeses” will have the same effect. To speed speech up, or end a conversation altogether, send frequent looks away or down to your watch.

Too much nodding, on the other hand, shows indifference which can be a useful tactic depending on the speaker and your intent. Three nods in quick succession shows that you are ready to speak yourself and has the net effect of increasing their rate of speech to avoid being cut off. Drawing in air and parting the lips while tilting the head back slightly also gives the impression that someone is prepared to speak, as does patting the mouth with two fingers. Looking at your watch or looking to the doorway will make people talk less or if done excessively stop altogether.

Try this experiment. As your conversation begins nod your head every few seconds or as you see agreement. Next, increase the rate at which you nod your heard regardless of any agreement. What happens when you increase your nod frequencies? Most likely, up to about two to three continuous nods, they will become more excited believing they are building rapport. What if you nod continuously? I suspect it will stop the conversation altogether. Recall that three quick nods means that you wish to interject, while continuous nodding comes across as feigned agreement sending the conversation into a standstill. What happens with appropriate nodding absent of proper eye contact? This signals to others that their conversation is falling on deaf ears, and will be taken as an insult. The same goes with random nodding that has lost synchrony with speech. Telephone conversations easily fall off their rails if one party becomes preoccupied with another task. We immediately sense that their regulators have become unlinked from the conversation and when it comes time for them to speak, we hear nothing in return, or there is a delay. Not surprisingly, we find that the person on the other end is watching television – an obvious insult.

When people near the end of their though, and wish for their partner to speak, they will often lower their volume and slow their voice down slightly. Other times, the final syllable will be drawn out or gesturing with the hands will become less frequent or stop altogether. The eyes too are often lowered along with the head but at the very last moment eye contact will resume indicating that it’s time for the other person to begin speaking.

Raising the index finger can also signal a desire to speak which we learn early on in grade school which is normally accompanied by a sharp and deep intake of air. To stifle the “index finger interjector”, extend your hand across and make light contact with their forearm. This is a polite nonverbal way to show that you acknowledge their desire to speak, but that you haven’t quite concluded your point. If you sincerely wish to communicate interest and increase speaking, add a slight head tilt and a half frown or half-smile. This shows the speaker that what they have said is unclear but that you otherwise find it fascinating and wish to learn more.

Good communicators will make great partners amongst all types of speakers, even those that seem to carry on endlessly or those with little to say. They will have a strong arsenal of tools to cut one set of speaker off nonverbally, or as the case may be, encourage them to speak further. While we may take regulators for granted, conversations would be awkward and disjointed without them. Experiment a little for yourself and see how you can modify behaviour with regulators to suite your needs.