Tag Archive for Hips

Leaning And Ready Language In The Office And Elsewhere

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

We show attentiveness and also readiness, meaning a preparedness to take action by leaning toward the speaker, or things we want to get closer to, and away from speakers, or things we want to avoid. “Things” in the sentence previous can mean anything from proposals, ideas, opinions, decisions or anything else for that matter. This “ready posture” is akin to the sprinters ready position at the starting blocks and is called an “intention movement” because it tells us what someone wishes to do. The hands are placed on the legs or knees and the body leans forward ready to spring up and close a deal, or any other action that is being presented. It can also be done by placing the hands on the chair, arm rest or hands on the knees. While standing, the ready position is taken up by placing the hands on the hips. The eyes can also play a role in ready language as they make frequent and repetitive ganders to where a person is thinking, or where they would like to be.

In a business meeting or on a sales call, the ready position indicates that it’s time to stop talking and time to start closing, and that any agreement related to the conversation previous is likely to be accepted. Leaning forward not only means readiness, it sometimes means general interest. For example, a conversation taking place between friends containing some juicy gossiping or with an enthralling storyline, will have each party up “at the edge of their seats” and engaged in the conversation seemingly hanging onto every word. Other times, leaning language means that someone is late and needs to leave, or is bored and ready to go. The opposite position, meaning backwards leaning shows the reverse. It shows a detachment from the topic or from the speaker but can also indicate a high degree of comfort or relaxation where someone wishes not to leave. To uncover the true meaning behind leaning it will be a matter of tracking down additional cues to produce a cluster, and then matching this cluster with the context. The torso, however, is a great place to look to uncover where someone wants to go; it usually points directly to it.

A final ready posture that tells us someone wants to leave happens by propping the body up and coiling the legs underneath in a seated position. Uncrossing the legs and getting them underneath the weight of the body, shows body language readers that someone is ready to pick themselves up. This type of body language is a “leading gesture” because it is a predictor of what is about to happen. The body can also be tensed up or fidget so as to ready itself even more, and be moving away from what would normally be perceived to be the centre of attention. When people want to leave, their body begins to lean toward the exit, but even if their torso’s don’t, their feet will betray them by being extended forward. Additional ready gestures include straightening clothing, arranging or organizing papers, grabbing bags and so forth. These last cues, like the others, indicate an effort to get things going.

The Dominant Male Stance

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An alpha posture takes up space as if he's in his own living room.

An alpha posture takes up space as if he’s in his own living room.

Whenever not in motion, men should keep both feet flat on the ground with their arms to their sides and their weight even across both feet. Men should do their best to avoid placing their hands in their pockets as it comes across as dishonest as though they have something to hide. The hips should be forced forward slight, with the legs just wider than shoulder width. Men might also wish to extend a foot in the direction of the woman of interest to give her a subtle cue of interest.

It is paramount that men avoid leaning up against objects or walls and using them as a crutch. Confident men will appear relaxed, calm and grounded, without the help of chairs, walls or other crutch-like-objects to fiddle with and occupy their hands. Men should also avoid standing or sitting in the same position for too long. Rather, they should move confidently about the room and explore all aspects of their territory making themselves at home.

The Types Of Hugs

by  • March 6, 2013 • 6 Comments

An intimate hug is obvious be checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders and lean in!

An intimate hug is obvious by checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders by leaning in!

There are two types of hugs and each one indicates a different level of intimacy. The first is called the “full body hug” and is reserved for sexual partners. This type of hug is characterized by full chest to chest and hip to hip contact. Since the bodies are so tightly pressed together, the genitals might also touch incidentally. The second type of huge is the “light social hug”, the main hug for acquaintances and friends, and happens when the shoulders come together as the torso hunches forward, but the hips remain apart.

Hugs have a secondary hidden meaning as well. The longer the hug, the more intimate and affectionate is the relationship. A pat at the end of the hug indicates that one party would like to “submit” from the hug and terminate it. This gesture is similar to the actions wrestlers to do “tap out.” Taps also show feigned or meaningless hugs, or even unwelcome hugs, especially if the tap happens early. Most people think tapping while hugging shows comfort, but sexually romantic partners and close family members do not pat, they embrace deeply and squeeze tight.

The hips, during a hug, also have a very significant hidden meaning. That meaning is conveyed directly through the distance to which they remain separated and that distance tells us a lot about the type of relationship two people have. Hugs that happen between family and friends will have at least six inches between the pelvic regions of each person, whereas hugs from lovers have no, or very little space between the hips. The torsos of lovers also move tightly into each other’s intimate zones enveloping each other. The degree to which hips remain separate, or rear-ends are extended outward, whichever you prefer, and the amount of contact that takes place in the upper chest, tells us what degree of intimacy is present between huggers. Light hugs as we saw, can include only light shoulder contact, and in extreme light hugging, the bodies might not press together at all. The arms and hands might form a closed loop from shoulder to shoulder “around” them, but the chest and shoulders might only seem to move slightly closer, or seem to bob in quickly before moving out, not coming any closer than a foot. The hidden language of hugs can tell us a lot about the relationships around us, even potentially juicy ones like those brewing amongst staff members. A careful eye at the next social affair might uncover some cheeky relationships!

Signs Of Aggression

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She's displeased and thinks you should know better.

She’s displeased and thinks you should know better.

We’ve seen the hands-on-hips posture before but it resurfaces again in the aggression classification because it is ready posture. In this case, the hands on hips, feet together at attention is accompanied by leaning forward with the head and chin up, or out, and exposed. The hands-on-hips puffs the person out making them seem larger and the feet spread at shoulder width increases stability putting them in a fighting stance. Observations have shown us that ignoring the puffed out chest is to be done at one’s own peril as it is a very strong indicator that a person is about to strike out in aggression. The classic ‘in-your-face’ type of posture indicates readiness for fight and isn’t to be confused with a business ready posture. The accompanying clues which are discussed next, shows an intent to fight, but also tension so there is overlap in fighting nonverbal language and that which stems from other negative emotions such as displeasure, fear, anger, antipathy and disgust. Therefore it is the context, once again, that will tell us the root source of the body language, be it fight or flight.

As aggression nears, our blood “boils” and rushes to the surface of the body making our faces and ears turn red with anger. While blood doesn’t actually boil there is some truth to it. As our nervous system is shifted in the “fight or flight” response our blood pressure increases through a faster heart rate preparing us for action. Since our faces have a high concentration of capillaries and vessels, and the vessels, especially in the cheeks are much wider in diameter than other areas of the body, coupled with the thin skin in the face, permit the redness of the blood to show through in the characteristic “flushing.” This anger reaction shouldn’t be confused with feeling embarrassed or the blushing we see through exercise. The accompanying cues in cluster will tell us which emotional response we are seeing.

Fists clenching is an early sign of aggression. It shows that the body is ready to fight - even if not literally by punching someone.

Fists clenching is an early sign of aggression. It shows that the body is ready to fight – even if not literally by punching someone.

During aggression we might see the arms show defensive postures by becoming crossed showing a negative emotion, or dropped to the side and clenching. Fists clenching is an important cue to aggression since it indicates the underlying thought process that one is nearing physical action. Other cues in the cluster include finger pointing, overall tensing of the body or extreme body loosening to ready for fighting, tightening of the jaw and lips (called “lip occlusion”), quivering in the lips, frowning, furrowing, or lowering the eyebrows, dilated pupils, squinting of the eyes, crotch displays such as legs open, sneering or flared nostrils.

The technical term for flared nostrils as mentioned before is “nasal wing dilation” and is of particular in the fight and flight response because it tells us that someone is actively oxygenating their bodies in preparation to do something important. Our bodies consume oxygen during work, and we can get our bodies ready by loading up hemoglobin which is the carrier of the oxygen molecule, just in case it’s needed for a condense bout of work. As people get ready to fight their chests can be seen rapidly expanding and contracting as if panting. The body is essentially saying “We’ve probably got a problem on our hands, time to load up on oxygen as we might need to fight or take flight!” Sometimes though, nasal wing dilation is in response to doing anything physical at all, be it to move a heavy sofa or taking to a flight of stairs. Other times, nostrils flare when aroused by a potential mate who is seeking to take up an alluring scent laced with sexual pheromones. However, as mentioned this cue can be very important in certain context as it may provide clues to potentially aggression. School aged children should learn this nonverbal cue early on so as to diffuse aggression by bullies.

Nose flaring signals displeasure and negative thoughts.

Nose flaring or “nasal wing dilation” signals displeasure and negative thoughts. Noses flare because extra oxygen is being consumed to prepare for battle.

It might be counter-intuitive to think that opening the body up and keeping it loose, is a sign of aggression, since it exposing the body to attack, but in this cue cluster, the posture challenges others to attack. The limbs can seem to dangle from the body and the upper torso might begin to sway back and forth, or bob, similar to what a boxer does seeking an angle to attack. Only in this case, it happens much more discretely such that a surprise attack might be possible.

Conversely, the arms and body can become stiff and rigid as they prepare to defend whereas others will visibly start shaking. As a last resort, aggressive individuals may begin expressing the same thoughts over and over again to assert their position in effort to have their opponent back down. Under more extreme cases, people fall back into more primitive displays of aggression such as banging fists against a table, slamming doors, and even throwing objects. Figuratively, the message being advertised is that the table, the door being slammed, or the chair being thrown, will soon be you!

As the person nears aggression they will begin to invade your personal space, sometimes even ‘head-to-head’ and issue verbal challenges and might burst into nervous laughter even though nothing funny has been said. The solution to aggression is to always back away and give the person as much space as possible while showing defensive postures. Nearly all individuals will cease aggressive behaviour given the proper cues and switches, while other times, the only avoidance to physical combat is the flight response. In other words, run!

The Cowboy Pose

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The cowboy has all fingers "drawn" - so you check 'it' out.

The cowboy has all fingers “drawn” – so you check ‘it’ out.

The cowboy pose happens by placing the thumbs in the belt loops with the remaining fingers pointed downwards towards the crotch. Popularized by old western movies cowboys would use a combination of this posture and the hands-on-hips (or gun) posture to show how macho they were. Because it draws attention once again to the crotch, it is rarely used by women. Women tend to have to use less aggressive, yet more sensual means to show off, such as thrusting their chest outward by rolling their shoulders back, or parting the legs slightly leaving them uncrossed. When amongst other men, the cowboy pose says that they are unafraid and can dominate. This posture is tolerable as a dominance display in men because it lacks the pompousness we can sometimes find coming from in-your-face displays. The cowboy pose is equal to the figure-four-leg cross with respect to perception by others and use acceptability. This not withstanding, the posture still needs to be used with caution.

Hands On Hips

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

Strutting like a peacock. The hands draw attention to our manhood.

Strutting like a peacock. The hands draw attention to our manhood.

Having the hands on the hips or “arms akimbo” is to display like a peacock, even in people! It makes the body take up more space and hence appear larger so as to assert dominance. All the fingers also curl inward so that they point toward the crotch drawing attention in that direction which punctuates the point even further. The thumbs might also be tucked into the belt or into belt loops serving to “frame the genitals.” The message said is “There are issues here”, “Things are not right”, “I’m standing my ground” or “I’m a virile male so check me out!” Women can also be seen holding the posture although more rarely, and when they do, they will hold their hands on their hips and point their fingers to their buttocks. Pointing therefore, puts emphasis on our best assets while we state our case. Fingers pointed backwards as women do more often is a more inquisitive posture than an authoritarian one.

She's displeased and thinks you should know better.

She’s displeased and thinks you should know better.

Sexual dimorphism is a word used to describe the differences in form between males and females within the same species. In other animals, it includes horns and antlers, tusks, waddles, elaborate coloration and plumage, amongst many, many others. In humans, the dimorphism includes hairiness, perpetually swollen breasts versus muscular chests, square jaws and manly noses, internal versus external genitals, muscle mass differences, amount of fatty tissue, and hip to waste ratios (where the ratio produces an hour glass in women). In most cases, the differences between men and women are not very pronounced compared to many other animals. But when we do differ, men and women tend to display (exploit) their differences in effort to attract attention.

Like most of life’s endeavors, attention is competition based. We compete both against our own sex and for attention from the other sex. This seems like one in the same, but it is not. For example, appearing larger, heavier, taller or more muscular can serve to pique the interest of women, but also to repel nearby rivals. This is not to say that our species is cutthroat where everything boils down to competition. Instead, a large part of life involves cooperation. However, how would we know who best to cooperate with, if it wasn’t for their advantages in competition!

The hands on hips gesture is one of the ways men puff out to appear more dominant and attractive to the opposite sex and repel competition from the same sex. The cue cluster accompanying the hands-on-hips also includes an upright posture, chin up, chest out and the legs at slightly wider than shoulder width. The hands-on-hips is also a ready posture when it does not accompany more dominant cues in the cluster. In this case, it appears like a runner at the gate prepared to jump at an opportunity whatever it might be.

Territoriality and ownership is a part of the hands on hips gestures, just like placing a flag into the soil indicates a territorial line. Holding the body erect, planted, shows that the pieces of land on which we stands is ours. We occasionally see this posture in children too, as they assert their point to their adult counterparts. The referee at a sporting event will be seen holding ground with his hands on his hips as he’s met with protest from the team’s coach. He’s made a bad call, but instead of admitting it, of which let’s face it, he can’t, he instead says “I’m not going to leave, I’m the boss, what I say goes.” Meanwhile the coach will mirror this posture saying “I’m not going anywhere until I’m done doing what I came here for, so you are just going to hear me out.” Therefore the hands-on-hips body language also represents defiance. The abbreviation for the hands on hip gesture is to drop one hand, yet it remains just as potent. The other hand is usually busy gesturing more than colourful language.

Introduction – Chapter 8

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Dominant and submissive gestures are polar opposites, both by definition, and in terms of the body language that is used to indicate it. For example, appearing larger by throwing an arm over the back of the chair and spreading the legs opened is dominant whereas appearing smaller by pulling the limbs inward or hunching the back is submissive. This phenomenon is a good rule of thumb so keep it in mind while reading this chapter and the people around you.

In this chapter we will cover an encyclopedia of signs and signals that display status. By the end you will see how dominance and submissiveness are a common theme in people. So much of what people do is as a direct consequence of an unevenly divided resource base and how we all fit into society’s hierarchy. Dominance and the body language that showcases it, is how we decide who has rights over whom without resorting to physical conflict. Naturally, this chapter also provides methods by which status can be artificially raised simply by employing suitable body language.

In this chapter we will cover, amongst many others, how our environment can be manipulated to gain the advantage such as the status achieved by the judge in his highchair, how relaxed body postures can show dominance, how the head talks even when our mouths are not moving, how the chair straddler is a coward, how women will appear easy if they spread their legs whereas men will appear more masculine, how tilting far back in the chair is dangerous and not just because you might fall, how having the hands on the hips means more than disapproval and how military men leave their bodies exposed to attack on purpose.

The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind Thinks

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Or toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we're thinking that way.

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we’re thinking that way.

The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet. While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.

This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.

His ventral display says that he's ready to leave.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.

As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides, feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.

Feet are honest - these feet want to take action.

Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.

In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them, instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.

Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.

Parallel Legs

by  • March 5, 2013 • 1 Comment

Pressing the legs together makes them appear youthful and toned.

Pressing the legs together makes them appear youthful and toned – even when caught being clumsy.

The legs parallel is a sign of femininity because men aren’t easily able to perform this posture for obvious anatomical reasons and because it makes women’s legs appear toned. Men have much narrower hips than women, and an extra bit in the way, and so therefore aren’t able to sit in this fashion! The parallel legs posture occurs with one leg pressed against the other making the legs appear sexier and more youthful. Women who are trying to draw sexual attention to themselves use this sitting position. The most overt sitting posture of all is having legs spread and will attract the greatest amount of sexual attention, but appears much more crude and less feminine.

Reading Posture

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Slumped posture indicates to others that life has given you a bad hand.

Slumped posture indicates to others that life has given you a bad hand.

Confident erect posture.

Confident erect posture.

Asymmetrical posture shows a lack of confidence.

Asymmetrical posture shows a lack of confidence.

Posture is underrated in daily life but it can tell us a lot about a person. Posture refers not only to the erectness of our bodies, but also to our body orientation, direction of lean, and the degree to which our bodies are open and inviting.

Good healthy posture does not mean that the body is straight up and down since the natural spine has curves, but it does mean that the spine is aligned and not twisted. There are natural curves between the thoracic (upper) and lumbar (lower) regions where the upper curves slight backwards and the lower slightly forward. To be technical, the ears, shoulders, hips, knees and ankles should align as if a plumb line where run from top to bottom. This is called the neutral position because the body is best able to hold this posture without stressing joints, muscle and bones. What it really means is that the weight of the body is held by the bones and not by the muscles. You can imagine the structure of a house whose weight is carried down from the rafters to the side and supporting walls, then straight down to the foundation. A house that leans puts uneven stress over certain walls causing a risk of collapse. A good posture promotes breathing, circulation and balance. Persistent improper posture can lead to general discomfort, long term damage, or even deformities. While there are medical reasons for holding good posture, there are certainly nonverbal reasons for keeping a good level body.

Having rounded shoulders for example, shows that a person is inactive in the conversation, as does leaning away or even closing the body off. We also attribute negative ideas to people with poor posture. People that slumped over or habitually lean on their elbows while seated or against a wall come off as lazy and careless; sloppy. People with poor posture often come across as lacking confidence. Conversely, being too rigid can come off as stiff, awkward, stressed, nervous and uncomfortable. Holding good posture shows the world that one is in control, confident and powerful.

Shorter people can even add several inches with an upright posture over someone with poor posture. The effect is magnified even moreso while seated, and can even level the field entirely. A posture experiment is simple so feel free to try it at the next board meeting and see just how much height you can gain just by holding a more upright posture. The postural advantage therefore is best used by striking a happy medium between being proper and upright but not appearing stiff. Keep the shoulders back, with your spin generally straight and head upright.

Body orientation, a subset of posture, can also convey information. For example, having weight unevenly distributed across the legs can show that a person is ready to leave a conversation by slumping toward the desired exit direction. Usually this is a door, or hallway. Reading or using this posture can tell you when its time to wrap things up or tell others when you would prefer to end the conversation. I use this skill on adamant door to door salespeople. Simply by orienting my body away from the salesman and even slightly moving in that direction I can show the salesman that I am serious about my disinterest. You can easily do the same.

Leaning towards or away also conveys useful meanings. Someone interested in the conversation will literally be thrusting themselves forward into the conversation by moving their bodies forward toward the speaker. Other times the body leans much more subtly. For example, an interested person might stand, shifting their weight slightly forward or might teeter just a touch to the side to display interest or connectivity to someone to their left or right. Because leaning requires a significant amount of work to do, not to mention balance, it is a significant nonverbal message especially when it is seen in the torso since it carries a large portion of our body weight. However, when the brain requires it to evade other people that we dislike or favour those we like, the body will hardly realize it. There will be times that distancing behaviours are not terribly dramatic as even just a few inches tells us that ideas and the people that voice them are diverging. While seated, interest driven leaning can be even more dramatic as weight is placed on the knees almost in a sprinter position as someone is trying to accept as much information as possible.

Steps to perfect posture
1. Stand upright, shoulders relaxed yet up and back.
2. Align your neck with your spine with your head back and level. Don’t let your head droop and ‘lead’ you.
3. Push your rear end forward so as to shift your weight onto your hips and legs without becoming overly rigid.
4. Keep your midsection tight to assist your back and keep your torso straight and upright.
5. Keep your arms to your sides with your fingers loose and keep your body weight even across both feet.