Tag Archive for Hand To Mouth

Hand To Mouth Gestures

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When a child lies, she might bring her hand up quickly and slap her mouth closed, but when an adult lies, she holds back and might only lightly touch the side of the mouth.

When a child lies, she might bring her hand up quickly and slap her mouth closed, but when an adult lies, she holds back and might only lightly touch the side of the mouth.

Mouth covering is another way to reduce the pain of telling a lie. In this case, it is so as to “speak no evil.” Small children perform a full cover and even slap their mouths when they say something they shouldn’t. Grown adults will sometimes cup their hands to their mouths like children in effort to “jam the words back in their mouths” but usually use more subtle gestures such as talking through their hand or placing a finger softly over their lips. Talking with ones hand covering the mouth “talking through the hand” or resting the hand around the mouth by wrapping the fingers around the top, are significant clues indicating insecurity.

Subconsciously, hand-to-mouth gestures leads people to distrust others, and see them as less honest overall. The gesture can be done with a fist, a finger, or a ‘shushing’ motion with the index finger vertically placed over the lips. Other times the subconscious mind is so powerful that the hand comes up and slaps the mouth, but to cover this ‘tell’ up, a fake cough is added.

'Talking through the mouth' is seen as dishonest.

‘Talking through the mouth’ is seen as dishonest.

Suckling And Mouthing Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest - as if we have something to hide.

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.

The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears, neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while "babying" a thought.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.

While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon, and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense that it more developed.

Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of the mouth as they speak.

Lip play.

Lip play.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Sucking on a pen

Sucking on a pen

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Nervous Hands

by  • March 6, 2013 • 1 Comment

Nervous hands clasp to steady.

Nervous hands clasp to steady.

A telltale clue to nervousness is when the hands begin to shake. Since the hands are designed for fine motor control, they are easily affected by a surge of adrenaline stimulated from stress from nervousness or excitement. Any stimulus, good or bad, can stimulating the muscles in the hands to fire out of control creating quivering. The limbic mind driven by fight or flight response is what causes hand shaking which makes the nonverbal cue particularly honest and predictive.

As mentioned even positive events can create shaking, such as an excellent hand in poker or seeing someone we have a deep crush on. Hands more often than not however, will quiver when bad things happen that send us into a fear response such as preparing to take the stage to present in front of an audience, being in a serious car crash or swerving to avoid one at the last minute. When in any sort of confrontation, we can also experience hand shaking. To decide what sort of stimulus, be it fear or excitement that it causing the quivering one doesn’t have to go much further than context. From there, it should be obvious why someone is shaking.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.

To disguise handshaking, some people will grasp at objects such as drinking glasses, will clasp their hands together or occupy them with “busy work.” Other times people will steady their uneasy hands by grabbing the hand of a relative, cupped them hand-in-hand at the chest, or thrust them underneath the armpits or in pockets. People who suffer from pronounced handshaking will develop elaborate ritualized gestures to keep their hands from being noticed. They will play with the arms of eye glasses, twirl pencils, or fidget with clothing. To others it will go unnoticed because they will appear as a normal part of their repertoire – their baseline.

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Teenage girls meeting a celebrity pop singer are often seen fidgeting with their hands as they defy gravity by bouncing up and down. Their hands will often be flung sky-high and they clasp together in excitement. This is nervous energy personified and the hands show the limbic system in overdrive. Watch for this “tell” in a poker game as hands might come together underneath the table to steady each other. Hand shaking in poker, however, can be due to either fear of getting caught bluffing or the excitement good hand. In this case, it is a person’s baseline that helps predict which of the two is really happening. Hand quivering is important only when it deviates from a person’s normal repertoire of actions. For example, if hand quivering suddenly starts up or stops when discussing a particular event, we know that event is the root. It will then be our job to decide why the event caused nervousness or excitement. The same goes for any other cue, be it a new person added to a social gathering, nearing the edge of a cliff (fear of heights), being asked a question that is difficult to answer and so forth.

Introduction – Chapter 1

by  • March 5, 2013 • 1 Comment

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Buy Signals

Head down with hand to mouth is a “buy signal.” She’s considering the offer.

Body language is an exciting tool and I often refer to it as such because I can use it like a wrench or screwdriver and sometimes even a hammer whenever I need it, but sometimes even just for fun. Most everyone has had some sort of fascination with body language and has thought consciously about it at one point in their life. However, not everyone will graduate from casual observer to expert or near expert, as you will by reading this book. My biased opinion is that everyone needs to read at least one book on body language, and since this is so, you might as well do it early in your life! Body language works like compound interest, the sooner you know it, the sooner you can begin to benefit from it. We will see that body language applies throughout many facets of our lives.

Certainly body language helps in sales and around the office or during an interview, but it can also help in dating, in personal relationships, and even in marriage as speak from personal experience. Understanding body language has helped me be more cognizant of my tact, or lack of thereof and has allowed me to read my wife’s mind, sometimes to our her benefit and other times, to her annoyance. To a husband, with a dry humour, who wishes to diffuse a distraught wife, pointing out his wife’s negative body language as she stands over him with her arms crossed and her head down can be amusing. It’s even more amusing to catalog her body language as it escalates when she discovers that instead of paying full attention, you’re reading nonverbal cues instead! If you explain that words are not necessary, she paints a vivid image without words, you might however, regain some respect.

Body language is useful in life because, no matter what we do, we are always dealing with people and this fact becomes even more salient when understand that everything on the planet is currently owned or controlled by someone else. That is, every piece of land, every tree, every desk, computer, television, or rock, is the property of someone else or is controlled by someone else. Therefore to acquire anything or everything you must formulate agreements with these people. Reading them becomes paramount.

Spoken language happened much later in our evolutionary history than non-verbal language and is therefore deeply rooted in our minds. Nonverbal language is primordial, primitive and therefore primary to speech. Our minds and bodies are tied together in language which is why we gesticulate while we talk. We might try to bury or ignore our body language but it still creeps out when we aren’t paying attention. For most people who have done no reading about body language at all, it is their default mode and so they show us honest gestures. This is important to us as readers because we can take these gestures more or less at face value.

An evolutionary perspective is how my framework on body language was developed.

Body language helps us predict the emotions and thoughts of the people around us and gives us a framework from which to begin to understand them, even before opening with our sales pitch or agreement, for example. My interest into body language first began in university, as I sought to learn about girls and dating. I wanted to understand what made some men more successful than others, and how, or rather if, women could be read. I was particularly interested in indicators of sexual interest. At the time, I figured the end goal was just as good as good a place to begin, as any. As I learned and studied, it became apparent that it was possible to manipulate the game all the way through and even use body language in an active way instead of a reactive way to turn the tables in my favour. My passion got me into other realms as well, such as evolutionary theory, animal behaviour and ultimately into zoology. This pulled me away from psychology somewhat, but I always had an interest in people and what made them tick. So while I studied animals, how it related to people was always at the back of my mind and helped me create my formula. I now look at life through a zoological perspective because while I was studying, psychology was just beginning to wrestle with evolutionary ideas, but hadn’t totally accepted its force and weight. This is a huge factor in why I got away from psychology and delve more and more into zoology and evolutionary theory. From the start, I knew it was the right way to look at things. My current framework would be classified as sociobiological with a high degree of favourtism toward the biological aspects, evolution in particular. I am particularly fond of primary scientific research, that is, research studies that are normally published in giant periodicals in university libraries. Now we can just grab them, and their findings, digitally through electronic files. The days of photocopying endlessly are over, but the information still needs to be properly filter, dissected and reapplied in a useful fashion by an expert of some sort. You can still get the information from the source, and if you really are keen, should, but it still needs to be interpreted to become useful, and takes a dedicated mind, because at times, it is quite dry. You’ll find this book heavily sprinkled with such primary research which makes it powerfully predictive, tested, empirical, peer reviewed, and more importantly, and as all real science should be, replicable.

By the end of my third year of university I had drafted the guts of a book about sexual body language but never took any action. It sat there for years, but I finally decided to share it with the world and publish it through the www.BodyLanguageProject.com and named it Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. Body language stuck with me throughout the years because once I had the basics I was always able to read people and throughout life, it really helped me. Every so often I would point out the body language of the people around me, such as my wife and friends, just to make them a little bit more aware of what they are really revealing about themselves. Other times I would read an employer, or read politicians on television, or just regular people walking about on the streets. You will see, like I did, that body language is something that once learned will stick with you for a lifetime. Most of us already have some sort of intuitive ability to read people but this book will help spell it all out for you in plain English with no need for interpretation or guesswork. Next time you read someone, you’ll be right, you won’t be guessing.

Knowing body language will be helpful while presenting to an audience, for example, since it can tell you when it’s time to make your conversation more lively, when people are truly interested, or even when it’s time to wrap it up and move on. Body language is the “intuition” that separates decent speakers from amazing ones. Good speakers will read the degree of ‘head tilt’ in their audience, which shows interest, and then know that they are onto something, or conversely watch for arm crossing, leg crossing, or both, showing withdrawal to indicating that it’s time to switch topics, switch tactics or get the audience involved. Body language can also help around the office to read your boss or if you are a boss to read your employees. Even as a parent, body language will help in reading your children and if you are married, help read your spouses hidden meaning before words set off flames.

If you have ever heard a voice recording playback, absent of video, you know how important body language is in communication and how much meaning is added through the visual channel. Monotone words strung together with no inflection showing no emotion whatsoever makes the meaning of the sentence lost and confusing. Electronic mail or instant messaging, are two wonderful examples of all that can go wrong with communication absent of body language. Text messages become confused, misinterpreted and misread, and as we all know, often end badly, sometimes so badly, it’s irreversible. Message boards also suffer in this way, often resorting to massive infighting simply because the intended meaning is lost. Emotional icons (emoticons) such as ‘smiley faces’ and ‘winks’ we now dot our messages with are good indication of the importance nonverbal cues.

Speech takes meaning from our actions and body positions, not just from resonance, frequencies and pitch carried through air molecules. When people speak, we can tell their emotions by how they use their hands, which words they emphasize, and where they pause in speech. On the other hand, to become more effective speakers we also need to be better at delivering proper body language so again we need to understand the nonverbal channel. This book is a good start on your way to learning body language, but certainly not the finish line. You will still be required to advance a significant effort independent of this book to become proficient at both reading and delivering nonverbal messages, not the least of which will happen by seeing it in real life and in real time.