Tag Archive for Gesture

Grooming And Preening

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

A woman grooming a man is a good sign that she's trying to keep him looking good for her own benefit.

A woman grooming a man is a good sign that she’s trying to keep him looking good for her own benefit.

Grooming includes smoothing clothing, rearranging attire, rubbing the hands, glancing in a mirror and, applying lipstick, fixing the hair amongst many others. While not a grooming gesture per se, women can also provocatively leave buttons unbuttoned, especially a button-up blouse in effort to peek men’s curiousity. These are all signals of interest within the proper context. We all, men included, groom and preen ourselves in order to appear more presentable and attractive to others. The more concerned we are with our looks, the more it indicates our desire to show off and attract and the timing with which this happens is extremely important because it indicates to us the purpose of the adjustments and whom the fixes are meant for. For example, if a woman appears relaxed in her attire, perhaps wearing comfortable jeans and a sloppy sweat shirt rather than something more “put together”, and stumbles upon someone she feels is attractive, she might begin to panic and hyper groom in effort to minimize whatever damage she figures she has caused to her image. Grooming tells us that she feels his opinion matters which is no different from men. Men will smooth out ties or a shirt, button up a jacket to appear more formal, smooth out their pants or fix their hair.

Grooming gestures become particularly powerful delivered with eye contact too, not just with respect to proximity and visibility. Eye contact for example is an “anchor” for sexual signals as it hooks the signal to a particular target. Grooming absent of a target and hence eye contact, might mean, either, the desire to attract in general as we saw in the “parade” where women are just acting like magnets to see what sticks, or else a superficial desire to appear put together for it’s own sake. Grooming and preening can also be done on other people to indicate interest. A woman might pluck some imaginary lint from a man’s clothing that she fancies, while another she detests might go an entire evening with food stuck to the side of his face. She might also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub his back, all methods of showing interest. The touching and proximity that comes as a result of grooming is not just incidental, it’s the driving force. Touching is a strong indicator of interest especially when initiated by a woman.

Above: Preening gestures indicate that a woman is preparing herself for someone else to touch her but when a woman plucks some imaginary lint from a man’s clothing she’s probably interested. She might also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub a man’s back to show interest. Back touching, scratching and massaging is an evolutionary throwback when we used to have totally hairy bodies and removing tics would have been a major hygienic necessity. It’s where “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” came from. Regardless, touching and close proximity when done by a woman to a man, can be taken as a strong sign of sexual interest. Learn how to build a proper foundation for dating and attraction by reading the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language!

Sexual Hair Play

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Women's nearly uniquely long hair is a feature to be exploited in seduction.

Women’s nearly uniquely long hair is a feature to be exploited in seduction.

Hair tossing is done by women to show off their luxurious hair to men. Hair tosses can be done by flicking the hair over the shoulder or away from the face. Hair can be removed from a band and twirled or rolled and placed on top of the head to expose the neck. Other hair signals include running the fingers through the hair to preen it, wrapping the hair around the neck or curling it around the finger. Added sexuality can come with a lip lick or moistening of the lips with lip gloss or adding lip stick to make them appear red and seductive. Having the lips slightly parted as if blowing a small stream of air through them can escalate the cues even more dramatically.

For hair play to be a sexual cue, it will be done in association with eye contact, absent of which might just be a form of soothing auto contact. Eye contact turns a fairly random gesture like touching the hair into one that is directional, meaning the eye contact sends the message to a person of interest. Other times, women use signals to “fish and lure” where signals happen in a more broadstroke fashion, absent of eye contact and direction, sent off into the room at large. These types of signals are done by women out of their conscious awareness by women who are hopefully available, but not always, as a response to inner thoughts and desires, turned into motivators. Women will deny this last fact, but the results speak for themselves by increased male attention. Playing victim by stating male come-ones as unwanted and annoying is naïve at best as the science says that women put out these signals so that men will see them during peek sexual receptivity. I suppose this does give women a case, for while they may have subconscious sexual feelings, they may not wish to act on them, but because of their hardwiring do. However, now that you have read this (as a woman), you are more aware of the underlying reasoning, and so have no more excuses! If women don’t want to be approached, show a cold shoulder, if they want not to be approached by specific men, given them no leads or incentives. Use body language to get the results you want.

Some other examples of hair play in courtship:

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Sexual Hair PlayBodyLanguageProjectCom - Hair TwirlBodyLanguageProjectCom - Hair PlayBodyLanguageProjectCom - Hair Toss 2

Above: Have you ever wondered what the significance of the tie is in male fashion? It’s a giant arrow that points to a man’s crotch! Yes, that’s right — it’s a great, big beacon drawing women’s eyes down from a man’s face to his boys! Getting that out of the way, let’s look at the clip! Here Julie shows interest by playing with her hair. Any motion we do, even subconsciously, serves to draw attention to our features.

The Forehead Bow, Smiling And Childlike Playfulness

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

This interest posture is hard to miss.

This interest posture is hard to miss.

The forehead bow is a posture done by artificially lowering the head, then looking up at a man from under the eyebrows in a “come hither” fashion. It has roots in the full bow done as a greeting gesture since it exposes the top of the head making it vulnerable to attack. Just like neck and wrist displays, it indicates that trust is present within courtship. It also comes off as a childlike gesture primarily because children are shorter than adults and habitually peer up at them. As we age, we recall these gestures and go back to them when wish to revive juvenile submissive feelings. The opposite to the forehead bow happens by tilting the head back and looking down one’s nose at someone, which is a judgment posture and is seen negatively.

Smiling frequently can sometimes be sexual, but accompanying signals must be cataloged to create certainty. Women will smile for a great variety of reasons and will smile regularly to appease men for no other reason besides habit. Smiling is a natural part of being a woman and while smiling alone is submissive, it doesn’t necessarily indicate sexual interest. Accompanying signals must adjoin smiling for it to be a true sexual signal. If smiling is done over a shoulder, with pouting lips and partly closed eyes, as in the sideways glance, it should be taken as a sexual cue, but absent, should be construed only as a regular appeasement gesture and nothing more.

Tickling and other play related actions habitually show up during courtship.

Tickling and other play related actions habitually show up during courtship.

The final most common type of submissive signal is childlike playfulness which isn’t a type of posture at all, but it is a form of nonverbal behaviour so it is included here. Stealing a hat, playful teasing, tickling, playing hide and seek or peek-a-boo around objects are forms of play and submission. Acting like a child shows that a person is ready to let their guard down and feel that no threat is present. Threat is a recurring theme as it relates to courtship because a big part of submission is trusting that a man will not abuse the power he is potentially about to be given by a woman. Women begin by providing submission is small doses to see exactly how it is handled. Should she trust him at great lengths without prior history, she will have set herself up for hurt or worse, either emotionally or physically. The act of sex is a risky undertaking for both sexes, but particularly for women, and while we have many ways to reduce the risks in our current society, we still hold the evolutionary hardwiring to fear all possible repercussions.

Above: The “forehead bow” or looking up through the forehead is a childhood throwback where little children would look up at their parents from beneath them. It is a submissive posture that is meant to arouse a caring and kind man, but more importantly, it serves to induce protective feelings from men. The childlike playfulness of the image it portrays is meant to create warm and fussy feelings in men so they are more willing to take care of women. Many more tips and information in the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

The Types Of Hugs

by  • March 6, 2013 • 6 Comments

An intimate hug is obvious be checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders and lean in!

An intimate hug is obvious by checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders by leaning in!

There are two types of hugs and each one indicates a different level of intimacy. The first is called the “full body hug” and is reserved for sexual partners. This type of hug is characterized by full chest to chest and hip to hip contact. Since the bodies are so tightly pressed together, the genitals might also touch incidentally. The second type of huge is the “light social hug”, the main hug for acquaintances and friends, and happens when the shoulders come together as the torso hunches forward, but the hips remain apart.

Hugs have a secondary hidden meaning as well. The longer the hug, the more intimate and affectionate is the relationship. A pat at the end of the hug indicates that one party would like to “submit” from the hug and terminate it. This gesture is similar to the actions wrestlers to do “tap out.” Taps also show feigned or meaningless hugs, or even unwelcome hugs, especially if the tap happens early. Most people think tapping while hugging shows comfort, but sexually romantic partners and close family members do not pat, they embrace deeply and squeeze tight.

The hips, during a hug, also have a very significant hidden meaning. That meaning is conveyed directly through the distance to which they remain separated and that distance tells us a lot about the type of relationship two people have. Hugs that happen between family and friends will have at least six inches between the pelvic regions of each person, whereas hugs from lovers have no, or very little space between the hips. The torsos of lovers also move tightly into each other’s intimate zones enveloping each other. The degree to which hips remain separate, or rear-ends are extended outward, whichever you prefer, and the amount of contact that takes place in the upper chest, tells us what degree of intimacy is present between huggers. Light hugs as we saw, can include only light shoulder contact, and in extreme light hugging, the bodies might not press together at all. The arms and hands might form a closed loop from shoulder to shoulder “around” them, but the chest and shoulders might only seem to move slightly closer, or seem to bob in quickly before moving out, not coming any closer than a foot. The hidden language of hugs can tell us a lot about the relationships around us, even potentially juicy ones like those brewing amongst staff members. A careful eye at the next social affair might uncover some cheeky relationships!

Universal Facial Expressions

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

As discussed in chapter 2, there are six main facial expressions that are found throughout the world. They are happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and disgust. Each expression involves three independent parts of the face, the forehead and eyebrows, the eyes, eyelids and upper part of the nose called the “root” and the lower part of the face including the lower part of the nose, cheeks, chin and mouth. Here is a breakdown of the six facial expressions:

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Happiness.

Happiness.

Happiness (smile): The gesture is done by slightly raising the lower eyelids, wrinkles appear below them, crow’s feet may form at the edge of the eye. The mouth lengthens as the corners move out and up. Lips may part to show upper teeth and the cheeks rise and bulge narrowing the eyes and creating wrinkles around the nose and mouth.

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Sadness.

Sadness.

Sadness: Sadness is controlled mainly by the mouth where it drops at the corners. The inner eyebrows rise producing a triangular shape between the root of the nose and the eyes. The forehead might show wrinkles and the eyes may appear moist with tears.

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Surprise.

Surprise.

Surprise: The eyebrows curve upwards, wrinkles form in the forehead and the whites of the eyes become visible through eye widening. The jaw becomes slack and opens.

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The fear facial expression.

The fear facial expression.

Fear: This expression is sometimes confused with surprise as in much of the world only subtle differences exist. During fear, eyebrows rise and are pulled together, and curve although less than in surprise. Wrinkles appear in the forehead, but do not cross the entire forehead like in the surprised expression. The upper eyelids rise, as in the surprise expression, to expose the white of the eyes and the lower eyelids also rise. The lips may be stretched back and the mouth opened.

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Anger

Anger

Anger: In this expression, eyebrows are pulled down and inward and creases form between the eyebrows. The eyes narrow and take on a hard stare. The lips are often tightly clenched and the corners pulled downward. The nose is sometimes flared.

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Disgust.

Disgust.

Disgust: This facial expression contains the most meaning in the eyes and the lower face. Here, the lower eyelids rise and lines appear in the skin below them. The cheeks move up, the nose is wrinkled and either the upper lip is raised or both are raised.

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Ever thought about why our noses are down-turned rather then some other orientation, such as sideways or facing upward? The answer has nothing to do with preventing rain from falling in! Disgust is a very honest facial expression when it happens because it can happen in microseconds to indicate a particularly distasteful thought. The facial expression is rooted in rejection of spoiled foods which is why a large portion of it involves the nose which is used to detect off-putting scents. To evoke disgust, just imagine the smell or rotting flesh! In real life it instantly causes the nose to snarl and prevents us from stomaching potentially deadly foods.

Gravity Defying Body Language

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A convenient and accurate way to read someone’s level of happiness is to look for what is called “gravity defying” body language. This is any gestures that makes it seem as if a person is floating on air. We can also call these gestures of exuberance where energy is seemingly in no short supply, being expended just for its own sake. Children will walk excitedly by bouncing up and down on their way to see grandparents or to the town fair, and will sometimes even grab our hands so as to be swung to catch even more air. When we see people with a “Bounce in their step” what we really are seeing is happiness through body language as a person walks on the balls of their feet or when their arms swing confidently at their sides.

When hockey players score a goal, they will immediately throw their hands into the air. The stick is usually thrust upward in concert to defy gravity even more. Alexander Ovetchikin attained part of his fame for his elaborate celebration displays by tossing himself against the hockey rink glass. Bobby Orr’s superman dive after scoring the goal to win the Stanley cup in 1970 is one of the most recognizable images in hockey history. He personified gravity defying body language. Fist pumping is another common, yet much more subdued way to show happiness when we’ve succeeded at something and football has no shortage of exuberant dance moves after scoring a touch-down.

Another gesture that is more commonplace in everyday life happens by when either a toe is raised pointing upward while in a standing position with the weight on the back foot, or the while seated where the toe is facing down, but the heel is upward. Both gestures are gravity defying and signal that good things are happening. While standing, a person might rock back and forth on the balls of the feet or seem to stand taller, more confident and more animated. When people are happy their arms are used more to gesticulate during speech. Gravity defying gestures are rarely faked since they mostly go under the radar and someone in a bad mood usually wouldn’t think of, or be able to hold the gestures for any length of time. Interestingly, those with clinical depression are rarely seen doing these sorts of gestures, instead their shoulders seem to slump and their arms do no more than hang at their sides. Those that are insecure seem to let the weight of life keep them down and pin their arms to their sides.

The Ear Grabber

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When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

The ear grab refers to a subconscious desire to “hear no evil” and is done by reaching up and pulling the ear in response to, either hearing something disagreeable, or saying something disagreeable. Children make no bones about blocking their ears when being teased or scolded by parents, but as we grow older, we drop the cue short because it is seen as juvenile, so instead we pull our ear, or earlobe. The gesture is an attempt at preventing the sounds from reaching a deeper part of the brain. It also sometimes represents anxiety and nervousness, and is classified as a defensive posture. We may see this gesture arise just as a performer is about to take the stage in front of thousands of people.

The ear grab can be use not only at the conclusion of the lies of others, but also at the conclusion of our own lies as well, and this is why it is referred to as a gesture that shows a desire to “hear no evil.” The gesture used at the conclusion of our own lies serves to reduce what is called “cognitive dissonance” which is the uncomfortable feeling that comes from holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. For example, a used car salesman might talk about the quality of a certain car, than pull on his ear lobe, or more subtly, he might be found rubbing the edge of the ear, indicating that what he has just said is untrue. In this case, cognitive dissonance stems from the telling of a lie which is inherently bad, while a person feels that they are inherently good (it might seem odd, but everyone feels they are inherently good, even murders justify their actions). So lie tellers bridge their bad thoughts due to cognitive dissonance with the ear grab, until they have time to justify the lie to themselves. Therefore, it is the pain of the dissonance that causes the ear grab in liars.

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing” and the same “hearing no evil” is at play. In this case though, it is the receiver, not the sender, who wishes not to hear the lie. By touching or scratching the ears we hope that we can satisfy the nerve endings and end the discomfort. In other words, when we hear bad things, we go to our ears to try to turn the volume down. Other times, touching the ear means nothing at all and is simply the result of nervousness or boredom.

Ears flush as a sign of stress - indicated by a tug on the lobe.

Ears flush as a sign of stress – indicated by a tug on the lobe.

The ears often flush red when people are nervous which can be the case when they are worried about getting caught in a lie. This is why the ear grab and flushing, can be great poker tells when people are stressed about bluffing. The ear grab is a way that our bodies respond to the extra stimulation they get when agitated and we go to them to scratch or pull on them as stress relievers. Think of the ear grab like rubbing sore muscles or massaging a stiff back, except in this case the damage done is internal and it’s due to something that has been heard, which “hurts” the ears. Anytime someone shows the desire to touch their ear means that they are thinking about hearing, and it will be up to you to tie them to context and decide what it is they are really saying.

Tonguing Language

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A tongue jut is thought to have evolutionary origins as a food rejection mechanism. We stick our tongues out to show distaste - either for others or even for what we've said ourselves.

A tongue jut is thought to have evolutionary origins as a food rejection mechanism. We stick our tongues out to show distaste – either for others or even for what we’ve said ourselves.

Pushing the tongue through compressed lips is used to signal a cheeky attitude when done amongst friends, but has a more sinister meaning when done in competitive situations. “Tongue-jutting” is used in this case when people think they have gotten away with something, or have been caught doing something they shouldn’t have. However, in this case the tongue usually is pushed through the teeth and doesn’t touch the lips.

The gesture will be seen at the conclusion of an episode such as signing a contract or winning a hand at poker by bluffing. Most of the time tongue protrusion happens when people feel they haven’t been caught, but sometimes it’s actually because they’ve been caught. The statement reads “I’ve gotten away with this”, “I’m telling a cheeky joke or making a cheeky statement”, “I’ve made a mistake” or “I’ve been caught trying to pull a fast one.” Tongue through the lips or teeth can happen any place at anytime but signals the same thing almost everywhere and that is that a person is doing something that is pushing the envelop of acceptability or has gotten caught doing something that is unacceptable. Obviously if we notice this tongue language we should review what has been said and suspect highly that we’ve been fooled, cheated, that we or someone around us has been made the butt of a joke, or that the tongue protruder has realized they’ve made a mistake.

Suckling And Mouthing Body Language

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Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest - as if we have something to hide.

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.

The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears, neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while "babying" a thought.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.

While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon, and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense that it more developed.

Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of the mouth as they speak.

Lip play.

Lip play.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Sucking on a pen

Sucking on a pen

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Interlacing Fingers and Palm Finger Stroking

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Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.

Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.

When the fingers massage the palm or the fingers are interlaced together then gently rub up and down as the fingers stroke the inside of the other indicate a person who is in doubt, has low confidence, or is experiencing stress. As tension escalates the gesture will move from palm stroking into more rigorous interlaced finger stroking making the two a progression of intensity. Thus while palm stroking is due to mild doubt or slight confidence issues, interlaced fingers that rub up and down is to do a higher level of anxiety.

Both gestures are excellent examples of pacifying behaviours meant to sooth underlying emotional discomfort. As conversations intensify watch for increases in soothing body language revealing the underlying anxiety.