Tag Archive for Fit

Why We Lie

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Research by Bella DePaulo of the University of Virgina and Deborah Kashy of Texas A & M University in 1998 found that on average people tell one or two lies daily. The research tells us that people lie most often about their feelings, preferences, attitudes and opinions and lie less frequently about their actions, plans and whereabouts presumably because it would be fairly easy to detect these lies. Lies are also told about achievements and failures. Material gain, personal convenience or escaping punishment are all fodder for lies but most often, lies are used to gain psychological currency such as to appear more sophisticated or virtuous. It seems that we take self-presentation, that is, the way we are perceived seriously. Lying permits us to convey certain roles and personal qualities to others as we see fit. It’s important to realize the main reasons for lying so that we can be skeptical at the right moments. It is difficult and perhaps even detrimental to constantly be suspicious of lying. In fact, letting lies pass detection is often the best thing to do since not all lies are of significance, in fact, most are not. This strategy doesn’t require you to believe someone’s lies, but it does requiring the ignoring of certain lies, especially the unimportant ones.

The upside to lying is to protect others from disapproval, to reduce disagreements or to prevent hurting the feelings of others. Lying is therefore a skill to manage our impressions in light of others. Politicians present an example we know all to well, as they posture from all sides of every issue to gain the most support. Another feature of lies is that they often occur from omission where we remove or withhold information so as to mislead. Incidentally these are the easiest to get away with. When asked about the effect of lies, most agreed that lying produced little regret and that the lies where of little consequence. Most reported that they felt bad immediately after telling a lie though, but did not take much time planning lies or thinking about the consequences. Lying has a dark side too, and these are to hide actions that would otherwise lead to punishment which can be from cheating to deep betrayals of intimacy and trust.

In closing off this general introduction, I would like to emphasis that by no means is lie detection easy or straightforward and any source that tells you it is, is misleading you. Lying is not universally stressful, guilt-inducing or even complicated. Some lies are simple and the motivation for lying varies greatly. It is my contention which is supported by the literature on deception, that lying is used routinely, and competently executed yields only faint clues through body language. Researchers who favour my view say that ordinary people are so practiced and proficient and unaffected by lies, that they could be regarded as professionals. Lying is so pervasive that over time (evolution), those who were best able to fool others tended to be most successful and produced more of this trait. Therefore, only weak ties exist between verbal and nonverbal tells with regards to lies, with the most blatant and obvious signals eliminated quickly through our development and our evolutionary history.

When You First Arrive

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When you first arrive remove your outerwear and hang it up if possible. Try to make it seem like you belong and already fit in. When you are waiting, take notes. Have a look at the secretary and her dress and look around at others. How are they dressed? Are they casual or dressed formally. This can tell you a lot about the office’s standards of conduct. Is the office busy or quiet? Get into this framework and picture yourself there. If there is any information or company accolades on the wall, read them, and mentally make notes as you can potentially use them in your interview. If possible, remain standing in the waiting room, so as not to go unnoticed. Don’t fidget, instead remain relaxed with authoritarian postures such as the military man with hand in hand behind the back trying not to appear closed.

How To Handle The Type Of Bosses: Autocratic, Democratic And Laissez-Faire

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

To properly understand your boss you must first classify them. There are three broad categories most bosses fit into, they are autocratic, democratic and laissez-faire. The fact of the matter, is that we usually like our bosses (as with all people) when our body language compliments theirs. When we match, we feel like we naturally connect with them. However, if our styles clash we feel awkward or uncomfortable and feel like we constantly have to self-monitor. Here is a breakdown of the different types of bosses and how to handle them.

You Have Four Minutes!

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

You're on the clock, so make it count!

You’re on the clock, so make it count!

It has been repeatedly shown that the first four minutes are crucial to formulating life-long impressions of others. The research has shown that the reality of the matter is that it might even be shorter than this. [!dw-post-more level=”0″]Once a judgment has been past, people will vigorously resist changing it. In fact, our first impressions are so strongly held, that we’d prefer to ignore, omit or distort information about someone as it comes in that doesn’t fit our impressions than to modify our initial impressions of someone. Add to this, the fact that only some our time formulating impressions is done verbally through speaking, but all of our time is spent sending signals nonverbally. Our impressions are made passively, regardless of our desire to create them, so being caught on an off day can really hurt future relationship. If, say, for example, we are caught in a bad mood, or happen to be dealing with a rare crisis, the judgment others make during this period will follow us for a very long time. Shy people who take longer to warm up to others know this all to well and are often reminded of this fact later. As their relationships flourish, friends will tell them how their initial impressions of them were quite different from the person they have come to know. Being shy holds their true personalities from sight, and this hurts them in the short term because the initial impression they make comes across as indifferent and cold.

Knowing that impressions are so important, we can use it to our advantage by placing added emphasis on initial impressions and concentrate our efforts. Once this time has elapsed, we can either relax back to our regular selves and allow our newly created reputation to keep us afloat, or maintain out initial behaviour. The choice will be ours to make. This book will cover the all important job interview and skills to portray confidence and knowledgeable and how to pack it all into the typical four minute interview. Fortunately, this book is almost entirely about formulating and maintaining good impression. [/dw-post-more]So the rule here is to never ignore the power of first impressions. More often than not, first impressions are the ones that last for an entire relationship and can’t be easily corrected later. I should also emphasis that what you ‘say’ is often far less important than what you ‘do’. Listening, and using strong body language will illustrate a much stronger impression then being a good speaker, so always pay more credence to positive body language.