Tag Archive for Fingers

Hand Steepling

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

She knows something you don't.

She knows something you don’t.

The hand steeple happens by propping up the fingers of on hand, with the finger of the other hand, to form a bridge. In this posture fingers are not interlocked and the palms do not touch. The word steepling comes from their similarity to the pointed roof of a church steeple. Rocking, might accompany the steeple where the hands move back and forth by adding and reducing pressure between them. The steeple can be placed low on a lap, or seen hovering slightly above the lap. Other times the steeple is in full view of others with the elbows propped up on the table. The steepler can hold the posture so high that they have to look through the steeple to see others. Hand steeples frequently occur by themselves as standalone cues, and don’t require additional body language in a cluster to have predictable meaning.

The steepler is someone that is confident, sometime overconfident, genuine, authoritative, and particularly evaluative of others around him. Confidence, in this case, is held in the power and control they possess and also in knowing things that other people do not, so steepling says “I have access to hidden information (and life experience) and this is the source of my power and control over you.” Steeplers are found carrying the gesture when around subordinates, or whenever they seem to have the upper hand. Donald Trump performed the steeple frequently on his television show The Apprentice, in preparation, of all things, to fire his next apprentice! His steepling was an obvious cue to the power he had over his subordinates. This gesture is effective if you already possess power or want others to think you do, but it is ineffective in team building, since it comes off as arrogant. It does have subconscious manipulative properties though, such as bluffing in poker but in most cases, this gesture is only as effective as that which can be backed up with real confidence and true access to valuable hidden information.

Superiors will also be seen using this gesture in meetings and when giving orders and the higher the steeple is held, the greater the arrogance it depicts. In extreme forms, the person carrying the gesture can be seen “looking right through their hands” between the triangle formed by the pent up fingers and the thumbs. A more subtle version is the hidden steeple of which the sender could be trying to hide or shelter their opinion from view by keeping the steepled fingers below the table. The lower steeple is more often used by women and when someone is listening rather than speaking. Hidden steepling refers to hidden confidence or a desire to limit arrogance in attempt to appear more open and accepting. The underlying meaning of the steeple is still present however, yet women should show more overt confidence by actively mirroring or initiating steepling on their own to gain an advantage in office situation, rather than letting their confidence fall to the way side. In all confident steepling the hands remain stand-alone, or the elbows serve to prop the hands up from a table. When the hands are steepled, but holding support to the head, it does not signal confidence, but rather boredom, self consciousness, or awkwardness.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Hand Steepling 3The steeple can occur in body language clusters as well, but what is important is not what happens after the steepling, as in the chin stroke and eye glass language, but rather what happens preceding the steepling. Therefore, by watching for positive open postures such as palms up and arms un-crossed or closed postures such as arms crossed, touching the nose or face and avoiding eye contact, we can tell if the person is trying to be honest or manipulative with his or her apparent power. In other words, steepling is a finish posture serving to punctuate a body language clue cluster rather than the other way around. Steepling can also ebb and flow along with confidence to what is being said which can be useful in negotiations or in arguments. If something is said to drop confidence the steepling might be broken in favour of interlocked hands as if praying but then quickly return when a person feels that their position has improved. Interlocked fingers is a signal of low confidence and the fingers might even be seen wringing themselves. Lawyers quickly learn to control this nonverbal cue in favour of constant steepling rather than any other gesture.

The Invisible Lint Picker

by  • March 6, 2013 • 2 Comments

The invisible lint picker doesn't like what's being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.

The invisible lint picker doesn’t like what’s being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.

Leaning forward and lowering the head shows a critical listener and indicates that what was being said is disliked. However, there is another related posture that shows an even greater form of contempt and disapproval. It happens also by dropping the head, however, while in the position, the person will begin to pluck invisible lint from their clothing. In doing so, eye contact is broken to stammer the flow of conversation. The gesture says that there are unspoken objections that are withheld either because they feel that they won’t be well received, because they are too timid to speak up, or is a passive attack on a figure of authority.

Any other rude gesture meant to occupy the mind in lieu of paying attention says that a person lacks respect, integrity or feels that they undeservedly lack control in the relationship and set out to prove it. A person can pick their nails or remove dirt from underneath them, drum their fingers, smooth their clothing when it does not require it, or seem distracted due to any number of factors. The goal of the invisible lint picker is to withhold eye contact to gain an upper hand and end the conversation on their terms, without being forthright about it. A person with integrity will use honest body language such as pointing their feet and torsos toward the doorway, reduce agreement indicators, and use conversation ending speech to speed things up. The lint picker, on the other hand, uses passive aggressive techniques to waste the speaker’s time with no regard for their own. At times the lint picker is trapped by a more authoritative figure than them, such as a boss, which prohibits them from leaving. Their defense to this is to figuratively “kick dirt in their eyes” by withdrawing from the conversation. When small children block their ears, close their eyes and sing to themselves loudly in order to tune out adults, they are accomplishing exactly what lint peckers have set out to do. Incidentally, small children also use distraction techniques to avoid the reprimands of adults. Whenever these cues persist they should be quickly rectified so as to maintain respect.

Fidgeting, The Feet, Jiggling and Kicking

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

A classic boredom cue cluster, fingers tapping, blank face looking away.

A classic boredom cue cluster, fingers tapping, blank face looking away.

When a listener is still, it implies that they are focused on the speaker and interested, although in extreme cases it means they are sleeping! Conversely fidgeting is an indication of boredom as the body is given signals to take action and leave the conversation – like the body revving its engine in preparation. Fidgeting is therefore a substitute to walking or running where neither is socially acceptable or the situation warrants otherwise. Being stuck in a lecture is one of them! Repeated checking of a watch or clock is another symptom of a desire to leave. With some forethought, an artificial time constraint gives us an excuse to preempt longer than desire visits which can be made useful when visiting in-laws, an advanced use of body language. Watch checking in this case, helps solidify the nonverbal message.

A slouched appearance is a clear message of boredom.

A slouched appearance is a clear message of boredom.

When boredom really sets in we find repetitive behaviours such as tapping the toes, swinging the feet with one crossed over the other, or drumming the fingers. The body may begin to sag or slouch in a seat, or they may lean against the wall. The head will droop showing fatigue or be supported by the hand. The more support is given to the head the more likely it is that the person is bored. A fully supported head holding the majority of the weight is a tell-tale signal that your listener is bored and that a shift in the conversation is in order. On the flip side, if feet suddenly freeze from a jitter, it indicates an emotional change has occurred and that a person is experiencing threat. This is part of the freeze response where people wish to go under the radar in the face of danger. Freezing, in this way, can happen as a result of being confronted with an embarrassing question or situation, or being the subject of a childhood tale that one is not particularly fond about.

Anytime foot jiggling suddenly turns to foot kicking while seated shows that a person has heard something negative and is a response to discomfort. Jiggling usually depicts nervousness, but kicking on the other hand, is used to fight off unpleasant thoughts. This gesture is subconscious and visceral so is a reliable predictor because under most circumstances people don’t realize that they do it. Foot kicking can therefore tell you what people really think about what sort of questions you are asking them because once posed, they will readily begin to kick if it makes them uncomfortable.

Invasion Of Space

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

A violation of personal space is indicated by her withdrawal.

A violation of personal space is indicated by her withdrawal.

Most hostile interactions in our lifetime will fall short of physical conflict but that doesn’t mean aggression was never present. We hold a buffer around our bodies at a premium and yet others still fail to acknowledge this, and choose to move closer then we wish. Disrespecting someone’s personal space is a form of aggression and dominant individuals routinely ignore personal space buffers, in fact, it’s one of the ways they maintain their dominance! Invasion of personal space can even come from brief touching or pats on the back, but also from more inappropriate touching such as jabs to the ribs with fingers, pens, or worse yet, slaps to the buttocks! Sometimes space invades will gain unwanted closeness by using friendly conversation, that we naturally read correctly as feigned.

Overstepping territorial boundaries is obvious to almost everyone because most have at least a rudimentary ability to read body language. We can test proximity comfort levels by stepping only so close as that which causes the next party to step or lean back. Leaning back carries the same weight, as a message, as a full or partial step back, it is just more polite. We can use the step back technique to send this message to space invaders, but it is often ineffective, as their intentions are usually intended to yield such results. Stepping back, and then quickly placing an open palm on their wrist or arm, or hovering a hand palm-vertical near the midline between you and them will serve to anchor them, preventing further advances. Often, the only solution is to be outright with the invasion and call them out. In this case, we should expect it to cause openly negative feelings which could strain a relationship, so should be carefully considered.

The Cowboy Pose

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The cowboy has all fingers "drawn" - so you check 'it' out.

The cowboy has all fingers “drawn” – so you check ‘it’ out.

The cowboy pose happens by placing the thumbs in the belt loops with the remaining fingers pointed downwards towards the crotch. Popularized by old western movies cowboys would use a combination of this posture and the hands-on-hips (or gun) posture to show how macho they were. Because it draws attention once again to the crotch, it is rarely used by women. Women tend to have to use less aggressive, yet more sensual means to show off, such as thrusting their chest outward by rolling their shoulders back, or parting the legs slightly leaving them uncrossed. When amongst other men, the cowboy pose says that they are unafraid and can dominate. This posture is tolerable as a dominance display in men because it lacks the pompousness we can sometimes find coming from in-your-face displays. The cowboy pose is equal to the figure-four-leg cross with respect to perception by others and use acceptability. This not withstanding, the posture still needs to be used with caution.

The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind Thinks

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Or toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we're thinking that way.

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we’re thinking that way.

The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet. While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.

This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.

His ventral display says that he's ready to leave.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.

As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides, feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.

Feet are honest - these feet want to take action.

Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.

In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them, instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.

Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.