Tag Archive for Females

Put-Down Humour

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Even when we laugh at the expense of others and their misfortunes we create togetherness and solidarity. Putdown humour is any humour that derives amusement at the expense of others. It can be demeaning jokes, teasing, sarcasm or even self-deprecating remarks. While putdowns can be effective to build bonds and friendship there exists certain rules of engagement. For example, a putdown must be within a friendly framework and we must follow certain agreed upon rules. Taking putdown humour too far can be hurtful, and particularly harsh putdowns can be used to elevate ourselves at the target’s expense, or equally, we too we can become victim of putdowns. For example, in a study by Susan Martin in 1978 out of American University it was shown that police officers who use putdown humour against female officers tended to use it because they felt uncomfortable with the notion of having females in a male dominated workplace. However, humour among, say men at a weekly poker night can foster belonging. Overall, men will use putdown humour more often than women and also tend to expect it. Practical jokes work similarly, and sporting teams frequently use pranks to welcome new members.

The real key is to avoid hitting on truisms about a person that can be hurtful. Making fun of someone for being ugly when in fact it is well known that they are confident beauty pageant winner or making fun of a sprinter for being slow, is in good fun, and will be well received. However, poking fun at someone who is rigid or uptight, by including this trait in a joke, it is sure to offend them and while it might have a leveling effect between two people, it serves no unifying characteristics. In fact, the only result likely is to outline key differences between people and help others see this disagreement making everyone involved look bad. Harsh putdowns only serve to disassociate a person from others.

Dr. Terrion of the University of Ottawa who followed a group of police officers through training found that the development of putdowns followed a rough pattern of progression from putting down oneself, to putdowns of shared identities or groups, to putdowns of external groups and finally to putdowns of each other within a group. She also found that officers tended to putdown members of the group that had higher status, and members tended to poke the most fun at others whom they liked most and that using putdowns when members were absent was seen as backstabbing so was frowned upon. One of the cardinal rules of putdown humour, is to only poke fun at people who are present. The study also showed that members that are willing to laugh at themselves tended to be taken into the group more readily. Laughing at oneself shows others that we see ourselves as equals and shows that we can be trusted. Another general putdown rule follows that members that don’t take well to putdowns shouldn’t be targets because it tends to elicit an uncomfortable feeling within the rest of the group.

Putdown humour, when it is framed properly, indicates belongingness and also a desire by others to welcome someone in given that all the rules are properly followed. Conversely, a lack of inclusion into humour, even putdowns, can alienate us just as much as particularly negative humour. The next time someone pokes fun, roll with it and either laugh heartily or joke back, as humour can help break down boundaries and create inclusiveness.

Stealing Looks

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

We’ve all done it. We’ve all checked someone out without them being aware. Even girls do it to check our rival females or a particularly hunky guy. Women think men are the only ones, but that is only because science has show us that men’s peripheral vision is so much less broad then women’s. Since women can see much more of what is going on without other’s being aware, they appear less obvious and get caught less easily. When men look, they zero in as if they are tracking a prey animal and so appear to stare. As a sexy women walks past, men’s eyes almost universally drop down to the women’s behind. However, if men could sacrifice just one gaze and keep it affixed to the women they are with, they will notice that they too have noticed the other women’s behind. The only point of difference is that while men only notice the rear end, women noticed both the rear end and also that her man’s eyes dropped to check it out! If women didn’t really notice both, how would they know what men were actually looking at!

Stealing looks can happen more discretely too. Out of the corner of our eye, we spot a sexy blonde or tall handsome man so our eyes look to the side quickly while our head remains motionless. Without skipping a beat we continue in our conversation because we don’t want to acknowledge our shallow curiousity. We might even drop our heads to inspect our hands (a slight of hand in magic) or our meal in order to divert witnesses. Then, if desired we cast our eyes back if we feel particularly compelled to act sneaky. More often though, we steal looks in an effort not to be noticed by the ones we steal from.

What is the hidden meaning behind stealing a look? The answer is simple, it’s context specific! Performed by a married man checking out attractive woman, for example, it can indicate sexual interest under secrecy. In this case, the interest is normally benign; the look is concealed such that he wants no one to know because he does not intend to pursue his interest. In other words, it’s just an idle curiosity. For a woman checking out another woman, it might indicate jealousy or competitiveness as she is seen as a rival. If it occurs in combination with down-turned eyebrows, furrowed brows, or a frown it could mean hostility, suspicion or a critical attitude. With the combination of the lips pressed firmly together it might indicate a suspicious or questioning attitude. The eyes might also be used to subtly draw the attention of our company onto the others without them being aware so we might include them in negative conversation or gossip. As in, “I heard about the new girl Julie (in a whispering voice)” then motioning twice in succession with the eyes in the direction of Julie to indicate exactly who is being spoken about. Finally, stealing looks might be simply used to satisfy a flat out curiousity of which we don’t want others from which we steal from to notice. In this case, we don’t want them to have the satisfaction of knowing that they peak our interest so it might build their confidence even further while making us appear desperate or of lower status. Obviously this is just a small list of the possible reasons for look stealing, each one being context specific and requiring additional cues to properly solve.

Dilated Pupils

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Big pupils means big interest. Our eyes open up to the world to take in all the good things it sees.

Big pupils means big interest. Our eyes open up to the world to take in all the good things it sees.

In a classic study by Eckhard Hess in 1965, it was shown that pupil size was related to attractiveness in females. The men in the study were shown drawings of women’s faces, ones with normal sized pupils and ones with larger sized pupils. The men found that the larger pupil size was more attractive. This finding lead researchers to coin the term “pupillometry” referring to the measurement of the size of the pupil and its effect on others. Pupillometrics, on the other hand, refers to the evaluation of the pupil’s size in relation to interest and emotion.

The pupil is measured with the help of infrared cameras or sensors since visible light would throw off readings. The pupils are affected by light and open and close to allow more or less light in which assists in proper vision. In low light conditions the pupils will dilate or open to allow more light in and in bright conditions, the pupils will constrict to restrict the amount of light let it. Cameras are equipped with apertures which serve the same function. The bigger the hole, the more light comes through and the eye needs just the right amount of light to see properly.

Various studies show that our pupils also respond to positive stimuli by dilating or constricting when a person sees unpleasant or uninteresting stimuli. For example, pupils dilate more when heterosexual viewers see nude images of the opposite sex and constrict when viewing same sex images. Viewing unpleasant images such as crippled children, war scenes, or torture, leads to the constriction of the pupils. Hess and his colleagues found that an increase in pupil size was positively correlated with mental activity and problem solving and that people reached maximum dilation as they neared a solution. Further to this, images that were modified to contain female models with larger pupils tended to be rated more attractive and friendlier then images where the pupils were modified to be smaller or unmodified.

Pupil sizes can therefore be used to read people because it gives us a reliable tool for measuring interest and arousal even if in a subtle way. Subconsciously we are all aware of other’s pupil sizes as indicated by the study. Men were not able to consciously describe why they felt certain images were more attractive than others, but they did so anyway. Increased pupil size can be an indication of any positive stimuli such as food when hungry, or when seeking companionship, other potential suitors in a room. Paying at least some conscious attention to the pupil sizes of others can give us information about the overall state the people around us are in. One of the reasons pupil size is so powerful is because we are not able to consciously control the size of our pupils which means that pupils will always naturally react to stimuli we find attractive. Wearing sunglasses by professional poker players is partially explained with these findings since dilated pupils might provide a ‘tell’ to their opponents.

If you think pupils aren’t hardwired, then take the pupil test. Have someone look at the drawing in “image B” while covering “image A” then after some time have them look at “image A” while covering “image B”. You will notice that the eyes dilate in response as the brain naturally thinks it is looking at a set of eyes. Italian women in the 18th century would place eye drops called belladonna containing atropine to chemically induce their eyes to dilate in order to elicit attention from men. Today, marketing does the work for us, as images are commonly doctored by image modifying software to appeal to our innate biology. Turning the lights down or a candle lit dinner can have the same effect. Even artificially modifying pupil size by dimming the lights subconsciously produces arousal. Through their eyes they tell us that they are interested in us and so we become interested in them!

So How Exactly Do The Minds Of Men And Women Differ?

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Neocortex Or Mammalian BrainDr. Gurian believes there are about a hundred structural differences between the male and female brain. Men tend to compartmentalize their communication into smaller parts of the brain and therefore tend to get right down to the issues whereas women’s brains gather a lot more information from different areas of the brain and therefore tend to be more detailed in their conversations. Men also show more activity in mechanical centers of the brain and females show more activity in verbal and emotional centers. These changes happen very early in boys and girls. To a little girl, a doll becomes life-like with desires, feelings, needs or in other words a life, but to a little boy, that same doll is simply an object.

The brain scans of women show that the corpus callosum which handles communication is larger than that of men’s. The corpus callosum is an anatomical part of the brain that is centered between the left and right hemisphere and helps women’s brains “talk” better across each hemisphere. The corpus callosum is a thick collection of nerve fibers that conduct information. In essence, it helps women multi-task by sending information to an fro, from one side to the other to be dissected, disseminated and refabricated as it is put through various brain centers. Men on the other hand tend to move information within the same side of the brain better and tend not to confuse issues with others. Women’s brains easily move from the right side (creative) to the left side (logical) and vice versa, very easily. This is why they often inject all sorts of emotions into their arguments and details into stories whereas men get stuck on the facts and logic and progress from A to B to C. Because of this ease of movement women can perform more operations at the same time, they can pick berries, take care of their young, and discuss camp ethics all at the same time. As it applies to our nonverbal discussion, it means that they can focus on more than just the words being spoken, they can also monitor body language as well.

So what does this all mean? Well, in practical terms, it means that women might have a better natural ability to read people. However, this book isn’t about what’s natural, it is about what can be learned and just about anyone can learn to read body language well, even if they are at an inherent disadvantage.

The Evolutionary Differences Between Men And Women

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

We rarely catch women checking men out because they can always see the 'whole picture' unlike men and their predatory hunter eyes.

We rarely catch women checking men out because they can always see the ‘whole picture’ unlike men and their predatory hunter eyes.

Eyeball assault! Predator alert!

Eyeball assault! Predator alert!

The hunter gatherer theory of human sex differences describes that men have evolved to be hunters whereas women have evolved to be gatherers. By this theory, the brains of men and the brains of women have been created under different selection pressures. The female mind was focused on language and communication especially between other females (gossip) and on searching out multiple food items, such as berries, vegetables and nuts. Men where more focused on tracking down prey, a single item, and used far less dialogue since talking too much might upset the animals they were pursuit. Once a successful plan was hatched amongst a group a men, spoken words were no longer necessary. Women, on the other hand, had to keep each other abreast of which fruits were in season and their location. The research supports this as women use landmarks and memorize routes to connect familiar places to navigate, even in cities, whereas men use more spatial factors such as direction of travel and the patterns of the roads themselves. Presumably it would be easier to describe to someone else how to go about finding berries in the wilderness through landmarks over a sense of the hills and terrain. For women, the food they gather doesn’t move, but men needed to be move about and orient an environment that was always changing based on the prey they were hunting and the season. Landmarks while hunting become useless when in new areas.

Men also tend to score higher on three-dimensional tasks such as moving an object in their minds to match similar items, a task called “mental rotation”. This spatial skill is attributed to throwing accuracy as one might use to fall moving prey. In tests, women perform better on language oriented tasks such as verbal memory and verbal recognition of sounds. Gossip amongst women around camp would have played a key role to protect unity, maintain peace and uncover dissenters. Women have also been shown to be more proficient at using both hemispheres of their brains since their left and right sides are better connected. Women can therefore use their minds more fully and draw from many centers of their brain.

The ability to use both hemispheres makes it much easier for women to work out complex relationships between people and their environment simultaneously. It fascinates me to listen to my wife click away at a game of solitary on her computer while she talks with her mom on the phone. Without pause the dialogue continues, whereas when I speak to my brother on the phone, and he’s watching television, the line practically goes dead! Body language requires a lot of focus and attention and women have much more mind to draw on to analyze it. Women seem therefore more naturally attuned to reading body language subconsciously, but that doesn’t mean it can’t easily be learned as is the case with my wife and I. By far, I am more aware of body language, due in large part to the amount of research I have done. My experience makes up for what I lack in brain power!

Women have a much wider visual field then men. That is, they can see further out on the periphery while still fixated on a central point. This is why women are so much better at finding things in the cupboard or in a drawer. Men’s eyes have pin point or tunnel vision and must look from one object to another eliminating them in sequence just to find what they need whereas women can see the whole picture all at once and identify the object needed. This partially explains why men find it so frustrating to have their things moved about the house when women tidy up. Men simply can not find them if they are relocated, but it’s not as if we don’t appreciate the effort! Conversely, women have difficulty pointing out and following moving objects such as animal in the woods or baseballs. With training however, both can become better at each task, the point is that men and women are inherently different, acknowledging our deficiencies just makes us each easier to live with! Having a better peripheral vision also explains why women don’t ever seem to stare at the men’s “junk” whereas men drop their gaze routinely to check women out. Women do check out other men, they just don’t get caught!