Tag Archive for Favour

Reading Buy Signals

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

No matter what your occupation, we are all in the business of selling. If we aren’t selling a particular product, we’re selling ourselves! Most good salesmen agree that almost every form of sales includes the selling of oneself and when people buy, they usually buy us and not the merchandise. This is why it’s important to know when we are on the right track during a sales call. Buying signals include indicators that tell us that someone is not only ready to buy an item, but can also mean that they are ready to sign a deal, offer us a job, create a partnership or forge practically any other agreement. Let’s look at some of the ways we know when someone is about to commit to buying so we can tone down or stop our pitch altogether in favour of closing out. Pitching passed the point where a decision is made is always unnecessary, but sometimes even disastrous because we may end up saying something extra to take them out of the buying mood. So here are the various signals we should watch for during a sales pitch.

Eye contact: During the pitch process a buyer will sometimes try to feign disinterest (or might actually be disinterested) but as someone readies to buy, they increase eye contact.

Moving in: Buyers will shrink the distance between them and the seller usually by leaning inward, or if standing, by moving in closer. Translation – they don’t want the deal to slip away.

Touching the chin: Touching the chin is a powerful signal showing thought, and if seen along with accompanying buy-signals, closing should be attempted.

Greater relaxation: Tension is heavy during negotiations, but as demands are met and agreements created, a sudden release of tension from the body indicates that your client is prepared to accept the deal and is okay with its terms.

Any reversal of these signals, midstream or a lack of buy-signals shows that a buyer is not yet ready to purchase. With what we have covered throughout this book, it should be obvious from their body language, the reason they withhold the sale. If possible, addressing concerns as you go through hints in their body language, but if you miss them and get hung up put the ball in their court by asking them what needs addressing. This is only a fail-safe tactic since in most cases, as we have seen people give off plenty of solid clues to negative thought patterns.

Environment Plays On Height And Dominance

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Standing up while others are seated instantly creates dominance.

Standing up while others are seated instantly creates dominance.

If your goal is to gain the dominance advantage, but nature dealt you the short stack, there are several ways to use your environment in your favour. One of which is to create a scenario where it is natural to present to a seated audience. Obviously this particular example is more suitable to a boardroom business meeting, but can also be amongst friends by roaming a room, rather than taking a fix seat while entertaining. When created an artificial scenario it would be wise to include ample comfortable seating to provide an incentive for people to plop themselves down. A man might use the standing advantage at a bar to pick up women by waiting for her sit instead of approaching her while she dances. Present to the seated naturally gives you a large height advantage.

This cop knows his game. By keeping the suspect in his car he gains height-authority over him.

This cop knows his game. By keeping the suspect in his car he gains height-authority over him.

Stages by their nature are designed to give power to the speaker. Fewer interruptions from the audience is the direct result of being higher than them. It is very unnatural to address someone with any degree of authority from a lower position and we instinctively know this. If there are height differences and levels about a room, such as split levels or stairs, and your goal it to intimate or dominant someone, then use them. For example, standing on an upper step with your target below you will give you the upper hand every time. Addressing someone taller than you from an elevated position such that their height is negated will make them feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. They aren’t used to playing short stacked and they will probably do their best to rebalance the field in their favour when the opportunity arises. Try this experiment on door-to-door solicitors the next time they interrupt you. First, be sure to use the door as a barrier never quite opening it fully, and never ever invite them in. If you have a glass portion of your door, close the door slightly so as to be speaking through the glass. Ideally this will force them to address you from the next step which will be lower giving you at least a six inch height advantage. This is usually enough to stifle their pitch or at least annoy them. Next close and re-open the door at random intervals. This might seem cruel, but remember you never invited them, so they brought it upon themselves!

While lifts in shoes are out of style for men, there exits shoe brands and inserts that can add up to two inches of height. If you are 5’8”, then two inches can make a big difference in the height game, and put you into or above the average. Women know the power of heels all to well, and should use it to their advantage whenever possible in business and even in dating. The exception though is when the purpose is to build cooperation rather than asserting competence. Women should use heels in dating to set their benchmark height. It is universally recognized that women prefer men to be two to three inches taller than they are. By simply using a heel of that height and eliminating men who don’t stack up, they can immediately thwart unwanted advances. Most men won’t solicit from women taller than they are.

As we saw, forcing others to sit while we stand can helps neutralize height differences, but so too does mutually sitting. If both parties are forced to sit, the advantage is given to those that have the biggest rear ends rather than those with the longest legs. The extra cushion serves to prop them up! The largest differences in heights is largely due to the biggest bones in our bodies which is our legs, not our spines, although they do play a part. Sitting down, takes our legs out of commission. Next we should try to hold good posture and if our company has poor posture, we can negate all or most of the height difference. Sitting on opposite sides of the table negates height differences even further because separation makes it difficult to make the height comparison. The same tactic can be used while standing just by taking a step back.

An advanced, although cruel tactic includes sabotaging others by providing them with lower chairs. It’s not uncommon in the interview process to give prospects unpadded chairs with short legs. When multiple people are present, just claim the tallest chair! A chair with an abnormally tall back commonly used by royalty will make someone appear shorter due to perspective, but will also serve to make them appear more dominant and authoritative.

If presented with a power player who insists on interrupting and talking over you or others especially while seated, play their game. Instead of taking it sitting down, stand up, walk about the room, move away from the situation or move to the opposite side of the desk or table or use misdirection by looking out a window pretending to ponder his position. Each of these actions will unnerve them forcing them to up their game or concede. The simplest and most honest tactic is to hold better, more upright posture, which in and of itself can add inches over people with poor posture. Most people have a bad habit of slouching, so using better posture on its own makes you appear more confident by comparison.

If your objective is to maintain common ground instead of exploiting it, then the best bet it to try to level or lessen height differences instead of exploiting them. Tall women know this all to well, and can be found with poor posture usually because they stand out from the crowd and get teased as teenagers. Unfortunately, instead of walking tall, they hunch up trying to appear subordinate so they fit into the crowd unnoticed. Obviously, tall women who slouch are self-conscious of their height.

This not-withstanding reducing height differences fosters cooperation and reduces tension. Tall people should take notes and reverse all that was said above with respect to exploiting height differences. Most of what was mentioned was methods to use height to manipulate or create power imbalances. If the goal is to achieve cooperation, then we should be careful to try to level height differences instead of maximizing them. We should rarely show submission though, as it can be as disastrous as showing dominance when trying to build cooperation. We never want to appear weak even as we seek common ground.

The Fetal Position

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

We curl up in a ball when we feel upset - as a fetus does in utero.

We curl up in a ball when we feel upset – as a fetus does in utero.

An extreme form of closed posture is the fetal position. While it might seem far fetched to expect someone in your company to have this posture, it does occur although in more abbreviated adult acceptable ways. While at an informal party, for example, a women in might find herself hugging her knees at the end of a couch. To her, this feels comfortable, which is why she does it, but it reveals her true emotions. When in a public she is timid and reserved so she curls up in a ball. The abbreviated form of this position, of course, and one that is more acceptable in public is to pull the limbs in closer to the body and across the center-line as in the “self hug”. With age, we learn that taking up the fetal position, like thumb sucking, is not an acceptable way of dealing with our insecurity so we drop the extreme form of the gesture in favour of more subtle cues. Playing with the hair, rolling it around a finger, sucking on it, or a pen, or other oral fixations are also juvenile coping behaviours that become unacceptable, although often still continue, into adulthood.

Sucking on a pen or piece of hair serves as a replacement for a soother.

Sucking on a pen or piece of hair serves as a replacement for a soother.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Breaking The Mold – How To ‘Close’ The ‘Closed’

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.

Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.

The research shows us that a significant amount of information is inhibited from reaching the brain when our bodies show closed body language. In one such study, two groups of students attended the same lecture. One group was instructed to hold their arms and legs crossed throughout, while the other received no such instructions. The group instructed to hold closed body language was found to have retained forty percent less information than the group that held open body language. The lecturer was also rated far more critically. Therefore, when presenting to someone with their arms crossed it is vitally important to use tactics that help them open up and drop negative cues. Not only will the retention of your message increase significantly, but so too will the probability that any agreement will take place.

It’s nearly impossible to formulate agreements with others who have their arms crossed or a myriad of other closed body postures. By simply opening your objective, they will be more receptive to your thoughts and ideas. This is why is it important, as closed body language arises, to immediately re-calibrate your tactics. If your target’s legs cross, have them stand up and move to the same side of the table to get a closer look at the material, or have them reach forward for something, forcing them to take a ready position with their bodies leaning toward you. If their arms are crossed, have them jot down notes on a piece of paper which you can express as being important for later, or have them examine a document which you can hand to them. You will want to carefully monitor their post position to see if after the item is discarded they return to their original closed body position. If they are adamant in keeping closed, they probably aren’t receiving the message to your favour.

Other ways to open people include handing them a cup of coffee, or glass of water, show them photographs of family or pets, handing them model cars or any other office artifact you might have noticed them examining with some interest. Handing them any object forces them to uncross their arms to reach for it thereby opening them. The object used isn’t vitally important, it just needs to be interesting enough to motivate them to reach for it. By doing a bit of research beforehand, you can probably find a mutual interest that can be exploited during the pitch to build rapport. This will prove especially useful if the meeting takes a turn for the worst. Being creative to re-open the conversation is an important tactic for everyone in business.

Ventral Displays

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

When the chest is turned away, this is called "ventral denial." It says, "I don't like what you're saying."

When the chest is turned away, this is called “ventral denial.” It says, “I don’t like what you’re saying.”

Torsos house important organs that are vital to keeping us alive. Our heart, lungs, liver, intestines and so forth are all easily accessible through a thin layer of skin, fat, muscle and sometimes ribs and a sternum although even these have spaces by which damage may be inflicted. Exposing our ventral side means that we trust we won’t be attacked. Laying on our backs is something we do only in our own houses because it exposes our bodies to attack and paralyzes us from defending ourselves.

Women, in the wrong company will feel particularly sensitive about exposing their breasts and both sexes will avoid displaying their genitals when nervous or timid. This is where arm and leg crossing is prevalent creating shields so as to reduce threatening exposure. Other times, bodies may turn away from people with whom we lack trust, or we may distance our torsos to give us a time and space buffer so that if a threat should be advanced, we have enough of a cushion to escape.

His ventral display says that he's ready to leave.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.

When in conversation people will orient their ventral side to those they trust the most and away from those they trust least. They’ll also favour those with whom they agree with most and away from people they disagree with or have contempt for. People can be seen changing their orientation more and more over the course of a conversation as ideas diverge. In dating, as women are turned off by an approach they will first shift their feet toward the exit, followed by the torso. If they wish to remain polite so as not to offend, they might keep their faces oriented toward their solicitor, yet the rest of their body, the important parts, will face away. Even slight disagreement can produce ventral shifts as bodies orient away from the speaker based on topics of lessor interest or topics we wish not do discuss.

Ventral distancing.

Ventral distancing shows a lack of commonality.

Ventral distancing is also a nonverbal cue that indicates agreement. When people don’t like what they are hearing, they will slouch or lean backward to indicate that they aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on matters. On the other hand, when people agree, they will move toward each other to shrink the distance. When presenting a lecture, it’s easy to measure audience interest because those most keen will be sitting “at the edge of their seat” hanging onto every word. The bored or disinterested will be slouching or sitting low in their seats perhaps awkwardly to one side as if ready to take flight.

When we are reunited with loved ones we take part in hugs which is intimate precisely because the torsos are sandwiched together. We even move our arms away from our fronts so that we can get even closer. Children love to receive “raspberries” where air is blown onto their stomachs and will permit it because they trust their parents or family members. However, even with children they’ll “turn their backs on us” when they are upset with us as we enforce rules. This is a nonverbal way to show disagreement. Lovers in deep conversations will move closer to each other and face head on indicating a trust and showing no desire to leave or exit the situation which might happen by turning the torso away. Orienting the torso forward says that this is the direction in which someone is thinking about moving and when lovers do this, it means they wish to move into one another; to kiss. In a business context, people who agree with turn their bodies so they more closely face each other, even while sitting, and away from those whom they disagree with. This is called “ventral fronting” or “ventral denial.”

To use ventral language best, lean forward and drop the arms to the side when you wish to project agreement but when the opposite is desired feel free to side back in a chair or lean back or turn to the side and cross the arms. Making friends with all people is not always desirable especially when someone is malicious and unpopular. Being courteous all the time, to all people is a misuse of proper body language so use the nonverbal language that is most appropriate for the feelings you want to convey.

The Eyebrows In Communication

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The eyebrow cock - something you said was interesting.

The eyebrow cock – something you said was interesting.

The eyebrows are very active in conversation. They can furrow to show anger or be turned inward and down to show disgust or a crucial view. Even still, the eyebrows can be raised fully to express surprise or be singly raised and lower to indicate suspicion. One eyebrow raised and the other level or neutral is a widespread sign of skepticism or displeasure and is called the eyebrow cock but if done subtly with a slightly cocked head and a cheeky smile means “interesting”.

Disappointingly, very few actors have control over their eyebrows, and if you don’t believe me just watch for yourself. I’m not sure they could use their faces very efficiently even if they tried, as the use of eyebrows is not something that is easily consciously controlled. I have noticed that female television news anchors will flash away during most of their reports but men won’t. This is also the case with male actors who favour control, presumably to appear more dominant especially in lead roles.

Placement, size, and shape of the eyebrows also portray different meaning. Lower eyebrows appear more dominant whereas high eyebrows make for a more subordinate yet perpetually surprised look. Eyebrows that are turned in near the outside of the face also called “medially downturned” make the face appear more concerned or empathetic. Bushy eyebrows signal dominance, and thin brows remind us of children so appear more neotenous whereas the uni-brow where the eyebrow forms one single brow across both eyes appears archaic, unsophisticated and un-groomed.

The eyebrows also have a language all to themselves. The eyebrow raise, where the eyebrows come straight up and then back down in one motion, happens in speech to emphasis certain words, to punctuate a point or in accompaniment with questions. The eyebrows raise can also appear as a request for approval when unsure how our thoughts stand with others, or can even be meant as a measure to verify if what we have said is being understood. In this case, the eyebrows will come up and pause for a second and seek some sort of gesture of approval such as a head nod or vocal agreement before being lowered. If there is no approval, then we might see the “eyebrow hold” which is akin to the shrugging of the shoulders, indicating a lack of knowledge or even helplessness. Politicians and children do this often when they seek approval, it says “So, what do you think, have I don’t a good job?”

Other times the eyebrows will move almost continuously throughout a conversation when we really want to impress someone, flirt with them, or act particularly animated. If eyebrows are raised with a slight tilt of the head at the end of the sentence it is to check to see if the message was understood but if it is done with a slow raise of the head, it means disapproval saying “What you have just said, surprises me”. Disapproval is even stronger if the head is lowered with the lips pursed tightly accompanied by raised eyebrows. This signals a desire to end communication altogether.

Body Language Of Children

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

BodyLanguageProjectCom - NeotenyBabies are almost entirely dependant on nonverbal communication in their first few months, that is, if we discount crying! As children age, they still rely, as adults do, on nonverbal language such as pointing at a toy rather then asking for it, pushing other children aside when it suites them, or even hugs to show affection and exaggerated pouting to garner sympathy. Babies as young as nine month’s old, who lack verbal language, can even begin using sign language to convey desires showing just how rooted non-verbal communication is all of us.

When young children lie they often have troubles making eye contact or they might hang their head, appear tense or they might even quickly pull both hands up and cover their mouths as if to shove the lie back in from where it came from. Even some adults will perform these gestures if they let slip a secret or particularly juicy piece of gossip in the wrong circle. However, at other times, both children and adults are not as obvious. A 2002 study by Victor Talwar and Kang Lee out of the University of Queens, Canada, however, showed that children as young as three are naturally adept at controlling their nonverbal language as it applies to deception. In the study, children were able to fool most of the evaluators of their deception as a videotape showing the lie was replayed. Children are not particularly skilled at lying through verbal channels though, and they slip up easily revealing inconsistencies in their stories, so this is where you can really catch them. We will cover deceptive body language at lengths later on.

Other emotional body language emitted by children is much more prevalent. For example, children use slouching and pouting to show that they are upset and disappointed but as we age, we drop our nonverbal cues in favour of verbal expression. We naturally become more adept at repressing what our bodies do and tend to use more conscious thought and spoken words since it is more direct and less easily misinterpreted. What starts off as a quick mouth slap movement to the mouth when lying (or swearing) in children, slowly becomes a touch to the corner of the mouth. Later, restraint forces the finger to the side even further and then instead of touching the mouth it touches the side of the nose instead. As people age, they become much more difficult to read. By logical progression, the hardest to read of all are sixty-year-old politicians!

As an interesting aside, dedicated parents even claim to be able to sense when a baby is about to relieve themselves and so avoid messy diapers. This technique is referred to as elimination communication. By reading gestures such as frowning, squirming, fussing or tensing, mother’s (or fathers!) in combination with baby’s particular rhythms, can detect when potty time is immanent. Once the baby’s cues have been deciphered the mother can anticipate potty time by holding baby over the toilet and cuing with “hiss-hiss” or “wiss-wiss” sounds. To associate the hissing sounds with urination, this process must be repeated ten to twenty times each day!