Tag Archive for Family And Friends

How To Accurately Read Lies

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

By now we know that liars are practiced, we all do it, and we do it regularly. Sometimes we don’t even realize we do it and other times those around us don’t care to know. What we do know is that most liars feel only mild feelings of guilt and fear. Thus, we should only expect very subtle clues to deception and nothing more. It has been shown through the research that looking for full blown signals of lying is both misleading and even unhelpful. Liars as it were, are only slightly more apprehensive than truth tellers with both feeling nervous and anxious when faced with scrutiny.

My advice to read people is to watch for the little stuff, the microexpressions, the small gestures and the ones that happen instantly, and then hone in on it. Keep in mind too, that you won’t be able to detect lies much better than about seventy-five percent of the time anyway, which is on par with the CIA minus of course various lie detection machines which we discussed as being impractical and requiring cooperation that you are very unlikely to garner, even if provided with access.

The top lie detectors all seem to have one trait in common, and that is skepticism. They know or assume that someone is lying so they view them through that window being careful to watch and recall any cues that tip the scales toward deception. Looking at the world through rose-coloured glasses will lead to rose-coloured predictions about people and this is all just dandy, if you aren’t interesting in uncovering bad things around you. You also must be aware of a person, from their face to their toes and be willing to look them over and actively observe them. If you’re goal is to make friends, then by all means avoid filtering and analyzing the body language around you. In fact, I would advise body language readers to relax their skills when around family and friends, or at least keep it secret!

It is not safe to immediately peg someone a liar based on one or even a handful of cues just by the nature of the trade. Reading lying correctly is a long term comparison of the facts seeded with emotional, fearful and stressed body language from one moment to the next that can only happen over time. Success will come by looking at the full picture and comparing the parts to the whole and digging deeper when discrepancies happen between expressive behaviours and the words said. No doubt, lie detection is difficult, but the body language in this chapter coupled with how it is framed, that is the lie detection theory and it’s limitations, will help increase your odds significantly.

The Types Of Hugs

by  • March 6, 2013 • 6 Comments

An intimate hug is obvious be checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders and lean in!

An intimate hug is obvious by checking the distance between the hips. The smaller the distance, the more intimacy is present. When we hug grandma, we might only touch shoulders by leaning in!

There are two types of hugs and each one indicates a different level of intimacy. The first is called the “full body hug” and is reserved for sexual partners. This type of hug is characterized by full chest to chest and hip to hip contact. Since the bodies are so tightly pressed together, the genitals might also touch incidentally. The second type of huge is the “light social hug”, the main hug for acquaintances and friends, and happens when the shoulders come together as the torso hunches forward, but the hips remain apart.

Hugs have a secondary hidden meaning as well. The longer the hug, the more intimate and affectionate is the relationship. A pat at the end of the hug indicates that one party would like to “submit” from the hug and terminate it. This gesture is similar to the actions wrestlers to do “tap out.” Taps also show feigned or meaningless hugs, or even unwelcome hugs, especially if the tap happens early. Most people think tapping while hugging shows comfort, but sexually romantic partners and close family members do not pat, they embrace deeply and squeeze tight.

The hips, during a hug, also have a very significant hidden meaning. That meaning is conveyed directly through the distance to which they remain separated and that distance tells us a lot about the type of relationship two people have. Hugs that happen between family and friends will have at least six inches between the pelvic regions of each person, whereas hugs from lovers have no, or very little space between the hips. The torsos of lovers also move tightly into each other’s intimate zones enveloping each other. The degree to which hips remain separate, or rear-ends are extended outward, whichever you prefer, and the amount of contact that takes place in the upper chest, tells us what degree of intimacy is present between huggers. Light hugs as we saw, can include only light shoulder contact, and in extreme light hugging, the bodies might not press together at all. The arms and hands might form a closed loop from shoulder to shoulder “around” them, but the chest and shoulders might only seem to move slightly closer, or seem to bob in quickly before moving out, not coming any closer than a foot. The hidden language of hugs can tell us a lot about the relationships around us, even potentially juicy ones like those brewing amongst staff members. A careful eye at the next social affair might uncover some cheeky relationships!