Tag Archive for Emotions

So How Exactly Do The Minds Of Men And Women Differ?

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Neocortex Or Mammalian BrainDr. Gurian believes there are about a hundred structural differences between the male and female brain. Men tend to compartmentalize their communication into smaller parts of the brain and therefore tend to get right down to the issues whereas women’s brains gather a lot more information from different areas of the brain and therefore tend to be more detailed in their conversations. Men also show more activity in mechanical centers of the brain and females show more activity in verbal and emotional centers. These changes happen very early in boys and girls. To a little girl, a doll becomes life-like with desires, feelings, needs or in other words a life, but to a little boy, that same doll is simply an object.

The brain scans of women show that the corpus callosum which handles communication is larger than that of men’s. The corpus callosum is an anatomical part of the brain that is centered between the left and right hemisphere and helps women’s brains “talk” better across each hemisphere. The corpus callosum is a thick collection of nerve fibers that conduct information. In essence, it helps women multi-task by sending information to an fro, from one side to the other to be dissected, disseminated and refabricated as it is put through various brain centers. Men on the other hand tend to move information within the same side of the brain better and tend not to confuse issues with others. Women’s brains easily move from the right side (creative) to the left side (logical) and vice versa, very easily. This is why they often inject all sorts of emotions into their arguments and details into stories whereas men get stuck on the facts and logic and progress from A to B to C. Because of this ease of movement women can perform more operations at the same time, they can pick berries, take care of their young, and discuss camp ethics all at the same time. As it applies to our nonverbal discussion, it means that they can focus on more than just the words being spoken, they can also monitor body language as well.

So what does this all mean? Well, in practical terms, it means that women might have a better natural ability to read people. However, this book isn’t about what’s natural, it is about what can be learned and just about anyone can learn to read body language well, even if they are at an inherent disadvantage.

Are Men Bad Readers Of Body Language?

Many beliefs exist about the sexes. Men are thought to be task and goal oriented, more aggressive, dominant and loud when they communicate. Women are thought to be emotional, gentle and sensitive. Women are also thought to talk more and also to be more aware of others’ feelings. But how much of these beliefs are accurate is up for debate. When we talk about reading people and intuition, we are really talking about someone’s ability to read someone’s body language. It can also be called audience awareness or perceptivity and can relate to a speaker or listener.

The research shows us that some of preconceptions are in fact correct but this dismisses a huge variable. That variable is our massive ability to learn. Men reading this book will have a vastly superior ability to read others when compared to women who have no schooling whatsoever in body language. Research has shown that men lack empathy for others and disregard other’s emotions. Is this a simple case of being lazy or are there real notable differences? A second research experiment found that homosexual men and male nurses were also more in-tune with reading others, and that this might actually be related to differences in the brain. However, not all, or even most male nurses would be presumed to be homosexual so obviously there are variation in the ability of men to read emotions.

The Rule Of Four

Are there enough cues to justify a conclusion in this case?

Are there enough cues to justify a conclusion in this case?

The rule of four, and it’s an important one, says that you can’t attach meaning to a single gesture and accurately judge a person. The rule of four calls on us to read cues alongside other cues commonly referred to as “cue clusters” before drawing conclusions. The more cues that appear in association with other cues, the more accurate one can be about the underlying meaning. It isn’t impossible to see cue clusters in the six’s and sevens or higher. However, most agree that four independent signals is enough to positively identify true meaning.

Sitting with arms tightly pressed against the chest can mean that a person is uncomfortable, but it can also mean that a person is cold! Scratching the nose or face can mean that a person is lying or it could actually have an obvious purpose; to alleviate an itch! However, touching the nose, wiping the mouth in a down-stroke, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting tells us that something dishonest is probably going on. Another example of a cue cluster is as follows: crossing the legs by bringing one foot over the opposite leg (the figure-four leg cross), fingers interlinked together (steepling), leaning back in the chair, and tilting the head back and looking down through the nose at others. This cluster shows arrogance and superiority. However, just the figure four, which is a mild crotch display on its own, means very little. The figure-four-leg-cross only tells us that the crotch has been put on display, but does not necessarily attach meaning to the gesture and indicate arrogance. To some, this posture might not even mean that, it just may be a comfortable way for them to sit.

In all cases, gestures are just gestures and nothing more. It is our targets, the creators, who, knowingly or accidentally, attach meaning or emotions to gestures; it is the senders who are in charge of the delivery phase, and we, as readers, who are in charge of the deciphering phase of the transaction. In other words, it is the sender who is responsible for the message and the meaning entirely, the reader is a passive entity that should never project meaning, especially from that which is not present. That’s not to say that a reader would try to create emotions inaccurately, as this would be counterproductive, but rather that it would be a mistake to bring a gestures to the consciousness of a target and then try to persuade them that their intentions are different from that which is actually true. In many cases, however, you may find that targets won’t be aware of their true emotions anyway and will generally be uncomfortable to be made aware of their subconscious gestures, so reads are best kept to one’s self. Just like you wouldn’t show your cards in poker game, you shouldn’t actively show off your body language skills. Reads, and the skills in this book, are much more powerful if kept a secret.

Not all body movement has hidden meaning either. Sometimes our bodies are quiet and do no talking at all. It is normal for novice readers of body language to immediately begin to see body language cues creep into consciousness, but it’s a mistake to assume that all gestures suddenly have hidden meaning and get carried away with reckless diagnosis.

Let’s take another cue cluster: arms crossed tightly over the chest, legs crossed, head down and shoulders pulled inward. Our conclusion here is that our target is uncomfortable and is closing off the outside world. As signals are removed from this cluster we can be less certain of their emotional origins. Legs crossed with head down can mean just about anything, but even if we add in shoulders pulled inward, it does not provide solid evidence of anything underlying. What we really need here is the fourth, the arms pulled in tight against the body, to really give us enough information to justify a conclusion. The other cues by themselves are closed body postures, but they can be due to other factors. Leg crossing can sometimes even demonstrate interest, as is the case when they are crossed toward a girlfriend or boyfriend (rather then away) for example. The rule-of-four says that we need a “preponderance of evidence”, a term borrowed from the civil judiciary system. We have preponderance of evidence, not when we have achieved absolute unquestionable or irrefutable data, but instead, happens when we have superior weight in our favour and in this case, four independent cues is plenty of weight.

This doesn’t mean that it’s impossible, or that we shouldn’t read people who only exhibit one or two cues. Reason being that the damage that might occur from an inaccurate read is likely very small so long as we keep it internalized. We can still make educated guesses or employ “working hypothesis” that can change with additional information as it is collected. One or two cues is sometimes all we get. Older people, who naturally have more controlled and subtle affect, and people learned at controlling their body language, such as public figures, only emit very subtle, fleeting or few nonverbal cues. In this subset of very controlled and practiced people, we often only see cues that are accidentally leaked, which in and of themselves are important, perhaps even more so then complete cue clusters in regular people. The caution here is to avoid premature conclusions on weak data especially when the stakes are high and that sometimes a gesture isn’t anything more than a gesture.

The Benefits Of Subconscious Mirroring

If you haven't yawned yet, you've at least had to suppress it!

If you haven’t yawned yet, you’re active mind is working hard to suppress it!

The more attention we give to an action during observation, the more likely we are to copy the behaviour. Take traveling abroad, for example, where a constant exposure to accents eventually sees us adopting it presumably to fit in better. It’s been shown too, that the more we imitate other people, the more we tend to like them and presumably the more they like us. It works in reverse as well since the more we like them the more we imitate them. Mirroring and imitation therefore is a salient characteristic in our nonverbal communication and shows others that we like and are connecting with them.

In 2000 Swedish researcher Dr. Ulf Dimberg exposed volunteers to frowning, smiling and expressionless faces. They were then told to react to them in various ways. When they saw a smiling face, they were sometimes asked to smile back and other times to frown back. The researchers found that it was difficult for the subjects to remain expressionless to a face that appeared happy or angry and even more difficult to smile at sad faces or make sad faces at laughing faces. The theory was advanced that our unconscious minds exerts much more control over our faces then we think. While it was somewhat possible to control the subject’s reactions, it required a great deal of mental power to reverse their natural tendencies. The study showed that even when we could control our emotions, minute spontaneous twitches still revealed true responses, and in every case, mirroring was the natural tendency.

The research on the reasoning behind the mirror reflex remains obscure for the moment, but this doesn’t mean we should ignore it. In fact, we should be very careful about our facial expressions and gestures since they will necessarily have a profound effect on others. Our expressions and body gestures illicit similar responses from others, so if we want to make people happy, we should smile more and use more expressive body language. In turn, others around us will naturally mimic our gestures.