Tag Archive for Doorway

Leadership Positions And The Head Of The Table

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When no leader is present, the group will attribute leadership to whomever is sitting at the head of the table.

When no leader is present, the group will attribute leadership to whomever is sitting at the head of the table.  Power trickles down from the head of the table toward the opposite end.  Thus #1 has the most power, #2 the next most and so forth.

Not surprisingly, in studies looking at leadership, it was found that the most dominant person chooses the head of rectangular tables. Interestingly though, when no leader was present, leadership was attributed to the person who sat at the head of the table. Researchers Fred Strodtbeck and Harmon Hook in the early 1960’s found that during jury deliberations people at head positions tended to participate more often and had a greater influence on the decision making process, than people at the sides. This study overlooked whether or not leaders took up the positions though, but this is a likely assumption. However, in other studies it was found that a person’s status played a part in who chooses the head of the table. Those considered high class were much more likely than lower classes to sit at the heads of tables. Who knew money had anything to do with where we sit at a table!

Researchers attribute visibility and the ability to make eye contact with everyone as key features turning heads of tables into leadership positions. For example, one person sitting opposite three others would be seen as the leader, since they would be able to make eye contact with him, but not to each other. He would also be able to indicate his intentions better and therefore control the floor much easier. It should however be noted, that central positions at tables are also important in discussions since it permits ease of conversation amongst all participants through proximity. In other words, it’s hard to talk with someone from across the table, just imagine a “cartoonishly large” corporate sized boardroom! The exception to the head position as leader is when it exposes the back to the doorway. When this happens the head seat is a disadvantage since it leaves whomever open to surprise and attack.

When one person faces three, the person sitting by themselves are seen as the leader. His gaze is focused forward while his companions must head-turn to see and speak with everyone.

When one person faces three, the person sitting by themselves are seen as the leader. His gaze is focused forward while his companions must head-turn to see and speak with everyone.  In this case, #1 has the most power while each of the #2s share power.

Leadership shows a trickle down affect too. If the head of table is deemed the leader, than the person to their immediate side holds the next most powerful position, and so forth. In ancient times, the leader held the head of the table, with his lieutenants at his sides. The person who sits opposite the head, even today, is usually the most task oriented, whereas those sitting in the middle are usually affiliators, normally woman, who wish to interact with the greatest number of people and create active participation with everyone. Another feature of the Steinzor effect states that when a strong leader is present, people will direct comments to the person adjacent the leader more often because it avoids direct eye contact and confrontation with them, which is especially intimidating due to close quarters. When leadership was shared amongst all members, no strong patterns emerge and conversation basically happens freely.

The Invisible Lint Picker

by  • March 6, 2013 • 2 Comments

The invisible lint picker doesn't like what's being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.

The invisible lint picker doesn’t like what’s being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.

Leaning forward and lowering the head shows a critical listener and indicates that what was being said is disliked. However, there is another related posture that shows an even greater form of contempt and disapproval. It happens also by dropping the head, however, while in the position, the person will begin to pluck invisible lint from their clothing. In doing so, eye contact is broken to stammer the flow of conversation. The gesture says that there are unspoken objections that are withheld either because they feel that they won’t be well received, because they are too timid to speak up, or is a passive attack on a figure of authority.

Any other rude gesture meant to occupy the mind in lieu of paying attention says that a person lacks respect, integrity or feels that they undeservedly lack control in the relationship and set out to prove it. A person can pick their nails or remove dirt from underneath them, drum their fingers, smooth their clothing when it does not require it, or seem distracted due to any number of factors. The goal of the invisible lint picker is to withhold eye contact to gain an upper hand and end the conversation on their terms, without being forthright about it. A person with integrity will use honest body language such as pointing their feet and torsos toward the doorway, reduce agreement indicators, and use conversation ending speech to speed things up. The lint picker, on the other hand, uses passive aggressive techniques to waste the speaker’s time with no regard for their own. At times the lint picker is trapped by a more authoritative figure than them, such as a boss, which prohibits them from leaving. Their defense to this is to figuratively “kick dirt in their eyes” by withdrawing from the conversation. When small children block their ears, close their eyes and sing to themselves loudly in order to tune out adults, they are accomplishing exactly what lint peckers have set out to do. Incidentally, small children also use distraction techniques to avoid the reprimands of adults. Whenever these cues persist they should be quickly rectified so as to maintain respect.

Displays Of Ownership And Territory To Indicate Dominance

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

“Fences make great neighbours” seems like a great truism for our day and we see just as many fences going up as we do houses. Humans are very social, but it is also obvious that we are deeply territorial. While in public, a wife might display ownership of her husband by hooking her arm around his, or he might throw an arm around her just the same. We show that an automobile that we are proud of is ours by leaning up against it or placing a foot on its bumper or ownership of a desk by tossing our feet up on top of it. We display ownership of our houses and personal affair by adding personal touches and might even block the entry to our homes by solicitors through clogging the doorway with our bodies.

Territorial lines are drawn everywhere in our lives from the particularities of our offices and automobiles, right down to the rooms in our own homes, and whom has access to them. We even have boundaries around our bodies which we protect rigorously. The more dominant the individual, the more apt they are to have and hold rigid boundaries about their personal space and possessions. For example, walking into your boss’s office and sitting in his chair won’t come with a welcome reception. But amongst friends, this type of chair stealing happens frequently and can even become a game, due largely to the fact that you and your friends are of equal status. It wouldn’t be uncommon for the boss’s children to play this game with their dad, so in some context, stealing territory is perfectly tolerable with all people.

Only sometimes does first come – first serve, apply to territories. Squatter’s rights as it where is also organized by hierarchy. Those with higher rank can often force others to move, even just by their presence. Sitting at the head of a table is fine so long as you are the highest rank to date, but if someone of higher rank appears, it’s customary to relinquish, or at least offer the seat to them. Members of a staff who are close in rank can sometimes power play each other for these seats at the boardroom table in attempt to move up. The body language in these situations can become very potent as the desires of each party becomes more evident. Your office staff knows which seats are most coveted!
Leaders also get permission to move through doorways first and walk in front of groups instead of follow, and it is customary to allow them to do so. The exception, as always, comes when we wish to usurp their position, challenge their authority, or try to build equality where we might trade dominance rights back and forth.

Placing objects such as jackets and brief cases on a seat can hold it and delineate temporary ownership. It is often easier and more polite to force an actual person to move than to move their unattended personal items to usurp their space. Anyone who has spent anytime at a laundry mat knows how piercing the stares and looks can be when you remove clothing from an un-attended dryer. Break-and-enter-victims complain most, not about being robbed of their possessions, but rather about feeling of violation. It is unnerving to have had someone enter their personal space and hence territory without their permission. Territoriality is a big part of the human repertoire. We rarely think about ownership of people, but placing an arm over someone, playfully messing up their hair or guiding them to where we want them to go by placing a hand to their back, as a parent would his child, are just a few ways that we show others that we own and control them.

Bragging is an appropriate word that describes dominant behaviour in the same context with ownership. Dominance is also not the same as confidence. Dominance just means that someone has specific ideas about how they should be treated whereas confidence is a state of mind where a person remains unshaken emotionally despite what happens externally. Therefore, dominant people can still harbour insecurities about themselves which is evident through ownership because they will spend a lot of time talking about, or drawing attention to their stuff. Naturally, this sort of thing happens subconsciously, or even out of habit. Touching or fondling an expensive watch or piece of jewelry, or going out of their way to be seen in an expensive car are just two examples of flaunting. Truly confident people have no need to show-off to others, their achievements are grand enough to speak for themselves and their earned success emanates from them through their nonverbal behaviour. There’s a fine line between being cocky or arrogant and having to flaunt it in a way that others will find offensive, and being confident, which is exuded seemingly naturally of which people find magnetic. Confidence is one of those things that we all know it when we see it. Dominance that is justified by accomplishments is certainly more tolerable, and with the addition of compassion and empathy, can make all the difference in people’s acceptance of other’s dominance and the behaviour that follows.

Dominance is also expressed through claiming stake to valuable items, or the prevention of touching certain things, or even occupying certain space. Preventing others from doing things, even at random is a luxury afforded to, and by, powerful people. Even when seating is unassigned we often see the same people day-after-day sitting in the same seats. This may have to do with maintain peace when it happens on a first come first served basis, but when there is a shortage of quality positions, as there most often is, we expect to see more dominant players jockey for more highly desirable areas. This is exactly what does happen and because we live in a capitalist society, it happens everywhere and often. Those higher in the ranks will have the best parking spots and the biggest offices, with the best view.

Thwarting dominance by ownership is fairly simple but also a possibly caustic affair. It can be done by stealing a seat which will be seen as an invasion of territory, it could include getting into their personal space, leaning on their cars, putting feet on their furniture or desk or being overly-friendly with them. Being intimate with someone they are close to, such as a current or past romantic partner, or as in a father-daughter relationship, his daughter, are all ways to fight dominance head on! Obviously, you must be careful what you choose, as head-to-head dominance struggles are the beginnings of war! When there is an imbalance of power between dominant people, one party will quickly succeed to the other, but when two parties are evenly match, or believe that they are, the struggle can draw out indefinitely producing emotional of even physical injury. So instead of antagonizing your dominant counterparts, instead work on building your own dominance independently of their through confident body language, examples of which are peppered throughout this book!

The Urinal Game

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The urinal game is a thought experiment designed to illustrate what territory and space mean in today’s modern world. Sure it involves a little bathroom humour, but if you bear with it, so to speak, you’ll be relieved. The goal of the game is to decide on which urinal is the most appropriate to use given the set of variables. In the game, there are six upright urinals to choose from, and they are ordered from the entry or doorway, to the end of the washroom. Urinal 1 is closest to the door and urinal 6 is closest to the end wall. The ideal urinal, of course, is the one that protects your privacy the most. Specifically it is the urinal that maximizes the amount of space between you, and the next person. The urinal game is not much different than what everyone does daily as we navigate crowded areas or chose seating in busy cafeterias.

1. All 6 urinals are empty. Which do you choose?

2. Now urinal 2 and urinal 4 are occupied. Which is the proper urinal?

3. Urinal 2, 4 and 6 are all occupied. Which is the proper urinal?

4. Urinal 1, 2, 5 and 6 are now all occupied.

Answers: 1) While urinal 1 and 6 are both acceptable answers the most correct answers is urinal 6 since it prevents anyone needing to pass in behind you while you urinate. Both urinal 1 and 6 are somewhat correct since the end wall prevents being flanked on either side. 2) Urinal 6 is the answer once again for similar reasons as in the first scenario. 3) This one is a catch since you are bound to be stuck next to at least one other guy. However, option 1 is the best since it affords at least some space between you and the others instead of being right up against another guy. 4) This answer is simple. You don’t use any of the urinals! Instead, you go to the mirror or pre-wash your hands, fix your hair, adjust your tie or suck up your pride and use a stall!

Some additional rules to this urinal game which are similar to the games we play in elevators include: Absolutely no touching permitted other then yourself. No talking or singing unless you are with close buddies or are heavily intoxicated, and even then, it should be kept to a minimum especially while urinating. Glances are a one time affair and are simply used to acknowledge the presence of others and nothing more.

Throw them a curve at the urinals! In rather bizarre experiment, researchers measured the time taken to micturate (to you and me, this means to pee) either with or without someone standing directly next to them. Not surprisingly, closer distances led to increases in micturation delay and a decrease in micturation persistence! With this ground breaking research we can conclude two things: 1) Peeing is harder to do around strangers because it prevents us from relaxing our external urethral sphincter and shortens peeing because it increases intravesical pressure once begun; and on a slightly more serious and applicable note 2) Stranger who invade our personal space increases our arousal and anxiety preventing us from getting relatively even unimportant things done. Imagine how space invasion affects more important tasks!

How To Use Regulators

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Regulators, regulate speech and control turn taking. Literally we can increase or decrease the amount of talking that happens with simple body language. For example, to increase speaking add more nodding. When people stop and you wish for them to continue simply nod your head, and, more often than not, this will encourage them to begin speaking again. The use of “mhums” and “yeses” will have the same effect. To speed speech up, or end a conversation altogether, send frequent looks away or down to your watch.

Too much nodding, on the other hand, shows indifference which can be a useful tactic depending on the speaker and your intent. Three nods in quick succession shows that you are ready to speak yourself and has the net effect of increasing their rate of speech to avoid being cut off. Drawing in air and parting the lips while tilting the head back slightly also gives the impression that someone is prepared to speak, as does patting the mouth with two fingers. Looking at your watch or looking to the doorway will make people talk less or if done excessively stop altogether.

Try this experiment. As your conversation begins nod your head every few seconds or as you see agreement. Next, increase the rate at which you nod your heard regardless of any agreement. What happens when you increase your nod frequencies? Most likely, up to about two to three continuous nods, they will become more excited believing they are building rapport. What if you nod continuously? I suspect it will stop the conversation altogether. Recall that three quick nods means that you wish to interject, while continuous nodding comes across as feigned agreement sending the conversation into a standstill. What happens with appropriate nodding absent of proper eye contact? This signals to others that their conversation is falling on deaf ears, and will be taken as an insult. The same goes with random nodding that has lost synchrony with speech. Telephone conversations easily fall off their rails if one party becomes preoccupied with another task. We immediately sense that their regulators have become unlinked from the conversation and when it comes time for them to speak, we hear nothing in return, or there is a delay. Not surprisingly, we find that the person on the other end is watching television – an obvious insult.

When people near the end of their though, and wish for their partner to speak, they will often lower their volume and slow their voice down slightly. Other times, the final syllable will be drawn out or gesturing with the hands will become less frequent or stop altogether. The eyes too are often lowered along with the head but at the very last moment eye contact will resume indicating that it’s time for the other person to begin speaking.

Raising the index finger can also signal a desire to speak which we learn early on in grade school which is normally accompanied by a sharp and deep intake of air. To stifle the “index finger interjector”, extend your hand across and make light contact with their forearm. This is a polite nonverbal way to show that you acknowledge their desire to speak, but that you haven’t quite concluded your point. If you sincerely wish to communicate interest and increase speaking, add a slight head tilt and a half frown or half-smile. This shows the speaker that what they have said is unclear but that you otherwise find it fascinating and wish to learn more.

Good communicators will make great partners amongst all types of speakers, even those that seem to carry on endlessly or those with little to say. They will have a strong arsenal of tools to cut one set of speaker off nonverbally, or as the case may be, encourage them to speak further. While we may take regulators for granted, conversations would be awkward and disjointed without them. Experiment a little for yourself and see how you can modify behaviour with regulators to suite your needs.