Tag Archive for Dirt

The Invisible Lint Picker

by  • March 6, 2013 • 2 Comments

The invisible lint picker doesn't like what's being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.

The invisible lint picker doesn’t like what’s being said and is trying to get out of the conversation.

Leaning forward and lowering the head shows a critical listener and indicates that what was being said is disliked. However, there is another related posture that shows an even greater form of contempt and disapproval. It happens also by dropping the head, however, while in the position, the person will begin to pluck invisible lint from their clothing. In doing so, eye contact is broken to stammer the flow of conversation. The gesture says that there are unspoken objections that are withheld either because they feel that they won’t be well received, because they are too timid to speak up, or is a passive attack on a figure of authority.

Any other rude gesture meant to occupy the mind in lieu of paying attention says that a person lacks respect, integrity or feels that they undeservedly lack control in the relationship and set out to prove it. A person can pick their nails or remove dirt from underneath them, drum their fingers, smooth their clothing when it does not require it, or seem distracted due to any number of factors. The goal of the invisible lint picker is to withhold eye contact to gain an upper hand and end the conversation on their terms, without being forthright about it. A person with integrity will use honest body language such as pointing their feet and torsos toward the doorway, reduce agreement indicators, and use conversation ending speech to speed things up. The lint picker, on the other hand, uses passive aggressive techniques to waste the speaker’s time with no regard for their own. At times the lint picker is trapped by a more authoritative figure than them, such as a boss, which prohibits them from leaving. Their defense to this is to figuratively “kick dirt in their eyes” by withdrawing from the conversation. When small children block their ears, close their eyes and sing to themselves loudly in order to tune out adults, they are accomplishing exactly what lint peckers have set out to do. Incidentally, small children also use distraction techniques to avoid the reprimands of adults. Whenever these cues persist they should be quickly rectified so as to maintain respect.

Avoiding The Eyes

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Avoiding eye contact is usually bad news.

Avoiding eye contact is usually bad news.

The eyes can also signal that someone is closed-off. We turn our heads when we wish to avoid being singled out in a lecture hall or boardroom meeting. To represent a closed attitude we might pull our chins in and tuck our heads down. In theory this is to protect our vulnerable necks from attack so it also indicates and fearful state. When we wish to scold children we make sure they give us full eye contact in order to measures their reaction and to ensure they’ve given us their undivided attention. This trait is culturally specific however, as some parents require that children avoid eye contact precisely for the same reason other parents require it; to show respect for authority.

That being said, a lack of direct eye contact during a conversation is not always to be taken as a negative cue or rejection. Research has shown that concentrating on faces takes a lot of effort so we look away in order to properly analyze what is being said. Looking away is also a signal that we are comfortable with our company because we can safely look away with no risk of being attacked. In other words, looking away shows that we trust those around us. As such, looking away is a “comfort display.” The distinction between rude eye avoidance and a comfort display should be obvious. For example, dropping the eyes in order to focus on picking the dirt from beneath the nails to “preen”, removing lint from clothing while avoiding a topic, or glazing over expressionless in boredom is not the same as looking away during a conversation to focus more deeply.

While this type of eye avoidance is normal and acceptable in casual situations, do avoid it during job interviews as potential employers have noted they prefer candidates to focus on them rather than casting their gaze all over their office as if they own it. In a subordinate dominant situation freely moving eyes leave bad impressions and make potential employees appear disinterested which turn interviewers off.

The Feet Are Honest

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Feet aimed toward another person says "I'm interested in YOU."

Feet aimed toward another person says “I’m interested in YOU.”

It has been said that the feet are the most honest part of the body as it applies to the language they emit. Millions of years ago, we gave up quadrupedalism to walk upright leaving our feet to the dirt. While our hands busied themselves with other complex tasks like fire building, making clothing and shelters, throwing spears our legs were relegated to more primitive activities like locomotion. The hands, because of their opposable thumbs are more useful to complex tasks putting the thinking neocortex in charge. This in turn hampers honest language because the thinking mind can, within reason, eliminate the type of body language it desires.

These feet want to escape and so are turned away.

These feet want to escape and so are turned toward the escape route.

The feet on the other hand, carried out more traditional tasks like escaping predators, avoiding hot sand or coals from the fire, leaping from slithering snakes or poisonous spiders, or navigating rough rocking river bottoms. The feet were therefore connected more to the reptilian brain which reacts to stimuli directly instead of contemplating higher order tasks that require planning. When we’re frightened it doesn’t take much to put our feet in gear by getting them tucked under our legs and coiled up, or freezing instantly or get pulled up onto a chair when startled by a mouse that catches our eye scampering across the shadows of a room. Our feet carry the flight or fight reaction to the letter, although they tend to first freeze, then take flight through distancing them from negative stimuli, and if neither is possible will begin to kick or fight. None of these tasks require high order thinking, they are based on reaction and are immediate.

The same sorts of positive reactions can be read in the feet. For example, we know that children are interested in play rather then eating when their legs bounce at the dinner table quickly trying to eat their food so they don’t miss the next inning in street ball. Even if they don’t fidget the feet will still point, or inch toward to door in effort to prepare for escape. Even the feet of adults reveal true emotions by pointing away from boring conversations or toward a lover. Adults can also be seen “Jumping for joy”, even if rarely such as when they are surprised by winnings at the casino slots, or are when met with a grandson at the airport. People of all ages can seem to float on their feet showing joy, which is an important “gravity defying” body language showing that they are excited. Young babies and toddlers, when held by a parent who’s been absent for a short while, will kick up and down and the entire body will jump with joy despite being confined in an embrace. None of a child’s body is as exuberant as their legs and feet!

It is not all that surprising that our feet go unnoticed. Our faces are complicated and at times expressive, even though we quickly learn to hide our emotions so as to deceive others. We learn early enough that when cameras are shoved in our faces, to smile, even though we have nothing to smile about or to “turn that frown upside down” when we are in a bad mood. Naturally we get good at feigning emotions with our “poker faces.” Yet throughout the years, our feet pass under the radar, tucked under tables, hidden under clothing and shoes to do menial tasks like bring us from point A to point B and back again. Our feet and legs can display boredom through repetitive motions, joy by lifting the body up and down, fear by being tucked under a chair, depression by laying lazily or motionless and sensuality by being uncovered and flaunted. The list goes on.

As you read this book pay particular attention to foot and leg language which is peppered throughout, as these will be cues that indicate true hidden meaning and emotions that is much more reliable than other body language cues.