Tag Archive for Cues

Shifty Eyes

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Eyes that dart are associated with lying. In reality, eyes that shift are a sign of emotional discomfort, which may be due to any stress, not just the stress of lying.

Eyes that dart are associated with lying. In reality, eyes that shift are a sign of emotional discomfort, which may be due to any stress, not just the stress of lying.

Paul Ekman’s research into lying says that people often attribute shifty or darting eyes to liars, however, as a predictor of a lie it actually falls short. Looking away from complicated human faces helps us concentrate and so it doesn’t really tell us much more than that thought is taking place. Human lie detectors may suppose that no thought needs to take place when truth telling, so they eyes need not be diverted. In reality however, the eyes can wander due to a variety of reasons not the least of which are connected to the thought of being mistrusted, labeled a liar, or being punished.

Therefore the stress and nervousness of being put on the spot is enough to cause the eyes to exhibit patterns that seem dishonest. Experienced poker players, wishing to disguise a strong hand, can careful craft misleading “eye tells” fooling other players. For example, wincing at a card that is actually a good card, or using darting eyes when telling the truth, or best yet, producing cues at random, can really confuse opponents. The research also notes that pathological liars are particularly adept at maintaining eye contact even more so then people who are honest. Researchers have theorized that liars want to track the success of their lies and so by watching the face of their victims, they can gauge their effectiveness accordingly and adjust if necessary. Therefore, the real give-away to lying might, in fact be an increase in eye contact rather than a decrease in eye contact. However, as it turns out, even this clue is sometimes misleading as it can be adjusted accordingly as we saw in the poker example above.

Another reason we might see poor eye contact is as an indication of the desire to exit an undesirable situations. At social events or parties, this is especially the case. We might catch eyes moving about the room as the minds of guests wander for more stimulating interactions. So to gauge interest you can note where their eyes wander and how much eye contact they use. Our eyes go to where our minds already are, and of which our bodies want to be. We of course think it to be rude to just up and leave whilst speaking to a fellow guest, however by casting our gaze randomly or specifically to our object of interest we send the same message. While too much eye contact can also be rude and unnatural, so too is extended periods spent looking away, or looking all about the room in a distracted fashion. Eye patterns, therefore, need to be carefully constructed to send the message we intend.

Gazing

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Avoiding eye contact shows disagreement.

Avoiding eye contact shows disagreement.

Eye contact and gaze are some of the most salient nonverbal behaviours in human interaction. It is the first connection a mother has with her infant and the first interaction that infant has with anyone. Through gazing forms a very powerful and special bond between mother and infant. However, even mothers differ in their strength and frequency of gaze with their children. Affectionate mothers will go out of their way to kneel so as to bring their eyes into level, whereas, less affectionate mothers tend to lean forward instead and use gaze much less frequently. These experiences from early development formulate our norms which can persist throughout our lives. Only with conscious effort can we change them, but first we must understand the purpose and function of gaze and also what good gaze habits really are.

Over the course of a typical day, eye gaze can reveal cues to interest, attention, affiliation, intimacy, approval, dominance, aggression and openness to personal involvement. Gaze happens in a much different way than a stare. Stares are like daggers, shooting invisible arrows into the face of another. A gaze is inviting and a display of warmth. A gaze includes the attachment of a positive emotion which men sometimes have difficulty with. Lovers are particularly adept at gazing, with bouts sometimes lasting for several minutes, other times even much longer. As early as six children seem to pick up that eye contact and gaze indicate a connection. Young girls tend to realize it sooner than young boys and women tend to enjoy gaze more than men and so use eye contact and gaze more readily. Additionally, women will hold eye-gaze for longer periods of time than men, which is most evident when women gaze at other women.

Gazing is eye language that can take up various meaning depending on how it is done. The “face-gaze” happens when one person directs their eyes at another person’s face. “Eye-gaze”, on the other hand, happens when the gaze is directed toward the eyes of another but of which that person might not reciprocate. “Mutual-gaze” happens when two people look each other’s faces which might include bouts of eye-gaze and “eye-contact” refers to two people looking directly into each other’s eyes. Other forms of gaze include “omission”, defined as a failure to look at someone without intending to and “avoidance”, in which a person purposely prevents eye contact. Most are familiar with “staring”, but to be sure, we define it as a persistent look that occurs regardless of what another person is doing. Simply defining the types of gazes and eye contact likely evoke some pretty strong feelings which can be positive as in the case of mutual gaze or negative as in the stare. Prolonged eye contact early in a loosely established relationship is almost always taken negatively, or with hostility, and decoded by others as offensive. We may even think prolonged eye contact is a result of projected dislike or even disapproval of others, even when it is the result of affection or attraction. Holding gaze for as little as three seconds longer than normal can come across as over-assertiveness and create contempt. However, because we aren’t always aware of eye contact consciously, others won’t be able to describe the reason for their feelings which is why the use of gaze needs to be taken seriously.

Regulators, Regulate Speech

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Putting the hand up is a way to show others that we wish to speak - particularly in a large group.

Putting the hand up is a way to show others that we wish to speak – particularly in a large group.

The final type of gestures are called regulators because they are used to modulate and maintain the flow of the speech during conversation. Essentially, we use regulators to control turn-taking in conversation and they can take the form of kinesic such as head nods or nonkinesic such as eye movements. Regulators are different across cultures more so than any other element of body language discussed thus far.

In a study by Marjorie Vargas in 1986, it was noted that black students in the United States felt insulted by the white educators. The educators weren’t picking up on cues that the students understood what was being instructed. For example, the white students would nod and murmur “uh-huh” but the black students would nod much less and use “mhm” instead. The teachers took this to mean that the students didn’t fully understand the material, but this wasn’t so, they just expressed their understanding differently.

In Japan, the up and down nod of the head or “yes motion” is utilized not to show ‘agreement’ but to show ‘understanding’. Therefore, while pitching a new idea or venture, it would be foolish to think that the continuous head nodding by the Japanese was do to their willingness to invest. Creating a simple dos and don’ts list is not feasible for these nonverbal kinesics in speech for the simple fact that there are far too many to list and the variation of meaning across culture is so varied. With the simple awareness of emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators the incidence of misinterpreting their meaning can be reduced.

Caution is therefore important when dealing with international business so as to avoid any harm in interpretation. Some other examples of regulators include putting the hand up to signal that you are ready to speak, putting the finger up to the mouth to bring silence, waiving the hand around in a circle so as to speed things up, rolling of the eyes showing disapproval, a gasp to show shock, throwing the hand to someone to include them in the conversation, or shaking the head disapprovingly. All these gestures control the flow and pattern of speech by directing, disapproving, speeding things up or slowing them down, and even cutting the speaker short.

Using regulators in speech is necessary to create seamless turn-taking and to avoid appearing rude, dominating or frustrating the people you are talking with. It prevents having to interrupt, eases the flow of speech and allows everyone to make the points they wish to make without having to cut each other off mid-sentence. The net effect of a good conversation is connectivity through the creation of seamless turn-taking.

Summary – Chapter 2

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In this second chapter we have solidified our nonverbal foundation with the five cardinal rules of body language. First we covered the five basic rules of body language: the rule-of-four, congruence, context, baselining and intuition and perception. The ‘rule-of-four’ says that we need at least four independent, but related signals to reliably read someone whereas congruence says that we should pay particular attention when verbal language and nonverbal language do not match. Context on the other hand, says that we must be mindful of where and how cues develop since they could be confused with other variables and might mean something totally different or nothing at all. Baselining refers to the need to measure a person over time and in different situations before we can accurately predict their nonverbal meaning with any accuracy. The final rule says that we need to be conscious about intuition and perception so we don’t project meaning onto situations based on pre-conceived beliefs. We also covered how the feet are the most honest part of the body, and that coupled with putting presidency on negative body language over positive body language, we will have a greater success rate in reading people accurately.

Aside from these rules we looked at the flow of silent speech, how body language can be less confusing than verbal language, the differences between men and women, how women intuitively read body language and how age affects body language. We also discussed the importance that alpha’s, or leaders play in our lives and how we are either creating social norms (leading) or we are following them, how posture portrays confidence, the importance of ‘haptics’ or touch, in addition to body language as it relates to energy displacement and finally the meaning of fashion and preening.

Haptics: The Use Of Touch In Communication

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Is this touching on purpose or to gain attention?

Is this touching on purpose or to gain attention?

Haptics is the study of touching and how it is used in communication. Handshakes, holding hands, kissing, back slapping, high fives, brushing up against someone or pats all have meaning. Touching is the most developed sense at birth and formulates our initial views of the world. Touching can be used to sooth, for amusement during play, to flirt, to expressing power and maintaining bonds between people such as with baby and mother. Touching can carry distinct emotions and also show the intensity of those emotions. Touch absent of other cues can signal anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude and sympathy depending on the length and type of touching that is performed. Many factors also contribute to the meaning of touching such as the length of the touch and location on the body in which the touching takes place.

In western cultures touching is infrequent which makes it even more significant when it happens. French and Italians for example, tend to touch frequently even continuously while walking, whereas the British prefer not to touch at all. At sporting events and especially in celebration of victory or success, such as scoring a goal or point, touching among male athletes is permitted whereas in the dressing room, a hands-off policy is the norm. Cultures that accept touching more often are India, Turkey, France, Italy, Greece, Spain, the Middle East, Parts of Asia and Russia whereas no touching cultures includes Germany, Japan, England, United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Estonia, Portugal, Northern Europe and Scandinavia.

In the workplace, touching is fairly uncommon. We therefore use the handshake as a universal form of touching to avoid offending others. More intimate forms of touching sometimes occurs such as a friendly pat on the back to display encouragement but generally speaking, touching at work should be kept to a minimum. We cover cultural differences with respect to touching in a dedicated chapter.

Negative Body Language Is Usually More Honest

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It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but she is gripping her arms showing negative thoughts.

When reading people we often get mixed messages. People’s faces appear genuine and honest, they show concern, fear, disgust, or happiness but their bodies sometimes show something else altogether. So how should we handle detecting different messages emanating from various parts of the body at the same time? Because people often “put on a mask” as they walk through life, and because we spend so much time focusing on the face, we learn early on to control our facial expressions. This makes the face a particularly bad place to rely on when really trying to weed through mixed signals. What if the “honest feet” as just discussed, conflict with messages delivered by the arms, hands and legs? Should we just rely on the feet and concentrate on nothing else, or is there some rhyme to the reason? In actual fact there is a class of body language that is much more reliable than another, and it has to do with the intended meaning of the message rather than specific cues or body parts. Given the choice between “positive” and “negative” messages, we should always rely on the negative nonverbal body language first. This is true irrespective of where it is found, be it in the face, arms, hands, legs, feet, torso or whatever.

It is negative body language that tells us a person’s true thoughts because society requires people to act positively even when things aren’t going well. We are told throughout our life to “Turn that frown upside down”, “Wipe that look off our faces” and “Smile for the camera” even when positive thoughts are the furthest from our mind. Eventually, we get very good at masking negative emotions especially in our faces, yet deep down the subconscious mind leaks other negative body language from various parts of our body. Negative body language happens precisely because we don’t want it to happen; we don’t want people to know we are upset, scared, bored, timid or in disagreement. These negative feelings can be damaging to ourselves or to others around us so we generally mask them to keep them to ourselves. In the long run, positive body language is desirable so it is quickly learned, and then brushed over the canvas of our faces, while the underlying negativity just barely shows through. We mask negative body language so we don’t appear rude or insensitive or even frail, scared or at a disadvantage.

Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he's playing a game - hard-to-get!

Does he really want to leave? In most cases negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a game – hard-to-get!

You can imagine that someone who is bored with us will still smile and nod during our conversation, yet their body will orient toward the doorway while making covert looks to their wrist watch. Obviously, it is the negative language that is telling us that they are bored and we should ignore the facial cover-up that is going on. Likewise, happiness cues mixed with cues of anxiety such as gripping the arms or hands tightly indicates that a person is probably more unhappy and stressed rather than the reverse. What do we make of a person who enthusiastically leans forward putting out his hand to shake, then clenches his jaw tightly while saying how nice it is to finally be united once again? Chances are pretty good that your long lost friend has some negative issues with you and that he’s not so happy to be in your presence. Along with negative nonverbal body language as true honest indicators of feelings, recall initial reactions, over reactions that follow, as more genuine. Honest gestures happen quickly, sometimes even so fast that they are barely observable with the naked eye, but it is these flashes, or “microexpressions”, that mean something predictive, much more so than more obvious gestures that happen later on, or those that linger for some time. A small twitch of the muscles between the eyes, the “fear muscle” forces the eyebrows together to make a grin-like gesture that reveals a true sentiment. This expression happens so fast, it is impossible to stifle. When we get a sense of someone whom we find isn’t “just right” and fail to trust them, it is these expressions that happen very fast that we are sensing.

Only keen observation of the whole body, with emphasis on facial expressions will catch this type of honest expression. Thus, the rule of thumb is to discount positive body language when it accompanies negative body language, and be sure to catch negative body language especially if it happens first or flashes quickly. Quick body language happens by accident, but body language that lingers happens because people want us to see it!

Intuition Versus Perception In Body Language: Seeing What We Want To See

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Research by Harvard Robert Rosenthal conducted in the 1960s showed how people see what they want to see, instead of what’s really happening. In his study, he had set up two groups of students with a maze constructed for their subjects – rats. One group of students were told that their rats where “dumb” and the other group was told that their rates were “smart”, specifically bred to run mazes better then the other rats. While both sets of rats performed equally as well, the students with the preconceived notion that their rats where dumb catalogued behaviours supporting their initial impressions. The students with the “dumb” rats found that they were lethargic and dull. The rats of the group who thought they had smart rats documented how bright, alert and efficient the rats where as they made their way through the maze. Clearly from this study, our preconceived notions are potent and misleading. The same pitfalls can arise during the analysis of body language. If we truly wish to see nervous, emotional or confident body language, we will. But if we open our minds, we might see something completely different from what we initially expected to see.

Can this shyster ever be trusted?

Can this shyster ever be trusted?

Intuition includes the processing of information that we’ve obtained by observing people. When someone says they have a “bad” feeling about someone or they feel “uneasy” or the salesman was “slimy” they are using their intuition. Sometimes though, our intuition becomes clouded by preconceived notions and new information is tainted or distorted. This is when reading people can backfire to hurt us and others. When reading people it is important to clean the slate continuously and read each cue separately. While the rule of fours says we need to add cues together to discover the true meaning, using proper intuition without distortion, means we need to read each cue on their own. It means we need to avoid looking for hints we can use to support our conclusion, they are either there or aren’t there. In fact, the conclusion needs not play into the equation at all when reading but rather be a formulated after we have analyzed all the available information.

Many optical illusions or visual tricks rely on the fact that our brains are constructed to find information we think should be there, rather than looking at information that is actually there.

It’s easy to silence our intuition and ignore it since that little voice inside our heads is always trying to speak out and it’s only right some of the time. Let’s take poker again as an example. We found that baselining an individual can help in many ways most notably to help us reference behaviour, however, it would be disastrous to continue to call or raise someone who normally bluffs just because we have a strong hand, say a full house. In this situation, we are ignoring the current behaviour of the individual in favour of preconceived notions about them. As the hand plays out, we find that this bluffer continues to call even on our strongest bets, we find that sometimes they even raise or re-raise pushing the stakes even higher. Naturally, they’ve caught a rare hand, four of a kind, and easily crushing our full house. We’ve missed all the signals. The clues given all along were consistent with a strong position but we failed to read it correctly because we ignored all the rules. The information coming told use to read his moves at face value instead of modifying it to suite our needs, but at every step we ignored this. Our filters are important in simplifying information since it’s impossible to analyze everything going on around us, but we shouldn’t throw aside good information.

Having a good intuition is often not enough though. A “funny feeling” or “having a sense” or being “uneasy” about someone or something has merit, but if you can’t support your intuition with support such as postures and signals or in the case of poker “tells”, then we can’t graduate into a full reader of body language.

When we describe our intuition to others, we also need the proper vocabulary to convey our feelings to them. But this isn’t the only time we need to use the proper language of nonverbal reading, in fact, we need to train the little voice inside our head to also talk us through as we read others. When I watch someone, I can say unequivocally, that I think they are a timid, or confident or lack confidence and use specific examples. By the end of this book and with a little bit of practice, you will be able to do the same. As you learn, don’t be afraid to review the information in your head. Every mind is built differently, and I have a gift (when I’m actively listening) to remember verbal dialogue that has transpired years previous whilst recalling specific sentences used, the context and the location. Unfortunately for others, and sometimes fortunately for me, this has made me a very powerful debater. I can remain one hundred percent consistent in my position and use inconsistencies across the short or long term, to point out errors in reasoning of others. I can also cite specific instances that lead me to modified my position on things which can later help should I change my defense. Your mind might have more visual strengths, or analytical skills, or something else to help you dissect the cues of others. The point here is to use your strength in reading people rather then to focus on your weaknesses. Regardless however, do be aware of your flaws as it will make you a stronger reader overall.

She really liked me, she was really showing skin...or is she just sweating to death?

She really liked me, she was really showing skin…or is she just sweating to death? It’s the sender that determines the intent of the message, not the body language reader.

Here are some final tips for reading via intuition. When in doubt, trust your gut as usually, but not always, it’s right and can be your saviour when we can’t pinpoint specific cues. Switch your mind back on and be more than just a casual observer of your environment. In the Sherlock Holmes book, A Scandal in Bohemia, Holmes tells Watson that he knows there are seventeen steps leading up to Baker Street. Watson was impressed by his observations, but it didn’t happen through magic, it was not more than simple observation. While Watson had merely seen the steps, Holmes had actively observed them. In a study by Simons and Chabris in 1999 out of Harvard University, Cambridge it was shown just how poor people are as observers of their surroundings. In the study a man walked in front of a group of students dressed in a gorilla suit while other activities took place around them. Half of the students hadn’t even noticed the “gorilla in their midst” which aptly formed part of the title to the study! It just goes to show that passive watching and active observing are two very different things, and this is what will separate average body language readers that cover the material like anyone else, even recall it, but two weeks later, become half as effective or worse, from those who build on their skills daily on their way to mastery. Active observation is a key ingredient to reading people and it can’t be done walking around blindfolded, however, even with a keen eye there will still be signals that go unnoticed as body language is fluid, ever changing and sometimes never repeating, meaning you only get one shot to catch a signal before it’s gone forever. Life is rich in detail and complex, we’d be fools to think we could read everything, but even with minimal effort, we can still impress others, and even ourselves, with how much can be read.

Remember too that it is always your job to determine the true intent of the sender, whatever cues they give off. Once you’ve caught cues that you think matter, remember that it is the sender of the message that determines it’s meaning, not the receiver.

This all sounds like a lot of work, but don’t worry, with practice your mind essential shifts back into autopilot and the process happens naturally. With time and practice, your subconscious will pick up and interpret skills all by itself without requiring active thought.

Baselining Versus Innate Actions

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A 'true smile,' where the corners of they eyes crease, is difficult to fake

A ‘true smile,’ where the corners of they eyes crease, is difficult to fake

There are some key body language gestures which are mentioned throughout the book that don’t need to be compare to a baseline as they tend to be innate and not learned. These gestures will give us clues as to whether actions are currently on their natural baseline or are as a result of some other underlying stress. Some things to consider when formulating a baseline includes a catalog of how often a person gestures and which direction their eyes stare when they are thinking and analyzing (can be an indicator of creative thought or recalling as we shall cover in a later chapter), how do they act when they are successful and what do they do when they are stressed? It is difficult and probably unnecessary for me to offer help in establishing baseline techniques since it’s a natural process that we all do daily. However, the take home message has more to do with protecting ourselves from thinking that all gestures in body language are universal and ubiquitous across all people. This book will help determine cues that fall in and around the baselines of the people around you and provided educated guesses as to their meaning, but this is not to say that each cue means the same thing for everyone.

A final word on proper establishment of baselines is to place most emphasis of a person when they are relaxed or when they are in a normal mood and state. Don’t baseline someone when they are getting ready to go on stage to speak in public or if they are going through a divorce, or have had a recent death in the family. Their body language will be misleading and uncharacteristic. Definitely take culture and intuition into your baseline, but avoid things like projecting and making assumptions. Assumptions clog our ability to see what is really happening because we are putting our thoughts and feelings which we have inside ourselves on someone else. Our life history and experiences do play some purpose when we read people, but they can’t be the dominant force, so don’t let your biases control how you read people. Keep in mind too that almost every other person will look at body language naively. They will think that “A” means “B”, when in fact it might mean “C”, “D” or nothing at all. As an aside, you might want to be careful about using body language to influence others, since your signals might be misread or simply go unnoticed altogether.

So the message here is, just because so and so does this or that, it doesn’t mean one hundred percent this or that! Compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges and him or her to his or her baseline! This will produce a much more accurate read.

Baselining

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Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Baselining is probably one of the most important and often overlooked aspects of reading body language. It refers to the “normal” motions that populate the repertoire of each and every person on the planet. Normal here is the operative word. We can’t even begin to read someone until we first have their baseline pegged. For example, to read someone that is normally flighty and constantly moving, as agitated is wrong since they are merely acting out their particular “idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviour.” That is, the body language that is particular to specific people and that makes up their repertoire, or basket of cues considered normal for them. This person might be flighty or high strung by nature but they certainly can’t be constantly agitated by nature as our nervous systems can’t tolerate perpetual stress. A person high strung by nature who seemingly freezes instantly is telling us based on their baseline that something is up. Baselining tells us that a condition in their environment has changed and it has affected them. It now becomes our job to detect the cause for the change.

Baselining involves learning about how a person usually sits, how they use their hands to gesture, where they place their hands while at rest and relaxed or when nervous, how they place their feet when standing, their overall posture, how they prefer to cross their legs such as whether they cross them equally left over right as right over left, and so on. The list to baselining is utterly endless as are the myriad of cues that can be emitted from the human body, fraught with or, absent of, meaning.

By establishing a baseline it will be possible to catch sudden changes in body language. This is the ultimate purpose to establishing a person’s baseline. Without catching the changes, body language loses its ability to indicate exactly what is going on. For example, a younger brother that is acting exuberant and ecstatic who is jumping around with joy and happiness, who, at a moments notice, finds himself in the presence of an older brother only to suddenly cease his joyful movements, turtles his head into his shoulders, and becomes quiet, says a lot about what kind of relationship they have been having lately. Body language is directly linked to emotions, and so when it changes, we know that something has cause the change, and more often than not, it will be precisely the event that preceded it.

These changes aren’t just limited to events either, they can also be tied to words spoken, or even topics. A married couple might be carrying on amicably, but when there is mention of an ex-girlfriend, even casually, the wife might begin to display dominant and closed body language such as crossing arms, wagging fingers, or scolding eyes. She is indicating that this women or topic is a particular sore spot between them and the sudden change in mood, from good to bad, tells us that it is the topic that is the issue. Criminal investigators will frequently steer suspects off-topic (and seemingly off the record) by talking about favourite pass-times or hobbies by example. This serves the investigator by producing relaxed body language. Once a baseline is established interrogators begin to introduce facts surrounding the investigation to measure their effects. They might begin with items not even connected to the trial and then suddenly introduce a murder weapon, for example, to see if nervous body language appears. During criminal investigations the murder weapon can be kept a secret from the public especially early on, so only the real criminal would exhibit a visceral response to viewing it. While these sorts of interrogations won’t directly lead to a conviction, it does provide clues for further exploration. Like all body language, clues tell us if we are on the right track or if we’ve eliminated leads, at least for the time being.

Those who don’t know about baselining will find it difficult to read other people who lack similar affect to themselves since their only reference of normal is what they do or what the average person they associate with do (which more often then not is very similar to themselves anyway since we tend to hang out with those of like mind). People that don’t baseline won’t see people for their individual characteristics, idiosyncrasies, culture and habits. As we work through life we should have our family, friends, coworkers, bosses, instructors, or anyone else we interact with regularly pegged for their baseline. This will not only make reading them easier, it will also give us “archetypes” that can be cross referenced as comparisons. This in turn, gives us a better chance at evaluating others, even strangers, on the spot, and in real time.

Context

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Touching the nose is associated with lying, but maybe she's got a runny nose.

Touching the nose is associated with lying, but maybe she’s got a runny nose.

Context is another important factor to consider while reading people. We often hear about verbal statements that are taken out of context and in this same way, we can take nonverbal language out of context as well. “That guy was obviously lying, he was scratching his face and neck and could barely sit still” might be accurate when being grilled by a panel of the media over missing fund money, but in the context of being attacked by a swarm of killer bees, not accurate at all!

Concluding that someone is cold hearted from a single meeting is another case of ignoring context. We often think people are shy after a first meeting, but are surprised that over time they open up and are actually quite expressive and talkative. However, what we fail to realized at the time might be that during an initial meeting, our subject of interest hadn’t been acquainted with any of the other twenty people in the group and as a natural consequence we acting as any normal person would. Temperature can also play havoc on cues of openness. Someone who crosses their arms tightly and crunches up could be defined as closed or aloof, but they also might be cold. Conversely, removing a jacket could mean that a person is warming up to others but could also mean that they are overheating.

Single events taken as all encompassing can set us up for problems in the future. A brief meeting in one location, with one set of people, centered on one task can not define any person. Single meetings only show how a person reacts on that day, based on whatever happened before then to set their mood and with whomever happens to be there. People are very complex, and so we must give them plenty of opportunity to display their true selves before drawing solid conclusions. This does not mean that what we gather on each occasion is useless, but rather that it needs to be compared across many situations before it can be used accurately. Until similar patterns develop across many different situations, take isolated incidents for what they really are. Predictive power happens through repeating patterns across many events and in many contexts.