It is traditionally assumed that deception detection occurs simultaneously to the telling of a lie. Meaning, as people speak, lie detectors were able to pick up on nonverbal and verbal cues to ‘read’ people. Most of the research to date suggests that we can’t use any body language cue, or collection of cues in a comprehensive manner to read liars, but this might just be a limitation or flaw in the design of the studies. In 2002 research by Hee Sun Park working out of the University of California in Santa Barbara it was found that success in real-world lie detection happens gradually, over time and not on one chance encounter. Her research found that the most often reported method of disseminating lies included third party information, confessions and physical evidence, none of which the studies thus far have provided. Therefore, with respect to how people really read lies, the scientific investigations to date, haven’t provided people with information necessary to accurately detect lies.
Reading lies in real life is an active comparison from information we know for certain, and information told to us. No doubt, nonverbal language can provide clues to us as a full package, but it doesn’t permit us to ascertain conclusive evidence. We should therefore use untrustworthy or nervous body language as motivation to spark further investigation.
Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.
The ear rub or pull is as gesture done as a response to greater blood flow to the ears and as a result of an increase in body temperature. Lying ear language can come in the form of a pull downward on the lobe, or as a scratch, or swipe behind the ear. When we get hot, we flush, and the neck and ears are particularly sensitive to flushing. Flushing is the body’s response to an overactive metabolism as it prepares to either fight, or take flight. When this cue is as a result of hearing a lie from someone else, or hearing something that is distasteful, it is done in an attempt to inhibit what a person is hearing by blocking the hears. Only it is not a complete blocking, but rather an abbreviated blocking so instead of covering them completely, the hand merely grazes the ears or pulls on them. Other times liars respond to the stress associated with lying themselves, so the ears are being touched to “block” the hears from hearing their own fib. When someone manages their body in this way, it tells us that they are having an inner battle with their self-image. In other words, this gesture is likely to appear only in those people that are traditionally honest. Pathological liars don’t hold a positive self image, at least not about their honesty and integrity, so feel no remorse from telling a lie and therefore go free of the stress response lying can sometimes produce.
An alpha posture takes up space as if he’s in his own living room.
Whenever not in motion, men should keep both feet flat on the ground with their arms to their sides and their weight even across both feet. Men should do their best to avoid placing their hands in their pockets as it comes across as dishonest as though they have something to hide. The hips should be forced forward slight, with the legs just wider than shoulder width. Men might also wish to extend a foot in the direction of the woman of interest to give her a subtle cue of interest.
It is paramount that men avoid leaning up against objects or walls and using them as a crutch. Confident men will appear relaxed, calm and grounded, without the help of chairs, walls or other crutch-like-objects to fiddle with and occupy their hands. Men should also avoid standing or sitting in the same position for too long. Rather, they should move confidently about the room and explore all aspects of their territory making themselves at home.
Pockets are a great place to stash a few hands. Only problem is that it makes us look uncomfortable.
While women might become nervous as a signal of a man’s attractiveness in her eye, and use it effectively to attract his attention, she won’t find this signals attractive when done by men. To her, nervousness signals that he is a lesser man; a beta man.
Beta male characteristics includes but is not limited to fidgeting, slouching, putting hands in pockets, crossing arms, wringing the hands, talking with a hand hiding the mouth, and touching or scratching the face or neck without purpose. Men who exhibit these gestures might signal nonverbally their attraction to a woman, but the signals won’t be found to be a turn-on to women. In other words, men should drop this cue altogether because it doesn’t help their cause. Rather, they should use the dominant body language listed below to create arousal in women and thereby elicit sexual body language from them. Beta men by definition are those that come second to dominant or alpha men, both in daily life and in dating.
In the dating world, because beta men come second to alpha men are left choosing what alpha men deem less valuable. In other words, beta males get second pick (or are chosen by women second, however you want to look at things) and also miss out on dates more often than alpha males. Being beta in life, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, most people are second in lead, or worse, to someone at any one time or another throughout the day. However, in dating, it is important to be alpha to at least one woman in life! We can also add that not every woman is alpha worthy either, and this is part of the natural order or hierarchy of things. Everything balances out in the end, even if we just act out our normal selves, as there are more than enough variations of people to pair up with. The issue stems from trying to reach higher into the hierarchy and this requires behavioural modifications and work. Chances are good though, that if you are reading this book, you have a desire to improve your success in life which is why we move forward.
In closing this point, what is important in terms of beta male body language, is to refrain from showing that the weight of the world is upon us forcing our shoulders to slouch, or that life has run amuck with our self esteem, by carrying awkward postures. Having our shoulders up and back shows that we can effectively carry the weight of our predicaments, no matter what that is.
Some beta male postures:
Touching the face indicates insecurity.
Hand to mouth gestures should be avoided as it is a sign of low confidence and sometimes lying.
Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.
The ‘skirt hike’ happens totally subconsciously. When a woman gets hot and bothered she might begin to play with the bottom of her skirt to show a bit of extra leg.
The skirt hike is an interesting body language cue because it happens completely subconsciously with little, and usually no awareness at all. It is so subtle though that only those looking specifically for it will actually see it.
The “skirt hike” happens by fingering and play with the bottom ridge of the skirt. Other times, the skirt hike happens in a more pronounced way by grabbing the bottom of the skirt and pulling it up a few inches or more, to reveal more leg. This motion is usually done toward a man of interest and followed by eye contact, but other times like the parade, happens as advertisement of the woman’s availability. If she catches someone else notice this gesture which she isn’t interested in, she will quickly force it back down and break eye contact.
Any gesture like the skirt hike that exposes more skin can be a sexual signal. We are all familiar with the cliché scene in movies where the woman suggestively says that she’ll return in something more comfortable. As always, she reappears in sexy lingerie. Most times, men don’t get such an obvious cue of interest but women still remove clothing to peek interest. Removing a heavy shirt or jacket to be more comfortable, or loosening buttons from a shirt, or even removing shoes or dangling the shoes from the toe, all show comfort at worst, and interest at best. “Shoe play” is also a great indicator of the level of comfort experienced between a man and women and is a way for a woman to get noticed because movement draws attention. Movement is the opposite to the fear-freeze response when people are scared. While in conversation, if the man does something to startle the woman, she’ll pull her shoe back on in short order! It’s also a good way to measure a cold approach because she’ll slip her shoe back on immediately if she doesn’t like the approach. She’ll make her displeasure more salient by slightly or fully turning away, holding a fixed gaze with her friends or across the room or pretend to be distracted. Her movements will also minimize so as to become less noticeable in the hopes that her “male predator” moves onto new prey.
Seated skirt hike.
‘Shoe play’ indicates high comfort. Test it by doing something creepy and watch just how fast the shoes go back on in preparation for escape!
The leg twine is one of the most appealing sitting positions for women. The posture is done by tightly wrapping one around the other. The result makes the legs appear extremely toned. To produce a sexual cluster that intensifies signals of interest, a woman can place one hand on her thigh, stroke it, and engage in eye contact, and even bat her eyes at her object of affection.
Crossing and uncrossing the legs in the presence of men, especially if done slowly also shows interest, as it exposes the inner thigh which is a very intimate part of the female body. Leaving the legs uncrossed altogether, while sitting or standing, or massaging them so as to draw attention to them, can ramp up a sexual invitation even further. Another leg crossing variation happens when the leg is tucked under the body and sat on with the knee pointing toward her interest. This also leaves the inside of the thigh exposed and is particularly alluring when wearing a skirt, especially a short one!
Legs are often crossed toward a person of interest although this isn’t a hard fast rule. For example, most people have a leg cross preference, and so only find sitting one way or the other to be comfortable. The theory behind leg crossing toward the person we are connecting with stems from the symbolism of the leg as a barrier preventing outside people from entering. Orienting the body and shoulders toward someone has the same effect. However, leaning in with a leg cross to shrink the distance can deliver a much stronger and more reliable message. It is the proximity that produces the real information, rather than the actual leg cross direction. Having the legs spread while sitting or standing isn’t always a positive cue of interest, though sometimes it is, but it always tell us something about the sender.
For the sake of being complete, at the risk of sounding obvious, open legs tells us that a woman is either easy, trying to look that way, or doesn’t realize she’s be improper so is careless about her sitting postures. In other words, legs wide open says she’s a bit sloppy, regardless of her true intention. Woman should always hold good leg crossing postures especially in public and even when trying to attract the attention of men. In most cases, appearing easy or sloppy is not to their benefit, at least to most. With the recent lax in proper manners, I suspect appearing sloppy, or “casual” to use a more political term, is the likely culprit, but legs open can still be tested for easiness by men keen on scoring an easy women. While this all might sound crass, remember that these are the types of signals being sent when women comport themselves in these ways, so it is up to them to change their body postures, as changing the nature of subconscious perceptions is impossible. Those that aren’t reading material on body language, which is a healthy majority, will merely go on instinct, and this instinct will have “easy” written all over it.
Above: The legs speak and they often cross toward their interest. By re-orienting, as she has done, this is an overt signal that Julie is interested and “plugging” into the conversation with Mark. This is a strong indicator of interest. Much more is covered in the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
The “room encompassing glance” is a body language sequence used to attract the attention of men. It is done subconsciously, yet in a very specific manner, by women who are available and seeking. To begin the sequence, woman look or scan the room, which is usually a club, bar, or other social gathering, containing plenty of likely targets. This first glance serves an assessment purpose to see what is going on, who is about, and to satisfy her curiousity. In other words, it isn’t anything unique as a sexual cue but does serve a sort of “shopping” or browsing purpose. More frequent shopping forays where eyes are cast around the room lasting five to ten seconds begins to have more meaning. This is a woman who is in a seeking phase and really wishes to find a solid target.
If she spots someone she is interested in she will quickly avert her eyes downward, to show that she isn’t a threat and to show submission, and then she will take a second look. This second glance is directed only toward a man of interest and is not cast around the room. It will be short and she will rotate her head twenty-five to forty degrees to the side then look away (usually downward) within about three seconds. Women usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this point, the target and the woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about three seconds. If eye contact isn’t met or the man does not properly receive the signal she will continue to repeat eye contact until he gets the idea. Sometimes it will require upwards of four to six times ladies, so be prepared! Eye contact of any kind is usually a signal of interest. On most occasions, this eye contact alone is powerful enough to entice men to approach, but not always.
Women’s nearly uniquely long hair is a feature to be exploited in seduction.
Hair tossing is done by women to show off their luxurious hair to men. Hair tosses can be done by flicking the hair over the shoulder or away from the face. Hair can be removed from a band and twirled or rolled and placed on top of the head to expose the neck. Other hair signals include running the fingers through the hair to preen it, wrapping the hair around the neck or curling it around the finger. Added sexuality can come with a lip lick or moistening of the lips with lip gloss or adding lip stick to make them appear red and seductive. Having the lips slightly parted as if blowing a small stream of air through them can escalate the cues even more dramatically.
For hair play to be a sexual cue, it will be done in association with eye contact, absent of which might just be a form of soothing auto contact. Eye contact turns a fairly random gesture like touching the hair into one that is directional, meaning the eye contact sends the message to a person of interest. Other times, women use signals to “fish and lure” where signals happen in a more broadstroke fashion, absent of eye contact and direction, sent off into the room at large. These types of signals are done by women out of their conscious awareness by women who are hopefully available, but not always, as a response to inner thoughts and desires, turned into motivators. Women will deny this last fact, but the results speak for themselves by increased male attention. Playing victim by stating male come-ones as unwanted and annoying is naïve at best as the science says that women put out these signals so that men will see them during peek sexual receptivity. I suppose this does give women a case, for while they may have subconscious sexual feelings, they may not wish to act on them, but because of their hardwiring do. However, now that you have read this (as a woman), you are more aware of the underlying reasoning, and so have no more excuses! If women don’t want to be approached, show a cold shoulder, if they want not to be approached by specific men, given them no leads or incentives. Use body language to get the results you want.
Some other examples of hair play in courtship:
Above: Have you ever wondered what the significance of the tie is in male fashion? It’s a giant arrow that points to a man’s crotch! Yes, that’s right — it’s a great, big beacon drawing women’s eyes down from a man’s face to his boys! Getting that out of the way, let’s look at the clip! Here Julie shows interest by playing with her hair. Any motion we do, even subconsciously, serves to draw attention to our features.
The forehead bow is a posture done by artificially lowering the head, then looking up at a man from under the eyebrows in a “come hither” fashion. It has roots in the full bow done as a greeting gesture since it exposes the top of the head making it vulnerable to attack. Just like neck and wrist displays, it indicates that trust is present within courtship. It also comes off as a childlike gesture primarily because children are shorter than adults and habitually peer up at them. As we age, we recall these gestures and go back to them when wish to revive juvenile submissive feelings. The opposite to the forehead bow happens by tilting the head back and looking down one’s nose at someone, which is a judgment posture and is seen negatively.
Smiling frequently can sometimes be sexual, but accompanying signals must be cataloged to create certainty. Women will smile for a great variety of reasons and will smile regularly to appease men for no other reason besides habit. Smiling is a natural part of being a woman and while smiling alone is submissive, it doesn’t necessarily indicate sexual interest. Accompanying signals must adjoin smiling for it to be a true sexual signal. If smiling is done over a shoulder, with pouting lips and partly closed eyes, as in the sideways glance, it should be taken as a sexual cue, but absent, should be construed only as a regular appeasement gesture and nothing more.
Tickling and other play related actions habitually show up during courtship.
The final most common type of submissive signal is childlike playfulness which isn’t a type of posture at all, but it is a form of nonverbal behaviour so it is included here. Stealing a hat, playful teasing, tickling, playing hide and seek or peek-a-boo around objects are forms of play and submission. Acting like a child shows that a person is ready to let their guard down and feel that no threat is present. Threat is a recurring theme as it relates to courtship because a big part of submission is trusting that a man will not abuse the power he is potentially about to be given by a woman. Women begin by providing submission is small doses to see exactly how it is handled. Should she trust him at great lengths without prior history, she will have set herself up for hurt or worse, either emotionally or physically. The act of sex is a risky undertaking for both sexes, but particularly for women, and while we have many ways to reduce the risks in our current society, we still hold the evolutionary hardwiring to fear all possible repercussions.
Above: The “forehead bow” or looking up through the forehead is a childhood throwback where little children would look up at their parents from beneath them. It is a submissive posture that is meant to arouse a caring and kind man, but more importantly, it serves to induce protective feelings from men. The childlike playfulness of the image it portrays is meant to create warm and fussy feelings in men so they are more willing to take care of women. Many more tips and information in the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.
Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller form.
Another word for “tibial torsion” which is the anatomical term, and one we are more familiar with, is “pigeon toes”. “Pigeon toes” refers to aiming the toes and feet inward at a slight angle reducing their outward profile. The opposite of this posture is toes outward called “splay footed” or “duck footed” which is a military type posture and a signal of dominance, but only relatively speaking. Meaning that any body movement that is meant to, or leads to, the shrinking of the body’s profile where less space is taken up is a submissive cue and where more space is taken up is a dominant cue. So relative to having the toes pointing directly forward, which has no meaning, the toes pointing inward and outward, mean submissiveness and dominance respectively. Women in courtships displays, as we initially outlined, take up submissive displays to attract the attention of men. I have classified this in the same department as shoulder shrugs because they are very similar, perhaps not in their appearance, but in their effect. With all submission signals, the net effect is to create a less threatening profile and to appear more childlike.
Interestingly “tibial torsion” is also a childhood condition where there is actual anatomical inward twisting of the shin bones located between the knee and the ankle causing the feet to turn inward. This condition arises due to the position of the baby in uterus, but is not at all what we are referring to with respect to hidden sexual body language. Tibial torsion in a dating context, performed by women who have no underlying anatomical deformities happens for the purpose of making the body appear smaller and more submissive, rather than due to a medical condition. Medical deformities can also apply to the toes as they point outward or duck footed too, and so are not always indicators of dominance per se.
Shoulder shrugs make the outline of the body much narrower.
The shoulder shrug is another childlike posture and happens when a woman let’s her guard down. It is often subtle and occurs subconsciously as a small raise of the shoulders and sometimes is accompanied by an eyebrow flash. Other times it is more pronounced and the head lowers or bows in unison with the shrug and is held for some time. Some other related cues of interest include shoulders up, shoulders flexed or shoulders back to flex out the breasts. The head tilted at forty-five degrees, as we have seen in a previous chapter, shows interest in what is being said, but as it relates to courtship also shows sexual interest. In fact the head turned at forty-five degrees is one of the most universally recognized courtship signals especially if it is accompanied with a headbow and eyes cast upwards making batty eye contact.
One last cue, and one that is especially potent, is looking over a raised shoulder. Women do this flirty gesture as they gaze at men of interest. Instead of squaring themselves off and looking straight into his eyes, her body faces away and she looks over the shoulder which seductively teases him. This posture emphasizes the curviness of the shoulder and exposes the vulnerable neck. It is particularly alluring when done by women wearing a strapless outfit!
