Tag Archive for Conversations

The Truth Bias

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

A review of the literature on lying and truth telling shows us that an average sixty-seven percent accuracy is found when detecting the truth, whereas forty-four percent is found while detecting deception. In other words, people’s accuracy at detecting truths is usually higher than their accuracy at detecting lies! This is what is called the truth bias. Some possible explanations for the truth bias stem from the fact that in everyday encounters we usually deal with honest people. While lying is pervasive, it doesn’t happen nearly as often as does lying. Thus, we expect people to be telling the truth and are therefore better at detecting it.

Another possible reason for our inherent truth bias is because it would be detrimental to act suspiciously while speaking with others just in case they were telling the truth. If our default was to label other people as deceptive, we’d be constantly interrupting others to clarify statements, or our suspicion would have our minds busy fact checking at a later time. Our conversations would be littered with statements such as ‘That can’t be true’ or ‘Really, I can’t see that’ or ‘I’ll believe that when I see it’ which sometimes it is, but usually not. This would be time consuming and counterproductive given the nature of real to life situations, that is that people normally tell the truth. Our social rules also do not permit us to act suspiciously and if we did so would alienate others and prevent us from formulating alliances or friendships. In fact, ignoring the faults of others is the primary reason we allow ourselves to associate with anyone at all. Those with a memory for detail find it hard to ‘let things go’ or ‘ignore subtle unimportant flaws’ which can be detrimental for relationships. The truth bias tells us that letting little ‘white lies’ go, is an integral part of human nature, perhaps even necessary.

Early Research Into Seating Arrangements

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

In a business setting people sitting kitty-corner (D and F) tend to talk 6 times as often as those sitting opposite (B and C). Those sitting next to each other (C and E) talk about half as often as kitty-corner but still 3 times as often as sitting on opposite sides of the table. The head position or leader position, tends to be spoken to the least.

In a business setting people sitting kitty-corner (D and F) tend to talk 6 times as often as those sitting opposite (B and C). Those sitting next to each other (C and E) talk about half as often as kitty-corner but still 3 times as often as sitting on opposite sides of the table. The head position or leader position, tends to be spoken to the least.

One of the

Boardrooms present an interesting power effect. In this case "A" is the head of the table because he benefits by seeing who might be entering through the door. "B" is also head of the table, but might be taken by surprise as the door is at his back. Power trickles down from the head of the table to "C" and "D" (flaking the head), "E" and "F" (flanking the flanks), and finally "G" and "H" who share the lowest rank..

Boardrooms present an interesting power effect. In this case “A” is the head of the table because he benefits by seeing who might be entering through the door. “B” is also head of the table, but might be taken by surprise as the door is at his back. Power trickles down from the head of the table to “C” and “D” (flaking the head), “E” and “F” (flanking the flanks), and finally “G” and “H” who share the lowest rank..

earliest research studies was done by American psychologist Robert Sommer of the University of California in the 1950’s. He examined the effects of extensive renovations done to an old age home. The ward received new colourful paint, new lighting was installed, new chairs brought in and several small rooms were converted into one large day room. The furniture was also re-arranged to make conversations more likely amongst the patients by creating more face-to-face encounters. This rearrangement was based on what he observed daily in the hallways just outside the ward. Here, every morning the chairs were placed into straight rows, shoulder to shoulder, against the wall to make mopping easier. But if you entered sometime later in the day, you’d find them re-arranged into groups. It was the patient’s family members who moved the chairs to speak with the patients, rather than what the patient actually preferred themselves. From this observation and the fact that any changes in the ward were met with resistance it was obvious that the patients would resist the ward remodel. In fact, it was common knowledge around the home that every piece of furniture and chair “had its place.” A lot of which had been there, regardless of any logical or functional reason. The conclusions drawn from the study were less than positive likely because the study involved mentally handicapped patients. In fact, it was concluded that modification of furniture arrangements was not enough in and of itself to adequately increasing social interactions. However, drawing on his initial observations from the hallway, where regular visitors rearranged furniture, Dr. Sommer felt he was onto something important.

His future studies examined visitors interacting in a hospital cafeteria, students in classrooms, children in public, and a myriad of other social situations. He found that when conversing over a rectangular table, patterns began to emerge as a function of the shape and proximity speakers had to one another. In all arrangements it is the nature of the meeting which dictated the spatial “ecology”, he concluded. He learned that eye contact and distance are the two fundamental concepts governing how we sit, which in turn affects our ability to exchange information, speak effectively, or even draw lines of division. The next few paragraphs covers the ecology of round, and rectangular seating arrangements with respect to reasons for meeting, be it a casual meeting with friends, cooperative sharing of information, independent working or leadership purposes.

Autocratic

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We can tell if our boss autocratic if they are attached to the status artifacts around them. Their desk will be used as a barrier protecting them from intruders, they will have cleaver title markings on their desk or door, and usually have trophies or accolades on their walls. Their dress will be formal and expensive and their posture will be rigid and straight. Friendliness is the foe of the autocratic boss so he will keep you at arms length, keep conversations on task and hold expressionless faces. If you get out of line, he will use his body language to put you back in your place with harsh voice tones and eye contact. Often autocratic bosses are seen as unloving, unfriendly or inhumane. To get along with him, use body language that doesn’t undermine his status, allow him to maintain his power, never enter his personal space or move to his side of the desk without permission, don’t interrupt him, smile pleasantly, and keep conversations brief so as not to waste his time.

The Sequencing Of Rejection Body Language

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The conversation ended a long time ago!

The conversation ended a long time ago!

There are times when we are cornered or end up corning someone else through conversation, so understanding the cues that indicate rejection (and acceptance, covered next) can be useful to avoid unproductive conversations or as the case may be, to make the signals more poignant to others.

When people meet and rejection is present we see:
[A] The disinterested party turns their body and head away at a half turn.
[B] An expressionless face is assumed.
[C] The toes are re-oriented away from the speaker toward an exit, or other people. Distance separating the speaker and listener may increase by taking a step away.
[D] Fidgeting increases, swaying from side to side, picking finger nails and so forth.
[E] Poor eye contact is present and the listener frequently looks away or down.
[F] No, infrequent, poor, or random regulators are given such as “mhum” and head nods.
[G] No engagement in the conversation, no addition of unique input.
[H] Opportunity to leave is actively sought despite lack of necessity.

Interlacing Fingers and Palm Finger Stroking

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.

Interlaced fingers is a low confidence hand display.

When the fingers massage the palm or the fingers are interlaced together then gently rub up and down as the fingers stroke the inside of the other indicate a person who is in doubt, has low confidence, or is experiencing stress. As tension escalates the gesture will move from palm stroking into more rigorous interlaced finger stroking making the two a progression of intensity. Thus while palm stroking is due to mild doubt or slight confidence issues, interlaced fingers that rub up and down is to do a higher level of anxiety.

Both gestures are excellent examples of pacifying behaviours meant to sooth underlying emotional discomfort. As conversations intensify watch for increases in soothing body language revealing the underlying anxiety.

Agreement Indicators

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

The head nod is a familiar gesture that happens naturally to show agreement. The nod means that the listener is going along with what is being said but it can also be used as a tool to actively stimulate conversations. Research has shown that head nods can increase the length of time a speaker will spend talking in any given instance by up to three to four times! The length of time we spend talking has a positive effect on the level of liking we have in those we speak to. Used in reverse, nodding can stimulate more talking in others and make them like us even more. This might seem odd, but it’s true! Fast and slow nodding also indicates different things. A slow nod indicates general agreement and that interest is present, whereas a quick head nod shows impatience and a desire to interject.
Proper nodding is done as agreement is formed during conversation, and can be made even more effective by adding several additional nods at the end of the speakers point.

Research has shown that head nodding breads positive thoughts and is hardwired into the brain. In your next conversation simply nod your head and at the same time try to hold negative thoughts, or expressing negative views. Scientific experiments have shown that as the conscious mind invariably gets tired or distracted, the head nodding stops or changes direction. You will face the exact same challenges. Positive emotions are tied directly to positive body language and it is very difficult or even impossible to change these patterns.

Head nodding therefore is a gesture that has a powerful influence to those around us and can be used to create positive feelings. Head nodding creates connectivity in people and shows that what is being said, is being understood. Even if agreement is not present, it shows that a person is at least being heard which can be used to sway agreement in the future on a more important issue. In other words, when agreement isn’t present, you should still agree to disagree!

How To Use Barriers To Your Advantage

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Objects can be erected to deflect emotional attacks.

Objects can be erected to deflect emotional attacks.

My wife frequently uses headphones in public places to avoid talking to strangers even if she isn’t playing music into them. If strangers come up to her, she points to her headphones as if to say that she can’t hear them. If she was really interested in a conversation, or minding other people’s business, she could remove them, but her point is that she isn’t. Headphones are therefore a strong message of introversion of which we wish not to be bothered. If a person strongly insists on interacting with her, she takes a long time to remove her headphones and accompanies it with irritated body language. She might even only partially listen to the person who has infringed on her privacy, although this is an advanced technique, before placing the headphones back on.

Now you might think that she’s being rude, but this is far from the case. She, like you, and everyone else, has the right to refuse to speak to whomever we please. We each owe no service to anyone else, especially interactions that were not mutually invited. Lack of eye contact in this case is a big factor in the right to refuse to interact. Dark eye glasses can close people out even more successfully, because it avoids accidental eye contact. Eye glasses make conversations shorter and less productive than one’s that occur when the eyes are exposed. Obviously, if we wish to welcome and continue a conversation or increase its effectiveness, we should promptly remove our sunglasses, even in really sunny conditions, so we might benefit from mutual gaze. When your counterpart wears glasses too, you might however, both agree to keep them on.

Barriers for negatively reasons are most common, but as in the peek-a-boo game that is played by men and women, objects can be used to tease and arouse in courtship. This is the case with “eye hiding”, which happens when a drinking glass, menu, or even people moving about a room temporarily put out of vision our object of affection. It can also happen by slightly turning away, or lowering the eyes coyly. Dropping the eyes out of sight or looking over the shoulder when done by women is particularly seductive. The loss of sight sends us into spells of worry, but when they suddenly reappear it sends our hearts races with relief. Small babies especially enjoy this game, sending them into giggle fits, and adults play along happily. When adults play the game with each other, it is only slightly more sophistication.

How one holds their arms while seated at a table can tell us the degree of acceptance or defensiveness they have toward us or our views. For example, having the arms apart indicates general agreement, having both arms parallel but uncrossed shows partial agreement, and having the arms folded on the table indicates disagreement. In this case, arms are being used as barriers. We have covered ways to break barriers and open those who show closed body language earlier. To reiterate though, we concluded that while it’s possible to open someone by offering them objects such as a drink or reading material to uncross their arms, it is usually best to openly address their concerns.

Improper use of barriers happen to all of us, because we aren’t totally aware or continuously conscious of their hidden meaning. Take a social gathering for example, where nearly everyone will have drinks and snacks on hand. How do we hold them while we stand, what about while we sit? While standing, more times than not, our arms are cocked at ninety degrees keeping our arm parallel to the floor to keep our drink upright preventing it from spilling. Unfortunately, this sends a bad message because it is a partially closed body position since it creates a barrier that isolates our bodies from others. While drinking alcohol can make people more social, having to hold the drink at the chest impedes our ability to use our hands properly and expressively. If you absolutely must drink or you think it is required to fit in with the crowed, then try holding your glass to your side so that you don’t block off the center-line of your body. If a table or bar top is nearby, use it to store your drink and so free your hands to gesture with palms up. While sitting at a table, feel free to put your drink to your flank so that you aren’t talking over it, and your arm, the entire evening. For a lot of people, drinks are crutches, something to hold on to, and as described earlier, are a form of security blanket. If you think you’re ready to “grow up”, try standing free form instead of toting your drink around at your chest. It’s not as easy as it sounds!

Objects as small as pens, but as large as books or newspapers, can be used to indicate division between people and create space between them. Just like the beverage example however, using the pen to write on a piece of paper by crossing the center-line of the body effectively closes it off. If no object is present at all, the barrier can still be formed by leaning on the table with both forearms and putting weight on them. This anchors and locks the barrier into the table. Although it is a closed message, it can be diminished to a degree by leaning forward toward your company. Holding the pen out and away from the body shows the opposite message. It is an indication that someone wishes to “extend” or offer an idea to them, and they wish their idea would cross the center-line of the table and enter into the other person’s ideology. The same sort of casual invasion of space, showing a desire to become connected, happens anytime the center-line cut evenly between two people, is breached. This can happen with reading material or business documents, hands in gesture, hands to touch, the sharing of food and of course love letters.

Conversations in busy places can be shut off completely just by raising a book and beginning to read. Sometimes this isn’t enough, so emphasis needs to be placed on it. We do this by peering rudely over them with an off-putting face and then slowly raising the reading material again. Obviously, this message is only rarely missed or ignored.

If you are the subject of unwanted blocking then begin by reviewing the pattern of communications that has lead to this result. Have you come on too strong? Were your ideas overly political or religious? Have you been too expressive or aggressive? Whatever the case, your best bet is to back-off and use relaxed body language to diffuse whatever anger you might have created. Ease the tension by taking a break and allowing your partner to have some emotional downtime. Try to devise a way to regain common ground, even if it means changing the subject or leaving it entirely to start fresh another day. Whatever you do, don’t bother trying to push your ideas forth too strongly, as they will simply be met with increased resistance. Finally, not everyone who uses barriers do so because they dislike other’s based on personal grounds, rather some just require more space and privacy, even in public.

Head Tilted Interest

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Head tilt shows interest.

Head tilt shows interest.

The head tilted at forty-five degrees from the center line of the body indicates interest and intrigue. It says “I am receptive, comfortable, and friendly.” The head tilt is one of the very significant and prominent postures that everyone should be aware of, especially educators of any kind. A professor for example, can gauge his efficacy as an instructor by the degree to which his audience tilts their head. Head tilting is also very difficult to fake because our minds will resist the posture when we dislike what we are hearing or the people around us, making it a very honest and reliable gesture.

Head on, means passive listening for example, head slightly tilted shows moderate interest and head at its maximum forty-five degrees shows full immersion. A teacher might see variations across his audience, and also across the subject matter. Head tilting is not an all or nothing phenomenon. This makes it easy to measure the success of a presentation nonverbally and tweak it as necessary.

Dogs also tilt their head, usually by engaging them in human conversations, so the root of this mechanism could simply be the state of being confusion. The head tilt is also a submissive gesture as it exposes the neck making it vulnerable to attack. One of the more prominent courtship displays is the exposed neck, and when done by women, is particularly alluring. This is examined in a later chapter.

The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind Thinks

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Or toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we're thinking that way.

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we’re thinking that way.

The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet. While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.

This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.

His ventral display says that he's ready to leave.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.

As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides, feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.

Feet are honest - these feet want to take action.

Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.

In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them, instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.

Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.

Eye Blocking

by  • March 5, 2013 • 1 Comment

A childlike response to fearful stimuli is to block the eyes from seeing. Adults will use more subtle forms of eye blocking such as squinting.

A childlike response to fearful stimuli is to block the eyes from seeing. Adults will use more subtle forms of eye blocking such as squinting.

A second related nonverbal behavior to the extended blinker is “eye-blocking” which is a term given to eyes that squint, shield or are covered by the hands or other objects. People cover their eyes when they feel threatened or don’t like what they see. My wife has a habit of covering her eyes (and blocking her ears) when horror movie previews suddenly appear on the television screen! Pupil size also related back to arousal and aggression. When we see things we like, our pupils dilate to allow the maximum amount of light in, but when we see something we don’t like, they immediately constrict. The same effect occurs when eyelids are constricted or squinted as they serve to reduce light hitting the eye. This brings objects into tighter focus allowing us to more clearly defend ourselves against an attack. Eye squinting related to tight focus is why we see people with less than perfect vision squinting to read when they are without their glasses. Incidentally, the same effect can be done by making a small hole in a piece of paper and reading through it, the effect will be to bring it back into focus by assisting the eye. Eye blocking can manifest itself in other ways too, sometimes just by accident. Restaurants that see it fit to place large center pieces in the middle of tables can present an interesting experiment. Does your company remove the item to get a better look at you so they can “take you all in” or to they keep it there to stifle the flow of conversations? I have a habit of discarding the center island especially if it’s useless and tall (or an ad to sell me expensive drinks!). I’ll even place it on a neighbouring table if convenient or on the seat next to me. I want to see my company, but do they want to see you?

Eye squinting or covering can be related back to a baseline to produce predictive powers. For example, while questioning someone about theft or vandalism, or any other event that brings back images that someone wishes not to recall, note when eyes become constricted. This will tell you which aspects of your recount makes them most uncomfortable. When vital information is struck, eye blocking in one form or another will surface. From there, it will be up to you to deduce the exact reason for eye blocking. Squinting can also flash as a microexpression in accompaniment of inconsistent body language to reveal true feelings. For example, smiling and waving to an acquaintance at a distance while squinting, shows that there is a poor connection and perhaps a subsurface distaste for them. Squinting can also be done while reading material that is disagreeable and will arise instantaneously without awareness. This is obviously a very useful ‘tell’ when negotiating contracts or devising plans. Other times eyebrows will lower instead of eye squinting, but the meaning is the same. Conversely, raised or arched eyebrows show positive feelings and high confidence.