Tag Archive for Consciousness

The Meaning Of Leg Crossing

by  • March 5, 2013 • 1 Comment

These legs are interested - note how they are crossed toward rather than away.

These legs are interested – note how they are crossed toward rather than away.

The legs are equally as expressive as the arm in terms of the meaning they convey. This is largely because the arms are frequently busy doing other task oriented things whereas the legs usually remain idle free to express hidden thoughts. Of course, the legs also have their share of work to do, but when sitting or standing still they have a tendency to leak information. We also pay less attention to our legs because they move less freely putting them further away from our consciousness. Perhaps we feel that because our legs can only do so much we need not pay them any mind and so reason we ignore them.

The legs therefore, are a great indicator of true thoughts and feelings. For example, we might look to the legs to verify interest. The legs crossed toward something or someone indicates thoughts and shows an attraction in the direction. In other words the legs are propelled in the direction in which we think. Couples that have a strong relationship will cross their legs toward each other, enemies will cross away, context permitting of course. Lovers sitting on a couch together with their legs crossed toward each other, bodies leaning inward, with their arms meeting over the backs of the couch are said to be in a “loving circle.” This is not a term reserved for just intimate couples though, it can also apply to family, close friends and even associates, both male and female. It represents a likeness of mind – agreement. Caution is required at this point, since not everyone is equally able or willing to cross their legs in either direction. Over time, we tend to develop greater flexibility in one direction, or the other, simply through habit, so it’s not always a valuable signal if a person crosses their legs away from someone else. If they lean and cross away from each other, then these two clues, in context, might mean something is worth exploring further.

It has been noted in several studies that the amount of movement that the feet undergo while lying significantly increases, and that these movements are below the level of consciousness. It’s fairly easy to monitor our arms and (with limited success), our facial expressions, but it’s something else to monitor a distant part like our feet. The leg tap, where the hand rhythmically taps the thigh can be done out of fear or deceit, even out of fear of being caught, uneasiness and even boredom, depending on the remaining set of cues in a cluster and on the particular context by which they occur. What we do below the belt is out of sight and out of mind!

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

Legs

Women with legs open are often seen as too aggressive.

Women with legs open are often seen in a negative light – as too aggressive.

uncrossed is a signal of openness, acceptance and signal of being easy going. This is of particular importance as it pertains to women, as it can taken as a sexual signal or invitation, making women appear easy, “loose” or at best crass or improper. Sharon Stone in the movie Basic Instinct sent a clear message as she slowly uncrossed and re-crossed her legs while being interrogated. Women wishing to appear dominant will find this posture comfortable, but it will be accompanied by other male typical gestures such as throwing an arm over the back of the chair to take up more space and loud boisterous behaviour.

Men can use open legs to show dominance more easily than women.

Men can use open legs to show dominance more easily than women.

Men, on the other hand, have the benefit of using the uncrossed legs signal for more than one reason. Men can have their legs uncrossed to display a signal of dominance and authority which is a welcomed natural signal from men, or it can be used as a signal to appear open. In men, the meaning of the leg spread is determined by its context and the manner in which it occurs. Men in seated positions spread their legs as a dominance display as it puts the genitals out for everyone to see. This is one of the gestures that makes use of the exercise of imagining people fully nude. What would you think of a guest that sat down in your favourite chair and tossed his leg over the arm rest? Would you think him any less belligerent if he had done it at his own house? The leg over the chair is as overt a leg spread message as you will get.

The degree to which leg spreading happens is important in both sexes. Spreading is positively correlated with dominance display. That is the greater the leg spread, the greater is the dominance display. The legs cocked, so to speak, at shoulder width while seated, is comfortable and natural even for both sexes, but once the legs break that distance, appear much less covert. Once the legs meet their maximum angle, it is as if the genitals are yelling at the top of their lungs through a loudspeaker begging to be noticed! Legs in the figure four where one ankle is raise and placed on top of the knee opposite is an abbreviated leg cross which is less dominant. We cover this later in the chapter. The legs can also be cross tightly with the legs nearly parallel or with the leg over the knee. This is a reserved posture and shows a respectful, polite and proper attitude.

In a standing position, legs spread at or slightly beyond shoulder width signals dominance in a more acceptable way. In fact, having the legs uncrossed while standing is the most appropriate way to stand since it appears open, accepting and confident. Crossing at the ankles, as we will see later, shows a reserved mind and is therefore a closed posture. We must be careful with reading leg information since most everyone has a preferred way to cross them, but if we watching their movement across time and across context we can pattern specific people. We should never assume that any and all signals, especially leg crossing, has universal meaning across all people.

Who Smiles More, Men Or Women, And Why?

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Women smile more than men to appease them.

Women smile more than men to appease them.

The research on smiling shows us that women tend to smile the most and that they also tend to smile regardless of their emotional state. Men will and can get away without smiling the most as men who don’t smile are seen as dominant whereas women who don’t smile are seen as unhappy or angry. We might feel that this is simply a learned or cultural phenomenon but the fact is that smiling differentials between men and women happen very early in life. Little girls by the age of eight begin to smile much more whereas little boy lag further behind and they continue to lag behind into adulthood.

Women are obliged to smile to appease men according to researcher Dr. Nancy Henley at UCLA. She felt that women smiled simply to placate men and that since men normally occupy the dominant roles, women felt pressure to submit to their dominance. She felt smiling differences had nothing at all to do with women as nurturers and pacifiers. This might not be the whole story though. The research also shows us that while women that smile more are taken less authoritatively, women, regardless of their social status and position tend smile more than men. This is the case even when they hold similar job positions showing us that they smile more often even when they don’t have to Other research though confuses these findings and says that sometimes women of equal status to men, tend to use smiles similarly.

However, this certainly wasn’t the case for my wife, who, I had run a ‘smile boycott’ in light of the research done on smiles by Marianne La France. A ‘smile boycott’ is fairly simple, I explained to my wife, all she had to do was smile when she was happy and not smile when she wasn’t. You might try the same experiment for comparison. At first, she found it difficult to bring to consciousness the instances when she smiled because it happens subconsciously, but once she got the hang of it, she found that she smiled a lot.

In fact, at work, she smiled almost continuously, and so it was difficult at first for her to avoid smiling. She found that as she passed male colleagues in the hallways, she’d feel inclined to smile, even though they often failed to reciprocate. Men, she found, would merely nod their heads as they passed. When conversing with other female coworkers, they too tended to smile but if they didn’t, she reported back that she felt as if they were ‘rude.’ If she held a ‘non-smiling’ face for any prolonged period of time, she was questioned; “Are you okay?”, “Lighten up” or, “What’s bothering you?” She simply couldn’t get away with smile avoidance; the world wouldn’t let her. While this is far from scientific, it does illustrate well the trend we find in the scientific research. Women that don’t smile are reported negatively whereas women who smile more, tend to be viewed much more positively.

Further research shows us that smiling is in fact an option for the powerful regardless of their sex. Whereas less powerful people are required to smile more to appease those in higher positions, those higher up, need not placate those below. Interestingly too, is that women usually feel the need to please others, whereas men don’t, and they tend to correlate this need to please with smiling. Therefore this need to please might be at the root of all smiling. Armed with all this information, you can use the smile for your purpose, be it to placate, appease or neither.

Silent Speech Has Flow

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

How is the flow of your body language?

How is the flow of your body language?

Body language is like verbal and written language; it has structure. Body language flows, it has its own rhythm, vocabulary, grammar and punctuation. Some gesture are single letters which join with others to form words right on up to formulate full sentences and phrases until we finally reach full ideas and meaning. Part of the way things come together is connected to congruence, meaning that the overall body of language comes together seamlessly. Just like someone might have poor written grammar, some people have poor nonverbal language, sometimes even dramatically so leading to even more drastic consequences.

We are all born understanding the basics of body language and have the minds to master it, but none of us are born ready emitting perfect body language. Instead we learn body language like we learn to speak, by observation and practice. ‘Naturals’, as it were, may only exist because instead of ignoring body language like most people do, they bring it to consciousness early on and follow successful example around them. Their minds are subconsciously prepared to imitate good postures and appear in control and confident. As we will see, good body language isn’t something you are either born with, or must be without forever. It can be learned.

I recall a time when my wife and I were visiting a fellow who was giving away a second hand washing machine which would I would use for a rental apartment. His body language made him appear inept and he came across as awkward. He’d cross his arms when I was talking and when I’d make a point, he would do his best to contradict me. He’d lean in too close and his body odor was overpowering. This person had no reason to be dishonest, he explained that he needed the space in his house for another project. We took the machine because at the time we needed it, however since he gave us such a negative impression we still don’t know, to this day, if the machine works or not. I’ve never hooked it up or used it! My wife and I got a terrible impression of the guy and the feeling attached itself to everything about him including his free washer. It didn’t affect us while we were there, but as soon as we left, we were able to verbalize reasons for storing, instead of using the machine. We simply didn’t trust that the machine would work properly despite his verbal assurances, and instead of taking the energy to move it into the basement to test it, we stored it in the garage and purchased a new set. His body language told us that something must be wrong with the washing machine, that perhaps it ruined clothing or leaked and he just wanted some sucker to help him dispose of the machine. Other people who aren’t studied in body language but finding themselves in a similar situation would have concluded that their ‘gut feeling’ was off. Since I could read his cues, it was obvious to me why I didn’t trust him, but I did have to explain to my wife why she felt so uneasy.

This story illustrates the point about the strength of nonverbal body language and how salient and important it is. Even though the result was at no cost to him (and little cost to me), if he had been a commissioned salesman, or salesman of any sort, he would have lost the deal with certainty.

Using Body Language To Get The Results You Want!

by  • March 5, 2013 • 3 Comments

A confident posture includes having the shoulders back and upright, head up and level and a well balances body. Confident people move freely without hesitation, make appropriate gestures, and hold smiles often. People that lack confidence will walk with a hunched back, they will be careless with their arm gestures, will sulk and frown, and their head will droop. They often appear sad or tired and the frown lines in their face will depend with time producing permanent wrinkles. Often they aren’t much fun to be around and seem to be taking every chance to drag you others around them down. However, far from acting consciously, people who lack confidence are acting out of habit and routine.

Subconscious facial expressions can make people think you don't like them which might be opposite to what you intend. In this case, we see scorn when perhaps what was intended was deep thought.

Subconscious facial expressions can make people think you don’t like them which might be opposite to what you intend. In this case, we see ‘scorn.’

Part of the power behind body language stems from its direct connection to someone’s overall disposition, how life has treated them, and also how they treat life in return. Since all people face challenges confident body language tells others if a person actively takes control of their life or lets life push them around.

If you meet a “Not OK” person you will subconsciously feel uneasy or suspicious. Sometimes people put on a good temporary show but within a few minutes their bodies relax only to revert back to their natural dispositions. We instinctively know this and read it, but don’t always bring it to our active consciousness to process it. Have you ever asked others what your body language portrays? Do you hold certain gestures that make you look unapproachable or negative?

One of my wife’s friends consistently receives negative comments about her scowls despite being an extremely kind hearted person. However her natural face appears ‘bitchy’, so much so that it’s her defining feature and one that is joked about by those that really know her. This example raises an important point. Our bodies leak information without our consent and when we aren’t receiving the results we want, we should do something proactive about it. From an outside perspective, people think that her face really shows inner turmoil and then discount her kindheartedness even on a first impression. It is her facial expressions that set the tone with others, even before she has the chance to speak. She then must work extra diligently to reverse the first impression she creates. People naturally perceive those that hold negative facial expressions and body language to be holding a grudge. This story outlines the importance of monitoring our gestures and facial expressions to convey the types of feelings we wish to show the world and achieve the results we desire. Thus, while I don’t know this person well enough to explain this trait to her without offending her, others have, but with only mediocre results. At least now she is aware of what impression she makes, so she can resolve matters more quickly if she senses negativity from others. With just a modest change she could reap immense results.

The point here is that if you hold negative body language, it’s not yet too late to fix things so hold your head up high and watch people around you begin to treat you better. Sit more upright, swing your arms, smile more and despite inner feelings, start acting happy. Body language is a great way to ‘fake it until you make it’. Holding confident body language makes us feel confident so let’s use our bodies to change the patterns in our brains.

How Hard Is It To Read People?

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Itchy nose or does this mean something else?

Itchy nose or does this mean something else?

Reading people is fairly simple and common sense once the language is learned, but initially there are a lot of cues to recall so at times it can be confusing. At first it might be difficult just remembering the cues, let alone pull them to consciousness when applicable, but with time this second language will seem to flow naturally and in real time. Body language is fluid and happening all the time around us so we can’t hit pause or rewind in real life to review individual cues. Thankfully, though, we don’t have to. Even beginners can get the gist of things just by picking up a few cues here and there, however the full meaning won’t come until the reader can piece together all the cues.

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When you begin to notice things you hadn’t before, it will be obvious that I have accomplished my goal.