Tag Archive for Conflict

Leadership Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Holding dominant body language is like a wedge that holds the door open between levels at your work. When new employees arrive in our companies, even if just a junior level employee, everyone instinctively classifies them. They are either leaders or followers from the start, but it’s not just “something” about them, something mystical or intangible, it is plain and simple, it is their body language that tells us their future roles. We know right away if they will fit into the company, be fired, or come out as future “top dogs.” The research shows us that if you don’t hold dominant body language, you’ll never be promoted to leadership roles. Leaders aren’t usually able to talk their way up a hierarchy, although sometimes they do, and it ends up causing remorse and conflict from lower ranking employees because they lack the respect that comes with dominance and leadership seeming to emanate from certain people. So if you want to get higher in your company here are some tips.

First, increase your height through better posture. Hold your head higher and whenever you can exploit high differences, do it. If everyone is sitting, stand, but don’t make everyone feel uncomfortable by towering over them. If you have split levels, stand on the top level and keep everyone else on the lower rug. Find excuses to stand by volunteering to draw out plans on a board when brainstorming. This gives you two advantages, the first of which is the height advantage where you can tower over your follow employees and the second is more strategic. By being the chalkboard secretary, you become the person that everyone defers to for idea acceptance, while having the freedom to add any ideas yourself as desired without needing approval. Second to exploiting height differences, is breadth expansions. Meaning, one should try to appear bigger by taking up more space. Not only should you spread out your legs and arms, but you should also spread out your papers, pens and other artifacts. Taking up space is a way to own more of it, and is a strong signal of dominance.

Your gaze should be serious and direct, with your head held high. Don’t be afraid to use touch, but touch only in safe zones such as the arm between the hand and elbow, the elbow itself and sometimes the shoulders but only with caution. If you can get away with shoulder or back touches, do so, but pay attention to the reaction is creates so as not to insult others. Always try to be the first to speak and be the “go-to-guy” for questions and opinions. It is therefore important to be helpful, task oriented, and sincerely try to do a good job. Avoid smiling too much especially if you are a woman, as this can be taken as submission or placation. A neutral face is more appropriate during high tension situation so fight the urge to smile nervously and only nod in agreement with statements you really agree with. In other words, don’t smile and nod while expressing negative ideas as it only serves to confuse others, and can make people think you are weak and easily manipulated. Keep your body language in tune with your verbal words and don’t be afraid to cast judgments on solutions you feel are inappropriate. Conversely use encouragement when deserved and back it up with genuine body language.

While body language alone won’t guarantee a raise in dominance, it’s a good first step. The next part of the process is an attitude overhaul while remaining consistent. A word of caution is a must. If you are working within an existing environment where your behaviour will be monitored throughout the process rather than entering a novel environment where people have no baseline to compare you to, be prepared for some resistance. Understand that you are sure to cause resentment, which might create a desire to undermine you, but the last thing you need in your quest for a higher rank are lower dissenters so always treat others with the respect they deserve – even if they don’t deserve it! Upward movement while others stagnant, can be perceived as a threat, create animosity, and more than likely bread challenges. Your task to leadership will be to meet these challenges with consistent and unwavering body language.

Aggressive Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

The amygdala is in here somewhere!

The amygdala is in here somewhere!

Researchers have defied seven major classes of aggression: predatory, inter-male, fear, irritable, maternal, instrumental (to obtain a goal) and territorial. The amygdala and the hypothalamus, two brain centers, have been centered out as important motivators in aggressive situations. Thankfully, with the potential for such conflict we are given tools in the form of body language that help us gauge aggression in others in order to prevent us from serious injury or death. Since modern humans are primarily vocal, we often ignore some of the cues signifying aggression, but these become very potent as conflict escalates and our verbal language deteriorates to uncontrolled screaming and cussing.

The Military Man

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

The 'military' or 'regal' stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back. This high confidence posture was made popular by royalty.

The ‘military’ or ‘regal’ stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back. This high confidence posture was made popular by royalty.

The “military man” sometimes called the “regal stance” when carried by royalty is a posture that occurs by placing the hands, palm in palm behind the back openly exposing the chest, usually accompanied by chin up and out, and head held back. The hand gripping the wrist or upper arm in behind the back sends an emotional message of frustration and an attempt at self control, but forms no part of what is said by the military man. Usually the feet of the military man are splayed outward so as to take up more space and dominance, which is opposite to tibial torsion when the toes point inward to signal submission. When the feet are turned outward, they indicate that a person is upset, being threatened or is threatening others. When it comes to the feet, the wider the feet are spread the more confrontation is displayed since when people ready to fight, they wish to carry a more balanced stance to avoid getting knocked over. In other words, legs will never be crossed during confrontation for the simple fact that it becomes much more difficult to escape an attack or fight a battle. Subconsciously our brains know this well, so won’t permit it. Likewise, as people become less agreeable their feet will become more spaced out. Therefore, as a way to reduce tension during conflict, adopt a less splayed posture, or even keep the legs crossed showing a lack of desire to compete.

The military man posture is reserved almost exclusively for dominant individuals, leaders, and those of high status and others who expect little or no challenge whatsoever of their authority. It is popular among lawyers, doctors, university professors, policemen or high ranking military personnel such as sergeants. Those in the military can be seen competing within rank by ever increasing leg splaying. It can also be found in (over) confident store clerks, oddly enough, who parade their booths during slow periods presumably seeking someone to commerce with. Power is nearly the exclusive meaning delivered by the posture as it exposes the full front of the body to possible attack; even invites it with an extended pointed chin. The message is also one that says “Don’t come near me, I’m important and I shouldn’t be touched!” The Queen of England and Prince Philip are noted with this body language due to their high rank and importance.

A challenge to fight - the chin pops out tempting our opponent.

A challenge to fight – the chin pops out tempting our opponent.

Boxers learn early on to tuck their chins down to protect it, as it is the easiest way to produce a knock out, opposite to the military man. The chin blow is so devastating in combat because when the jaw is hit hard enough with the right technique, it slams directly into the temporal mandibular nerve producing shock. Not to mention the fact that hard punches sloshes the brain violently around inside the skull cavity which can lead to internal bleeding and swelling. The wiring-our nervous system, is very complicated and also interconnected so a blow to one nerve can send shockwaves throughout the body. This nerve in particular, while vulnerable, also controls the lips, sinuses and digestion among others. Hitting it hard and suddenly is effectively like putting the body into sensory overload causing it to suddenly shut down. In fact, successful boxers want what is called “good chin” or the ability to repeatedly endure blows to the head and chin without passing out. The military man, on the other hand, is one who dares someone to attack their chins by making it an overt target. He says, “Go ahead take a swipe, see what it gets you in return.”

Other times, the military man posture is intended to show a readiness to be open an inviting, although it fails in this regard. We’ve all avoided the eerily empty mall shop whose underpaid employee or distraught owner paces to and fro with his hands to his back. One has to wonder if the empty shop is the cause or effect. Does the body language repel customers or does the body language come from being repelled by customers? I suspect the latter, but this represents my body language bias. Naturally, the clerks would be served well to drop the posture altogether and instead offer something more welcoming.

Police use the military-man posture to put their confidence on display. They know their uniform, badge, and the law they serve, protects them from challenges. School principals and teachers who want to set a strong first impression can also be seen touring their territory with their arms to their backs. My high school principle, in retrospect was mild mannered and quiet, he used his posture to show others he meant business. The next principle, much younger and green, faired far worse in maintaining order. He used his mouth far too often to try to set his tone which merely invited attacks. Evolutionarily speaking the military man is a strutting posture and so it can preemptively avoid potentially harmful physical show-downs between rival men. Other possible root origins stem from its concealment properties. In other words, a spear, knife or other makeshift sharp object might be cocked at the ready to be sprung on unsuspecting challengers – you’d never know, so why risk it! If you had no other choice, would you physically jump a confident looking authority figure or the man hunched over who avoids eye contact? In other words, sometimes the military man posture makes great sense.