Tag Archive for Close Friends

How To Signal I’m Here To Help But Not Be Your Friend – Some Tips For Salespeople

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

There will be times when we’ll need to tell people that we are there for them, but at the same time, not overstep their boundaries. One of those times is when we act as salespeople where we want to appear helpful but not overly friendly. When dealing with the public especially in retail, we need to adopt a different style of body language than we would with close friends.

When we sell, we need to convey “I’m here to help” so we should convey alertness and motivation, but the message isn’t “I’m your friend” and we should maybe go for a drink sometime to catch up. We’ve all seen good sales people who meet you with a smile, but what is an effective smile in a retail scenario? If we smile too big, we come across as too friendly which can turn some people off. Instead we should perform a slight smile with brief eye contact. This shows them that we’ve noticed them, and are willing and able to engage any questions or need for assistance they might have. Eye contact should be non-threatening and non-challenging. Eye contact combined with our anchoring smile tells the consumer that we are employees, and that we are there to serve them. Your body should show that you are confident and assertive primarily to serve the company you work for, as you have agreed to a certain level of responsibility.

The next step is to identify the type of client you are working for. Some clients prefer to look around on their own and not be bothered and others want and even need to be directed. Others yet, will prefer a mixture of the two, especially after they have identified a product of interest. We know someone is comfortable shopping by themselves because they use sentences such as “Just browsing” or “Having a look around”. Someone that wants more direct help will immediately find a clerk and ask lots of questions and express their needs and general interests. If they don’t find what they want immediately, they will hang around a clerk, or leave altogether if they don’t get the service they require.

Clients that are short and hurried with their verbal language, who make very little or no small talk and speak only of the products of interest, only want to get their items and leave. They won’t want to interact on a personal level or chat about the weather or other such affairs. This is a fine stance in a customer and should be respected. These types of people won’t even see you as a being human, rather, they will see you as a means to their end. We identify these people because they seem to look ‘through’ or over you and seem extremely focused on the product. They will give no rapport signals and very little facial expressions. As a salesperson you should hold a neutral body position and stay relatively expressions and avoid trying to engage them on other levels besides that which directly involves the sale. In other words, sell the product and it’s features rather than yourself. Push them through the product selection quickly, talk about their pro’s and con’s and check them out as efficiently as possible, and you will make them happy.

“Friendly” clients will want something wholly different. They will begin to chat with you, express eye contact and might even touch to establish more rapport. Often the conversation will start off on an item then move onto something much less centered, it could evolve into family, sports or events. For these clients, the relationship is very important so with these types of client mirror their body language and use plenty of eye contact in effort to make them feel comfortable and as if they are speaking to a friend. This type of client is seeking to buy the entire experience including the salesperson and will often buy just because they liked the salesperson. This client requires the salesperson to sell “themselves” as part of the package.

A third type of client is the “follower.” He or she will want the salesperson to take charge. This client is usually unfamiliar with the buying process, or they are unsure of what they are looking for. These types of people stand out to us especially in situations like airports because it is such a confusing affair. They will ask specific questions but these questions might be inappropriate because he or she is not totally familiar with the subject matter. This client will show submissive body language as they try to protect themselves from embarrassment and show willingness to follow someone in charge. Followers will show timidity and nervousness at times, and take up less space than normal. Sometimes confident clients appear to be followers, but they only appear so because they are in a novel environment, or are beginning to shop for an item they don’t have much knowledgeable about. Confident people won’t show such submissive gesture at all, but will otherwise show a desire to follow the salesperson by their verbal language. Confident, ill-informed buyers will still tend to closely hang onto the salesperson like a “follower”, not because they require hand-holding, but rather because they wish to be sold directly and will purchase if enough information is provided.

The final type of client is the “dominator.” They will immediately stare you down and make strong eye contact. They will be suspicious of the salespersons motives and want to maintain control because they fear being taken advantage of. The dominator’s voice will be firm with neutral or negative facial expressions. This client might move into the salespersons personal space and try to intimidate them or they may intrude over a counter or place a bag or coat on it. They may be grabby and use touch to influence the salesperson. In this situation, the salesperson should remain neutral or positive and not mirror the client’s body language or conflict may escalate. Negative body language such as this is usual for someone with a specific complaint. Instead of fighting their language stay pleasant and hear them out trying to show empathy for their situation even if you aren’t actually able to do anything about it. At times, dropping dominant signals can help, slumping the head and shoulders shows that we are willing to submit to them. Sometimes winning the battle includes feigning loss and conceding to their demands.

The Meaning Of Leg Crossing

by  • March 5, 2013 • 1 Comment

These legs are interested - note how they are crossed toward rather than away.

These legs are interested – note how they are crossed toward rather than away.

The legs are equally as expressive as the arm in terms of the meaning they convey. This is largely because the arms are frequently busy doing other task oriented things whereas the legs usually remain idle free to express hidden thoughts. Of course, the legs also have their share of work to do, but when sitting or standing still they have a tendency to leak information. We also pay less attention to our legs because they move less freely putting them further away from our consciousness. Perhaps we feel that because our legs can only do so much we need not pay them any mind and so reason we ignore them.

The legs therefore, are a great indicator of true thoughts and feelings. For example, we might look to the legs to verify interest. The legs crossed toward something or someone indicates thoughts and shows an attraction in the direction. In other words the legs are propelled in the direction in which we think. Couples that have a strong relationship will cross their legs toward each other, enemies will cross away, context permitting of course. Lovers sitting on a couch together with their legs crossed toward each other, bodies leaning inward, with their arms meeting over the backs of the couch are said to be in a “loving circle.” This is not a term reserved for just intimate couples though, it can also apply to family, close friends and even associates, both male and female. It represents a likeness of mind – agreement. Caution is required at this point, since not everyone is equally able or willing to cross their legs in either direction. Over time, we tend to develop greater flexibility in one direction, or the other, simply through habit, so it’s not always a valuable signal if a person crosses their legs away from someone else. If they lean and cross away from each other, then these two clues, in context, might mean something is worth exploring further.

It has been noted in several studies that the amount of movement that the feet undergo while lying significantly increases, and that these movements are below the level of consciousness. It’s fairly easy to monitor our arms and (with limited success), our facial expressions, but it’s something else to monitor a distant part like our feet. The leg tap, where the hand rhythmically taps the thigh can be done out of fear or deceit, even out of fear of being caught, uneasiness and even boredom, depending on the remaining set of cues in a cluster and on the particular context by which they occur. What we do below the belt is out of sight and out of mind!

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

Legs

Women with legs open are often seen as too aggressive.

Women with legs open are often seen in a negative light – as too aggressive.

uncrossed is a signal of openness, acceptance and signal of being easy going. This is of particular importance as it pertains to women, as it can taken as a sexual signal or invitation, making women appear easy, “loose” or at best crass or improper. Sharon Stone in the movie Basic Instinct sent a clear message as she slowly uncrossed and re-crossed her legs while being interrogated. Women wishing to appear dominant will find this posture comfortable, but it will be accompanied by other male typical gestures such as throwing an arm over the back of the chair to take up more space and loud boisterous behaviour.

Men can use open legs to show dominance more easily than women.

Men can use open legs to show dominance more easily than women.

Men, on the other hand, have the benefit of using the uncrossed legs signal for more than one reason. Men can have their legs uncrossed to display a signal of dominance and authority which is a welcomed natural signal from men, or it can be used as a signal to appear open. In men, the meaning of the leg spread is determined by its context and the manner in which it occurs. Men in seated positions spread their legs as a dominance display as it puts the genitals out for everyone to see. This is one of the gestures that makes use of the exercise of imagining people fully nude. What would you think of a guest that sat down in your favourite chair and tossed his leg over the arm rest? Would you think him any less belligerent if he had done it at his own house? The leg over the chair is as overt a leg spread message as you will get.

The degree to which leg spreading happens is important in both sexes. Spreading is positively correlated with dominance display. That is the greater the leg spread, the greater is the dominance display. The legs cocked, so to speak, at shoulder width while seated, is comfortable and natural even for both sexes, but once the legs break that distance, appear much less covert. Once the legs meet their maximum angle, it is as if the genitals are yelling at the top of their lungs through a loudspeaker begging to be noticed! Legs in the figure four where one ankle is raise and placed on top of the knee opposite is an abbreviated leg cross which is less dominant. We cover this later in the chapter. The legs can also be cross tightly with the legs nearly parallel or with the leg over the knee. This is a reserved posture and shows a respectful, polite and proper attitude.

In a standing position, legs spread at or slightly beyond shoulder width signals dominance in a more acceptable way. In fact, having the legs uncrossed while standing is the most appropriate way to stand since it appears open, accepting and confident. Crossing at the ankles, as we will see later, shows a reserved mind and is therefore a closed posture. We must be careful with reading leg information since most everyone has a preferred way to cross them, but if we watching their movement across time and across context we can pattern specific people. We should never assume that any and all signals, especially leg crossing, has universal meaning across all people.

Proxemics

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

This couple shares personal space because it has developed trust for one another.

This couple shares personal space because it has developed trust for one another.

Proxemics is the study of how people use space and was first introduced by American anthropologist Edward T. Hall in the early 1960s to describe the implications distances play between people as they interact. He summarized the rule as follows: “Like gravity, the influence of two bodies on each other is inversely proportional not only to the square of their distance, but possibly even to the cube of the distance between them.” According to researcher Heini Hediger who studied the psychology and behaviour of captive animals in zoos and circuses in 1955, spacing is governed by how close animals are to one another, with four possible responses: flight, critical or attack, personal and social. People we find, are no different. “Personal” and “social” refers to interactions between members of the same species and is benign and non-confrontational, whereas “flight” and “critical”, usually occurs between members of different species and represents a direct threat or perceived threat to safety. Hall reasoned therefore, that with few exceptions, flight and critical distances had been eliminated from human reactions. This is largely do to the environment by which we all exist as we tolerate mild intrusions of our personal space on a daily bases.

When people enter our personal space we predict that they are either close friends, making a sexual advance, or they are hostile and are attempting an attack. Close encounters from strangers produce visceral reactions. Our hearts beat faster and we become flush as our bodies prepare us to fight or run. The same reactions are commonplace when our lovers enter our personal space for the first time. Even a touch of the hand can send the heart into flutter and release pleasure hormones. Except in the case of a lover the hormones are stress hormones which are naturally bad for us and in all due to all exhilaration we get a good dose of the “action hormone” adrenaline. This is why it is so important to respect the personal space around others. Not only will the intrusion make them feel uncomfortable, but they will also formulate negative judgments about you. The rule of thumb is to always give provide as much space as possible and allow others to approach you instead of vice versa.

When in public and especially in crowded areas filled with strangers our bodies will follow very specific silent speech rules. These rules protect our sanity first and foremost. They also convey our desires to get along with others in harmony, and that we respect them. In close, unavoidable proximity with strangers, our bodies will tense up or remain motionless so as to avoid contact. If accidental contact ensues, we will pull in whatever part of the body was touched and if particularly obtrusive we offer a verbal apology. Even if contact is rare, any part of the body that may result in touching is kept under heavy tension. We wouldn’t want our bodies to leave our control and move into the space of someone else. To loosen up or relax our bodies, is to ignore an important rule in congested places. Even our faces will remain rigid and free from emotion. Our gaze will be fixed or we will glaze over, looking “through” people instead of making eye contact. We even tend to limit conversations with people we know as this too violates the unwritten code of conduct. We’ll pick up a newspaper, even though we might have no interest in it, just to remove ourselves from the situation even further.