Tag Archive for Building Relationships

How We Know Why We Meet

It should be immediately obvious what the true purpose is for meeting based on the type of seating provided. A formal setting that is boardroom-like with status icons means that serious business is at hand, whereas a couch with a coffee table signifies much less urgent matters. When we meet formally, relationship building is not the aim, more casual meetings build relationships, so we should either plan or act accordingly. If the boss calls the meeting, we should know what is up before we even get there so we know what to expect.

Seating arrangements are a big part in how the meeting will transpire. For example, facing one another means that ideas are divisive and that party’s are probably unwilling to change, or if desired we can even foster more competition by artificially creating this arrangement. Perhaps not useful under the average circumstance, but effective non-the-less for lawyers who wish to milk clients dry by stretching out legal disputes! Sitting at forty-five degrees and on the same side means that ideas are informal and group minded where cooperation is sought. Smaller tables create more intimacy and group building, whereas larger tables emphasis more independence and creativity. More of this is covered in the chapter on seating arrangements. For now let’s focus on possible hidden agendas with respect to how we sit.

There are three basic reasons for meeting, they are ‘affiliation’ to build group cohesion, ‘achievement’ to get things done, and ‘power’ to emphasis control. Who calls the meeting and who is in charge will depend on how the meeting will be organized. To go along with the three types of meetings, there are three types of people in business. They are the ‘affiliator’ the ‘achiever’ and the ‘power player’. The affiliator is interested in building relationships, they arrive early and make a point of checking in with everyone and making sure everyone is happy and taken care of. They smile often and make eye contact frequently. They will set up meetings to foster cooperation and will often stay behind to answer any questions. The achiever will arrive on time and won’t want to waste a minute. If he talks before the meeting it will be because it was important and he’ll sit closest the person with the highest rank. They often show up well prepared with note pad, fact sheets, and so forth. They keep time, don’t stray off topic and leave as soon as the meeting is over. The final type, the power player is someone that arrive slightly late, spends most of his time with other leaders, and will try to sit where he can influence the most people possible. This person will also interrupt others more often, and they will stay right until everyone has left so as not to miss something, or miss out on important decisions.

Paying attention to who is running the meetings will tell us the goals of the meetings since not everyone is upfront about their purpose. Each meeting should begin by assessing where they sit, and why, as well as the types of personalities they have. As leaders, we can also manipulate the strengths of those around us for our own success. For example, you can use the affiliator initially and at the end to build group cohesion, the achiever to direct the middle of the meeting to get things done, and finally employ the power player to identify any potential pit-falls or struggles within the group.

Figure Four And Figure Four Hand Lock

The figure four.

The figure four.

This body position occurs as one leg is bent, oriented horizontally and pulled over the opposite knee, to form the number four. Hence the name, the figure four leg cross. It is more or less an open posture and should be taken as a mild version of the crotch display which we saw in the section on leg spreading. This posture is milder because it doesn’t fully expose the crotch because the crossed leg partially blocks the genitals from view. This again, is another one of the cues that where it’s useful to picture our targets as being nude. In essence this is the gentleman’s version of the crotch display. Women aren’t normally seen in this posture, but since pants have become more popular, it does tend to happen more often lately, than it has in the recent past. The figure four tells us that a person is relaxed, youthful (mature gentleman are seen with a full leg cross where the legs end up parallel to one another) and dominant.

The 'figure four leg' lock - note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

The figure four seating position can be close off entirely by placing each hand on the shine so as to lock the leg in place. This posture indicates that someone is extremely stubborn and most likely apt to reject opinions of others. The person is also highly opinionated in most every way and may lead you into disagreement at every turn. The figure four hand lock is stronger as a signal if it is accompanied by negative facial expressions, scowls, or frowns. If selling an idea or product, it might be best to drop the pitch altogether and seek more agreeable company unless you are comfortable using extreme tact or are skilled at building relationships quickly.