Tag Archive for Brother

The Power Of Chairs

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When my brother comes over to visit he likes to play chair games with me since he’s aware, through my research, of the power plays afforded by such a seemingly innocuous objects. He often chooses the head of the table or the most desirable position on the sofa, and if possible, will secure the tallest chair. He’s already a bit taller than me and he knows that while seated he looses his advantage making it even more important to claim the higher chair lest he lose his height advantage. My computer chair allows one to raise and lower it, so as fast as it can be adjusted it’s at its peek, allowing him to look down on me. These games are all in good fun of course, as we both understand the implications. However, while we play these games in fun, others might not, they may use them to intimidate or gain power over you and if you are interested, you over them.

To level the playing field it is important to limit the presence of chairs that can be raised or lowered just in case you don’t arrive early enough to gain access to them. Chairs that swivel also hold more power because they can face in infinite directions. The most punishing chairs, which are used by interrogators are those that are fixed to the floor, usually placed in the center of a room away from any shelter. When the idea is to gain quick authority, job interviewers can also employ this tactic. Because you can’t swivel, you must adjust your entire body position to orient yourself toward anything of interest. Should someone enter the room, you’ll either be forced to keep your back to them or will have to lean to one side to look. Regardless, you are at a disadvantage. Chairs that also give more power are those with higher backs. Kings and queens sit in tall chairs because they understood the powers it gave them. The peasants were lucky to get a chair at all, and a stool is was plenty for the layman. Think about what types of chairs are present at fast food places and their effect on us. Usually they will be rock hard and prevent us getting comfortable by leaning back with their metal backs designed specifically to reduce our stay. What effect would this type of seating have on a competitor in business or an in-law we wished to enjoy only a brief visit?

To disarm or punish people, use soft seating such as a sofa that when pressure is added practically envelopes your opponent. This reduces their ability to use gestures in communication and to move about the room because getting up from a sunken position is more difficult than an upright on. Also make sure this chair is lower than normal helping you establish dominance, and if it has arms, even better, as this too will limit their movement.

Baselining

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Baselining is probably one of the most important and often overlooked aspects of reading body language. It refers to the “normal” motions that populate the repertoire of each and every person on the planet. Normal here is the operative word. We can’t even begin to read someone until we first have their baseline pegged. For example, to read someone that is normally flighty and constantly moving, as agitated is wrong since they are merely acting out their particular “idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviour.” That is, the body language that is particular to specific people and that makes up their repertoire, or basket of cues considered normal for them. This person might be flighty or high strung by nature but they certainly can’t be constantly agitated by nature as our nervous systems can’t tolerate perpetual stress. A person high strung by nature who seemingly freezes instantly is telling us based on their baseline that something is up. Baselining tells us that a condition in their environment has changed and it has affected them. It now becomes our job to detect the cause for the change.

Baselining involves learning about how a person usually sits, how they use their hands to gesture, where they place their hands while at rest and relaxed or when nervous, how they place their feet when standing, their overall posture, how they prefer to cross their legs such as whether they cross them equally left over right as right over left, and so on. The list to baselining is utterly endless as are the myriad of cues that can be emitted from the human body, fraught with or, absent of, meaning.

By establishing a baseline it will be possible to catch sudden changes in body language. This is the ultimate purpose to establishing a person’s baseline. Without catching the changes, body language loses its ability to indicate exactly what is going on. For example, a younger brother that is acting exuberant and ecstatic who is jumping around with joy and happiness, who, at a moments notice, finds himself in the presence of an older brother only to suddenly cease his joyful movements, turtles his head into his shoulders, and becomes quiet, says a lot about what kind of relationship they have been having lately. Body language is directly linked to emotions, and so when it changes, we know that something has cause the change, and more often than not, it will be precisely the event that preceded it.

These changes aren’t just limited to events either, they can also be tied to words spoken, or even topics. A married couple might be carrying on amicably, but when there is mention of an ex-girlfriend, even casually, the wife might begin to display dominant and closed body language such as crossing arms, wagging fingers, or scolding eyes. She is indicating that this women or topic is a particular sore spot between them and the sudden change in mood, from good to bad, tells us that it is the topic that is the issue. Criminal investigators will frequently steer suspects off-topic (and seemingly off the record) by talking about favourite pass-times or hobbies by example. This serves the investigator by producing relaxed body language. Once a baseline is established interrogators begin to introduce facts surrounding the investigation to measure their effects. They might begin with items not even connected to the trial and then suddenly introduce a murder weapon, for example, to see if nervous body language appears. During criminal investigations the murder weapon can be kept a secret from the public especially early on, so only the real criminal would exhibit a visceral response to viewing it. While these sorts of interrogations won’t directly lead to a conviction, it does provide clues for further exploration. Like all body language, clues tell us if we are on the right track or if we’ve eliminated leads, at least for the time being.

Those who don’t know about baselining will find it difficult to read other people who lack similar affect to themselves since their only reference of normal is what they do or what the average person they associate with do (which more often then not is very similar to themselves anyway since we tend to hang out with those of like mind). People that don’t baseline won’t see people for their individual characteristics, idiosyncrasies, culture and habits. As we work through life we should have our family, friends, coworkers, bosses, instructors, or anyone else we interact with regularly pegged for their baseline. This will not only make reading them easier, it will also give us “archetypes” that can be cross referenced as comparisons. This in turn, gives us a better chance at evaluating others, even strangers, on the spot, and in real time.