Chapter 7 – Opened Mind Opened Body Closed Mind Closed Body

Summary – Chapter 7

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In this chapter we looked at how open body positions indicate an open or closed mind. Specifically, we saw that that by having arms and legs that cross the midpoint of the body we indicate a closed mind, negative attitude or disposition, and conversely, that open postures indicate an open mind. This is evident most often through what is called “ventral displays” where the chest and front is exposed. We saw that the hands can convey honesty by showing that “no weapon is present”, that rubbing the hands is figuratively a preparation to receive something (or that we’re cold), and that sudden changes in the hands has real meaning, that pointing is rude and as if throwing a spear, but can and are blocked, by arm crossing which works as a shield.

Next, we examined techniques to open people when they show closed body positions in an attempt to close the “closed”, the meaning of leg crossing and how spreading means dominance, and how the ankle cross indicates a negative, but hidden emotion. The figure-four-leg-position, we found, happens by pulling one leg over the other knee and represents disagreement, the fig leaf is a shameful posture since it hides the genitals from view, and parallel legs which happens by pressed one leg against the other making the legs appear sexier and more youthful. Next we looked at pigeons toes or “tibial torsion”, a submissive body posture indicating meekness, then how the legs tell where the mind thinks through pointing and the four main ways a person might stand; straight up and feet together (attentive), feet apart (a crotch display), one foot forward (shows direction of interest) and legs crossed at the ankle (a submissive posture). We then examined the progression from closed to open as a sequence when meeting new people or being in novel situations, how eye aversion or avoidance can indicate a lack of receptiveness, that the fetal position can be abbreviated by simply pulling limbs to the center of the body and finally how openness is related to status.

Openness As It Relates To Status

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Taking up space is a display of dominance and authority.

Taking up space is a display of dominance and authority.

Since openness is a reaction to comfort and being closed relates to fear of attack, it is natural that we should see more dominant people hold more open postures and subordinate people hold more closed postures. An employer, for example, being more comfortable in the workplace would be expected to hold his hands to his sides, rather than have his arms crossed, use a palm down handshake showing dominance and generally avoid holding himself up against objects or hidden behind objects like coffee mugs or folders. His subordinate employees, on the other hand, would feel more comfortable with their hands in their pockets, finding refuge against the back of a chair, leaning against a desk, or hiding behind a notebook. Employees might also take up an arm cross, either in full, but usually only in part, by grab their opposite arm or elbow, and tuck one leg behind the other in the ankle cross. Employees will avoid a full arm cross because they don’t want to appear totally closed to the suggestions of their employer.

The Fetal Position

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We curl up in a ball when we feel upset - as a fetus does in utero.

We curl up in a ball when we feel upset – as a fetus does in utero.

An extreme form of closed posture is the fetal position. While it might seem far fetched to expect someone in your company to have this posture, it does occur although in more abbreviated adult acceptable ways. While at an informal party, for example, a women in might find herself hugging her knees at the end of a couch. To her, this feels comfortable, which is why she does it, but it reveals her true emotions. When in a public she is timid and reserved so she curls up in a ball. The abbreviated form of this position, of course, and one that is more acceptable in public is to pull the limbs in closer to the body and across the center-line as in the “self hug”. With age, we learn that taking up the fetal position, like thumb sucking, is not an acceptable way of dealing with our insecurity so we drop the extreme form of the gesture in favour of more subtle cues. Playing with the hair, rolling it around a finger, sucking on it, or a pen, or other oral fixations are also juvenile coping behaviours that become unacceptable, although often still continue, into adulthood.

Sucking on a pen or piece of hair serves as a replacement for a soother.

Sucking on a pen or piece of hair serves as a replacement for a soother.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Avoiding The Eyes

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Avoiding eye contact is usually bad news.

Avoiding eye contact is usually bad news.

The eyes can also signal that someone is closed-off. We turn our heads when we wish to avoid being singled out in a lecture hall or boardroom meeting. To represent a closed attitude we might pull our chins in and tuck our heads down. In theory this is to protect our vulnerable necks from attack so it also indicates and fearful state. When we wish to scold children we make sure they give us full eye contact in order to measures their reaction and to ensure they’ve given us their undivided attention. This trait is culturally specific however, as some parents require that children avoid eye contact precisely for the same reason other parents require it; to show respect for authority.

That being said, a lack of direct eye contact during a conversation is not always to be taken as a negative cue or rejection. Research has shown that concentrating on faces takes a lot of effort so we look away in order to properly analyze what is being said. Looking away is also a signal that we are comfortable with our company because we can safely look away with no risk of being attacked. In other words, looking away shows that we trust those around us. As such, looking away is a “comfort display.” The distinction between rude eye avoidance and a comfort display should be obvious. For example, dropping the eyes in order to focus on picking the dirt from beneath the nails to “preen”, removing lint from clothing while avoiding a topic, or glazing over expressionless in boredom is not the same as looking away during a conversation to focus more deeply.

While this type of eye avoidance is normal and acceptable in casual situations, do avoid it during job interviews as potential employers have noted they prefer candidates to focus on them rather than casting their gaze all over their office as if they own it. In a subordinate dominant situation freely moving eyes leave bad impressions and make potential employees appear disinterested which turn interviewers off.

How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard

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Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.

Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our rank is well known to us.

Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.

As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the conversation.

Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.

Standing Positions And Their Hidden Meaning

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There are four main ways in which a person might stand [a] Straight up with their feet together [b] feet slightly apart, but parallel [c] one foot forward and [d] legs crossed at the ankle.

The first posture with the legs straight and feet together is an attentive pose seen in obedient children when speaking to their parents. It is a neutral, honest pose and is found in adults of differing status like a boss and his employees. The second pose, as we saw earlier, where the legs are spread at shoulder width while standing, is a form of crotch display. This posture says “I’m going nowhere, and fast.” The standing crotch display can be made even more powerful by adding the thumbs in a belt loop, called the “cowboy pose.” The cowboy pose was made famous by old Western movies. The third posture where one foot is moved forward, with respect to the other, indicates subtle interest toward the direction in which the foot is advanced. To show interest, the foot will be moved toward the speaker, but it can also be moved away from the speaker toward someone we would rather have speak, or to the door when we wish to end the conversation. The foot takes the “first step” toward where the mind wishes it where.

The final pose where the legs are crossed at the ankle is a submissive posture. It reveals that the target isn’t ready to commit to a proposal, and shows reservation to the situation, but also that he isn’t ready to leave. The ankle cross is figurative denial of access to the body and mind. Our minds and bodies are linked so when we uncross our bodies we show others that we are willing to hear them out, which is an excellent indication that, our opinions either already match, or that there is at least a willingness to consider the facts.

An open posture while standing shows supreme confidence because it exposes the midsection to attack. When people meet for the first time, they will show timidity by crossing at the ankle. In fact, this is the most common way in which people will stand when meeting new people, those exempt will both, carry a higher status, and be aware of it.
Arm crossing, or tucking the hands in pockets, are two other ways to raise barriers when uncomfortable. These posture don’t mean negativity per se, they are simply indications that someone needs more time to acclimatize themselves to new people. Introverts over extroverts, will be found to hold this posture for much longer and more frequently than extroverts. In fact, extroverts might warm up to people so fast that they never show timidity at all, they usually jump right into any group and feel at home. When dealing with an introvert, on the other hand, offer to take them to a quiet and less busy environment to make them more comfortable. Offering a drink too, can give their hands something to do to breaking their rigidity. Providing an environment where your ideas might stick, first begins by removing barriers, even if they are nonverbal.

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Feet together - attentive.

Feet together – attentive.

Normal standing posture with feet at shoulder width apart - shows calm confidence.

Normal standing posture with feet at shoulder width apart – shows calm confidence.

One foot pointed away - shows disinterest.

One foot pointed away – shows disinterest.

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How does this posture appear fully nude?

How does the ‘cowboy posture’ appear fully nude?

Legs crossed at the ankles says I'm not happy - but I'm not going anywhere.

Legs crossed at the ankles says I’m not happy – but I’m not going anywhere.

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The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind Thinks

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Or toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we're thinking that way.

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we’re thinking that way.

The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet. While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.

This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.

His ventral display says that he's ready to leave.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.

As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides, feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.

Feet are honest - these feet want to take action.

Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.

In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them, instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.

Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.

Pigeon Toes

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Pigeon toes or 'tibial torsion' is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller form.

Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller form.

Having the toes pointed inwards, often called pigeon toes or anatomically “tibial torsion” is a submissive body posture. Children, and women who are smitten, will point their toes inwards to show their meekness signally their willingness to be lead by more dominant individuals. Pigeon toes makes the body appear smaller forcing it into a less threatening profile. In a sexual situation, it reflects subjugation from the women and is an indication to others that they aren’t in charge, nor wish to be. This claim assumes that most women wish for and choose more dominant men than themselves, which of course isn’t always the case. However, the dichotomy that exists between the relative sizes of men and that of women, is one extra clue of the desire women have for men to dominate. If this wasn’t so, women would consistently choose shorter and weaker men than themselves which is obviously not the norm.

Young women often subconsciously submit to boys in this way as they take “orders” from someplace inside them. Some might taken offense to this claim, but our sophisticated minds remain a product of evolution and for sex to happen, one person must necessarily submit to that of another, making the submissive process a necessary evil. Submission isn’t a bad thing either, and is present everywhere we look, be it in the workplace between employee-employer, our homes between spouses-someone has to wear the pants and within our extended family-since someone must take the head of the table. In all facets of life there exist power imbalances, and necessarily, someone needs to take charge while others are left to follow. Peace is impossible on the greater context without submission, and pretending to be, or actually being equal, only leads to squabbles.

Parallel Legs

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Pressing the legs together makes them appear youthful and toned.

Pressing the legs together makes them appear youthful and toned – even when caught being clumsy.

The legs parallel is a sign of femininity because men aren’t easily able to perform this posture for obvious anatomical reasons and because it makes women’s legs appear toned. Men have much narrower hips than women, and an extra bit in the way, and so therefore aren’t able to sit in this fashion! The parallel legs posture occurs with one leg pressed against the other making the legs appear sexier and more youthful. Women who are trying to draw sexual attention to themselves use this sitting position. The most overt sitting posture of all is having legs spread and will attract the greatest amount of sexual attention, but appears much more crude and less feminine.

Fig Leaf Position

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The 'fig leaf' protects the genitals. Imagine the posture nude for full effect!

The ‘fig leaf’ protects the genitals. Imagine the posture nude for full effect!

The fig leaf by either sex is a closed body position. It blocks the private mid section from view. This posture occurs by placing one or both hands in front of the midsection and takes its ‘fig leaf’ name from Adam and Eve’s traditionally portrayed posture in the Garden of Eden artwork. Modest men and women who find themselves accidentally disrobed will instinctively clasp their hands over their private areas. Naked women will split their attention from both breasts with one arm and hand, with the other hand over their genitals. Men will exclusively protect their genitals from view with both hands.

In real life however, will rarely find ourselves nude and exposed in public, but our minds are still hardwired to harbour feelings of insecurity from overexposure. In day to day situations women won’t be fund covering their breasts by clasping them and men won’t grab their genitals a-la Micheal Jackson, but they will claps both hands together either tightly by interlocking their fingers, or loosely with hand in hand and then casually placing them over their mid-section. Standing is the most obvious and common way that the fig leaf position shows itself, but it can also find its way in a seated position as the hands are rested on the lap. Women can and do block their chests from view, as well, but not in an offensive or obvious way. Rather, women cross their arms in front of their chests as a barrier or block their breasts from view when threatened with whatever objects they have handy, a textbook, a jacket or scarf, even bar tops.

These postures, of course, show insecurity and occur when we find ourselves in novel environments or around people we aren’t familiar with. We will often see this from less confident speakers who find themselves exposed to large audiences or when a presenter requires a participant (victim) to demonstrate a concept.