Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Audience Eye Contact

When presenting to an audience it can be intimidating to hold eye contact, but it’s a necessary condition for delivering a message effectively. Eye contact need not be met with each individual person in an extremely large audience because most people won’t be able to distinguish specific eye direction anyway. Depending on the size of the crowd and the distance at which the presenter speaks, eye contact made at one person might seem to be directed at as many as five or even fifteen people surrounding them.

To make eye contact easier when addressing a crowd, you should centre out someone that you find less intimidating as the first person to make eye contact with. As people make their way into the room and as you organize, you’ll have plenty of time to centre someone out. Generally, this person should be at the center of the audience. Next you should choose at least one person in every corner of the room from which you can jump back in forth over the course of the presentation. If you find this intimidating, you can choose inanimate objects such as an exit sign or an empty chair to focus on or you can direct your gaze above their eyes such as to their foreheads or their hair instead. Your introduction is your first impression and is therefore the most crucial time during the presentation to make eye contact.

As the size of the group grows, it becomes more difficult to make a solid connection, making eye contact even more important. The nature of addressing larger groups says that we generally address them from further away than we would a smaller group. This is especially the case for groups larger than fifty. Groups with two, to about fifteen, should make it easy to make eye contact with everyone, so a good solid attempt should be made to do just that. If you accomplish this, the impression will be the strongest possible. You never really know which people will yield the most constructive interactions at the end of your presentation, so you will want to keep all avenues open.

While answering a question be sure to hold eye contact with the inquirer directly, rather than the audience at larger, especially when you first begin to respond. If the material turns into something that is of general audience interest, feel free to resume eye contact with the rest of the people. Eye contact should be held with each audience member momentarily instead of shifting from person to person hastily. Ideally, you will shift your view from person to person to emphasis points or transitions in your speech. Your rate of speech should be slower than the rate at which you would speak to a friend since any missed information can’t be easily or quickly clarified with questions. Also be sure to vary the rate of your speech, the tone and the pitch thereby avoiding monotony.

Stealing Looks

We’ve all done it. We’ve all checked someone out without them being aware. Even girls do it to check our rival females or a particularly hunky guy. Women think men are the only ones, but that is only because science has show us that men’s peripheral vision is so much less broad then women’s. Since women can see much more of what is going on without other’s being aware, they appear less obvious and get caught less easily. When men look, they zero in as if they are tracking a prey animal and so appear to stare. As a sexy women walks past, men’s eyes almost universally drop down to the women’s behind. However, if men could sacrifice just one gaze and keep it affixed to the women they are with, they will notice that they too have noticed the other women’s behind. The only point of difference is that while men only notice the rear end, women noticed both the rear end and also that her man’s eyes dropped to check it out! If women didn’t really notice both, how would they know what men were actually looking at!

Stealing looks can happen more discretely too. Out of the corner of our eye, we spot a sexy blonde or tall handsome man so our eyes look to the side quickly while our head remains motionless. Without skipping a beat we continue in our conversation because we don’t want to acknowledge our shallow curiousity. We might even drop our heads to inspect our hands (a slight of hand in magic) or our meal in order to divert witnesses. Then, if desired we cast our eyes back if we feel particularly compelled to act sneaky. More often though, we steal looks in an effort not to be noticed by the ones we steal from.

What is the hidden meaning behind stealing a look? The answer is simple, it’s context specific! Performed by a married man checking out attractive woman, for example, it can indicate sexual interest under secrecy. In this case, the interest is normally benign; the look is concealed such that he wants no one to know because he does not intend to pursue his interest. In other words, it’s just an idle curiosity. For a woman checking out another woman, it might indicate jealousy or competitiveness as she is seen as a rival. If it occurs in combination with down-turned eyebrows, furrowed brows, or a frown it could mean hostility, suspicion or a critical attitude. With the combination of the lips pressed firmly together it might indicate a suspicious or questioning attitude. The eyes might also be used to subtly draw the attention of our company onto the others without them being aware so we might include them in negative conversation or gossip. As in, “I heard about the new girl Julie (in a whispering voice)” then motioning twice in succession with the eyes in the direction of Julie to indicate exactly who is being spoken about. Finally, stealing looks might be simply used to satisfy a flat out curiousity of which we don’t want others from which we steal from to notice. In this case, we don’t want them to have the satisfaction of knowing that they peak our interest so it might build their confidence even further while making us appear desperate or of lower status. Obviously this is just a small list of the possible reasons for look stealing, each one being context specific and requiring additional cues to properly solve.

Looking Askance And Eye Rolling

When the eyes roll they say - I can't be expected to focus on such a ridiculous statement.

When the eyes roll they say – I can’t be expected to focus on such a ridiculous statement.

Looking askance is a nonverbal cue that is done with the eyes and head in combination. It is done by tilting the head slightly to the side but stopping short of facing head on where the eyes roll the rest of the way forming a scowl. This face shows disapproval, distrust and suspicion. This cue is commonly associated with a disapproving mother type although this is usually in its exaggerated form. Other times the gesture happens quickly as if to say “You didn’t just say that, you better start backpedaling” or “I’ve heard what you said loud and clear, but I’m not buying what you’re selling.” Eye rolling, on the other hand spells disbelief as in “I can’t believe you just said this, you are a fool.”

Shifty Eyes

Eyes that dart are associated with lying.  In reality, eyes that shift are a sign of emotional discomfort, which may be due to any stress, not just the stress of lying.

Eyes that dart are associated with lying. In reality, eyes that shift are a sign of emotional discomfort, which may be due to any stress, not just the stress of lying.

Paul Ekman’s research into lying says that people often attribute shifty or darting eyes to liars, however, as a predictor of a lie it actually falls short. Looking away from complicated human faces helps us concentrate and so it doesn’t really tell us much more than that thought is taking place. Human lie detectors may suppose that no thought needs to take place when truth telling, so they eyes need not be diverted. In reality however, the eyes can wander due to a variety of reasons not the least of which are connected to the thought of being mistrusted, labeled a liar, or being punished.

Therefore the stress and nervousness of being put on the spot is enough to cause the eyes to exhibit patterns that seem dishonest. Experienced poker players, wishing to disguise a strong hand, can careful craft misleading “eye tells” fooling other players. For example, wincing at a card that is actually a good card, or using darting eyes when telling the truth, or best yet, producing cues at random, can really confuse opponents. The research also notes that pathological liars are particularly adept at maintaining eye contact even more so then people who are honest. Researchers have theorized that liars want to track the success of their lies and so by watching the face of their victims, they can gauge their effectiveness accordingly and adjust if necessary. Therefore, the real give-away to lying might, in fact be an increase in eye contact rather than a decrease in eye contact. However, as it turns out, even this clue is sometimes misleading as it can be adjusted accordingly as we saw in the poker example above.

Another reason we might see poor eye contact is as an indication of the desire to exit an undesirable situations. At social events or parties, this is especially the case. We might catch eyes moving about the room as the minds of guests wander for more stimulating interactions. So to gauge interest you can note where their eyes wander and how much eye contact they use. Our eyes go to where our minds already are, and of which our bodies want to be. We of course think it to be rude to just up and leave whilst speaking to a fellow guest, however by casting our gaze randomly or specifically to our object of interest we send the same message. While too much eye contact can also be rude and unnatural, so too is extended periods spent looking away, or looking all about the room in a distracted fashion. Eye patterns, therefore, need to be carefully constructed to send the message we intend.

Eye Size And Neoteny

Science shows that women who have neotenous characteristics like round faces and big eyes tend to illicit protective feelings in others.

Science shows that women who have neotenous characteristics like big eyes tend to illicit protective feelings in others.

All children are born with a small nose, round chubby cheeks, soft skin, big eyes that are set low on their faces, and a big round face. We call these features “neotenous” as they remind us of characteristics found near birth. As early as the 1940’s it was found by researchers that these features make infants appear cute and lovable and increase the likelihood of eliciting care behaviour from parents. Even cartoon characters directed at children take up similar morphology. If you’ve ever compared Mickey the famous mouse to a real life mouse, you will note the difference in ratios their eyes hold. Real mice have very tiny eyes when compared to a creature that is much more beloved.

Studies show that women who have big round eyes are seen as more attractive a trait that goes across cultures and ethnicities. Thus, the preference for the neotenic condition also persists throughout adulthood. The studies also found that a “halo effect” surrounds women with big eyes and that we naturally feel that they are warm, caring, honest, naïve, kind, agreeable, sociable and trustworthy. Mature faces with small facial features, on the other hand, elicit the opposite set of characteristics. We see people holding these more adult-like traits as physically strong, dominant, competent, experienced, independent, shrewd, and in control. Obviously, either condition can be advantageous depending on whether one wishes to be lead, or one wishes to lead. However, what the study does reveal is that neither condition is up to our willful choice, but rather has been decided for us through our inherent traits.

A very popular surgery for Asian women is to create the double eyelid which is called “blepharoplasty.” Asian people lack the fold or eyelid crease and so their eyes are narrowed and oval in appearance. The surgery adds a second fold or crease in the eyelid from an eyelid without a crease, producing a rounder westernized eye. This cosmetic surgery is the most popular among Asian women, even more so then breast augmentation showing just how strong neoteny is rooted in our nature.

Looking Up Through The Forehead

Head titled at 45 degrees coupled with the looking-up-through-the-forehead is  a cue cluster of interest.

Head titled at 45 degrees coupled with the looking-up-through-the-forehead is a cue cluster of interest.

Looking up through the forehead is done by tilted the head at a forty-five degree angle and looking upwards. The posture is a reflection back into early childhood as children look up at us as seeking our approval or permission. Children might even add a big pouty lip as icing on the cake! This is a submissive posture and is included here in the chapter on eye language because the eyes play such an important role. When used by women it comes across as a “come-hither look.” It makes women appear more childlike and evokes protective feelings in men. The posture can be used to gain sympathy from others as well. Take for example, the asking of directions in a foreign environment. Adding a head tilt shows that you are no threat and also shows that you are in need of help. Subconsciously, people will see that you sincerely need and deserve the help, and will be more willing to assist you. It might even help reduce punishment should the context warrant it.

This interest posture is hard to miss.

This interest posture is hard to miss.

A study conducted in 2006 headed by Eva Krumhuber of the United Kingdom presented subjects with male and female computerized characters differing in types of smiles and head tilting. They found that a “slow onset smile”, a smile that gradually forms versus one that quickly flashes across the face, was not only more attractive, more trustworthy and more flirtatious but also less fake and less dominant. This held true for both men and women. The head tilt added an extra positive dimension as well. In the study they rated people as being even more attractive and trustworthy when they canted their head rather than kept it upright. The lesson here is that both men and women can use head tilt coupled with an honest slow growing smile to positively influence people.

The head tilt can also be helpful in creating cooperative arrangements or even favourable impressions, empathy and warmth, with just about everyone. Women are traditionally the most effective users of this gesture and for children, it comes naturally. Children are keen to use this ploy on us as they beg for sweets or for a sleep-over party or permission to join extra curricular activities. They pout their lips, tilt their head, and look up at us through sad eyes. If done properly, it makes us want to care for them and meet their needs but if overused, it makes us revolt, not unlike what we might see if overused by adults.

Eye Flashes, Eye Widening And Flashbulb Eyes

Flashbulb eyes - it's how the eyes show excitement.

Flashbulb eyes – it’s how the eyes show excitement.

The eye flash is similar to the eyebrow flash in that they both occur very quickly. In the case of the eye flash it lasts on average for only 0.75 seconds but is easily perceived and is quite obvious. The eye flash is a momentary widening of the eyelids during a conversation to reveal the sclera, or whites of the eyes, with no involvement of the eyelids. Humans are the only primates that have whites around their eyes whereas other ape’s eyes are completely dark. It has been theorized that the whites of the eyes evolved as a means of communication helping indicate eye direction.

The eyeflash when given by a speaker, emphasizes specific words being spoken. The eyeflash can serve to change the meaning of a given word or phrase by putting emphasis on one word over another. It normally accompanies adjectives rather than any other parts of speech, and women use it more often them men. I did however notice Brad Pitt perform the eyeflash repeatedly while in a speaking scene in a movie. I’m not sure exactly sure what his intent of the flash entailed, as it accompanied no talking and it occurred once every few seconds while listening, and to me, it seemed odd. Never-the- less he must have thought it added emphasized to his part in the scene. Of note is when eyebrows start and stop flashing as they indicate attachment and excitement with whatever content is being presented. If eyes suddenly stop flashing then it’s likely that a person is lacking in enthusiasms and commitment for the topic at hand. The eyeflash is also association with raised eyebrows to signal submission. Lowering the eyebrows of course, signals the opposite, that is dominance.

On the other hand, a loving mother will widen her eyes when viewing her newborn baby indicating that she cares for them and within seventy-two hours of birth her child will do the same when she enters the room. Eye widening is a positive nonverbal cue indicating that someone is observing positive stimuli that bring them joy and happiness. Eye widening is another form of gravity defying behaviour that is ubiquitous in showing positive emotions and joy. When true contentment is present the eyes will lack any tension at all and will appear relaxed. The size of the eyes directly indicates how positive someone is about a topic. While making eyes bigger and flashing them means that good thoughts are held, squinting where the eyes are compressed means negative thought are held. The same goes for lowered eyebrows!

The final eye cue is flashbulb eyes, which is done by dramatically opening the eyes as big and wide as possible. The eyebrows usually arch in unison as well to make the eyes appear even larger. The cue is usually done to indicate surprise and positive emotions such as being excited to see someone, or have been given a promotion.

[help! – Brad Pitt’s filmology shows over sixty movies and I can’t figure out which movie he was in when he did the eye flash. I do recall it was an older movie and don’t think he was actively speaking at the time, more listening, and in an alley/dark area of some sort. If you know the movie send it my way!]

Double Wink

Most of us are familiar with the connotations of a single wink which to Westerners implies cheekiness or when between men and women a low key sexual invitation. When done by men to unfamiliar women though, it can be off-putting, but by women onto men a welcomed sexual invitation! However, to avoid coming off too strong, men can use the “double wink”. The double wink is done by blinking both eyes at the same time and holding them closed for a slightly longer period of time than that which is found in a natural blink. This wink lasts about one third of a second or slightly longer and the eyelids can be re-opened slowly for added effect. Men that add a smile as they reopen their eyes can double the effect.

Eye Blocking

A childlike response to fearful stimuli is to block the eyes from seeing.  Adults will use more subtle forms of eye blocking such as squinting.

A childlike response to fearful stimuli is to block the eyes from seeing. Adults will use more subtle forms of eye blocking such as squinting.

A second related nonverbal behavior to the extended blinker is “eye-blocking” which is a term given to eyes that squint, shield or are covered by the hands or other objects. People cover their eyes when they feel threatened or don’t like what they see. My wife has a habit of covering her eyes (and blocking her ears) when horror movie previews suddenly appear on the television screen! Pupil size also related back to arousal and aggression. When we see things we like, our pupils dilate to allow the maximum amount of light in, but when we see something we don’t like, they immediately constrict. The same effect occurs when eyelids are constricted or squinted as they serve to reduce light hitting the eye. This brings objects into tighter focus allowing us to more clearly defend ourselves against an attack. Eye squinting related to tight focus is why we see people with less than perfect vision squinting to read when they are without their glasses. Incidentally, the same effect can be done by making a small hole in a piece of paper and reading through it, the effect will be to bring it back into focus by assisting the eye. Eye blocking can manifest itself in other ways too, sometimes just by accident. Restaurants that see it fit to place large center pieces in the middle of tables can present an interesting experiment. Does your company remove the item to get a better look at you so they can “take you all in” or to they keep it there to stifle the flow of conversations? I have a habit of discarding the center island especially if it’s useless and tall (or an ad to sell me expensive drinks!). I’ll even place it on a neighbouring table if convenient or on the seat next to me. I want to see my company, but do they want to see you?

Eye squinting or covering can be related back to a baseline to produce predictive powers. For example, while questioning someone about theft or vandalism, or any other event that brings back images that someone wishes not to recall, note when eyes become constricted. This will tell you which aspects of your recount makes them most uncomfortable. When vital information is struck, eye blocking in one form or another will surface. From there, it will be up to you to deduce the exact reason for eye blocking. Squinting can also flash as a microexpression in accompaniment of inconsistent body language to reveal true feelings. For example, smiling and waving to an acquaintance at a distance while squinting, shows that there is a poor connection and perhaps a subsurface distaste for them. Squinting can also be done while reading material that is disagreeable and will arise instantaneously without awareness. This is obviously a very useful ‘tell’ when negotiating contracts or devising plans. Other times eyebrows will lower instead of eye squinting, but the meaning is the same. Conversely, raised or arched eyebrows show positive feelings and high confidence.

Extended Eye Blinking

The opposite to the high blinker is the extended blinker, and whether by accident or by purpose, the extended blinker puts other’s off by showing disinterest and a smug attitude. A normal blink lasts only about a tenth of a second and at a rate of about six to eight blinks per minute. An extended blink can last from two to three seconds or even longer. Try one right now just as an experiment. Close your eyes at a normal rate but hold them closed momentarily and then quickly reopen them. Now try extending the time they remain closed. And finally, image this is done either while speaking or listening to someone else. Naturally, the longer the blink the more salient the message, with several seconds not being out of the question. The extended eye blink will be perceived by others as arrogant and pompous since it comes across as temporarily shutting out the outside world, especially the immediate company. The extended blinker is sending the message to others that what others are doing or saying isn’t worth their energy and thought.

There are two main ways to thwart the extended blinker. The first is to reduce your blink rate or widen your eyes as if staring, and hold more eye contact to try to have them mirror you or put them on edge. The second method is a tiny bit underhanded, but sends a much stronger message. When your partner has their eyes closed, quickly jump to the right or left or move closer. This will have the effect of startling them as they reopen their eyes and found that you have slightly moved! If done well enough, you should expect to have achieved a fear response in them which will naturally create a need for them to hold better eye contact.