The second type of employer is the democratic boss. Democratic bosses are most often female and their most popular sentiment is to make others feel welcome and comfortable. They will try to build personal relationships and welcome new ideas and thoughts to the conversation. Their office will have informal meeting places and the door will ‘always be open’. Other signals of the democratic leader, is her desire to build rapport, she’ll come to speak with someone instead of writing out orders on paper, she’ll be encouraging and touch more frequently. To work with this type of boss, mirror their language. Use open body language when she does, and feel free to chat with her when necessary. Avoid thinking that she desires and equal relationship though and overstep the employee-employer relationship. Allow her the control and respect she deserves, and give her the chance to speak first and most often. The rules of engagement are still the same for all bosses.
Chapter 14 – Office Body Language
Autocratic
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
We can tell if our boss autocratic if they are attached to the status artifacts around them. Their desk will be used as a barrier protecting them from intruders, they will have cleaver title markings on their desk or door, and usually have trophies or accolades on their walls. Their dress will be formal and expensive and their posture will be rigid and straight. Friendliness is the foe of the autocratic boss so he will keep you at arms length, keep conversations on task and hold expressionless faces. If you get out of line, he will use his body language to put you back in your place with harsh voice tones and eye contact. Often autocratic bosses are seen as unloving, unfriendly or inhumane. To get along with him, use body language that doesn’t undermine his status, allow him to maintain his power, never enter his personal space or move to his side of the desk without permission, don’t interrupt him, smile pleasantly, and keep conversations brief so as not to waste his time.
How To Handle The Type Of Bosses: Autocratic, Democratic And Laissez-Faire
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
To properly understand your boss you must first classify them. There are three broad categories most bosses fit into, they are autocratic, democratic and laissez-faire. The fact of the matter, is that we usually like our bosses (as with all people) when our body language compliments theirs. When we match, we feel like we naturally connect with them. However, if our styles clash we feel awkward or uncomfortable and feel like we constantly have to self-monitor. Here is a breakdown of the different types of bosses and how to handle them.
Leadership Body Language
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Holding dominant body language is like a wedge that holds the door open between levels at your work. When new employees arrive in our companies, even if just a junior level employee, everyone instinctively classifies them. They are either leaders or followers from the start, but it’s not just “something” about them, something mystical or intangible, it is plain and simple, it is their body language that tells us their future roles. We know right away if they will fit into the company, be fired, or come out as future “top dogs.” The research shows us that if you don’t hold dominant body language, you’ll never be promoted to leadership roles. Leaders aren’t usually able to talk their way up a hierarchy, although sometimes they do, and it ends up causing remorse and conflict from lower ranking employees because they lack the respect that comes with dominance and leadership seeming to emanate from certain people. So if you want to get higher in your company here are some tips.
First, increase your height through better posture. Hold your head higher and whenever you can exploit high differences, do it. If everyone is sitting, stand, but don’t make everyone feel uncomfortable by towering over them. If you have split levels, stand on the top level and keep everyone else on the lower rug. Find excuses to stand by volunteering to draw out plans on a board when brainstorming. This gives you two advantages, the first of which is the height advantage where you can tower over your follow employees and the second is more strategic. By being the chalkboard secretary, you become the person that everyone defers to for idea acceptance, while having the freedom to add any ideas yourself as desired without needing approval. Second to exploiting height differences, is breadth expansions. Meaning, one should try to appear bigger by taking up more space. Not only should you spread out your legs and arms, but you should also spread out your papers, pens and other artifacts. Taking up space is a way to own more of it, and is a strong signal of dominance.
Your gaze should be serious and direct, with your head held high. Don’t be afraid to use touch, but touch only in safe zones such as the arm between the hand and elbow, the elbow itself and sometimes the shoulders but only with caution. If you can get away with shoulder or back touches, do so, but pay attention to the reaction is creates so as not to insult others. Always try to be the first to speak and be the “go-to-guy” for questions and opinions. It is therefore important to be helpful, task oriented, and sincerely try to do a good job. Avoid smiling too much especially if you are a woman, as this can be taken as submission or placation. A neutral face is more appropriate during high tension situation so fight the urge to smile nervously and only nod in agreement with statements you really agree with. In other words, don’t smile and nod while expressing negative ideas as it only serves to confuse others, and can make people think you are weak and easily manipulated. Keep your body language in tune with your verbal words and don’t be afraid to cast judgments on solutions you feel are inappropriate. Conversely use encouragement when deserved and back it up with genuine body language.
While body language alone won’t guarantee a raise in dominance, it’s a good first step. The next part of the process is an attitude overhaul while remaining consistent. A word of caution is a must. If you are working within an existing environment where your behaviour will be monitored throughout the process rather than entering a novel environment where people have no baseline to compare you to, be prepared for some resistance. Understand that you are sure to cause resentment, which might create a desire to undermine you, but the last thing you need in your quest for a higher rank are lower dissenters so always treat others with the respect they deserve – even if they don’t deserve it! Upward movement while others stagnant, can be perceived as a threat, create animosity, and more than likely bread challenges. Your task to leadership will be to meet these challenges with consistent and unwavering body language.
Leaning And Ready Language In The Office And Elsewhere
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
We show attentiveness and also readiness, meaning a preparedness to take action by leaning toward the speaker, or things we want to get closer to, and away from speakers, or things we want to avoid. “Things” in the sentence previous can mean anything from proposals, ideas, opinions, decisions or anything else for that matter. This “ready posture” is akin to the sprinters ready position at the starting blocks and is called an “intention movement” because it tells us what someone wishes to do. The hands are placed on the legs or knees and the body leans forward ready to spring up and close a deal, or any other action that is being presented. It can also be done by placing the hands on the chair, arm rest or hands on the knees. While standing, the ready position is taken up by placing the hands on the hips. The eyes can also play a role in ready language as they make frequent and repetitive ganders to where a person is thinking, or where they would like to be.
In a business meeting or on a sales call, the ready position indicates that it’s time to stop talking and time to start closing, and that any agreement related to the conversation previous is likely to be accepted. Leaning forward not only means readiness, it sometimes means general interest. For example, a conversation taking place between friends containing some juicy gossiping or with an enthralling storyline, will have each party up “at the edge of their seats” and engaged in the conversation seemingly hanging onto every word. Other times, leaning language means that someone is late and needs to leave, or is bored and ready to go. The opposite position, meaning backwards leaning shows the reverse. It shows a detachment from the topic or from the speaker but can also indicate a high degree of comfort or relaxation where someone wishes not to leave. To uncover the true meaning behind leaning it will be a matter of tracking down additional cues to produce a cluster, and then matching this cluster with the context. The torso, however, is a great place to look to uncover where someone wants to go; it usually points directly to it.
A final ready posture that tells us someone wants to leave happens by propping the body up and coiling the legs underneath in a seated position. Uncrossing the legs and getting them underneath the weight of the body, shows body language readers that someone is ready to pick themselves up. This type of body language is a “leading gesture” because it is a predictor of what is about to happen. The body can also be tensed up or fidget so as to ready itself even more, and be moving away from what would normally be perceived to be the centre of attention. When people want to leave, their body begins to lean toward the exit, but even if their torso’s don’t, their feet will betray them by being extended forward. Additional ready gestures include straightening clothing, arranging or organizing papers, grabbing bags and so forth. These last cues, like the others, indicate an effort to get things going.
Appearing Masculine – Power Dressing Advice For Women
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Our dress conveys a lot about who we are and what we intend to do. At work, our dress is even more significant. We could never pull off evening wear at work, and work-wear makes us appear uptight at a club. One of the most significant factors at work for women, is their sexuality. Unfortunately, what gives women power to arouse in clubs, will make them appear insignificant at work. Studies have shown that when women dress overtly sexual they are taken far less seriously and, not surprisingly, are even objectified by others. This isn’t just a male chauvinism problem either, as women in the workplace will also tend to take women who dress sexy less seriously even talking about them behind their backs.
In a study by Sandra Forsythe of Miami University in 1984 it was found that subjects rated theoretical applicants more favourably when they whore more masculine clothing regardless of their sex Masculine clothing was significant in forming positive opinions about forcefulness, self reliance, dynamism, aggressiveness, decisiveness and received a much greater likelihood of recommendation to be hired. While women don’t need to appear stiff, by wearing tie, pants and jackets, like men, they do need to downplay their sexuality especially with respect to their attire.
In the workplace masculinity is the dominant factor. For women, a suite tailored in the style of men to square the body off is a good place to start. This doesn’t exclude tailored curves though, exposing some femininity but it does mean avoiding cleavage. Despite the common misconception, short skirts and high heels might command more attention, but it won’t be the kind of attention that invites promotions. Darker colours can signify a power position, but if the desire is to appear more social than lighter brighter colours can be appropriate. White is associated with honesty and purity which is why we see doctors and estheticians wear it, and black is associated with intellect, expertise and authority. Make-up should be subtle or go unnoticed or if the attire is subdued can be more elaborate to trace the magical boundary between sexuality and femininity. The key message is to downplay gender signals and play up asexuality. Being either too masculine or too feminine are reported much less favourably at work in studies so be sure to blend both and find a happy medium that works for you.
Power Sitting For Women – What To Do, What To Avoid
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Women in the workplace are always walking a thin line between their sexuality and authority. Women all know that their looks can be used to manipulate others around them, especially men, however physical attractiveness in the workplace has been repeatedly shown to lead others to dismiss women’s thoughts. However, one way women can combat this and still maintain their sexuality is as follows: sit with legs crossed leg over knee and have the high heel pointed horizontally at someone they wish to intimidate. Most dominant cues that work for men, such as the full body steeple, are ineffective when used by women. However, the heel is something men don’t have so it doesn’t come across as being a typically dominant male gesture. The heel acts like a dagger against its prey and neutralizes it. The posture shows assertiveness and that she is willing and able to emasculate men.
One sitting position women should particularly avoid is sitting with arms up and behind the head in the full steeple position as mentioned. This posture has the effect of putting the breasts on full display which counteracts any dominant aspects it might otherwise impart. Even having the legs crossed in the figure four looks odd when performed by women. A crotch display is not effective for women as it is for men, so it should be eliminated altogether. Hand steepling is another gender neutral dominance stance and can be used with effectiveness. Women want to pick up cues that suite their overall personality without putting people off. Assertive women often described as “bitchy” to others, usually because they take things too far. Women seeking powerful positions often think they need to go over-the-top because the fear being discounted. However, this isn’t so, and like men, need to balance being dominant and “mean” and demonstrating leadership qualities.
Handshake Conclusion
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
It’s obvious to most that the extremities of the handshakers are most undesirable with the middle ground making the best impressions. Most people would have experienced at least five of the ten types of handshakes listed here, hopefully being spared of the most traumatic, that is, the ones that cause pain such as the bone crusher or death grip. The worse I’ve ever endured was a combination of a short grabber combined with a bone crusher. Whenever I meet this person I tried to trust forward to get as much finger into this persons hand as possible or try to avoid the handshake altogether! Women also seem to be particularly prone to thrusting just their fingers forward and in turn receive an unwelcomingly firm handshake by a clutch of fingers and palms wrapped around their little fingers. They’d be best served to keep their fingers together and thrust the whole lot forward instead of just the tips.
Ingredients of a good handshake includes raising your hand when about three feet away from the other person, keeping your hand vertical with the thumb pointing upwards, making a firm grip of the other person’s hand, shaking web-to-web rather then finger to web, maintain eye contact and shaking for a maximum of three times then letting go. A firm handshake gives the impression of quiet confidence and says that “I’m happy to meet you” yet portrays a person as having a no “non-sense” attitude. As the other person releases their grip pressure be sure to let go of their hand rather than holding on for longer than necessary. Holding the hand at the completion of the handshake can convey added emphasis and intimacy, but it is also risky. This is especially important in business where first impressions can often set the tone for the entire relationship. Fortunately handshakes are learned behaviours and not inherent making it easily corrected when the proper formula is adopted.
Handshake Advice For Women And Men With Small Hands
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
While you might think it has little effect, a firm handshake from a woman where it might be least expected, can be very powerful and get them noticed. In fact, to this day, I still recall the first woman that impressed me with her handshake and the exact location in which it occurred, and this was nearly ten years ago!
Women with good handshakes and dominant body language will have a better chance of securing more important roles in corporations such as supervisors and managers, and get to these positions much faster. To avoid having their entire hand enveloped by a man’s, women should thrust their entire hand forward holding the thumb at ninety degrees to their palm with the hand in a perfectly vertical position. Next, thrust the hand forward aiming the web, which is the skin located between the thumb and index finger so that it aligns with the web of his hand. To some degree this prevents the larger hand from fully engulfing the smaller hand as is when hands are only weakly thrust forward, or not thrust at all. In these cases, the small handed person usually ends up with their finger tips being crushed by the mitts of the larger hand!
Thwarting Dominant Handshakes
by Chris Site Author • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments
Simply trying to reverse the wrist when present palm down is very risky, sometimes impossible and also make your intentions obvious. Instead use the step to the right technique outline by Dr. David Lewis in his book The Secret Language Of Success. It is done first by stepping forward toward the person with the left foot. This will feel unnatural when shaking with the right hand as the tendency is to step forward with the right foot. Next, step forward with the right foot and move across and in front of the person to their left side. In the process, rotate your palm downward to even your wrist with theirs and complete the maneuver by moving your right foot across.
This technique is especially important if you wish to thwart the power plays of a particularly prominent palm up hand-shaker and wish to send a strong signal of authority back. To send an even stronger message or if it’s impossible to make complete the full maneuver, authority can be given by invading their personal space. Short gripping the hand and grabbing the fingers can also be effective if you do not which to entertain them at all, and the most brazen of moves, includes grabbing the top of their wrist and shaking it with your palm. The normal reaction will be shock and surprise but your message will be loud and clear. To counter the right hand technique, which if you are following is the counter to the counter, is to hold the arm rigid and bracing it against your side and holding the person away from your body. Eye contact during these moves can add even more strength. Great care must be exercised with these handshakes as they can often escalate hostility, however, at times they are necessary to assert your position and rank within your company.