Chapter 13 – Courtship Signals

How Men Display Interest – An Introduction And Further Reading

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Very little focus has been place on how men use nonverbal communication to signal interest. Perhaps this is rightly so, perhaps not. Women are without question the most efficient users of body language in courtship. Women are, more often the not, the choosers and initiators in relationship origination, and men are often left following. The job of women is to signal to men when it’s time to display their features and “dance” for them. In other words, women are the choosers when it comes to sexual relationships, and in the body language department, if men employ it properly, they are not much more than the chosen.

What the research fails to properly address up to date, is how men can use body language after contact has been established to build attraction with women. I have devoted and entire book to this very topic in my e-book Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language. It is a very complex issue so I can not deal with it in its entirety here, so I encourage anyone interested to pick the book up and read more extensively. In this book, I will hit on all the key features and main topics in male courtship body language that will be of interest to a general reader such as women and professionals. The male “pick-up-artist”, or women who wish to thwart male come-ons and pear into the minds of men, should read further with Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

He Displays Dominantly, Sexually, Gets Closer And Builds Rapport – Introduction

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Women prefer men with square jaws as it indicates the level of testosterone and hence aggression/ambition they might hold.

Women prefer men with square jaws as it indicates the level of testosterone and hence aggression/ambition they might hold.

Men and women display similarly in terms of body language, but there are some key differences when it comes to what women find attractive in men, versus what men find attractive in women. Men seek women that are submissive and willing to heed their dominance, whereas women seek men who are dominant and able to lead them. This is a general rule of course, and as we know there are exceptions to every rule, but if we are appealing to the majority of the people, which is my goal, than these generalities are adequate. Women seek out men that have the ability to gain access to resources such as food and shelter, who are protectors to them now, and in the future their offspring, and who have the physical traits they think indicate these skills such as health, vigor, and sexually virility.

Men give up plenty of cues to their virility, one of which is a tight round buttocks and lack of stomach fat. Men with round bums have been shown to be in better health and to maintain that health throughout their lifetimes. Health reports show that men who add fat to their midsection are much more prone to disease. Women also seek men with broad strong shoulders, square jaws, muscular arms and chests. Individual differences still exist as it relates to other features, for some women a hairy chest or facial hair is everything, while for others clean shaven is a must. However, nearly everyone agrees that hairy backs rank pretty low!

On average, women prefer men with more dominant features than those with submissive features. Depending on their intent however, they may at times prefer men who are more ‘feminine’ or sexier, and this is called the ‘sexy son’ theory. The theory says that women will choose men who are “pretty” based on looks alone, especially when they what to engage in risky one-night-stands. When they seek men as full time partners, on the other hand, they look for middle-of-the-road or “softer” men, in other words, ‘family-men’, since they figure they’ll be able to secure long term care in child rearing. Evolution favours both conditions where women who have random sex with “sexy fathers” so they in turn have “sexy sons” as well as women who seek out family-men who will stick around to raise families with them. In the “sexy son” scenario, the father passes on his genes to his son, but pays no, or very little effort in child care especially when compared to the family-man. The sexy-father might stick around for a few years but he’s usually distracted through proposition from other easy women – due to his sexiness he gets a lot of offers after all! This is balanced though because, while the mother is stuck raising a son on her own, he will grow up to have more or a similar number of offspring himself as will a family man. This trade-off produces more, or an equal number of children overall when compared to the family-man, making both successful strategies. We define successful in terms of making the genes for the behaviour more common or more popular. In evolutionary terms, popular genes are good genes no matter what morals are behind the behaviour. The genes merely wish, if they had wishes, to remain in existence.

He must be wealthy!

He must be wealthy!

Research tells us that men who are middle road are much less likely to stray primarily because they get fewer outside offers from women. Women who are married or in committed relationships, are more likely to cheat with men who are better looking than the average, and men who are better looking on average have more sexual relationships in their lifetime and also tend to cheat more often. A large part of this is intended to be background knowledge because it obviously doesn’t deal directly with nonverbal body language, however, it does play into the subconscious aspects and is important to frame how I view sexual body language. As always, you are welcome to disagree with my postulates and those of the scientific community, and in reality, won’t change the hidden meaning of the signals. It is my contention that knowing the ‘how’ and the ‘why’ of behaviours really give us predictive powers. These powers, in turn, give us the ability to come into novel situations, with little or no prior knowledge and deduce likely conclusions.

How Women Can Avoid Solicitation By Men

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She's just not that into you.

She’s just not that into you.

The chapter has a heavy focus on ways that women attract sexual attention, but there were a few hints dropper here and there with regards to ways women can avoid attention. The problem as women might view it is that most of the tactics involved dropping cues, or ‘inaction’ rather than actionable body language. Because there are times when women require the opposite result, I have devoted this section to ways women can actively send rejection signals. It is far easier and less embarrassing to use nonverbal language to send negative signals and they can be implemented earlier to reduce escalation before it’s too late. Women far too often make the mistake of placating others to their own detriment. When men are bored, they feel no pain, no discomfort, no desire to offer anything other than a barren despondent look on their face. It might surprise you to hear me say to this, congratulations! Men who show their true emotions have mastered, all-be-it passively, the use of effective body language and use it to convey their boredom to others. When men are bored, they say “shape up or ship out”, women should heed this and follow. So women, please pay careful attention to the tips that follow to avoid unwanted approaches.

My conclusions are drawn in large part from the research of Dr. Monica Moore in 1998 who looked at rejection patterns in women. She found seventeen main behaviours in her study that indicated rejection of potential male partners. They included facial expressions such as yawning, frowning, sneering, gaze avoidance, upward gaze, hair gaze (looking at one’s own hair), looking away, and staring, as well as gestures such as negative head shaking, nail cleaning, teeth picking or pocketing hands, and finally, posture patterns such as arm crossing, holding the trunk rigidly, closed legs, body contact avoidance or pulling away. Here they are by category in a bit more detail.

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Avoiding eye contact shows men that we're not interested in interacting.

Avoiding eye contact shows men that we’re not interested in interacting.

Gaze avoidance happens when the woman refused to make eye contact with the man, despite him looking directly at her. She will look at other people, make eye contact with someone else, or pretend to be taken by something else in the room. This can and in fact, should be done while a man is currently speaking. Buck up women, grow some and spell it out! Look at it this way, you’re saving him time by being direct and upfront and in the long run, he might even thank you if it gives him the time to pursue someone else. To display disinterest a women can also look upward by raising the chin only a quarter inch or look at the ends of her hair which is a strong signal of boredom and detachment. Any behaviours should include prolonged inattention, lasting at least ten seconds, but more is always better! Staring is also used, in this case staring lasts multiple seconds or until the man looks away, but when he does, don’t look him over, start a conversation with someone else or leave altogether without saying anything. If none of these messages seem to be working, add frowns or sneers to your repertoire. The sneer happens with furrowed brows and the mouth is compressed and turned downward. The sneer happens when the mouth is twisted and the nose wrinkled. Next you can use head shaking and yawning which shows negative thoughts rather than using more affirmative head movements such as nods.

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Turning the body away and taking a step amplifies disinterest.

Turning the body away and taking a step amplifies disinterest.

Gestures are nonverbal rejection patterns that involved movement of the hands and arms. Interested women perform palm displays, however, disinterested women will pocket their hands instead, or cross their arms over their chest. To further disinterest, an increase in distance would occur by taking steps backwards or using barriers to reduce closeness. Self grooming can also be used to show disinterest, but not in a flirtatious way. Instead picking the nails, or teeth is used to turn men off and efficiently display disinterest.

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Crossing the arms denies a man exposure to your torso - an unwelcome signal.

Crossing the arms denies a man exposure to your torso – an unwelcome signal.

Posture patterns involve movement and positioning of the body. These are tied to closed body positions and include such items as tightly crossing the legs, legs crossed at the ankles or hidden under a chair. Other postures include a rigid upright torso and positions that avoided body contact and if contact was initiated the women would pull away. Leaning back and turning the back to the man is also effective.

 

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Whatever cues you plan on using, be sure of your intent before emitting them. If you are serious about rejecting someone it is important that you be deliberate, predictable and consistent. If you flip-flop from positive to negative cues, he’ll just think that you are “moody” which will create a situation that makes negative cues less effective in the future. It will also prolong pursuit because the positive cues mixed into the interaction will provide him incentives to continue. Finally, be prepared to be called bad names like “grumpy” and of course “bitch.” It is unfortunate for women that they aren’t given the same latitude as men in terms of their ability to display negative emotions in an outward fashion, but this is the world we live in and no amount of complaining will change it. The research tells us that women are expected to smile even if unhappy, and be chipper when depressed, but when it comes to rejecting someone, it’s best done quickly and without remorse. Afterall, when it comes to rejection, do you really care what their opinion is of you?

If this sort of tactic makes you uncomfortable, you are welcome to use an integrity based, verbal rejection. “Sorry, I’m not interested” will work just fine in most cases. Whatever method you choose, it will be you that has to live by it.

Kiss Test And Stages In Intimacy

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Puckered lips means a woman is thinking about her lips - this might mean that she's interested in a kiss.

Puckered lips means a woman is thinking about her lips – this might mean that she’s interested in a kiss.

All nonverbal signals begin from the same origin; thoughts. The kiss is no different since it begins with a desire to take a very intimate and important step in a relationship. As arousal occurs, women will begin to draw attention to their mouths, but not just to deliver a message, it is to alleviate tension that is building. Women interested in kissing will release this energy by touching their mouth more frequently, say with a finger or by mouthing an object. They might pout by compressing their lips or they will apply lip gloss or lip stick. Escalation of these signals includes direct eye contact or glances toward the man’s mouth. Remember that looking in the direction of interest is difficult to resist and when a kiss is envisioned, it is the mouth that gets the looks. While holding hands, a quick kiss-test happens by measured response of a hand-squeeze; if he squeezes and she squeezes back, there is a good chance a kiss would be well received.

Echoing And Mirroring Is The Mating Dance

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We're both "the captain!"

We’re both “the captain!”

So far in this book we have talked about mirroring in terms of building rapport for business and life in general, but the real excitement comes from mirroring in dating. Mirroring in dating is the original “mating dance.” It is a complete synchrony of gestures and movements that seems carefully choreographed, but isn’t. It is so pervasive that it carries through to synchronous breathing and blinking, tone of voice, inflection and pitch, not to mention more obviously gestures like body position and movements such as affect and illustrators, regulators and standing postures. Mirroring is the mechanism that produces fluid dance which is a precursor to the much more intimate dance that happens between the sheets!

Mirroring isn’t a childish copy-cat game, but it is close. A distinction should be made between mirroring and echoing. Echoing happens when gestures and positions are duplicated some time after they first appear, usually within a matter of seconds. Mirroring is done by immediately taking up the same postures, or if facing one another, its mirror opposite. Picture this next example as if the woman and man are both facing head-on, where the woman is on the left and the man on the right. Here a perfect mirror would happen as the inside, or left foot of the woman is up on the foot rest at a bar, with a drink in her right hand, and her left arm resting on the bar top, the man would have his right foot on the foot rest, his drink in his left hand, and his right arm on the bar top. This is full mirroring. If the man pauses in his dialogue and takes a drink and so too does the woman, they will have again mirrored each other. However, if either one pauses for a second, then follows, they will have echoed each other. Other examples in the same scenario include playing with a glass or adjusting foot positions or gestures or touching the face similarly. When complete synchrony is established which can take from minutes to hours (or not at all), we call this the mating dance. I should note too, that echoing can happen up to a minute later and not all gestures are duplicated exactly. Common ground between two people can be extensive, as it is with twins who have a high degree of agreement, or slight when only small agreement is present, and this is reflected in the strength of the dance.

Testing mirroring can be done by simple observation, that is, by being mindful of any following that is done by your object. However, mirroring can also be sped up and manipulated by allowing gestures to be taken up by your partner, then after some time changing them to measure the speed with which the gestures of your partner follows. This tactic is not much different than what happens on the dance floor. Fast music really tells us if we’re on the same page together, and when “dancing without music”, the same effect is present. The more synchrony there is, the stronger the agreement, and the faster positions are adopted. Men and women can both test this out for themselves and will see that when rapport is strong, couples will hurry to stay on top of the dance through its postures.

Mirroring postures in other people, by following their lead can also test interest. To do this, just take on postures similar to your partner and see if they feel comfortable holding them with you. If they change or adopt new postures quickly or seem agitated, you can be sure that they see the two of you as different and that little or no attraction is present. When people disagree, they do their best to appear different, and this is one of the times our guts give us a visceral reaction. When we don’t like someone we do our best to expose our differences rather than our similarities.

Above: Mirroring is an instant way of building or monitoring the connection people have with one another. Yawning for example is a way that even complete strangers feel compelled to mimic. Mirroring-body language helps us gauge what level of agreement is present between people. In our historical past, mirroring each others gestures served to eliminate aggression between people. We use it today in much the same way. Two strangers won’t initially hold the same gestures or will hold closed body language and postures, but as agreements and opinions are expressed the body will show agreement and common ground. In dating, mirroring plays an even more potent role as couples can groove in almost complete synchrony which we call the matting dance. Mirroring therefore, says “Look at me, I’m the same as you, and we both agree”.

Proximity, Pointing And Touching

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Proximity indicator of interest.

Proximity indicator of interest.

Proximity plays a huge factor in dating and anything done to decrease space between tow people is a good signal of attraction. Sometimes, closeness is real, for example a woman might get up and physically move closer to a man, she might move a chair next to him or she might opportunistically take up a position close-by on a sofa. All cues that are important give alternative options to sit. Sometimes too, proximity is figurative such as is the case when women point, or when eyes are cast.

The "pointing knee" happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of interest.

The “pointing knee” happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of interest.

If touching was unwelcome, then an accidental touch would result in her hand being pulled away.

If touching was unwelcome, then an accidental touch would result in her hand being pulled away.

Touching escalation.

Touching escalation.

Pointing, like eyeing, are ways to bring people close together without actually moving. Both are reliable indicators of where we’d rather be, or who we are thinking about. We can point with our eyes, our toes or feet, or our knees. The pointing knee happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of interest. This is sometimes also a signal of being relaxed and informal which extends the meaning of the pointing knee. Escape is difficult in this position so when done by a woman it means that she is comfortable around whomever she is with at the time. Dangling a shoe is another informal signal of comfort for the same reason. The pointing knee also shows fleeting glimpses to the inner thigh which can be arousing to men. Leaning in or toward, standing next to someone or even isolating oneself from friends all shows interest when done by women.

Touching is another great signal of attraction even if it happens ‘accidentally’. Women will make a point to brush up against men of interest and as we have seen may groom them if they wish to send a strong message. Have you ever wondered if he or she really likes you? Try accidentally brushing a knee or leg up against someone under the table. If they pull away or turn immediately than it’s due to disinterest, but if it’s embraced and “footsies” ensue then it’s an excellent signal of interest. To make sure the signal is anchored try casting occasional flirty eye contact. This is a signal that can be used by either men or women. When outside of a dating context, the same pulling away will be found so this isn’t limited to courtship. People that hate each other like to maintain as much space as possible and even accidental touching is unwelcome.

Leaving a tie un-straightened can give women an excuse to touch and is a great way to measure interest by men. To send a much more subtle signal of touching an object might take the place of a person. Such is the case with caress the stem of a wine glass, ring, watch or car keys. The back of the hand, the neck, the shoulders, or side of the face can also show interest. Self touching is a way to prepare the body for touching by someone else and also indicates what type of touching women wish to receive. Self-touching is a ‘fix’ that is used to alleviate the symptoms of the desire to be touched, and indicates where a women’s mind is thinking.

Loving Tight Jeans, Short Skirts And Ornamentation Means You’re Shopping

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Dressing sexy is not a sexual invitation by itself, but it does give us clues to the intensions and attitudes present. In most cases, overt cleavage, short skirts and heavy make-up tells us that women are available and shopping. Women who dress sexily all the time appear as non-cues though, because it is just what they do. Their baseline says that nothing new is happening, although it does tell us something about their general baseline, doesn’t it. These women appear “dressy” and always put together, but if we notice extra dressiness, or as we shall see extra frills or “ornamentation” we know she’s probably feeling receptive. Conversely if we see a lack of dressiness, we know that maybe she’s particularly down and unreceptive. The research supports this. Women, at around the time of ovulation, will display more sexually, they will break out their high heels, tend to dance more, talk more suggestively, and even walk differently near ovulation.

In one such study by Martie Haselton and her colleagues of the University of California in 2006 it was found that women chose more revealing outfits, and outfits containing more ornamentation when they were close to their peak fertility. In other words, as women near ovulation, the most fertile phase, they tended to dress “to impress.” This particular study had a panel of judges rate a pair of couples throughout the women’s fertility cycle. This allowed the researchers to create a baseline by which subjects could be compared to themselves. If they noted any differences in dress, they could then correlate it back to their fertility. They found noticeable differences in terms of overt self-grooming and ornamentation especially in terms of choice of dress as women approached their most fertile. They chose tops laced with trim and wore skirts rather than pants. The overall trend was to show more skin. The study also found that men rated women as more attractive when they were in their ovulation cycle.

Other studies show that women are more apt to find dominant men with square jaws and facial hair more attractive during ovulation and even find male body odor less pungent and more tolerable. During their high fertility days, women tend to flirt more often and solicit male attention, or in other words, tend to be more in tune with overall ‘maleness.’ Women are also found to go out more to parties or clubs, and other target rich environments, where they might meet men. No doubt there are many factors that play into how a woman dresses, but when it comes to being seductive, she turns it on when she’s ready to procreate despite what thoughts come into consciousness. While dress alone isn’t a full on invitation to pursue, it does tell us a little bit about what frame of mind a woman is in.

Advertising fertility with overt dress makes sense because women, unlike most animals, fail to advertise their ovulation. This is what scientists call “hidden ovulation” or “concealed ovulation” of which dozens of competing theories try to explain, but of which all fail to do conclusively. One of them says that women hide ovulation to keep men around so they will continue to provide her with resources while she offers sex in exchange. Hidden ovulation is a fascinating topic for discussion, because it is very complex and will likely never be solved. In other animals ovulation or “heat” is prominently advertised. Two such examples include swelling and redness of the genitalia in baboons and the release of pheromones in many animals including cats. However, in humans, even women themselves fail to consciously realize when they are fertile. To be accurate this last point has been disputed by various studies, even by this very section, but the point remains that aside from really trying to tune in, it would go unnoticed by many. The point is that women are rare in the animal kingdom by not prominently signaling fertility as do many other animals. However, this study and this chapter at large, shows us that they have other ways to convey this to men, even if in a more discrete manner.

While women might not be aware of the reason for dressing provocatively, most women are aware of the signals they give off to men, and therefore shouldn’t be surprise to receive additional attention when they show more skin. From a prowling male perspective therefore, it would pay back in dividends to make note of which women dress provocatively and deviate from their baseline and which women wear more frills and glitz. Tight jeans, elaborate decoration and short skirts, not only signal sexuality, but also interest in sex.

Hiking The Skirt And Showing Skin

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The 'skirt hike' happens totally subconsciously. When a woman gets hot and bothered she might begin to play with the bottom of her skirt to show a bit of extra leg.

The ‘skirt hike’ happens totally subconsciously. When a woman gets hot and bothered she might begin to play with the bottom of her skirt to show a bit of extra leg.

The skirt hike is an interesting body language cue because it happens completely subconsciously with little, and usually no awareness at all. It is so subtle though that only those looking specifically for it will actually see it.

The “skirt hike” happens by fingering and play with the bottom ridge of the skirt. Other times, the skirt hike happens in a more pronounced way by grabbing the bottom of the skirt and pulling it up a few inches or more, to reveal more leg. This motion is usually done toward a man of interest and followed by eye contact, but other times like the parade, happens as advertisement of the woman’s availability. If she catches someone else notice this gesture which she isn’t interested in, she will quickly force it back down and break eye contact.

Any gesture like the skirt hike that exposes more skin can be a sexual signal. We are all familiar with the cliché scene in movies where the woman suggestively says that she’ll return in something more comfortable. As always, she reappears in sexy lingerie. Most times, men don’t get such an obvious cue of interest but women still remove clothing to peek interest. Removing a heavy shirt or jacket to be more comfortable, or loosening buttons from a shirt, or even removing shoes or dangling the shoes from the toe, all show comfort at worst, and interest at best. “Shoe play” is also a great indicator of the level of comfort experienced between a man and women and is a way for a woman to get noticed because movement draws attention. Movement is the opposite to the fear-freeze response when people are scared. While in conversation, if the man does something to startle the woman, she’ll pull her shoe back on in short order! It’s also a good way to measure a cold approach because she’ll slip her shoe back on immediately if she doesn’t like the approach. She’ll make her displeasure more salient by slightly or fully turning away, holding a fixed gaze with her friends or across the room or pretend to be distracted. Her movements will also minimize so as to become less noticeable in the hopes that her “male predator” moves onto new prey.

Seated skirt hike.

Seated skirt hike.

'Shoe play' indicates high comfort. Test it by doing something creepy and watch just how fast the shoes go back on in preparation for escape!

‘Shoe play’ indicates high comfort. Test it by doing something creepy and watch just how fast the shoes go back on in preparation for escape!

The Leg Twine And Leg Crossing

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Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

Open legs can be seen as easy (or willing).

The leg twine is one of the most appealing sitting positions for women. The posture is done by tightly wrapping one around the other. The result makes the legs appear extremely toned. To produce a sexual cluster that intensifies signals of interest, a woman can place one hand on her thigh, stroke it, and engage in eye contact, and even bat her eyes at her object of affection.

Crossing and uncrossing the legs in the presence of men, especially if done slowly also shows interest, as it exposes the inner thigh which is a very intimate part of the female body. Leaving the legs uncrossed altogether, while sitting or standing, or massaging them so as to draw attention to them, can ramp up a sexual invitation even further. Another leg crossing variation happens when the leg is tucked under the body and sat on with the knee pointing toward her interest. This also leaves the inside of the thigh exposed and is particularly alluring when wearing a skirt, especially a short one!

Legs are often crossed toward a person of interest although this isn’t a hard fast rule. For example, most people have a leg cross preference, and so only find sitting one way or the other to be comfortable. The theory behind leg crossing toward the person we are connecting with stems from the symbolism of the leg as a barrier preventing outside people from entering. Orienting the body and shoulders toward someone has the same effect. However, leaning in with a leg cross to shrink the distance can deliver a much stronger and more reliable message. It is the proximity that produces the real information, rather than the actual leg cross direction. Having the legs spread while sitting or standing isn’t always a positive cue of interest, though sometimes it is, but it always tell us something about the sender.

For the sake of being complete, at the risk of sounding obvious, open legs tells us that a woman is either easy, trying to look that way, or doesn’t realize she’s be improper so is careless about her sitting postures. In other words, legs wide open says she’s a bit sloppy, regardless of her true intention. Woman should always hold good leg crossing postures especially in public and even when trying to attract the attention of men. In most cases, appearing easy or sloppy is not to their benefit, at least to most. With the recent lax in proper manners, I suspect appearing sloppy, or “casual” to use a more political term, is the likely culprit, but legs open can still be tested for easiness by men keen on scoring an easy women. While this all might sound crass, remember that these are the types of signals being sent when women comport themselves in these ways, so it is up to them to change their body postures, as changing the nature of subconscious perceptions is impossible. Those that aren’t reading material on body language, which is a healthy majority, will merely go on instinct, and this instinct will have “easy” written all over it.

Above: The legs speak and they often cross toward their interest. By re-orienting, as she has done, this is an overt signal that Julie is interested and “plugging” into the conversation with Mark. This is a strong indicator of interest. Much more is covered in the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

Grooming And Preening

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A woman grooming a man is a good sign that she's trying to keep him looking good for her own benefit.

A woman grooming a man is a good sign that she’s trying to keep him looking good for her own benefit.

Grooming includes smoothing clothing, rearranging attire, rubbing the hands, glancing in a mirror and, applying lipstick, fixing the hair amongst many others. While not a grooming gesture per se, women can also provocatively leave buttons unbuttoned, especially a button-up blouse in effort to peek men’s curiousity. These are all signals of interest within the proper context. We all, men included, groom and preen ourselves in order to appear more presentable and attractive to others. The more concerned we are with our looks, the more it indicates our desire to show off and attract and the timing with which this happens is extremely important because it indicates to us the purpose of the adjustments and whom the fixes are meant for. For example, if a woman appears relaxed in her attire, perhaps wearing comfortable jeans and a sloppy sweat shirt rather than something more “put together”, and stumbles upon someone she feels is attractive, she might begin to panic and hyper groom in effort to minimize whatever damage she figures she has caused to her image. Grooming tells us that she feels his opinion matters which is no different from men. Men will smooth out ties or a shirt, button up a jacket to appear more formal, smooth out their pants or fix their hair.

Grooming gestures become particularly powerful delivered with eye contact too, not just with respect to proximity and visibility. Eye contact for example is an “anchor” for sexual signals as it hooks the signal to a particular target. Grooming absent of a target and hence eye contact, might mean, either, the desire to attract in general as we saw in the “parade” where women are just acting like magnets to see what sticks, or else a superficial desire to appear put together for it’s own sake. Grooming and preening can also be done on other people to indicate interest. A woman might pluck some imaginary lint from a man’s clothing that she fancies, while another she detests might go an entire evening with food stuck to the side of his face. She might also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub his back, all methods of showing interest. The touching and proximity that comes as a result of grooming is not just incidental, it’s the driving force. Touching is a strong indicator of interest especially when initiated by a woman.

Above: Preening gestures indicate that a woman is preparing herself for someone else to touch her but when a woman plucks some imaginary lint from a man’s clothing she’s probably interested. She might also fix a man’s hair, straighten and adjust clothing or rub a man’s back to show interest. Back touching, scratching and massaging is an evolutionary throwback when we used to have totally hairy bodies and removing tics would have been a major hygienic necessity. It’s where “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” came from. Regardless, touching and close proximity when done by a woman to a man, can be taken as a strong sign of sexual interest. Learn how to build a proper foundation for dating and attraction by reading the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language!