Tag Archive for Unison

Introduction – Chapter 12

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When people "jive," they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

When people “jive,” they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

Mirroring or “isopraxis” is as important to lifelong friends as to strangers meeting for the first time, since mirroring is a way to test and maintain the level of rapport being established between two people or groups of people. Mirroring as it applies to nonverbal communication describes body postures, body positions and gestures that are held in unison or echoed a few seconds later, across people as they interacting. When full mirroring appears it is as if each person is looking into the mirror and seeing their reflection. When full mirroring happens, it indicates a high level or rapport, or connectivity between people.

We mirror as a form of bonding with one another, and it happens without our conscious awareness. In fact, mirroring is difficult to carry out in a natural way at a conscious level as we will see in this chapter. The evolutionary origins of mirroring might stem from imitative learning, where gestures and movements or skills are passed from one person to another. Children learn to imitate our facial expressions and quickly graduate to imitating our body positions, and then later they imitate us as we carry out tasks. If you’ve even driven with a youngster, you’ve watched them pretend to drive with their arms up, rocking the wheel left and right, or working the stick shift. Imitation has been said to be the greatest form of flattery and in mirroring this is the case.

In ancient times, mirroring would have created group cohesion and identity. Sports groups, riot officers, firemen, and a myriad of occupations all wear the same uniform. It is this dress that formulates the beginnings of the behaviour that eventually leads to a group’s ability to functioning in unison. Imagine if policemen all showed up in different dress and tried to control a crowd. To the rioters, they would seem as if they were rogue rioters themselves which would only exacerbate the problem. The rioters would identify the policemen as part of their group instead of part of the police group, which would only lead to additional chaos.

However, the police know the importance of mirroring, so they arrive with exactly the same gear, dress and comportment. They wave their batons, walk, stomp and chant in unison to display a fortified front. The uniform also serves to identify members of their group and dispel others quickly. A rioter who was able to secure a loose baton wouldn’t last long in the group in the group of police, even if he could adopt the same postures, chants and stomps, because he’d still lack the proper uniform. However, if he could obtain this too, he’d fit right in and would be accepted as part of the group without question. The results of this would be devastating, since his behaviours, no matter how random or unjust, would be tolerated by his “peers”. He could begin to smash windows or beat up other rioters and it would be initially overlooked by his group causing confusion. The uniform, because of mirroring and rapport, provides the rogue officer with additional powers, so he can get away with things that a rioter can not. This extension of power only lasts so long before it would be questioned though, and the same sort of behaviour is present in real life situations as it relates to mirroring. It builds rapport and group cohesion and identifies those that belong to us and fit in with our ideologies, and those that do not. When we are in groups we easily loose our individual mentality in favour of group cohesion. The rioters escalate their terror for the same reason. They are part of a group, identify with it and so adopt similar behaviour.

Mirroring and uniforms do not apply just to the police. In fact, it applies to almost every walk of life, in every office or business across the planet. We act and dress a certain way even when we are relaxing with friends. When we go to concerts we clap, sing, stand, drink and with the right group, listening to right music, may even join a mosh pit with others to slam our bodies together violently to celebrate the music. Mirroring says that we are on the same page. It’s like saying look at the two of us, we walk the same, talk the same and our bodies move in unison, therefore we must agree. Mirroring can cut so deep that breathing, blinking, and even our heart rates can beat in unison. Mirroring is such a profound quality of social animals as a whole. Our cities are built upon our abilities to mirror with row upon row of houses repeating one after the other, all with a small patch of green grass at the front and hopefully a bit more at the back. We all cut it short to make it presentable and to keep up with our neighbours. We compete with others just to fit in and be the same as them. Far from being a bad thing, mirroring creates social order, promotes peace and productivity and leads to cooperation.

Mirroring in rapport building is ubiquitous and serves a purpose but it also finds itself in some peculiar places. Yawning is one of them. Yawning is one of the more pronounced forms of mirroring since it has a contagious element. Yawning in one person sets off a chain of yawns within the rest of a group, even if the members don’t know each other. Picking up a foreign accent or adopting the idiosyncrasies of friends are two forms of subtle mirroring. Full blown mirroring happens when we cross our arms in unison, drink or eat together or even finish each other’s sentences. Twins have been known to connect in such a dramatic fashion that sentence finishing is commonplace and some twins can even begin sentences in unison. Mirroring comes out too in tone of voice, syntax, rhythm and use of pauses. Dancing is another form of pervasive mirroring and without building a connection, dance appear sloppy and uncoordinated. Women might even use it as a selective tool when evaluating potential suitors. If you can’t jive together in a coordinated fashion, can you be expected to raise a family together, what about create a family? Anecdotally, dance has been said to be a reliable predictor of how we perform in bed, so if you prefer a slow passionate dance over a break neck shake, keep this in mind! Let us not leave out facial expressions, emotions and overall mood as a subject to mirroring in others either. This is covered in the pages to follow.

Compressed Lips, Down-turned Smile And Lip Pursing

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator.

When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator.

Compressing the lips to make them disappear is a universal trait done to signify stress. The subconscious mind is essentially telling the body to close down and not let anything in. Babies do this when we try to feed them yucky vegetables and when adults do it it’s because they want to shut out the outside world. Tight compressed lips happen honestly and immediately so reflect true stress sentiments revealing a troubled mind. When the mouth becomes inverted in an upside down “u” shape (down-turned smile) the facial expression turns into a high stress indicator. In 2008 at Eliot Spitzer’s news conference where he discussed the matters of his involvement in a prostitution scandal he was photographed quite obviously with a down turned mouth. The down-turned smile can show unhappiness, anger, tension and depression when held for any permanent length of time. However, Mr. Spitzer only briefly flashes this expression indicating the high level of stress he was experiencing as he made his comments.

Lip pursing is done to indicate thought processing. It usually happens when someone is trying to come up with an alternative idea. Catching this cue is highly useful during a proposal, such as reviewing a contract, or a sales document, since it tells us that someone is at least considering our offer, but that they might not be in total agreement. This can be useful while reading the document aloud because lip pursing will happen in real time as judgment arises. Other adjoining cues will tell you whether or not someone is prepared to accept or reject the offer and tell you how best to carry on. Other times, lip pursing is done to show outright disagreement. Usually the eyebrows will frown in unison with pursed lips. Lip pursing is a very reliable indicator of different thought processing, and it would be foolish to ignore it. The reverse to lip pursing-judgment is full-lips which indicates contentment. Watch the lips for these quick flashes will tell you a lot about what is going on inside someone’s head. In review, compressed lips show stress, u-shaped mouth shows high stress, pursing shows that a person is considering an alternative or when accompanied by frowning or additional negative cues, disagreement.

How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.

Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our rank is well known to us.

Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.

As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the conversation.

Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.

The Origins Of The Smile And The Honest Smile

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The orbicularis muscles contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet - “smiling eyes”. When we see crows feet, we have true happiness.

The orbicularis muscles
contract to form wrinkles in the corners of the eyes called crows feet – “smiling eyes”. When we see crows feet, we have true happiness.

Smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles which are the zygomatic major muscles, that run down the side of the face to connect to the corners of the mouth, and the orbicularis oculi muscles that pull the eyes back. The orbicularis muscles are particularly important as they are used to cause what’s called “smiling eyes”. Smiling eyes, also called “crow’s feet”, where a classic wrinkling appears in the corner of the eyes is an indication of true happiness. The zygomatic muscles, on the other hand, are consciously controlled and are the ones that normally flex when we smile for the camera. Therefore, the appearance of crow’s feet is a great way of determining genuine enjoyment. Insincere smiles appear as exposed teeth and stretched lips across the face with no wrinkles in the eyes. Crow’s feet however, can be faked with extreme smiles when the full face ends up really squished, but what separates the two is that in the real smile the corner of the eyes will turn downwards and the eyebrows will dip as well. The honest smile has also been called the “Duchenne smile”, after the French researcher Guillaume Duchenne who was first to research smiles using electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to distinguish between real and fake smiles.

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

The uneven smile. This one is a fake!

Symmetry is also important in a real smile. Natural smilers will have more even smiles as both sides of their brain respond to pleasure. Smiles that are not genuine are more pronounced on the left side of the face since they are consciously being controlled. Interestingly uneven shoulder shrugs are also dishonest. Shoulder shrugs indicate when someone doesn’t know something, and if they are being truthful, their shoulders will come up in unison and sharply, however, if just one shoulder comes up and only slightly then they are following their statement with uncertainty. In other words, dishonesty shows through when the body language to support an emotion lacks full symmetry and follow through. Shoulder shrugs is a “gravity defying” body language, meaning it requires energy and commitment, so it should happen emphatically and completely for it to have its full honest value otherwise it is just feigned serving only to appease. When you see weak smiles or shoulders that only partially come up then you know that someone is trying to be misleading about their true thoughts and feelings.

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we're being fed a load (of fake happiness).

When the lips stretch across the face, we know we’re being fed a load (of fake happiness).

Liars also find it difficult to smile, instead preferring a straight face, but when they do smile, it appears forced and especially strained showing their underlying stress. Smiling is a subconsciously submissive gesture and liars often worry about being caught so they feel that smiling might give them away. Therefore instead of appearing natural to the person they are lying to, they instead tense up and try to appear expressionless instead. Smiling can therefore be an effective way to come across as honest, although smiling too big, for too long or at inappropriate times will have the reverse effect.

Regardless, fake smiles are difficult to distinguish from real smiles and only experts and those reading this book will know what to look for! That’s why smiling, even if phony, can be effective in influencing other’s thoughts, emotions and opinions of you so in reality it doesn’t hurt to smile often. If you smile big, and frequently, those around you might just wonder about what sort of pleasant things are happening in your life and want some of those good things to rub off on them!

The Mirror Neuron

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

When people "jive," they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

When people “jive,” they are in agreement, and this commonality leads to liking. In this photo we see a couple mirroring each other by drinking in unison.

The discovery of the mirror neuron happened by accident at the University of Parma in Italy by researchers Giacomo Rizzolatti and Vittorio Gallese. They were studying the planning and movement activity in monkey brains and found that a specific set of neurons responded when monkeys grasped a peanut while other neurons altogether fired when they ate the peanut. When one of the researchers reached for a peanut to give to the monkey, they observed the monkey’s brain react as if it where the monkey who was reaching for it. They found that the same regions of the monkey’s brain activated whether the action was performed by the monkey or if the action was simply observed by the monkey. The mirror neuron was an important discovery, but one that happened completely by chance.

In follow up studies, the mirror neuron has been directly observed in other primates and even birds. Researchers conclude that it very likely exists in the minds of humans as well. However, the mirror neurons in the human brain are much more difficult to study because isolating single neurons is impossible. In animals, the neuron fires when an animal acts and also when they view another animal act. Studies show us that the neuron therefore fires as if the motion was actually performed, when in reality the movement was merely observed. Similarly, brain scans of human’s show that areas of the brain light up when they view others performing actions. These are the same areas that would light up had the action been performed. Today, it is generally agreed that there is no such single neuron at work, but rather a network of neurons working together making the “mirror neuron” a bit of a misnomer.

The origins of the “mirror neuron” might stem from imitative learning. By observing people performing actions we could pick up skills instead of having to learn the actions all on our own. In other words, mirroring allowed us to learn vicariously which is a much quicker way to learn and also less dangerous. Just imagine having to learn to use a sharp knife or chainsaw having never seen one used, nor what either is capable of doing, either to a tomato or tree trunk. Another possible reason for these class of neurons might be related to empathy and emotion since the neurons might help us connect with others. For example, when we view pictures of people who display happiness, disgust, fear or pain, we react to them as if we had felt it ourselves. This ability to connect with people, even strangers, has an important function in our daily lives since it allows us to build and hold relationships, creates sympathy, and inhibit fighting.

Above: The mirror neuron Part I

Above: The mirror neuron Part II