Tag Archive for Poor Self Image

Summary – Chapter 11

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

This chapter focused on emotional body language. We began by discussing New York style body language called “displacement behaviour.” We saw that displacement behaviours include actions set to preoccupy in order to dehumanize the outside world – especially in more crowded areas. The list of behaviours included nail biting, gum chewing, grooming, tapping the does, head scratching or playing with jewelry, but can also mean looking and acting ‘out of touch’ or closed off.

Next, “fight or flight” was finally shifted to “freeze, flight or fight” finally putting it into the proper order. Following this was clenching behaviour where we found that actions such as gripping the wrist of the opposite hand in behind the back, or wringing the hands out like a wet article of clothing, are forms of restraint. We also hit on nervous hands and how shaking can tell us a lot about what sort of emotions a person is experiencing.

We then moved onto poor self image and the language that tells. Here we found that auto contacts including stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, are linked to insecurity since they attempt to provide reassurance. We hit on eyebrow lowering and that when they are permanently lowered by the newly incarcerated it signifies easy prey for existing inmates. Interlaced fingers and palm finger stroking, on the other “hand”, were both labeled as emitted by those with negative thoughts. In the section on suckling and mouthing we saw that the mouth and lips provide a target for tactile gratification to provide comfort. Here we saw that anytime the fingers go to the mouth or lips to suckle, that our target is regressing to an infantile stage, and is trying to regain the security they felt as a child.

We found that compressed lips indicate stress, down-turned smile unhappiness, anger or tension, and lip pursing indicates that a thought, usually negative, is being processed. We found that tongues can depict deep concentration or a cheeky attitude, and that sneering signals contempt, disapproval and disrespect the world over. Ear language was covered next and we learned that ear grabbing refers to “hearing no evil” showing disbelief or an attempt to close off communication by blocking the ears. Hostile body language, on the other hand, was found to be more similar to sexual body language, but only in so much as the body language showed through figuratively onto ourselves when we would much rather inflict it onto others. Examples of such hostile body language included pulling or pinching at one’s own ears, cheeks, hair, or face. Next we covered the sequence by which bodies reject and then how they relax.

We discovered that the neck becomes particularly sensitive under pressure and like the cheeks, it becomes red and engorged with blood when we become nervous. Thus when people are under pressure they tend to touch or cover it so as to pacify. Women also tend to cover their “suprasternal notch” when they are experiencing anxiety. We found that people who don’t cross their legs are generally uncomfortable because crossing significantly reduces the ability to act quickly during confrontation and exit. Next we found that the eyes and the body can block unwanted thoughts and images, that blushing indicates emotion and anxiety, and that asymmetry can show when emotions are faked, gravity defying behaviours means people are happy, and that there are six universal facial expressions. We learned that asymmetry is what tells us honest expressions from fake ones. We also discovered that everyone, no matter how extroverted, requires emotional downtime, that timid people will cocoon and that guilty people will turtle. We also found in this chapter that full body hugs, where the chest and hips make contact, shows sexual intimacy, and that light hugs, where the shoulders touch shows friendship. Lastly we covered the “hug-ender cue” or the “tap out” that tells others that the hug has run its full course and one party wishes to submit. We concluded with a list of additional emotional body language.

Poor Self Image And The Body Language That Tells

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.

Tugging at the ears helps distract the mind from emotional stress.

“Auto contact” is a term used to describe any gesture such as stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, which is meant to sooth the body and create comfort. These gestures are also used to eliminate internal tensions and provide reassurance. It is believed that these mannerisms stem from childhood sources when our parents would comfort us with touch. Social touching has been shown to increase oxytocin which is a natural chemical messenger released by the brain. Oxytocin also helps in reducing anxiety, and creates feelings of contentment, calmness and creates trust. Studies reveal that oxytocin plays a big role in orgasm since it helps control fear and anxiety. In fact, when negative emotions aren’t controlled, orgasm is impossible. Self touching serves to fight the underlying stress associated with the negative stimulus so as to recreate the feelings of having someone sooth you. This reminds people of more pleasurable situations. In short, it takes the mind to a better place. Grooming and self touching, stem wholly from arousal but this arousal can be due to a variety of reasons. It might stem from anxiety, anger, stress or uncertainty. It will be your job to decide which is the main cause, and part of this means that you need to take context in mind.

Interestingly manipulations, in this way, provide others will ‘tells’ that indicate which parts of our bodies we don’t like. For example, a man who is self conscious about his hair loss will frequently brush or stroke his head in a failed effort to hide the bareness, especially so when under stress He might also run his hand backwards over his head or smooth it or pat it. A woman with a large nose will motion or touch it whenever she feels insecure. Thus, not only do these ‘tells’ indicate that someone is stressed, but they tell us what parts of their bodies they find most troublesome. In a chain reaction, the stress produces an underlying emotion that then creates a behaviour – a gesture, that serves to fight the stress. This behaviour then in turn reveals an underlying self conscious attitude toward a part of our bodies. The method used to “attack” the ‘tell’ will give you additional clues to the intent. For example, a child who is angry will pick and pull at a scar whereas one that is embarrassed will tend to cover it from sight or brush it.

Touching or stroking the body helps relieve stress by releasing the hormone oxytocin.

Touching or stroking the body helps relieve stress by releasing the hormone oxytocin.

Small children, especially boys will sometimes grab at their genitals when stressed. Being unacceptable for adults, it can be replaced with a tight leg cross where the genitals are squeezed. Women have been known to do the same thing, even bouncing a leg up and down and squeeze their upper thighs tightly together which can even result in orgasm. Not every leg bounce with tight leg crossing produces orgasm though, yet this form of soothing still produces comfort, and quite likely a dose of oxytocin to boot! Women may also lightly brush the lower parts of their breasts as they crossing their arms, which is also in effort to self sooth. With careful observation (be careful here) the breast will seem to slightly lift as the second arm crosses over the first, locking it in place. This is one of the postures that becomes much more obvious after being recognized once. Resting the head on a hand or rubbing the back of the neck, wringing the hands or rubbing the legs are all substitutes to more overt self-stimulation. Men might resort to rubbing their temples and women might employ hair touches and grooming or stroking the sides of their arms. No matter how self touching unveils itself, it can show hidden insecurities, so can provide useful information about someone especially when taken in proper context.