Tag Archive for Nightclubs

Tonality Advice For Men

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Communication patterns are often a make-it or break-it moment.

Communication patterns are often a make-it or break-it moment.

As we have seen in a pervious chapter, tonality plays a big part in the meaning and intent of the message being delivered. Speaking in a soft voice can be construed as nervous, especially if words are so quiet they are misheard. When in groups containing new people, it is very common to speak quietly to direct your conversation to specific people you are more familiar with, however this can and will alienate others and serve to isolate you further. While in a group, therefore, don’t be afraid to address everyone and save private conversations for later. Whispering, which is an entirely different ballgame can actually bring women closer and create sparks, so is fair technique to explore. As tonality pertains to dating and attraction, it is important to hold a strong voice and use projection to carry it to your audience. Speaking too loudly can come across as forceful and arrogant though, so try to balance your speech to your location and audience, as well as the surrounding noise.

As mentioned earlier, women find men with voices that are deep sexy and it is possible to lower the breadth of your voice with practice. Even keeping it monotone will make it seem deeper and sexier, although a lack of enthusiasm will likely out-weight the benefits. Calming and slowing the voice can also deepen it and these techniques can be perfected when practiced. Naturally each one of the techniques for voice lowering can appear forced and awkward, and in most cases, the voice can only be lowered by a few degrees, but this might be all that is required to bring a high pitched voice down to an acceptable medium.

Another aspect of voice is projection. In nightclubs where talking is often difficult at best, you might consider extending the length of words and phrases, so they are better heard. Men should never pass up an opportunity for closeness, and as mentioned, whispering is a great tool to accomplish this. A “hey, let’s get out of here, it’s too loud to talk” makes for a good exit strategy once a connection is formed. Regardless of the situation, a well projected voice communicates strength and confidence.

Men should also be mindful of nervous laughing and long bouts of monotone speech, which can be a killer for women. Men should avoid getting overly excited, but should also not be afraid to liven speech with gestures and some changes in pitch, to show that they have a pulse, and that their life is at least somewhat exciting. If men find themselves in conversation with an unwilling participant, they should change gears or change partners, this is what makes body language so powerful, since it eliminates the need to second guess interest. Having read the cues to sexual interest at the beginning of this chapter along with interest in general covered throughout the book, it should be plainly obvious what others are thinking about you.

The Stiff Or Curved Arm

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

The stiff arm is an obvious signal that approach is unwelcome as it forms a solid barrier around our personal space zone.

The stiff arm is an obvious signal that approach is unwelcome as it forms a solid barrier around our personal space zone.

A more obvious defensive posture is the stiff arm which happens by thrusting the arm forward and away from the body with the palm face vertical in a “stop” type signal. Another defensive posture is the curved arm, a variation of the stiff arm, where the arm is bent and locked at the elbow and thrust outward facing down or horizontally. As a cluster, the stiff arm and curved arm is accompanied by a step backwards to reclaim stolen space, which is the true intention of the stiff arm. Both postures are called “arm-distancing” tactics because the arms are used to control space. When we say “Keeping people at arms length” this is the body language we refer to. The curved arm also creates a closed body position since the arm crosses over the middle of the body. At times, the arm fails to come up any higher than a few inches, or the hand might flip upwards slightly while being held at waist level, however, the message is the same. As the intensity of the approach increases, the hand and arm will rise even further and a person will shift their weight backwards.

Football running backs use the stiff and curved arm to provide a space buffer in order to fend off tackles by keeping the arms of defenders away from their bodies. The space created next to the body, to the inside of the elbow in the curved arm, is reserved so that no one can enter. The curved and stiff arm both serve to deflect a possible attack away from the body or when navigating crowded areas such as airports, amusement parks or nightclubs. Women can also be found doing this too, especially when men get too close for comfort. The signal is a strong indicator that personal space is being violated and the carrier of the message does not want someone to come even an inch closer. Men in dating situations should be particularly aware of this body language and treat it appropriately, back up, and give some space.

Other times, the stiff or curved arm is used to thwart closeness that is not necessarily due to physical threat. Sometimes we keep our arms out just to keep people we don’t like from getting too close. The arms can also indicate how much someone likes or dislikes someone by their proximity to other people. When someone is particularly turned off by someone else they will keep their arms away from them in-so-much as their bodies can maintain enough personal space and don’t need to be thrown in harms way, so to speak, to serve as stiff arms.