Tag Archive for Nervousness

Summary – Chapter 16

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We began this chapter knowing full well that lie detection through nonverbal means was difficult at best. However, we did cover a huge amount of clues that can help us by raising suspicion and provide us with leads to delve further. We began the chapter by looking at the reasons for lying which includes hiding feelings, preferences and attitudes. We found that lying is used to reduce disagreements and hurt feelings and is a useful skill in impression management. We listed the nine reasons people lie which are to avoid punishment, to gain access to a reward, to protect another person or one’s self from being punished, to win admiration of others, to avoid awkward social situations, to avoid embarrassment, to maintain privacy and to gain at the expense of others.

We found that by grilling someone for the truth it is often enough to cause someone to feel stress thereby creating the behaviour instead of uncovering it. Contrary to popular belief we discussed that eye contact can often increase during lying rather than decrease due to “duping delight” where a person receives a charge from pulling one over on someone else. We learned that lying is hard work so should expect that when someone is caught with difficult questions that they should exhibit more nonverbal leakage and might even ‘appear’ to be thinking harder. Nervousness and guilt was touched on which showed that at times liars can give themselves up through a higher pitch, faster and louder speech, speech errors or stuttering, blushing, an increase in blink rate, fidgeting, dilation of the pupils or sweating, but that these cues only reveal liars that actually feel guilt, and not all do. Liars can also tend to “freeze up” and reduce movement and we related it back to professional poker players. Next we looked at how liars remain uncommitted to their lies, and thereby use less exuberant gesturing, and can stop or reduce touching when they lie.

Next we looked at the “truth bias” which shows that an average of sixty-seven percent accuracy is found when detecting the truth, whereas forty-four percent is found while detecting deception because people expect to be told the truth so have adapted to detect it. We found in this chapter that truth tellers (and liars) are sometimes less cooperative, but not always, and looked at the FACT or the facial action coding system as another way to detect lies. “Microexpressions” were defined as facial expressions that flash across the face in 1/25 to 1/5 of a second and can betray liars because they are difficult to consciously control and appear more honest. We discussed that while lying requires fabrication, telling the truth can be just as difficult since details must be recalled from memory. Police officers, we found, are fairly good at detecting lies, but this is in spite of what they are taught rather than because of it. Lying language in children was discussed and then we classified the major gestures that are usually associated with lying, but that aren’t always actually indicative of it. Our aim in doing so was to avoid doing them so we can avoid being mislabeled as untruthful by others. These commonly associated gestures include touching the face and ears, scratching the neck, pulling at the collar, touching the eyes, mouth, or nose and closed body language. We also examined eye patterns in lying, verbal and paraverbal cues and nervous body language as they relate to lying. We discovered that machines such as the fMRI, thermal scanners, eye trackers, pupillometers and stress sniffers had a much greater success rate when compared to people, but were also expensive and impractical.

We finished up the chapter by examining true success which is achieved by the experts; the CIA who scores seventy-three percent, sheriffs sixty-seven percent, psychologist sixty-eight percent and the secret service who scored sixty-four percent as well as techniques for actually detecting lies by comparing the baseline of a person as they shift from comfort to discomfort based on questioning or other stimulus.

Setting Someone Up To Be Read

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The following is a sequence by which lying can be more effectively read as outlined by Joe Navarro in his book What everybody is saying. Navarro follows a more interrogative style which will work in some circumstances, but it limited in others.

When trying to read someone for truth-telling, have an open view of their body to be able to see any signs of comfort and discomfort as they may arise.

When trying to read someone for truth-telling, have an open view of their body to be able to see any signs of comfort and discomfort as they may arise.

1. Get a clear unobstructed view of the person you wish to read so you don’t miss any pacifying behaviours. If possible put people in an open space.
2. Expect some nervous and stressful body language especially pacifying behaviours. People are expected to calm themselves at all times even when no lying is being done.
3. Expect initial nervousness. When someone is questioned they will feel tension regardless of their level of guilt.
4. If possible have the person you wish to read to first relax. With time everyone relaxes, even guilty people so if you can put off asking important questions or build rapport, do so.
5. Look to establish a baseline. This is especially important if you don’t know the person you are questioning all that well. Look for cues they use normally especially mannerisms and pacifiers.
6. As you begin questioning, watch for an increased use of pacifiers. This will be especially telling when they seem to increase dramatically during specific questions or when certain topics arise. When they arise, it will provide clues as to which information requires further investigation.
7. Pause frequently after asking questions. It is important to avoid putting out too many questions all at once because it will only serve to create stress. Give the person you are trying to read enough time to think and answer questions so as to avoid false positives.
8. Stay on task and maintain focus. When people feel stress they often want to change the subject matter or avoid questions. If a person gets the opportunity to change the subject their will emit fewer nonverbal tells of deception because when people speak they get to choose and control the topic.
9. Chatter is not truth. Listening to one side of the story often produces a bias and on the surface, the more we listen to people, the more we tend to trust and believe what they tell us. Advertising campaigns work through a similar mechanism as the more we hear the message, the more we think it to be true. Eventually, if we hear messages enough time, they work into our subconsciousness to become “ours”, they re-write our reality. When people present a huge amount of information about a topic, they appear to be telling the truth, however this is not always the case as even creative liars can go at lengths to produce elaborate and believable lies. It is not the amount of information provided that matters, but rather the accuracy of the information which can only come through verification of the facts.
10. Stress in and stress out. There are two times when stressful nonverbals are emitted, once when the question is asked which can appear like distancing behaviours such as arms and foot withdrawl and then again when pacifying is needed to calm. These come out as neck touching, stroking the hair and so forth.
11. Isolate the cause of stress. Is stress due to being asked stressful questions, or because someone is being interrogated. Not all stressful nonverbal language is due to lying and often people that are honest, show nervous language.
12. Pacifiers tell us a lot. Pacifying body language tells us when someone is stressed which tells us which scenarios, questions or information has created it. It therefore follows that pacifying cues tell us which areas require more thorough investigation.

Nervous Body Language – The ‘Other’ Cues

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As we know nervousness plays a big part in lie detection so we habitually connect the two sentiments. Therefore, by this nature, we assume that any of the following could be associated with dishonesty. Here is a nearly comprehensive list of all cues that could be tied to lying or else associated with lying from the general public. While they don’t necessarily uncover a liar they will be tied to dishonesty and persons that perform these cues will be mistrusted. They include increased eye blink rate, stuttering, dilated pupils, fidgeting, appearing unfriendly or tense, facial fidgeting, shaking, postural shifts or unrelaxed/reserved postures, twitches, shrugs, head movements, playing with objects, sneering, scowling, frowning, smiling, biting the lower lip, pressing the lips together, wrinkling of the nose, increase in perspiration, blushing or turning pale and increased swallowing.

Verbal And Paraverbal Cues

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At times verbal and paraverbal cues betray the liar and these are cues tied directly to the words in which they speak. Although they fall outside the realm of body language at large, they do complete this chapter with regards to cues associated with deception which is why they have been included. These cues are, as always, related to the stress of fibbing so can be confused with nervousness of any other source. Some however are the direct consequences of lying such as the telling of an implausible story or using more negative comments or statements, which has been shown to increase during lying.

Here are the cues to deception as they relate to our verbal dialogue: Vocal tension, hectic speech, faltering speech, improper structure or grammar, implausible story, inconsistent story, superfluous details, describing feelings rather than events such as “I felt this way when I did this” or “I must have felt this way because of this” etc, adding qualifying statement such as “This is what I am about to say” then saying it, word or phrase repetition, using less contractions saying “I did not” instead of “I didn’t”, using the persons name in sentences instead of saying “he” or “she”, for example “Bill went to the store” rather than “He went to the store”, the use of clichés, blocking access to information, evasive responses or desire to change the subject, speech is less compelling, less personal and with less or too much detail, expressing self doubt, negative complaints or statements, defensiveness or aggressiveness, changes in pitch (high low or monotone), shaky or soft voice, stuttering, false starts, silent pauses, filled pauses, delayed response, appearing to be thinking, admitted lack of memory, tentative construction of sentences, clearing the throat and spontaneous corrections.

Closed Body Postures

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Closed body postures, like hands hiding in pockets, indicate insecurity which we subconsciously associate with lying.

Closed body postures, like hands hiding in pockets, indicate insecurity which we subconsciously associate with lying.

Closed body positions, as we know, give off bad signals in general. When in a high pressure situation, closing the body off in any way may lead people to think that you have something to hide. Tucking the chin in, pulling the arms closer to the body, crossing the legs, turning the body away, and taking on a less threatening profile are all attributed to lying. Another less obvious clue to being closed-off, is to subconsciously place an object between the liar and interrogator, such as a book, brief case, or any other “security-blanket.”

As we all know of course, closed body positions like the majority of the signals associated with liars is in fact due to the stress, fear and hence nervousness of the interrogation. When “under attack” we close up our bodies to make it appear smaller and less significant to draw less attention to it, which is a way to protect our bodies in case the interrogation escalates into a physical attack. While most cultures prohibit physical force during everyday encounters, we still have the mental hardwiring that programs us to foresee physical violence, never mind the fact that a verbal threat is just as embarrassing and visceral as any physical confrontation. Threatening language puts our minds at risk to long term emotional damage, no different than being threatened by physical conflict. In our daily lives accusatory situations, verbal threats, and scolding, ranks near the top as far as the sorts of harm we endure throughout our lives. This is why we see our bodies react through body language to emotional threats, as well as to the possibility of being uncovered as cheats and liars.

Increased Face-Touching

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Unnecessary face touching shows emotional discomfort. When in the right context, it can signal a lie.

Unnecessary face touching shows emotional discomfort. When in the right context, it can signal a lie.

Self touching is one thing we habitually associate with liars. They touch their chin, neck, nose, ears or will pull their collar away from their neck. These traits are of course related to nervousness and the mistake we sometimes make is directly associating nervousness with lying. As we have seen, not all liars are nervous. Let’s break this category down a little more.

Nervousness And Guilt In Lying

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"Talking out of the side of the mouth" came about because we feel that liars don't speak to us straight; in plain terms.

“Talking out of the side of the mouth” came about because we feel that liars don’t speak to us straight; in plain terms.

One of the most reported cues of deception includes fear and nervousness. These include higher pitch, faster and louder speech, speech errors or stuttering and indirect speech or talking out of ‘the side of the mouth’ or in worse cases, the liar might even sound unpleasant. We might also see blushing of the face, neck or ears, an increase in blink rate, fidgeting, dilation of the pupils or sweating. In theory, the greater the apprehension of getting caught or the greater the stakes, the more evident these fear cues should be. As an increase in the possibility of punishment or with an increase in the severity of punishment we should also find an increase in nervous body language. The studies tell us that people who lie about something they’ve done wrong, termed a ‘transgression’, the more likely they were to show more deceptive cues presumably because they felt guilt more strongly.

We should also be cognoscente about the motivation of the liar. If they aren’t particularly vested in the lie, they might not show nervousness at all. Someone presenting a ‘white lie’ about who they were with the night previous, or their preference for chocolate versus vanilla ice cream, should be expected to show minimal nervousness. More experienced liars show very little nervousness, because, not only are they practiced at lying, they rarely get caught, so have little to worry about effectively destroying the hypothesis that nervousness specifically increases because of lying. Conversely, poor, but frequent liars, get caught so often that the consequences of their lies fail to bother them, so they also lack nervousness. We should also predict that lies told to close friends or family whom the liar cares for, should make them more susceptible to nervous body language. Here we might in fact see lower pitch, softer and slower speech and a downward gaze as they battle their consciousness. The stick in the spokes of this theory though is that sometimes telling the truth can causes guilt just the same as telling a lie, especially when it is known that the truth might hurt someone. Other times, telling the truth causes even more distress because of the shame of revealing possible shortcomings or mistakes to others. Thus, it’s a pretty safe statement to say that liars don’t always feel guilty about their lies and truth tellers don’t always feel good about their honesty. In fact, many liars justify their lies to prevent distress in other people!

Being unable or unwilling to embrace their lies is what makes lie tellers appear less truthful and convincing. So by this theory we should expect a liar to face more negative emotions when lying which truth tellers don’t face which in turn leads to at least faint feelings of discomfort which then leaks out through the body. However, again we find data to the contrary. It has been noted by researchers that liar can have less vested in their claims primarily because they haven’t actually occurred. This is counter what was presented thus far because instead of appearing more emotional, they may in fact appear less emotional. Lest we forget too that liars can present fearful emotions when they lie due to the chances of getting caught! If you haven’t gotten the point by now, you are starting to. The point is that emotions are intertwined with the fear of getting caught, anguish of lying and telling the truth and a myriad of other factors directly and indirectly related to lying.

As we know, when truth tellers speak, they are backed with an accumulation of knowledge, experience and wisdom from an event, whereas a liar is only acting out of his own imagination. This can provide clues to his deception. Therefore, the liar might offer fewer details, present their story with less emotional investment, provide less evidence to stake their claims, act less compellingly, appear less forthcoming, less pleasant and more tense. It is also important to note the motivation or context of the lie as well, as this will provide us with clues to watch for, be it nervousness, fear of getting caught and the guilt or the shame of either lying or not lying as the case may be.

Eliminating Beta Male Body Language

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Pockets are a great place to stash a few hands. Only problem is that it makes us look uncomfortable.

Pockets are a great place to stash a few hands. Only problem is that it makes us look uncomfortable.

While women might become nervous as a signal of a man’s attractiveness in her eye, and use it effectively to attract his attention, she won’t find this signals attractive when done by men. To her, nervousness signals that he is a lesser man; a beta man.

Beta male characteristics includes but is not limited to fidgeting, slouching, putting hands in pockets, crossing arms, wringing the hands, talking with a hand hiding the mouth, and touching or scratching the face or neck without purpose. Men who exhibit these gestures might signal nonverbally their attraction to a woman, but the signals won’t be found to be a turn-on to women. In other words, men should drop this cue altogether because it doesn’t help their cause. Rather, they should use the dominant body language listed below to create arousal in women and thereby elicit sexual body language from them. Beta men by definition are those that come second to dominant or alpha men, both in daily life and in dating.

In the dating world, because beta men come second to alpha men are left choosing what alpha men deem less valuable. In other words, beta males get second pick (or are chosen by women second, however you want to look at things) and also miss out on dates more often than alpha males. Being beta in life, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, most people are second in lead, or worse, to someone at any one time or another throughout the day. However, in dating, it is important to be alpha to at least one woman in life! We can also add that not every woman is alpha worthy either, and this is part of the natural order or hierarchy of things. Everything balances out in the end, even if we just act out our normal selves, as there are more than enough variations of people to pair up with. The issue stems from trying to reach higher into the hierarchy and this requires behavioural modifications and work. Chances are good though, that if you are reading this book, you have a desire to improve your success in life which is why we move forward.

In closing this point, what is important in terms of beta male body language, is to refrain from showing that the weight of the world is upon us forcing our shoulders to slouch, or that life has run amuck with our self esteem, by carrying awkward postures. Having our shoulders up and back shows that we can effectively carry the weight of our predicaments, no matter what that is.

Some beta male postures:

Touching the face indicates insecurity.

Touching the face indicates insecurity.

Hand to mouth gestures should be avoided as it is a sign of low confidence and sometimes lying.

Hand to mouth gestures should be avoided as it is a sign of low confidence and sometimes lying.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to 'cutting' also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Neck And Nose Body Language

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Covering the suprasternal notch is one of the nonverbal signals that is unmistakable and also reliable in predicting emotional distress, one that shouldn’t be ignored.

Covering the suprasternal notch is one of the nonverbal signals that is unmistakable and also reliable in predicting emotional distress, one that shouldn’t be ignored.

The neck is an area that becomes particularly sensitive under pressure and like the cheeks, it becomes red and engorged with blood when we become nervous. Women are particularly prone to bringing their hand up to the “suprasternal notch” which is the dimple just below the neck between the Adam’s apple and the breast bone when nervous, distressed, threatened, insecure, fearful or uncomfortable. Covering the suprasternal notch is one of the nonverbal signals that is unmistakable and also reliable in predicting emotional distress, one that shouldn’t be ignored.

While touching the neck and nose can be the result of fear or nervousness they can also be meant as pacifying behaviours. Pacifying behaviours happen automatically, our brains send a message to our bodies that we need to be pacified and out go our hands to serve the purpose. As always, it is important to decide what kind of emotion has demanded the body language, be it nervousness as a result of sweating (discussed below), or because there is an underlying threat causing fear that requires soothing.

Stress causes an increase in temperature which we try to relieve by "venting."

Stress causes an increase in temperature which we try to relieve by “venting.”

Motioning toward our neck, scratching it, or pulling at a collar indicates we are “getting hot under the collar.” Humans sweat in response to external temperature increases but also due to emotional stress. In the case of emotional sweating, it is mostly restricted to the palms, soles of the feet and forehead. However, when we become emotionally aroused our metabolic rate revs-up and we burn more calories. This creates not just local sweating, but sweating throughout the body. Those under pressure can be seen sweating voraciously under the armpits and down their backs even leaving visible stains. Scratching the palms, in particular, has been shows to be a reliable indicator of stress but so too is scratching the neck. Scratching is in response to the tingling sensation we feel on our necks as the sweat increases and uncomfortable chaffing begins between tight collars and the skin. While some experts purport that sweating can indicate lying, it’s actually a signal of frustration and heightened emotion in response to pressure, and that this pressure can stem from anything, including simply being “put on the spot.”

Itchy nose or does this mean something else?

Itchy nose or does this mean something else?

Our noses can also signal stress, but more often signal disgust. The nose is full of blood vessels so when we are stressed they fill up with blood just like the ears and neck. A person under stress will frequently go to their nose and touch it, scratch it or rub it. Touching the nose has been linked to lying, but like most lie detection cues, they aren’t absolute or reliable. We can tell when something is out of the ordinary when someone touches their nose for no reason. They might wipe it with the back of their hand or come up and touch it lightly with their index finger. The astute will find it obvious when someone is touching their nose for the purpose of alleviating an itch instead of alleviating a lie (or negative thought). Scratching is directed, specific, deep and vigorous, showing that some amount of waiting was done before the gesture was performed. Thus more relief is present when the itch is real. Itching due to negative emotions is general, shallow or glancing. This type of itch is done by bringing the index finger up, by example and lightly touching the side of the nose where the nail is not used at all. That is no real scratching is taking place.

An anti-politician gesture - you'd never see this type of uncertainty in any contender.

An anti-politician gesture – you’d never see this type of uncertainty in any contender.

When we touch our face, we indicate indecision and insecurity.

When we touch our face, we indicate indecision and insecurity.

Have you ever noticed how infrequently politicians touch their faces while in public and when they absolutely have to, they make it look deliberate and minimal? They raise just one finger and scratch a specific area, than they bring their hand back to their sides or use their hands to liven their speech. When trying to appear honest, we should follow their example. Keep face touching to a minimum, use it specifically, use the nail of the finger to show purposeful itching, and when finished resume normal open and honest gesturing.

When ready people for honesty, be careful not only to watch for cues, but also be watchful of cues that should be present, but aren’t. For example, if someone is describing emotional stress, they should exhibit classic nonverbal behaviours. A woman claiming to have swerved to miss an animal sending her automobile into the ditch should be agitate and on edge, perhaps covering her suprasternal notch as she recounts the details. Failing to exhibit the appropriate cues tells us that she might be trying to pull a fast one on us, perhaps trying to claim insurance so as to benefit from a payout. Looking for cues that should be there, but aren’t, are sometimes cues in and of themselves.

The Ear Grabber

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When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

The ear grab refers to a subconscious desire to “hear no evil” and is done by reaching up and pulling the ear in response to, either hearing something disagreeable, or saying something disagreeable. Children make no bones about blocking their ears when being teased or scolded by parents, but as we grow older, we drop the cue short because it is seen as juvenile, so instead we pull our ear, or earlobe. The gesture is an attempt at preventing the sounds from reaching a deeper part of the brain. It also sometimes represents anxiety and nervousness, and is classified as a defensive posture. We may see this gesture arise just as a performer is about to take the stage in front of thousands of people.

The ear grab can be use not only at the conclusion of the lies of others, but also at the conclusion of our own lies as well, and this is why it is referred to as a gesture that shows a desire to “hear no evil.” The gesture used at the conclusion of our own lies serves to reduce what is called “cognitive dissonance” which is the uncomfortable feeling that comes from holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. For example, a used car salesman might talk about the quality of a certain car, than pull on his ear lobe, or more subtly, he might be found rubbing the edge of the ear, indicating that what he has just said is untrue. In this case, cognitive dissonance stems from the telling of a lie which is inherently bad, while a person feels that they are inherently good (it might seem odd, but everyone feels they are inherently good, even murders justify their actions). So lie tellers bridge their bad thoughts due to cognitive dissonance with the ear grab, until they have time to justify the lie to themselves. Therefore, it is the pain of the dissonance that causes the ear grab in liars.

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing” and the same “hearing no evil” is at play. In this case though, it is the receiver, not the sender, who wishes not to hear the lie. By touching or scratching the ears we hope that we can satisfy the nerve endings and end the discomfort. In other words, when we hear bad things, we go to our ears to try to turn the volume down. Other times, touching the ear means nothing at all and is simply the result of nervousness or boredom.

Ears flush as a sign of stress - indicated by a tug on the lobe.

Ears flush as a sign of stress – indicated by a tug on the lobe.

The ears often flush red when people are nervous which can be the case when they are worried about getting caught in a lie. This is why the ear grab and flushing, can be great poker tells when people are stressed about bluffing. The ear grab is a way that our bodies respond to the extra stimulation they get when agitated and we go to them to scratch or pull on them as stress relievers. Think of the ear grab like rubbing sore muscles or massaging a stiff back, except in this case the damage done is internal and it’s due to something that has been heard, which “hurts” the ears. Anytime someone shows the desire to touch their ear means that they are thinking about hearing, and it will be up to you to tie them to context and decide what it is they are really saying.