Tag Archive for Negotiation

Introduction – Chapter 14

We don’t all work in office situations, but it won’t make this chapter any less valuable to those who don’t. Throughout life we all find ourselves in business situations even if they don’t appear to be so because money or capital is such a pervasive component of our global marketplace. This chapter is all about setting up and also reading the nonverbal language of business, from selling, to buying and what’s sandwiched in the middle, negotiation! We will look at how to sell to different people without becoming their friends as well as the level of service they would prefer, how best to interact with people when standing, and through my handshake experiment we shall see the types of bad handshakes you will, or have already experienced, and as well as how to gain the upper hand. Specific handshake advice is provided to women and those with small hands so their hands aren’t totally engulfed!

There are also office tips specifically directed toward women such as why women would be better served if they played down their sexiness but still showed curves, how they can use their heels to apply “pressure” to their colleagues, and how they can “power sit” for best results. We will also find out how people that are prepared for action appear like sprinters in the starting blocks, how the “top dogs” or natural leaders actually start off that way since they already have dominant body language patterns and receive promotions for these characteristics rather than something more deserved like actual talent. We then cover how to please your boss despite his disposition before delving into interview body language and outline what homework needs to be done before arriving, how to enter the interview area, what gestures are appropriate, as well as which clothing should be removed before the interview to show belonging. We conclude our chapter on office body language with a summary of buying indicators.

How Men Can Use Negative Body Language

"Pecking forward" is a negative body posture for men in courtship because it makes him seem needy and low value.

“Pecking forward” is a negative body posture for men in courtship because it makes him seem needy and low value.

Men should make all their movements more planned, deliberate, and purposeful. Leaning in too much, also referred to as “pecking” forward, is a big fault most men make. Leaning back will force others to engage you, instead of the other way around. Talking quietly also has the affect of forcing people to move closer to you, thereby increasing your status but if done too frequently appears submissive and unconfident.

Don’t be afraid to use negative body language when people do things you don’t like. If they “start on you”, don’t be afraid to turn your back or cross your arms. At the same time, men should display honest and genuine interest and try to build others around them up, but at the same time force them to work for their approval. Most everyone has a sore spot for validation and if you can become a root to their confidence, then they will seek you for approval which gives you the power. However, men shouldn’t be afraid to show interest either. Body language like verbal language is a negotiation.

Does he really want to leave?  In most cases, negative body language is truthful, but he's playing a game - hard-to-get!

Does he really want to leave? In most cases, negative body language is truthful, but he’s playing a game – hard-to-get!

One negative body language technique involves talking over a shoulder so as to show some but not total interest in someone. If done correctly it, the body language teases woman and forces them to display stronger signals of interest to keep the man’s attention. That is if she’s been given enough cues to feel compelled to compete for your attention. Using negative body language in this way is especially attractive to women who habitually have men fawning all over them. Far too often men use body language that is open an accepting in all cases and situations even though women don’t fully and sometimes not even partially deserve it. Negative body language shows rejection, which a lot of women are not accustomed to so it brings out their competitive spirit.

Above: Playing hard to get can sometimes put you back in the driver’s seat with women. For example, you could display a carefree attitude by slouching lower in a seat, opening up your posture, and taking up more space than necessary to demonstrate dominance. This may excite certain women since you are displaying as a typical alpha male, but if you go overboard, it will turn women off.

Using Mirroring In Negotiations

Negotiation finds itself in all walks of life. Even small children know that negotiation is important as they work to secure toys and privileges from parents and other children, although sometimes they revert to brute force and temper tantrums! Adults focus on bigger ideas, and negotiate for jobs, salaries and sales. Part of your occupation likely involves some form of negotiation on a daily basis but even if it doesn’t, most people find that negotiation finds itself in their personal lives as well, if not just to secure a better deal on a mattress or a watch at the hockshop.

We soon learn that our ability to influence, persuade, and interact with others play a large role in the final outcome and within this social game are liking, trust and therefore rapport. He who can control these factors best, will secure the large piece of the pie! Negotiations can be stressful affairs because we are almost dealing with a limited resource in some respect or another and this increasing the propensity for competition. It is the element of competition that further breeds distrust and conflict. Having methods to dilute these negative elements are of vital importance.

One of the key factors in negotiations is the desire to withhold information especially as it applies to more novice deal makers. We naturally expect deception and competition in deal making and so we prepare for the worst, but in actual fact, this preconception leads us to destroy the odds of coming out of the affair on the upside. Rather, research shows that it is the sharing of information that creates cooperation, builds trust, and influence others such that they see your side and empathize with you. Ultimately this empathy is what leads to positive outcomes for both parties, within the limits of constructive possibilities for both parties, of course. When negotiating, we must still balance cooperation and information sharing within the realms of the game such that we don’t give up too much information or reveal the outer limits that we are prepared to submit as loses to our negotiating partner. But this does not mean we shouldn’t be upfront about our net positions, as there is always a possibility that both parties can find mutual benefit, but if neither party shares information, how would anyone know what is at stake?

This brings us to mirroring as an effective tool to bring negotiators quickly onto the same page without using risky or damaging dialogue. In a 2008 study by Maddux and colleagues individual negotiators in an imagined negotiation scenario where instructed to subtly mirror the actions of the other. It was found that mirroring helped them secure a better outcome and allowed them to perform better as a whole than negotiators who were instructed to focus more on their own strategy and where no mention of mirroring was given. The subjects that mirrored in this experiment created more value for themselves under the parameter of the study and that benefit did not come at the expense of their opponents. The study suggests that mirroring creates more information sharing which lead to a greater ability to bend on concessions and hence formulate more positive outcomes for each party.

In their second study, they used two groups once again. One was instructed to mirror and the other was instructed to use their own strategy. In this case however, the subjects either acted as a buyer or seller and they were negotiating the purchase of a gas station. In the scenario, which was cleverly devised, there was no overlap in the price with which the seller was willing to accept and of which the buyer was willing to pay, making the negotiation more than about price alone. Some key outside factors that played into the negotiation was that the seller was keen to leave quickly to travel caused by burnout from running the gas station, but that upon his return he would require employment from the purchaser to recover some of his expenses. This was compatible with the interests of the buyer who wanted to hire managers to run the station in the future. The deal hinged upon the desire of the seller to divulge this information and to what degree, if any, either party would drop or raise their closing price. Not surprisingly, ten of fifteen groups where buyers were instructed to mirror led to an acceptable deal, whereas only two of sixteen reached a deal where the buyer did not. They also cross referenced the level of mirroring with deal success and found that as mirroring increased, so too did deal making. As a positive side effect, trust also increased with mirroring.

It’s obvious from these studies that mirroring can have a profound positive effect on negotiations. They can open the channels of communication and release valuable information between parties resulting in creation of value, deal making and trust. When no mirroring happens, deal making suffers, but when mirroring happens both parties stand to benefit.

Eyebrow Lowering

Eyebrows lowered is a sign of pain - here we see grief.

Eyebrows lowered is a sign of pain – here we see grief.

Eyebrows can squint just like eyes can and have many different meanings. Eyebrows can be lowered to indicate confrontation due to anger or aggression, fear from threats, when we feel displeasure or are annoyed. If eyebrows are dropped low enough and kept there it indicates weakness and insecurity. This is true universally and so can even appear in children especially those who are abused. Lowered eyebrows is submissive, cowering, facial expression.

Inmate report seeking the gesture when new prisoners arrive as clues to which will make easy targets. Lowered eyebrows is a sign of being defeated and weak and shows that one is unlikely to put up a fight. Bullies at school will also look for the expression to single out children as prey and so will social predators and psychopaths. Victims are rarely chosen at random and I’ve witnessed the body language myself from a woman who reported suffering abuse as a child and several times as an adult. She carried herself in vulnerable ways and stood out for this reason so she likely attracted attention as an easy target. In business, eyebrow lowering can indicate the relative strength of a position and in negotiation show that someone is willing to surrender with little fight.