Tag Archive for Motivation

How We Really Detect Lies

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

It is traditionally assumed that deception detection occurs simultaneously to the telling of a lie. Meaning, as people speak, lie detectors were able to pick up on nonverbal and verbal cues to ‘read’ people. Most of the research to date suggests that we can’t use any body language cue, or collection of cues in a comprehensive manner to read liars, but this might just be a limitation or flaw in the design of the studies. In 2002 research by Hee Sun Park working out of the University of California in Santa Barbara it was found that success in real-world lie detection happens gradually, over time and not on one chance encounter. Her research found that the most often reported method of disseminating lies included third party information, confessions and physical evidence, none of which the studies thus far have provided. Therefore, with respect to how people really read lies, the scientific investigations to date, haven’t provided people with information necessary to accurately detect lies.

Reading lies in real life is an active comparison from information we know for certain, and information told to us. No doubt, nonverbal language can provide clues to us as a full package, but it doesn’t permit us to ascertain conclusive evidence. We should therefore use untrustworthy or nervous body language as motivation to spark further investigation.

How To Signal I’m Here To Help But Not Be Your Friend – Some Tips For Salespeople

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

There will be times when we’ll need to tell people that we are there for them, but at the same time, not overstep their boundaries. One of those times is when we act as salespeople where we want to appear helpful but not overly friendly. When dealing with the public especially in retail, we need to adopt a different style of body language than we would with close friends.

When we sell, we need to convey “I’m here to help” so we should convey alertness and motivation, but the message isn’t “I’m your friend” and we should maybe go for a drink sometime to catch up. We’ve all seen good sales people who meet you with a smile, but what is an effective smile in a retail scenario? If we smile too big, we come across as too friendly which can turn some people off. Instead we should perform a slight smile with brief eye contact. This shows them that we’ve noticed them, and are willing and able to engage any questions or need for assistance they might have. Eye contact should be non-threatening and non-challenging. Eye contact combined with our anchoring smile tells the consumer that we are employees, and that we are there to serve them. Your body should show that you are confident and assertive primarily to serve the company you work for, as you have agreed to a certain level of responsibility.

The next step is to identify the type of client you are working for. Some clients prefer to look around on their own and not be bothered and others want and even need to be directed. Others yet, will prefer a mixture of the two, especially after they have identified a product of interest. We know someone is comfortable shopping by themselves because they use sentences such as “Just browsing” or “Having a look around”. Someone that wants more direct help will immediately find a clerk and ask lots of questions and express their needs and general interests. If they don’t find what they want immediately, they will hang around a clerk, or leave altogether if they don’t get the service they require.

Clients that are short and hurried with their verbal language, who make very little or no small talk and speak only of the products of interest, only want to get their items and leave. They won’t want to interact on a personal level or chat about the weather or other such affairs. This is a fine stance in a customer and should be respected. These types of people won’t even see you as a being human, rather, they will see you as a means to their end. We identify these people because they seem to look ‘through’ or over you and seem extremely focused on the product. They will give no rapport signals and very little facial expressions. As a salesperson you should hold a neutral body position and stay relatively expressions and avoid trying to engage them on other levels besides that which directly involves the sale. In other words, sell the product and it’s features rather than yourself. Push them through the product selection quickly, talk about their pro’s and con’s and check them out as efficiently as possible, and you will make them happy.

“Friendly” clients will want something wholly different. They will begin to chat with you, express eye contact and might even touch to establish more rapport. Often the conversation will start off on an item then move onto something much less centered, it could evolve into family, sports or events. For these clients, the relationship is very important so with these types of client mirror their body language and use plenty of eye contact in effort to make them feel comfortable and as if they are speaking to a friend. This type of client is seeking to buy the entire experience including the salesperson and will often buy just because they liked the salesperson. This client requires the salesperson to sell “themselves” as part of the package.

A third type of client is the “follower.” He or she will want the salesperson to take charge. This client is usually unfamiliar with the buying process, or they are unsure of what they are looking for. These types of people stand out to us especially in situations like airports because it is such a confusing affair. They will ask specific questions but these questions might be inappropriate because he or she is not totally familiar with the subject matter. This client will show submissive body language as they try to protect themselves from embarrassment and show willingness to follow someone in charge. Followers will show timidity and nervousness at times, and take up less space than normal. Sometimes confident clients appear to be followers, but they only appear so because they are in a novel environment, or are beginning to shop for an item they don’t have much knowledgeable about. Confident people won’t show such submissive gesture at all, but will otherwise show a desire to follow the salesperson by their verbal language. Confident, ill-informed buyers will still tend to closely hang onto the salesperson like a “follower”, not because they require hand-holding, but rather because they wish to be sold directly and will purchase if enough information is provided.

The final type of client is the “dominator.” They will immediately stare you down and make strong eye contact. They will be suspicious of the salespersons motives and want to maintain control because they fear being taken advantage of. The dominator’s voice will be firm with neutral or negative facial expressions. This client might move into the salespersons personal space and try to intimidate them or they may intrude over a counter or place a bag or coat on it. They may be grabby and use touch to influence the salesperson. In this situation, the salesperson should remain neutral or positive and not mirror the client’s body language or conflict may escalate. Negative body language such as this is usual for someone with a specific complaint. Instead of fighting their language stay pleasant and hear them out trying to show empathy for their situation even if you aren’t actually able to do anything about it. At times, dropping dominant signals can help, slumping the head and shoulders shows that we are willing to submit to them. Sometimes winning the battle includes feigning loss and conceding to their demands.

Reducing Body Size And Avoiding Conflict

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Reduction in body size can include anything from curling into a ball to pulling the arms in slightly to avoid detection. When we submit we show that we aren't a threat.

Reduction in body size can include anything from curling into a ball to pulling the arms in slightly to avoid detection. When we submit we show that we aren’t a threat.

There are cues that can eliminate, or significantly reduce the possibility of confrontation. These “readiness to submit” postures, are found in all animals where fighting could lead to injury or terminal harm. Unlike humans, animals in the natural world lack hospitals, doctors and medicine so conflict is risky, not to mention there might be very little upside to engaging in physical violence. Humans, while we can usually recover from some of the most violent physical altercations, still possess the same evolutionary hardwiring to avoid conflict when possible. Sometimes though, aggressive postures and hence posturing can be beneficial to thwart an attack as the opponent decides whether or not physical or verbal attack will bring them closer to their goals, or whether or not they target will make for an easy prey. Avoiding conflict can be done using submissive postures too, and an intelligent person will see that his pride will still remain intact. Submitting to others requires that a person realize that their interests are better served by achieving their goals, in this case staying injury free, rather than maintaining status.
To an instigator, the exact opposite goal is their motivation. They wish to torment and bully their way into positions of authority usually for the exact reason that they have no other skills at their disposal. The intelligent will use more sophisticated methods to win the arms race instead of physical violence.

Reduction in body size is a sure way to remain anonymous and melt into the background. Submission in this way includes; “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward, pulling the shoulders down and rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or knees closer together. These positions would be classified as closed body postures, as are most submissive postures. Reducing body size is the exact opposite from what one would do to indicate dominance. Dominance is displayed by taking up more space, being loose and free flowing, pushing the chin out, broadening our shoulders and so forth. Remaining motionless and avoiding eye contact are other key features of a submissive posture. What all these cues have in common is that they give us a better chance of being overlooked as a threat, and help to repels attention from us.

Making the body small limits the potential of being hit and covers up vital areas of the body. In today’s age, it is uncommon to be physically attacked, but the mechanism by which we display can have a big impact on how people react physiologically to us. In other words, body language plays a big part in how other’s perceive us even if we don’t know them, and so we can influence them to our advantage even before a word is spoken. To avoid a speeding ticket, it has been shown that it is important to immediately admit to being at fault and to do so emphatically. This might be counterintuitive as most people think that admitting guilt is a sure way to get punished. However, denying culpability only serves to instigate the officer forcing him to stand his ground even further. The best stance to avoid a ticket, as we covered earlier, is to apologize, admit doing wrong, and incorporate submissive language such as head down and palms up. If you still receive a ticket, it will be much less severe.

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature - it evokes a protective response in men.

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature – it evokes a protective response in men.

The extremity of submissive language is being curled up in the fetal position, however as we get older, we find that these gestures are not acceptable so we abbreviate them. We might therefore take on a crouched position, bend our knees slightly to appear smaller, or pull a leg in and sit on it. Women can be seen hugging their knees by pulling them in. We can also take on “baby eyes” by widening the eyes and appearing more vulnerable. Women and young girls are particularly talented at this posture as anyone with daughters will no doubt admit. The vast majority of women’s sexual body language includes submissive gestures so some of them might appear during general submission. Woman might look up and lick their lips and keep them parted. Emotional tension created by submission can occur in either sex, such as a pale face, fidgeting, jerky movements, sweating, or displacement behaviours such as playing with the hair or rubbing the palms.

The Legs and Feet Tell About Where The Mind Thinks

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Or toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we're thinking that way.

Our toes point to where our mind thinks. Extending our foot in the direction of another person shows we’re thinking that way.

The legs and feet are excellent predictors about what our minds and bodies wish to do, but haven’t yet had the motivation to implement. Just like fingers can and do point when directing the attention of others, so too, can the feet. As it applies to the feet, however, the signal is leaked by accident, rather than on purpose. Our feet lead us everywhere we go, but even while seated they tell others the direction we plan to head once the right circumstances or opportunity presents itself. If you want to know if someone really likes you and is interested in fully inviting you in for discussion, just watch their feet. While seated, if they just swivel their hips in your direction, but keep their feet planted facing away from you, then you know that they aren’t totally immersed. This is likely so because we’ve been programmed by our culture to be polite, so we do our best to engage other people, even if we do it in jest. How rude would it be to point our bodies away from someone who wishes to speak with us? No doubt, this too happens, but is much more obvious and so requires less skill in reading.

This sort of orientation is universal across interactions, the hips up will orient to face whoever is speaking with us, but what happens below, is subject of true interest. Studies covering courtroom behaviour has shown that when juries don’t like a particular witness they will orient their feet toward the door or nearest exit, while the rest of their bodies politely face the witness. As the strength of conversations wax and wane, feet will engage and disengage. This is why we say that interested people put their “whole body into the conversation.” If you can engage them in interesting dialogue then you’ll be able to have them reorient their feet toward you and perhaps even extend a foot in your direction. If you notice feet being moved toward an exit or away from you, try to decipher the cause, as this will tell you why they’ve become disinterested. Disinterest can be for any number of factors, including hearing something offensive, disinterest in the topic or conversation as a whole, or even being late for an engagement. The feet won’t tell you why someone is disinterested, only that someone is disinterested.

His ventral display says that he's ready to leave.

His ventral display says that he’s ready to leave.

As we saw in the previous section, leg crossing predicts relationships since we tend to cross towards our spouses, and our dates, but legs and feet can also cross toward someone we feel is attractive. While we might not physically take steps in the direction of our interest due to shyness, or perhaps because we are already committed, our feet are permitted to do so because it is less obvious to others. Besides, feet pointing does not always guarantee that anything proactive will ever take place. In other words, the feet just point to where we wish to be, but won’t necessarily ever get to.

Feet are honest - these feet want to take action.

Feet are honest – these feet want to take action.

In stressful situations that people wish to avoid like waiting to see the dentist or doctor, we’ll see toes pointing to the exit. Other times we see prominent toe pointing is when someone wants to end a conversation. It can be annoying to have to do multiple good-bye sequences with someone who seems to have nothing better to do than to ramble on. So instead of reorienting your body toward them, instead aim your feet and shoulders toward the exit. If that doesn’t speed things up or send a clear message, make it more obvious by widening the gap by stepping away.

Legs and feet can also become jittery and fidget when a person is bored and wants to leave. Jittery though can also be due to nervous energy or even the result of happiness such as “happy feet.” It is the context that will help decide what feet and legs are telling in this type of body language.

Being Opened And Closed Through The Legs And Arms

by  • March 5, 2013 • 3 Comments

Any time a part of the body crosses over the midpoint, we consider this a closed body position.

Any time a part of the body crosses over the midpoint, we consider this a closed body position.

Throughout this chapter being “open”, refers to a frame of mind that is willing to accept information, to hear others out and to consider taking action whereas a closed mind, or being closed indicates the opposite. As mentioned previously, having an open and receptive mind is indicated in body language through the absence of closed postures.

It has been shown that frowning requires more muscles and effort than does smiling and so naturally our default facial expression is the smile. Similarly, openness as it relates to body language is the default mode because a relaxed body requires less effort than one that is tensed or closed. To take a negative posture, we must actively close our bodies off requiring effort and to exercise effort we need motivation. In this case, motivation can come from any fearful or unwanted stimulus that precedes a fight or flight response. That is to say that, closed body language are the postures we while see as a negative decision is being analyzed and so is a predictor of a bad outcome.

Taking up space is a confidence indicator and shows that we are honest and open.

Taking up space is a confidence indicator and shows that we are honest and open.

Being completely open allows us take our most comfortable position, such as what we might do on a couch or in bed in our own house. We might lay our arms out and take up space, put our hands above our heads, spread our legs open or even lay down completely. Having open body postures is akin to being totally exposed to the word and all the harmful things in it, but possessing no fear of harm. Of course, we permit ourselves to hold open postures precisely because we expect nothing harmful to happen. In other words, our bodies are permitted to relax when we are open and contract and tighten when we are closed.

Thus, it takes muscular effort to close the body off whereas open postures occur without action at all. When viewing open body language imagine the extremity of the postures, which as mentioned, can be likened to being on a couch at home. An even more dramatic example is to view open body language as that language exhibited by someone who is intoxicated. Their language is loose, their arms sway freely, they stagger, they have no worries about being ridiculed or attacked and they don’t cross their arms or legs. The cerebral cortex of the drunk, the part of the brain that helps in judgment, amongst other brain centers, is disrupted producing depressed inhibition, increases talkativeness and makes people feel more confident. Alcohol also increases pain thresholds, numbs pain, and makes people feel sluggish because it suppresses the brains ability to function. So for our purpose, the drunk makes a nice example of open body language since he lacks fear, but even if he did, he’d still lack the coordination and strength to carry out a defensive posture.

As a rule of thumb, closed body language happens whenever one of our limbs crosses the mid-point of our bodies. Such is the case during leg and arm crossing. Open postures, on the other hand, happen when the legs and arms remain un-crossed leaving the torso and groin exposed. Of course there are various ways in which the legs and arms can be crossed and these all mean different things which we cover next.

How To Avoid An Attack Or Speeding Ticket

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

A backward facing cap with open body language means ticket all day long.

A backward facing cap with open body language means ticket all day long.

If you wish to avoid an attack, quickly avert your eyes, pull your head and chin down and draw your shoulders and body inward to make it appear smaller. Submissive postures, like this one, switches off the aggressive attack response in other people. A large part of what provides motivation for those in power, is the power itself and it has been said that those in positions of power want nothing else but more power. So to avoid an attack all we need to do is give them that power, ideally it is in the form of less physical methods. Taking up a submissive posture and admitting guilt is usually enough of a payoff to avoid a speeding ticket at best, or at worst, lessening the amount of punishment that will be received. If asked to step out of the vehicle, keep slouched so as to never reach your full height and don’t completely avoid eye contact, but don’t stare either. Keep reserved, hold your arms and hands across your mid section or in your pockets, but never cross your arms in effort to confront.

A submissive child-like posture leads to protective feelings in others.

A submissive child-like posture leads to protective feelings in others.

Only rarely does a direct confrontation between subordinate and superior individuals lead to a positive outcome for the subordinate since the aim of each must align and only rarely does this happen. Your goal is therefore to produce a situation where the dominant person receives an equal or better outcome, or a weak payout (such as making them feel guilty for giving a nice person a ticket). Affirming ones position against another only leads them to affirm their position further. This completes a never ending cycle that can escalate in short order. By admitting that you are wrong it forces people to mirror this stance causing them to drop their aggression.

If you don’t plan on fighting the ticket in court your best course of action is to vehemently admit your mistakes, and do it repeatedly for effect. The side of the road is not the place to start an argument, that’s what the courts are for, so save it for then. Right now your job is to make the officer feel bad for giving a nice person a ticket so what you want to do is act as if you are an honest, well respected member of the community. Even if you do plan to fight it, you still want to be forgotten so the officer doesn’t go back to his cruiser to jot down notes and begin to mount his court case. If he can’t remember you in court he won’t be able to defend his ticket.

When asked for information, provide it quickly and without hesitation. Avoid “humming” and “haaing” and be as helpful and short as possible, he’s heard all the excuses already so don’t bother getting emotional. The worst you can do is to appear as a threat to his safety by being shifty and moving erratically. When asked for your driver’s license and registration be sure to tell him where they are located and in what order you will give them to him. When reaching in an enclosed compartment like the glove box be sure not to hold eye contact since most attackers look directly into their victims eyes before they assault them. Statistics say that officers are very likely to be assaulted or even killed while on routine traffic stops.

Once you’ve given all the correct body language signals watch for the moment where the officer finally judges that you aren’t a threat. The officer’s body language will become more relaxed and loose and you can begin to address them in a less rigid and formal manner. Cracking jokes is risky, at this point though, since you may put them back into an authoritative position by appearing to belittling the situation. If they seem bent on issuing a ticket though, you may have nothing to lose and easing up might have them lower the fine even at the last moment. If you are persuasive enough and can efficiently built rapport, you may be able to walk the thin line between presenting your case which can be taken as an insult and setting off his dominance triggers.

You wouldn't mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

There are other times altogether when showing submission just won’t work to avoid attack. Walking in the city at night is one of them especially for women. Postures such as slumped shoulders, drooping head and a worried face are the postures attackers use to identify easy victims. While placating some attackers might sometimes be appropriate, it won’t work in every situation since every attacker has different motives and while submission postures will help reduce punishment from someone with morals and ethics, it will do nothing to reduce an attack from a criminal who is interested in your pocket money, looking for someone to abduct, or worse. The same has been said for bear attacks. It just so happens that bears, just like people, have different motives depending on their disposition, mood, hunger, sex. Female bears are particularly aggressive when their cubs are present. Therefore, your natural inclination should always be to hold dominant postures first, to fight and run if possible, and only show submission to people whose punishment you are willing to accept. The last thing you want to do is appear as though you’d be easily taken advantage of especially when faced by a stranger. So the default street posture is to keep your head up, shoulders back and a loose body. If someone is going to attack a confident looking person, they’d most likely attack you regardless of your posture, so taking on a confident posture is always the most appropriate in questionable circumstances.