Tag Archive for Holding Hands

Kiss Test And Stages In Intimacy

Puckered lips means a woman is thinking about her lips - this might mean that she's interested in a kiss.

Puckered lips means a woman is thinking about her lips – this might mean that she’s interested in a kiss.

All nonverbal signals begin from the same origin; thoughts. The kiss is no different since it begins with a desire to take a very intimate and important step in a relationship. As arousal occurs, women will begin to draw attention to their mouths, but not just to deliver a message, it is to alleviate tension that is building. Women interested in kissing will release this energy by touching their mouth more frequently, say with a finger or by mouthing an object. They might pout by compressing their lips or they will apply lip gloss or lip stick. Escalation of these signals includes direct eye contact or glances toward the man’s mouth. Remember that looking in the direction of interest is difficult to resist and when a kiss is envisioned, it is the mouth that gets the looks. While holding hands, a quick kiss-test happens by measured response of a hand-squeeze; if he squeezes and she squeezes back, there is a good chance a kiss would be well received.

Touching Heals Us Both

A warm embrace makes our body release positive hormones.

A warm embrace makes our body release positive hormones.

According to the research, healing happens just by holding hands and hugging. Men and women can both be made more healthy just by sharing touch. In a study by Dr. James Coan, a researcher from the University of Virginia who measured the response of men warned of an electric shock as they were placed in a MRI machine showed that holding the hand of a spouse actually helped them turn off part of the brain so they felt less distress. The handholding reduced agitation in the hypothalamus which is responsible for producing stress hormones. Over time, stress hormones can weaken the immune system and lead to sickness.

For women, a long and affectionate hug from men releases the bonding hormone oxytocin which helps reduce blood pressure and helps the health of the heart. Men, try this for yourself. The next time your wife or girlfriend start into you, give her a long embrace. At first she will squirm and appear to suffer, but after a few seconds she will begin to accept the hug and her brain will release oxytocin. Soon, she will forget her reasons for feeling so upset. It’s a dirty trick, but very effective, and your wife might even thank (me)!

For men however, snuggling is slightly (a lot) less powerful, and where hugs leave off, sex takes over. For men, oxytocin surges up to fives times that of normal immediately before he reaches orgasm. In a study at Queen’s University in Belfast on nearly one thousand middle aged men followed over a decade, it was found that men who had sex at least three times a week had a fifty percent reduction in risk of heart attack or stroke. Those who reported the most frequent orgasms had a death rate of one-and-a-half less then less sexually active men. So for both sexes touch can be very effective for the health, although the currency of touch differs significantly amongst the sexes. Of course, there’s really no reason a good long hug can’t turn into something much more!

Haptics: The Use Of Touch In Communication

Is this touching on purpose or to gain attention?

Is this touching on purpose or to gain attention?

Haptics is the study of touching and how it is used in communication. Handshakes, holding hands, kissing, back slapping, high fives, brushing up against someone or pats all have meaning. Touching is the most developed sense at birth and formulates our initial views of the world. Touching can be used to sooth, for amusement during play, to flirt, to expressing power and maintaining bonds between people such as with baby and mother. Touching can carry distinct emotions and also show the intensity of those emotions. Touch absent of other cues can signal anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude and sympathy depending on the length and type of touching that is performed. Many factors also contribute to the meaning of touching such as the length of the touch and location on the body in which the touching takes place.

In western cultures touching is infrequent which makes it even more significant when it happens. French and Italians for example, tend to touch frequently even continuously while walking, whereas the British prefer not to touch at all. At sporting events and especially in celebration of victory or success, such as scoring a goal or point, touching among male athletes is permitted whereas in the dressing room, a hands-off policy is the norm. Cultures that accept touching more often are India, Turkey, France, Italy, Greece, Spain, the Middle East, Parts of Asia and Russia whereas no touching cultures includes Germany, Japan, England, United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Estonia, Portugal, Northern Europe and Scandinavia.

In the workplace, touching is fairly uncommon. We therefore use the handshake as a universal form of touching to avoid offending others. More intimate forms of touching sometimes occurs such as a friendly pat on the back to display encouragement but generally speaking, touching at work should be kept to a minimum. We cover cultural differences with respect to touching in a dedicated chapter.