Tag Archive for Hierarchy

Leadership Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Holding dominant body language is like a wedge that holds the door open between levels at your work. When new employees arrive in our companies, even if just a junior level employee, everyone instinctively classifies them. They are either leaders or followers from the start, but it’s not just “something” about them, something mystical or intangible, it is plain and simple, it is their body language that tells us their future roles. We know right away if they will fit into the company, be fired, or come out as future “top dogs.” The research shows us that if you don’t hold dominant body language, you’ll never be promoted to leadership roles. Leaders aren’t usually able to talk their way up a hierarchy, although sometimes they do, and it ends up causing remorse and conflict from lower ranking employees because they lack the respect that comes with dominance and leadership seeming to emanate from certain people. So if you want to get higher in your company here are some tips.

First, increase your height through better posture. Hold your head higher and whenever you can exploit high differences, do it. If everyone is sitting, stand, but don’t make everyone feel uncomfortable by towering over them. If you have split levels, stand on the top level and keep everyone else on the lower rug. Find excuses to stand by volunteering to draw out plans on a board when brainstorming. This gives you two advantages, the first of which is the height advantage where you can tower over your follow employees and the second is more strategic. By being the chalkboard secretary, you become the person that everyone defers to for idea acceptance, while having the freedom to add any ideas yourself as desired without needing approval. Second to exploiting height differences, is breadth expansions. Meaning, one should try to appear bigger by taking up more space. Not only should you spread out your legs and arms, but you should also spread out your papers, pens and other artifacts. Taking up space is a way to own more of it, and is a strong signal of dominance.

Your gaze should be serious and direct, with your head held high. Don’t be afraid to use touch, but touch only in safe zones such as the arm between the hand and elbow, the elbow itself and sometimes the shoulders but only with caution. If you can get away with shoulder or back touches, do so, but pay attention to the reaction is creates so as not to insult others. Always try to be the first to speak and be the “go-to-guy” for questions and opinions. It is therefore important to be helpful, task oriented, and sincerely try to do a good job. Avoid smiling too much especially if you are a woman, as this can be taken as submission or placation. A neutral face is more appropriate during high tension situation so fight the urge to smile nervously and only nod in agreement with statements you really agree with. In other words, don’t smile and nod while expressing negative ideas as it only serves to confuse others, and can make people think you are weak and easily manipulated. Keep your body language in tune with your verbal words and don’t be afraid to cast judgments on solutions you feel are inappropriate. Conversely use encouragement when deserved and back it up with genuine body language.

While body language alone won’t guarantee a raise in dominance, it’s a good first step. The next part of the process is an attitude overhaul while remaining consistent. A word of caution is a must. If you are working within an existing environment where your behaviour will be monitored throughout the process rather than entering a novel environment where people have no baseline to compare you to, be prepared for some resistance. Understand that you are sure to cause resentment, which might create a desire to undermine you, but the last thing you need in your quest for a higher rank are lower dissenters so always treat others with the respect they deserve – even if they don’t deserve it! Upward movement while others stagnant, can be perceived as a threat, create animosity, and more than likely bread challenges. Your task to leadership will be to meet these challenges with consistent and unwavering body language.

Eliminating Beta Male Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Pockets are a great place to stash a few hands. Only problem is that it makes us look uncomfortable.

Pockets are a great place to stash a few hands. Only problem is that it makes us look uncomfortable.

While women might become nervous as a signal of a man’s attractiveness in her eye, and use it effectively to attract his attention, she won’t find this signals attractive when done by men. To her, nervousness signals that he is a lesser man; a beta man.

Beta male characteristics includes but is not limited to fidgeting, slouching, putting hands in pockets, crossing arms, wringing the hands, talking with a hand hiding the mouth, and touching or scratching the face or neck without purpose. Men who exhibit these gestures might signal nonverbally their attraction to a woman, but the signals won’t be found to be a turn-on to women. In other words, men should drop this cue altogether because it doesn’t help their cause. Rather, they should use the dominant body language listed below to create arousal in women and thereby elicit sexual body language from them. Beta men by definition are those that come second to dominant or alpha men, both in daily life and in dating.

In the dating world, because beta men come second to alpha men are left choosing what alpha men deem less valuable. In other words, beta males get second pick (or are chosen by women second, however you want to look at things) and also miss out on dates more often than alpha males. Being beta in life, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in fact, most people are second in lead, or worse, to someone at any one time or another throughout the day. However, in dating, it is important to be alpha to at least one woman in life! We can also add that not every woman is alpha worthy either, and this is part of the natural order or hierarchy of things. Everything balances out in the end, even if we just act out our normal selves, as there are more than enough variations of people to pair up with. The issue stems from trying to reach higher into the hierarchy and this requires behavioural modifications and work. Chances are good though, that if you are reading this book, you have a desire to improve your success in life which is why we move forward.

In closing this point, what is important in terms of beta male body language, is to refrain from showing that the weight of the world is upon us forcing our shoulders to slouch, or that life has run amuck with our self esteem, by carrying awkward postures. Having our shoulders up and back shows that we can effectively carry the weight of our predicaments, no matter what that is.

Some beta male postures:

Touching the face indicates insecurity.

Touching the face indicates insecurity.

Hand to mouth gestures should be avoided as it is a sign of low confidence and sometimes lying.

Hand to mouth gestures should be avoided as it is a sign of low confidence and sometimes lying.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to 'cutting' also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Displays Of Ownership And Territory To Indicate Dominance

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

“Fences make great neighbours” seems like a great truism for our day and we see just as many fences going up as we do houses. Humans are very social, but it is also obvious that we are deeply territorial. While in public, a wife might display ownership of her husband by hooking her arm around his, or he might throw an arm around her just the same. We show that an automobile that we are proud of is ours by leaning up against it or placing a foot on its bumper or ownership of a desk by tossing our feet up on top of it. We display ownership of our houses and personal affair by adding personal touches and might even block the entry to our homes by solicitors through clogging the doorway with our bodies.

Territorial lines are drawn everywhere in our lives from the particularities of our offices and automobiles, right down to the rooms in our own homes, and whom has access to them. We even have boundaries around our bodies which we protect rigorously. The more dominant the individual, the more apt they are to have and hold rigid boundaries about their personal space and possessions. For example, walking into your boss’s office and sitting in his chair won’t come with a welcome reception. But amongst friends, this type of chair stealing happens frequently and can even become a game, due largely to the fact that you and your friends are of equal status. It wouldn’t be uncommon for the boss’s children to play this game with their dad, so in some context, stealing territory is perfectly tolerable with all people.

Only sometimes does first come – first serve, apply to territories. Squatter’s rights as it where is also organized by hierarchy. Those with higher rank can often force others to move, even just by their presence. Sitting at the head of a table is fine so long as you are the highest rank to date, but if someone of higher rank appears, it’s customary to relinquish, or at least offer the seat to them. Members of a staff who are close in rank can sometimes power play each other for these seats at the boardroom table in attempt to move up. The body language in these situations can become very potent as the desires of each party becomes more evident. Your office staff knows which seats are most coveted!
Leaders also get permission to move through doorways first and walk in front of groups instead of follow, and it is customary to allow them to do so. The exception, as always, comes when we wish to usurp their position, challenge their authority, or try to build equality where we might trade dominance rights back and forth.

Placing objects such as jackets and brief cases on a seat can hold it and delineate temporary ownership. It is often easier and more polite to force an actual person to move than to move their unattended personal items to usurp their space. Anyone who has spent anytime at a laundry mat knows how piercing the stares and looks can be when you remove clothing from an un-attended dryer. Break-and-enter-victims complain most, not about being robbed of their possessions, but rather about feeling of violation. It is unnerving to have had someone enter their personal space and hence territory without their permission. Territoriality is a big part of the human repertoire. We rarely think about ownership of people, but placing an arm over someone, playfully messing up their hair or guiding them to where we want them to go by placing a hand to their back, as a parent would his child, are just a few ways that we show others that we own and control them.

Bragging is an appropriate word that describes dominant behaviour in the same context with ownership. Dominance is also not the same as confidence. Dominance just means that someone has specific ideas about how they should be treated whereas confidence is a state of mind where a person remains unshaken emotionally despite what happens externally. Therefore, dominant people can still harbour insecurities about themselves which is evident through ownership because they will spend a lot of time talking about, or drawing attention to their stuff. Naturally, this sort of thing happens subconsciously, or even out of habit. Touching or fondling an expensive watch or piece of jewelry, or going out of their way to be seen in an expensive car are just two examples of flaunting. Truly confident people have no need to show-off to others, their achievements are grand enough to speak for themselves and their earned success emanates from them through their nonverbal behaviour. There’s a fine line between being cocky or arrogant and having to flaunt it in a way that others will find offensive, and being confident, which is exuded seemingly naturally of which people find magnetic. Confidence is one of those things that we all know it when we see it. Dominance that is justified by accomplishments is certainly more tolerable, and with the addition of compassion and empathy, can make all the difference in people’s acceptance of other’s dominance and the behaviour that follows.

Dominance is also expressed through claiming stake to valuable items, or the prevention of touching certain things, or even occupying certain space. Preventing others from doing things, even at random is a luxury afforded to, and by, powerful people. Even when seating is unassigned we often see the same people day-after-day sitting in the same seats. This may have to do with maintain peace when it happens on a first come first served basis, but when there is a shortage of quality positions, as there most often is, we expect to see more dominant players jockey for more highly desirable areas. This is exactly what does happen and because we live in a capitalist society, it happens everywhere and often. Those higher in the ranks will have the best parking spots and the biggest offices, with the best view.

Thwarting dominance by ownership is fairly simple but also a possibly caustic affair. It can be done by stealing a seat which will be seen as an invasion of territory, it could include getting into their personal space, leaning on their cars, putting feet on their furniture or desk or being overly-friendly with them. Being intimate with someone they are close to, such as a current or past romantic partner, or as in a father-daughter relationship, his daughter, are all ways to fight dominance head on! Obviously, you must be careful what you choose, as head-to-head dominance struggles are the beginnings of war! When there is an imbalance of power between dominant people, one party will quickly succeed to the other, but when two parties are evenly match, or believe that they are, the struggle can draw out indefinitely producing emotional of even physical injury. So instead of antagonizing your dominant counterparts, instead work on building your own dominance independently of their through confident body language, examples of which are peppered throughout this book!

Raising Status Through Relaxed Body Postures

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Leaning back and taking up space is a way to show that we own the joint.

Leaning back and taking up space is a way to show that we own the joint.

It might seem counter-intuitive, but taking on a relaxed position and postures when around others, such as slumping in your chair can be a way to increase your status. This might be opposite to what you would expect given the rules of height and power but slouching shows to everyone that you are comfortable with yourself and don’t feeling anxious by someone else’s presence. By extension, most people will find it difficult to relax when in the presence of higher ranking people. Therefore it follows that if someone shows relaxed body postures, they must be high ranking! Subconsciously, we do think this, although, when we know definitively that we outrank our slouching counterpart, we find them to be brazen and ignorant which fosters more negative attitudes. This can go both ways, and it will be up to you which route you take. Do you want to fit in, or “rock the boat”, so to speak.

Imagine entering your boss’s office because he wants to speak to you about your performance. You promptly sit down, without permission, and slam your feet on top of his desk taking up an ownership (comfortable) position. Without question, he will take offense. The rare exceptions can happen though. Say you are close personal friends on top of your work relationship, or maybe you are of similar rank in the office, say partners. What would happen if instead of putting your feet up on his desk you instead slouch over the arm rest and open your legs? While this isn’t equally as offensive, it will come across as a challenge to your boss’s dominance and put him on edge. In subordinate/dominant relationship relaxed body language quickly upset whatever hierarchy was thought to have existed setting the tone for future struggles which may or may not be your ultimate goal.

When competing with those of equal status, relaxed and dominant body language can help, rather than hinder, your chances of success because it will set you above your competitors without using risky verbal language.

Let’s take another example where the new boyfriend enters his girlfriend’s house, sits down on the sofa, and makes himself at home totally oblivious to her father. The boyfriend has set a competitive tone and if not challenged by Dad, he will continue to experience the upper hand. His relaxed ownership has said to his girlfriends father that he is willing (but possibly not able – this is yet to play out), to usurp his daughter’s interest and therefore take over his role as her caregiver. If Dad is a pusher-over, the boyfriend wins. Smart Dad’s set the rules early and emphatically by polishing their guns in their rocking chairs on the front porch!

As we see, territoriality means everything to relaxed postures. Where appropriate, such as with close friends of equal rank, relaxed postures are insignificant, but when they happen within someone else’s boundaries, they send a powerful message that are especially salient to the person who has laid claimed to such boundaries. The owner of the property, wherever it might be, would much rather see cautious and reserved body language from those entering their boundaries as a signal of respect. No matter the result of the challenge, relaxed body language can help set the stage to achieve higher status. When the challenge is not met, the user of relaxed body language enjoys his “free lunch”, and with this comes freedom to choose and control future scenarios.

So far we have examined how relaxed body language can set up nonverbal power struggles between those of differing rank, however, they can also maintain power rank when used by higher status individuals in lower ranking person’s territory, or to tip the balance, when use by those in equal rank. To see those of equal rank struggle for power, carefully examine the body language of leaders when they meet. One of the best examples is when presidents and prime ministers, leaders of entire countries, meet and jockey for the upper hand. Which leader appears more at home, relaxed, calm and collected? Which one fidgets, or pulls at a collar, or tries to keep himself in the picture? You can learn a lot by how leaders act when confronted with those of equal status.

I have mentioned a few examples thus far depicting relaxed body postures such as slouching in a chair and tossing the legs up on a desk. They can also include leaning further back far in a chair, sitting deep inside a comfy sofa (versus sitting at the edge in a ready position) dangling an arm over the back of the chair, opening up the legs instead of crossing them, generally taking up more space and more open body positions. A particularly obvious territorial display of confidence, authority and ownership is achieved by spreading the finger tips on a desk carrying part of the body’s weight while standing hunched over it. Onlookers will respect that the desk is in full control of the person carrying this posture. If you want to know exactly how much trouble someone is going to give you, meaning just how authoritative they are, just watch for how wide they spread themselves out across a surface. For example, a store clerk might watch just how far the arms are splayed across the top of the counter. The more spread the arms, the more trouble is coming their way. We see this type of body language most often when there is a customer service issue where a sale failed to please. The gesture will be accompanied by verbal demands and displeasure.

Relaxed body postures are really all about spreading out, taking up more space and looking as if you own your environment so if your goal is to show ownership, picture yourself in your own domain, and transport this frame of mind wherever you happened to be.

Of course with this type of body language there needs to be a disclaimer about intent. Most people, especially high ranking people, are normally protective of their property (whatever this happens to be – their house, office or favourite chair) so usurping their stuff, has the potential to alienate them, which is why you really should consider what type of battle you are orchestrating. By extension, more submissive gestures can serve to help gain someone else’s trust and instill in them a desire to help, which can sometimes be a more effective way to achieve your goals.

Introduction – Chapter 8

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Dominant and submissive gestures are polar opposites, both by definition, and in terms of the body language that is used to indicate it. For example, appearing larger by throwing an arm over the back of the chair and spreading the legs opened is dominant whereas appearing smaller by pulling the limbs inward or hunching the back is submissive. This phenomenon is a good rule of thumb so keep it in mind while reading this chapter and the people around you.

In this chapter we will cover an encyclopedia of signs and signals that display status. By the end you will see how dominance and submissiveness are a common theme in people. So much of what people do is as a direct consequence of an unevenly divided resource base and how we all fit into society’s hierarchy. Dominance and the body language that showcases it, is how we decide who has rights over whom without resorting to physical conflict. Naturally, this chapter also provides methods by which status can be artificially raised simply by employing suitable body language.

In this chapter we will cover, amongst many others, how our environment can be manipulated to gain the advantage such as the status achieved by the judge in his highchair, how relaxed body postures can show dominance, how the head talks even when our mouths are not moving, how the chair straddler is a coward, how women will appear easy if they spread their legs whereas men will appear more masculine, how tilting far back in the chair is dangerous and not just because you might fall, how having the hands on the hips means more than disapproval and how military men leave their bodies exposed to attack on purpose.

How We Sequence The Letting Of Our Guard

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Initially when people meet there is apprehension. In today’s day and age this attitude is vestigial since most people are agreeable and sociable. It wasn’t always like this as our evolutionary past is full of treachery. Two strangers meeting on foreign territory could have meant war, violence or theft. For women, the consequences could have been worse and include rape and kidnapping.

Holding a defensive posture, therefore, is a natural innate disposition and when people meet we should expect them to hold indications of timidity, at least initially. When two low ranking individuals meet they would naturally hold at least one posture that indicates that they are closed or protective. Having their arms or legs crossed at the ankles are two of the more common gestures. Those with higher rank will naturally express fewer closed postures initially when compared to those of lower rank. By the way, while we might feel rank in society is of no consequence, this couldn’t be further from the truth. As we are a capitalist society we are all more than aware of our relative standing in the world so our rank is well known to us.

Even children understand they rank low in the hierarchy of the world. However, in new environments it’s normal for even adult bodies to tense up and show certain levels of awkwardness. When two strangers meet, they will have their arms folded across their chest or perhaps in a pocket and their legs will be crossed at the ankle. This depends entirely on their level of comfort related to the novelty of the environment and their perceived status in relation to the other people present.

As the discussion continues between stranger, the feet are most likely the first to separate and uncross at the ankle, which will then be placed “at attention”, meaning together separated by a few inches and on the same plane. This will occur in unison with common dialogue, if no such rapport is built, the conversation can turn even more awkward and the bodies may tense and seek methods to exit the conversation.

Next, the arms will become more animated and be used to colour their language, essentially losing their rigidity. The palms will be made more visible and be flashed palm-up in conversation showing honesty and openness. Next, the arms will remain uncrossed and become more active in the conversation showing comfort, be placed in pockets showing some residual reservation or be placed on the hips showing dominance if one or the other discovers they have a higher status. Next, and if general agreement is established, one foot might be extended toward the other person rather than an exit.

If one person fails to open up, usually both wont, as mirroring each other is also part of the natural process. In rare occasions, one person will open up, and the other will not, showing one-way agreement or that one person is generally more open minded and easy to please than the and the other. Finally, the distance between the two might be reduced by taking a step forward, or brief touching might take place in safe zones such as the forearm or elbow.