Tag Archive for Gap

Cooperative Side-By-Side Position

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Chairs on the same side of the table is the "cooperative" seating arrangement as no barrier is present between the participants. It is the most open way of interacting.

Chairs on the same side of the table is the “cooperative” seating arrangement as no barrier is present between the participants. It is the most open way of interacting.

The cooperative position contrasts the casual corner position with a side-by-side orientation on the same side of the table rather than kitty-corner or cross-corner. There are two possible arrangements for the side-by-side and the variants determine the level of connectivity and interaction between two people. When the chairs are facing forward, or toward the table, it slightly inhibits eye contact decreasing the level of sharing. This orientation shows that there is some cooperation but that it’s not complete. When chairs are facing forward in this manner, it is usually because it is assumed that people are already a part of your team and the two of you are facing off against another party.

A second orientation happens when collaborating on a project. Here, the chairs will (and should) be turned at forty-five degrees toward each other. This arrangement represents intimacy since there is no barrier to interfere with the sharing of information. Working on a common goal, a project or presentation are a few examples of when it’s best to use this arrangement. Intimate couples will also choose this position at restaurants except where moving the chairs about is not permitted. Other couples fail to see this and instead choose competitive arrangements as if they are on job interviews, or are facing off against each other in twenty questions!

There are times when sitting on the same side of the table can appear too intimate, as if invading someone else’s space. One can begin by taking up positions across the table and then finding an excuse to pass documents across it. After some time, moving to the other side of the table and sitting down to clarify the information provides enough of a reason to bridge the gap between people and being fostering intimacy.

The Leg Over The Chair

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Having one leg over the arm rest of a chair is a full on assault to the rest of his company. I use “his” because men are much more likely to use this posture than women. The posture shows aggression, dominance, ownership and an informal attitude. Ownership here can mean simply of the chair, but in a larger context it also means ownership of the situation as a whole, the ideas in the room, and even the people. The sitting position is so informal that it means that a person holding it, cares not about what anyone else thinks.

While, with friends this posture could be acceptable despite its offensiveness, it’s definitely not acceptable during an interview, in public, or when meeting important people. To send the proper message with our legs use a comfortable, yet proper sitting position which is a sign of respect for those around you. Either leave a slight gap between the legs, use the figure-four leg cross (for men only), or us the English style leg cross where the legs lie parallel one over the other. Women should almost universally cross their legs so they lie parallel, even if they are wearing pants but especially if they are not.

Sudden Changes In The Hands

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Hands that near another person shows agreement.

Hands that near another person shows agreement.

Hands can show real-time changes in an attitude. Imagine a couple sitting enjoying a romantic meal at a restaurant, with their hands bridging the gap between them as they sit facing one another hand-in-hand. The topic of conversation flows freely, but suddenly switches to a contentious issue, what would you imagine would happen to their hands? When there is disagreement between people, the hands are pulling inward and away from those we disagree with. This sort of behaviour can happen suddenly especially on a heated topic, but can also happen over time on issues that gradually show differences. When total disagreement is present, the body will even be withdrawn where the hands will rest on the lap. Taking the example of the couple above once again, imagine that only one of the two experiences a change in thought to the topic, their hands might remain outstretched in the center of the table and turn palm up as if to offer the idea to their partner as if to try to change their mind. Gradually the other might re-advance to join their hands once again or move them to their lap. As the argument fails, both parties hands might graduate away. If disagreement continues, feet might orient toward the door followed by torsos than finally their heads.

Arms are withdrawn when disagreement is high. These arms are busy protecting the torso in a single arm closed body posture - an 'incomplete hug.'

Arms are withdrawn when disagreement is high. These arms are busy protecting the torso in a single arm closed body posture – an ‘incomplete hug.’

Arms withdraw for a number of reasons but our subconscious mind tunes into our flight response and pulls hands in when we fear they will be hurt, and especially when they are hurt. When we touch a hot stove or hear a loud bang, our arms draw quickly into our bodies to protect them. This happens instantly with no ability to stop it. Likewise, our hands come in when we are worried or threatened despite a lack of physical threat. When our arms come in, our minds feel that they can block attacks better even when they are emotional in nature. Hands can be withdrawn for any number of reasons, not just disagreement, such as dishonesty. Honest hands are palm up, offering something to another person, or palm down in a confident authoritative position, but when hands are pulled away, they signal hidden thoughts of disagreement and lack of connectivity.

Hands can also suddenly change in terms of use of illustrators and seem to pause, stop or slow in their rate of use. Sudden cessation of gesticulation can indicate a freeze response due to being caught in a lie especially when the context warrants it. This is part of the flight or flight response as liars are trying to seem less noticeable. They are “hiding in plain sight” and to do this it is necessary to move less as movement attracts attention. Reducing expressiveness means fewer “tells” or so the lying mind thinks. When hands that are usually busy while talking according to a baseline, suddenly begin to slow, or become less expressive, it can signal a lack of enthusiasm or confidence for the topic. Whatever happens to the hands, when they suddenly change, we know that something internal has changed and it is usually tied directly to whatever is happening in the moment.

Putting Your Best Side Forth

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

We have always been told to put our best foot forward but it might be more advantageous to always put our best side forward instead. But what side really is our best? Is there really even a best side? You might be surprised to note that our faces do in fact have a good and bad side and it’s based on perspectives or how our minds view things. All but the most beautiful of people have some asymmetry in their faces. Meaning the left side of their face is not an exact mirror image of the right. For example, the eyes and mouth aren’t usually perfectly parallel, one eye might open wider than the other, we may have one check bone set higher than the other and so on.

To determine which side of your face is your best, begin by running a line from one eye to the other and then run a second line across the centre line of the mouth horizontally. Obviously this is best done with a still print photograph with the face head on. Having drawn our lines we now need to explain our findings, and to do so we draw from how we view perspective, landscapes in particular. Take any landscape drawing or photograph and note that as we look “into” the photograph, distant lines converge on each other, producing the effect of appearing smaller. Objects nearby, that appear larger, have lines that diverge. Objects that appear close also seem to slop or drop as they near us, again giving us the impression that they are larger. Obviously, in reality, objects neither increase nor decrease in size as our distance to them changes, it is merely a function of perspective.

Our best side therefore, is the side which lends itself best according to the rules of perspective. When we look at a face at any other angle besides head-on, the best view will be that which has the greatest distance between the edge of the mouth and the corner of the eye since it produces the proper effect in lieu of distance and perspective. We expect to see a wider gap nearest us which then narrows as it moves away. Our mind prefers to see the distant eye as actually being further away and one of the ways it perceives this is for the line created through the center of the mouth and the line created through both eyes to converge, otherwise it becomes confused. This confusion is perceived as being less attractive. The greater the angle between the mouth and the eye, the stronger is the effect producing an even greater difference between a person’s good and bad side, since the effect is amplified. Naturally too, symmetrical faces will have no best or worst side as it pertains to perspective since either side will produce this correct effect.

Having this knowledge, take the time to examine your face to determine which side has the greatest separation from eye to mouth and when in conversations or in photographs be sure to orient that side toward the camera or toward your company. The effect might be subtle, but if you are posing for an important photograph or planning an important meeting, or auditioning for a movie role, it just might make your face that much more memorable.

Age, Age Gaps, Status And Its Affect On Body Language

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Since we’ve isolated women as the best readers of body language, it’s time to weed out the rest of the bad apples from the bunch. In fact, many other factors, aside from our sexes, play into our ability to read and use body language.

The first such factor is our age. Children first learn to communicate through nonverbal channels by using posture, gestures and proximity to influence the behaviour of the adults around them. If this doesn’t work they will resort to crying but for the most part this is non-directional and unsophisticated. In children, it is their body language which helps us to figure out their true desires. Before they can signal nonverbally, we are simply left guessing so thankfully children have relatively simple and predictable needs. Once they figure out the use of words, their nonverbal gestures quickly diminish and eventually get mostly left by the wayside. Children who first begin to speak will show more interest in speaking then other channels even if it means they need to interact more with their adult counterparts versus other children of the same age. At the age of three, most children have lost or dropped almost all of their nonverbal communication and are fully into verbal speech.

Age also plays another more important role in reading body language. Those people that are closest to our age are the easiest to read. Our ability to accurately read others is much lower with people who are much younger and much older then ourselves and easiest amongst our own peer group. We spend the most amount of time with our peer group so familiarity could be a factor, however, more importantly is our ability to relate and empathize. So the take-away message is that our ability to empathize with the needs, desires and emotions of others is a key part in reading body language. Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of others and to feel what they feel.

The greater the gap in age between the reader and the target, the greater is the discrepancy in accuracy. If you’ve ever watch siblings of similar age, you know that they have an uncanny ability to interpret and understand each other. It’s particularly interesting to watch small children decipher each others seemingly nonsensical gibberish and random movements. Naturally it follows that teenagers and seniors are difficult to read by the middle aged and children are poor readers of all adults (or at least do a good job pretend to be).

Older faces are difficult to read naturally, even for other seniors. Older faces have
weaker muscle tone, and so produce less exaggerated expressions. What expressions are made are then covered by wrinkles disguising them even more. Status and occupational differences that we see everyday at work, also make it difficult for us to read others. Upper management dealing with lower management in a company or teachers dealing with students must deal with cohort differences daily and it can become stressful.

Higher status people might lack the interest to associate with lower status people and low status people might sense this and so return less eye contact feeling not cared about. This lack of empathy spirals into each party caring less and less about each other. Lower status employees may also feel envious of higher status employees and share less information with them make it difficult to develop empathy. Health care workers that spend a lot of time with seniors can develop skills and read them more accurately, but only if they empathize with them. To be a good body language reader, you have to be able to put yourself in someone else’s position, and see the world as they do.